"You've been acting so weird lately," I tell Carson.
"How?" he asks as his hand lightly touches my stomach.
"You're rubbing my stomach," I giggle a little.
"It's just fascinating. After all the doctor visits you've allowed me to attend I now understand how precious it is. The whole process," he whispers.
"Carson. I'm not keeping it-"
"What!" he yells as his eyes go wide.
"You have to. It's your child! You can't just leave 'em on it's own, and your parents said you have to keep him."
"I don't care what my parent say, and you don't know if it's even a boy yet."
"Well it's better then calling him a it!" he screams a little softer.
"Carson. Chill out."
"No! He needs his mother."
"I want to give him to a family who wants a child. He will have a mom," I say.
"A fake one," he replies.
I get up from Carson's bed, that we were once laying on. He had invited me over just so we could hang out some, but I think he just wanted to get to see my child. He's been trying to convince me to think of names, but I refuse. I only want to think of a name with Doug. He's the father, and it should be a name we both like. Although, since I told him (3 months ago) we've had nothing to do with one another. He's been off with another girl, while I've been trying to figure out what to do on my own. With the exception of Carson and my parents. Most of my friends have ditched the idea, and found a new group to chill with. The only friend that has stayed is Loren, but she knows I hate talking about it. So she will bring it up, but very rarely. I'm honestly glad that I only have three more months to go until it leaves my site.
"Are you sure you don't want to know if it's a boy or girl?" he asks on a more calm side.
"I don't want to know to be honest," I sigh.
"Please. I know you're scared but I'm here. You'll regret not knowing before they take 'em away."
I sigh once more, knowing what he's saying is true. I'll probably regret it right at that moment when the door slams shut and my eyes are burning with tears. I might be screaming for them to bring it back to me, so I can see my creation with my lover.
"You're right. I'll regret it, but I still don't know."
"You do know Frankie. You want to hold your child in your arms, and you want to hear the first words that come out of his mouth. You'll want to see the eyes of the child you made. You will, I promise."
"And how do you know so much?" I ask.
"I've been there, but shh. Not a lot of people know."
"You're a father?" I ask.
My head starts blowing up with questions, but I hold them back letting him finish. How could he be a dad? He's Carson, nobody would actually have sex with him would they? Why did he never tell me this before? Was he afraid I was going to spill his secret, and why wouldn't he tell people about his child? Was he scared?
"Well, in a way. It was before I moved to this school, back in Freshmen year. You know how I lived in Idaho?" he asks.
"Yeah," I make my way back to the bed.
I sit beside him and go under his arm.
"Well, that's where Ethan is too. We found out in February and then he was born on October 6th. He was so beautiful and precious."
"What happened?" I asked.
"Well, me and my girlfriend broke it off after he was born. I let her make the choice of keeping him or giving him away. Of course I already told her to get rid of it, I was just a child. I knew what was happening was wrong for my age."
"So you moved here a month after he was born?" I question.
"But you said that you never knew how precious a child was-"
"I never went to the doctor visits. I was to scared to see what I had created. I only went for his birth, and that's when I regretted everything."
"So that's why you're so attached?" I ask.
I turn my head to face his eyes, that look like they're about to flood a city. I snuggle closer into his side, and kiss his cheek. I can't believe it. That Carson is a father to a boy named Ethan that lives hundreds of miles away in Idaho.
"I'm really sorry," I say.
"It's okay. I just want you to know that it will literally kill you being away from your child. You'll do anything to get 'em back, even stupid stuff. I don't want you to go through that. I want you to be as happy as can be."
His head turns to face me again, and his lips come closer to me. My muscles fail from moving, and he stops a few inches away. The butterflies fly fast around in my stomach as he stares longer. His smile appears back on his lips as he moves closer, but not to my lips. He kisses my cheek and moves to speak in my ear.
"Because I care about you Frankie."
He pulls away and jumps off the bed. I stay frozen solid, shocked. He waits for me to unfreeze by the door, still staring with that smile that can melt frozen ice.
"Well come on. You're show is coming on in a little bit, you don't want to miss it do you! I have to get you home," he speaks.
I blink back into reality, and slowly scoot out of bed. My back bends a little and I walk past him.
"I can walk," I say playing the same game.
"Actually you can't," he points to my stomach.
"Wanna bet?" I ask.
"No. I already know I'll win."
"Whatever!" I say.
He opens the front door for me, and I walk through it. He follows slowly behind, being as patient as can be. He runs to his car, opens the passengers door, and then returns behind me. I shake my head at his weirdness, and start walking down the sidewalk.
"What are you doing!" he asks.
"Going home?" I reply.
"Mhh. Okay," he says.
He shuts the door and get into the drivers seat, turns the key and heads down the street at walking speed.
"What are you doing?" I copy.
"Waiting until you can't walk anymore," he laughs.
"I can walk all the way home!" I disagree, trying to keep my giggle in.
"Well, I'll be right here if you need me to help you out," he smiles.
"I won't need it."
"Sure," he smiles.
I return the smile, and keep my slow pace down the side-walk feeling safe with him there. He's always there isn't he?