As soon as it's in my hands the door flies open. "Are you OK?" He comes running towards me.
I shove the paper into my back pocket and give him a reassuring smile "I just thought I was going to get sick again but false alarm!"
"Common let's get you on a bed" he leads me to his guest room and to the soft cream cotton sheets. "I'll let you rest" I nod as he kisses my forehead and he exits the room. I take the paper out of my back pocket and open it back up. I look at the handwriting one more time. Huh.. I don't write my a's like that. I thought to my self. Then realized this must of been from freshman year. Doug was a little player back then. I chuckle to my self, I'm happy his ways stopped when he had met me. I lift the note again so it's eye level to me and I read it. Hey, he reads my journal...it's ok. Looks like he was writing notes to a girl named Cierra.
Hey babe still on for tonight?
oh u know it;)
say, do you have to watch your cousion again this weekend? She's taking away from my Doug timer
only on Saturday
she's our age 4 crying out loud why u got 2 watch her?!
idk I wonder the same thing
id love to meet her
I don't think thts a good ideas she's sick as a dog. Her fam thinks its food poisoning
she's lucky to have such a sweet cousin
The note just stops there....wow Doug never talks about his cousion. I have never even seen a picture of her. I wonder if she got even more severely ill. The door opens slowly and I shove the note back into my back pocket. But this time it's Loren. "I'm here to take you back to my house. Your parents are on another business trip"
I nod and slowly get up. Loren helps me walk slowly to the stairs as we ascend down them. "Where's Doug?"
"Oh he said something about stopping for food. He knows I'm picking you up"
I nod my head as we go through the garage and I turn to the key pad closing the big door. I hop in the passenger seat. We drive to her house in silence. Once we get there we grab tons of snacks and go to her room. I hold my stomach in pain and I sit on her bed.
"Are you sure your okay?" she asks.
"Does it look like I'm okay?"
"No. Maybe you should take a pregnancy test just in case."
"Loren I'm not pregnant"
"Are you sure? Have you missed a month?"
My eyes go wide and my mouth drops "Oh my gosh..I haven't even thought about that" I jump off the bed and start pacing around her bedroom. This isn't good. Not good at all. I've missed it at least once, and I should actually be on it right now. I'm not. So I've missed two months. My mind travels back to last time we made love. Two months ago.
"Crap. Maybe I should. What would happen though? I can barley take care of myself, let alone a CHILD. It's impossible. Maybe it's just coincidental. I'm probably fine. Right?" I lower my head into my hands and sob quietly.
"I might have an extra test," she whispers to me, her hand on my shoulder.
I look up at her and shake my head. It's impossible.
"You need to be sure. You don't want to wait until it's to late to do anything about it," she replies.
She walks over to her drawer and pulls one out. She pats me on the back and hands me it.
"Good luck hon."
"Wait. Why did you have them?" I ask.
"For occasions like this. Now stop stalling you'll be fine."
I make my way towards her bathroom and sit on the edge of the tolit seat. My head jerks down to my hands again and I sob once more. This isn't right. I can't do this. No, but I do need to know before it's to late. If there is something inside of me anyway. So I take the test in silence. I close my eyes before seeing the results moments later. I'll be okay. It's impossible right? Yes. I slowly peek my eyes open at the results. Negative.
A part of me is so glad and happy that I'm not, but the other side is quite upset. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a mother. Just not right now when I'm still in school. Yes. Not right now anyway.