This morning I woke up with my phone ringing, okay maybe I woke up at noon, but hey. I'm tired and I love sleeping in. "Hello?" I asked sleepily. "Hey Abby! We're in LA! We were hoping to come and see you. We missed you!" My foster mom said. "Yeah sure! I missed you guys too!" I said quietly since Ash is still sleeping. "So what's your career right now? When you were little you've always wanted to be a pharmacist" she said. "Well, right now, I'm a stylist for my brother's band" I said, they really wanted me to be involved with doctors and stuff, I feel disappointed. "Oh, you should be more like the cousins you grew up with, they are now doctors and nurses and are getting loads of money. A stylist? I don't think that has a good enough pay check" she said blankly. And all the memories of constantly being compared to are coming back. After about thirty minutes of her comparing me to other people saying I should be more like them I told her I had to go. "Yeah um, I have to go, like right now. Bye. Love you!" I said then hanging up.
After about another thirty minutes of trying not to cry and Ashton still hasn't woken up so I moved over to the couch. "Hey is something wrong bae?" Ash asked, he knows I hate it when he calls me bae, but I let it pass because of my mood. I stayed silent for awhile till I slowly shook my head no. He walked towards me and made me sit on his lap sideways. "It's okay. Let everything on your mind out" he said.
"My old foster mom called saying she was here in LA. She asked me what my job was, they always wanted me to be involved with doctors and stuff. So when I told her that I was your guys' stylist. She started comparing me to my 'cousins' saying that I should be more like them. That just brought so many memories of them comparing me to other kids. When I was little, I didn't mind it, but as I got older. I understood completely what they're trying to tell me. They're basically saying that I'm not good enough, that they want me to change who I am and it hurts. They don't realize that it hurts so bad, that it made me depressed. I was a weird child, heck I still am. But they told me to stop being weird and when I stayed silent, I regretted it. I should've spoken up for myself and tell them that being weird is part of who I am, that if they took that away from me, I wouldn't have my friends back then. They would've left me. They don't understand that them wanting me to change who I am, is not okay. Because of them, I lost all my self-esteem and all my confidence that I actually self harmed, it left scars yeah but they were just scratches from a sharpener blade, they didn't bleed or anything. I met with my school councillor and she helped a lot. And my 'mom' told me that I could tell her everything, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel like of I tell her, then she will judge me and start comparing me again. She just doesn't have empathy for me and I just hated it when I was a teen. When she compared me earlier, all the pain that I felt came back to me" I said while crying. He held me right and rubbed my up and down my arm. "Shh it's okay bae, I love you and you are perfect to me. You're like my little sister even if you're Louis' and I would hate to see you like that" he said. "Thank you Ashton. I love you too" I said laying my head on my chest. I eventually fell asleep, I guess it's true that after crying you do get tired.
Parts of her telling me stuff, i posted on Instagram with me making a pouty fave with the caption "The bae's sad, which makes me sad too" with the one tear drop sad face emoji and I also tagged her. As she fell asleep I took another Instagram vid and posted it with the caption "Hope you feel better when you wake up bae :)" all these fans were really supportive and I smiled at the comments. I really care for her, yes we dated, but she's like my sister now. I hope she feels better when she wakes up, cause we have another concert tonight. I whispered an I love you on her ear and I laid her down next to me on the couch. I ran my fingers through hair and thought about how my life would be different without her. I kissed her cheek and fell asleep as well.
A/n Hey guys! Just if you're wondering, this chapter was based off how I feel, and it was also in my dream last night. So I decided to change it up to fit this story. Just know if you're feeling down, you can always come talk to me on Facebook or twitter. I love you guys! <3
My fb: Abby Enriquez
My twitter: abby_enriquez