Never knowing where you fit into the world has always been a struggle for me. I have traveled the world, even at my young age, but have never found a place where I could completely be myself. Where I 'fit in'. Even now, in college, I still don't fit in; I still feel like an outsider banging on some invisible door trying to break it down to get to the people inside. But, I have not even made a dent or scratch in that door. So I sit on the outside alone, watching people who actually know who they are and how they fit into the world pass by, never stopping to help me. I believe that finding yourself is one of the hardest things to do in life, well at least it has been for me. But, I also believe that there is a moment in time when, a person, or dream can help you. They can make finding yourself just a little easier, or spark a thought that will lead you to the path of finding who you really are. I think thats kind of what growing up is. Every year you take another large step off the path of where you were supposed to go. But end up just getting more lost. And I think about these things as I sit in Edward's Coffee House, on the night I met him. The him who is my spark of a thought of where my place in this fucked up world is. Of course it would take me a long, very long, time to realize this, but still. I really should be finishing my paper on how photography has not just shaped the hearts of Americans, but their minds, unfortunately it's 2am and my mind has shut down.
Until it is suddenly reawakened by the sound of the tiny bell going off by the door signaling someone has come into to this cozy, little shop. Now one might start to wonder, A. why is someone coming to get coffee at 2am?, and B. why is a coffee shop even open until 2am? The answer to both questions can be told with on word: university. Every coffee shop in Leeds is open this late in early fall to welcome back the students they have missed so dearly. Of course none of us have missed them. We would all like to have our summers back. Which were full of lazy days, and killer hangovers.
"Um excuse me…." a muffled voice comes from in front of me. I could barely hear him, but I can definitely hear Liam grunt from behind the counter. That's another reason why I am at Edward's Coffee House; it’s that my best friend since birth works here, and apparently my 'job as his best friend is to make sure he stays awake, during this shitty job. In which I replied "then I resign as being your best friend." He only laughed, and went back to his room in our tiny apartment to probably kick some poor soul out of his bed. The thing about Liam is that he's a heartbreaker. Any guy that comes along his path is doomed for heartbreak. He, of course, comes crawling into my bedroom at 4 in the morning until 12 that afternoon, to give the guy the clue that he needs to leave. Because rule #1 for Liam is that any guy never likes to wake up to an empty bed, so it's a sure thing that they will leave in the morning without him seeing Liam.
"Could I have a black coffee, leave no room for sugar," the curvy, fringed hair boy states, clearly dismissing Liam’s rude grunt.
"Oh you like your coffee black huh…" I hear Liam say a little too loudly, and sadly I know what comes next. Liam is going to try to hook me up with his boy. He always does this if someone gets a black coffee and i'm in the shop. Now, I know this sounds fucking crazy, but rule #2 of Liam is that if you have the same coffee taste in a guy then the two of you are soul mates. Again, I don't follow this, because IT'S FUCKING CRAZY!
"Well, do you see that pretty little number over there," Liam says to the boy, in a not such a whisper, whisper. The boy only nods, glancing at his coffee cup that is still in Liam's hands. "Well she likes her coffee black as well, and you know what I hear," Liam says moving the mans coffee cup around as he makes some grad gestures with his hands,"that if you have the same coffee taste as someone they're supposed to be your soulmate."
"Um, interesting theory," the man says.
"It's not a theory!" Liam protests, sliding the mans coffee to him,"it's a fact."
Liam turns away from this poor soul that has had to waste 15 minutes of his life on some crazy gay mans theory.
But, for some odd reason, I WANT this man to come and talk to me. And to my surprise he does.
"I usually wouldn't come talk to anyone one this early in the morning, because I'm not a morning person, but your friend over there seems……. persistent."
"Kinda," I reply," he um… gets offend I guess when people go against his beliefs."
"Like the crazy coffee belief," the nameless man mumbles, chuckling a little.
"Exactly like the crazy coffee belief," I laugh,"My names Kendall by the way."
"Louis, pleasure to meet you, my fellow black coffee drinker."
I laugh once again, and nod my head. This wouldn't be the last time we shared laughs in Ed's, because at the end of that night, I had a feeling that Louis was my spark to finding who I really was. But, I ignored it.