Life is a Dream not a Destination

x-men first class story for Havok/ Alex Summers


7. Let's be us again

~~I had only been back a week so far and already so many changes have been made to the mansion. Upon arrival to the house after the battle Libby and Hank took it upon themselves with destroying the mansion so that they could make the hallways and everywhere else around the home more wheel chair accessible to Charles. Over the past several days there has been major talk and debate on wither or not we should turn our sanctuary into a school for other mutants like us so that they will be able to learn to use their powers and be able to live in peace with humans, not to be scared around them, but to interact with them as we normally would have. My brother wanted to call his school “Charles Xavier’s School for the Highly Gifted” and he made us renovate all of the spare rooms so that his future students would be able to make their new room look like whatever they wanted it to look like.
Everyone has been trying to keep themselves busy so that they wouldn’t have to mourn for the loss of Erik and Raven, even though they tried to no matter where they went in this house there would always be a sad reminder of their friends, and comrades in battle who had betrayed their trust. One thing we all knew was that if we did let this school run, the loss of Magneto and Mystique were the first of many who were more than sure enough would be following in their tracks. Unlike the others, I have actually allowed myself the time to morn over the losses that we had faced because I needed to accept the fact that they were gone, and never again would I be able to sneak into Raven’s room in the middle of the night so that we would be able to gossip about the boys that we liked, or just laid on her bed and were being girls before they had to train like warriors during the day.
As much as it pains me to say this, I cannot under any circumstances be alone in a room with any of the males in this house because of the rape and the torture that I had endured while being held under Shaw. When I am with one of them for even just a quick moment, it’s still too long for me because even just the simplest of actions I will still be able to feel Sebastian’s filthy fingers tracing along my chest and down my stomach. Getting himself all worked up to be going inside of me. I know that it’s killing the guys; it’s killing me 10x more than it is them.
   “Violet. Can I come in?” asks Alex, tentatively walking into my bedroom but also staying as far away as he could for my sake.
   “What’s up?” I asked, while hopping down from my window seat in my room.
   “Well, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go into town with me, to get away for a little while,” he asked, scratching the back of his head nervously.
   “How long will we be gone for? And what is it that we would be doing exactly?” I answered back hesitantly after a few moments.
   “Probably just walking around, maybe do some window shopping. Then I was hoping dinner and a movie, so we would be gone for the rest of the day and some of the night.” He said.
Looking down towards my fingers I started chipping off the nail polish that I had so patiently just put on and thought about his offer carefully. I wasn’t really sure if I could trust myself enough to do this, but I had to at least try because if I was being honestly true to myself I owed this to him. After returning from the battle Libby had told me one night while I was braiding her hair how Alex was doing nothing but sulking all over the house whenever he wasn’t doing any training. I would bet you anything that he felt that he was somehow responsible for what had happened to be. He would never believe me in a million years if I told him that none of us were to blame and I hated myself for how worried everyone had become from my disappearance but also with Charles’ new disability. I guess that I wasn’t only missed just because of my kick ass cooking skills after all, score!
Looking directly into his beautiful baby blue eyes I lost all current train of thought because of how much emotion that I could see written plainly across his facial features at wanting this so badly, but not wanting to rush me because of the emotional and physical trauma that had been caused and mumbled “let’s start with walking around town and then go from there…?” I asked questioningly rather than stated after a few moments of hesitation.
He looked surprised by my answer but smiled none the less, his lips straining against the muscles on his face that obviously haven’t had to stretch that far in a very long time and clapped his giant teddy bear like hands together and said, “wow, ok, we can leave whenever you’re ready to go then I guess.” Before he left the room it was silent for a minute and during that minute we we’re just starting at one another with strange looks on our faces and doubled over in laughter not being able to hold it in any longer because of Alex’s stupidity and awkwardness with the situation.
The drive into town was mixed between peaceful and nerves running wild, the battle continued to rage on inside of me and kept reminding me that I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be alone with a man who I knew was dangerous and could take control of me at any moment, but the other side of the battle was telling me that I owe this to Alex, and I need to take a chance with this or I might never be comfortable with any of the guys again.
Large, warm fingers were suddenly wrapping themselves around my tiny, cold ones, Even though I knew and trusted Alex with my life, it unfortunately didn’t stop me from tensing up at his unexpected compassion towards me and the only thing that I could do was not to pull myself away from him no matter how much my mind was screaming at me to do so.. Quickly glancing over at me he gave our intertwined ringers a light squeeze and said, “hey Vi?” I didn’t look over at him, but my fingers decided to twitch on their own at the sound of his voice and he decided to use this as his go ahead to continue what he was going to say. “I know that we have an entire relationship that we need to restore between the two of us, but I’m more than willing to be what you want and need me to be. The only way that I can do that though is if you give me a chance and let me in.”
My fingers tightened themselves around his, and my head was going a thousand miles an hour as his words kept on repeating themselves like a broken record. I was trying to think of something, anything that I could say in response to him but I couldn’t think of anything. Strange thing is…I don’t even think that he was expecting me to say anything to that but I wanted to tell him everything about what had happened to me. I squeezed his hand even tighter to let him know that I appreciate what he said and I truly did, I was just comparing his words to the old Alex and wondering just how much I was truly able to believe his word or if he was just playing one of his many games with me. After a while we finally reached the city and were able to find a place to park the car, taking our time in deciding where we were going to go first.
The trip so far is turning out to be exactly what I needed, the first store that we went into we just walked around, I didn’t find anything that I wanted so I turned around to tell Alex but I couldn’t find him. “Violet” I heard him call out.
   “Alex? Where are you?” I asked starting to walk towards where his voice had come from. When I turned around the corner I almost made him fall on his back as he was using the rack of shoes to hold his balance. Looking down I saw that he had a ridiculously huge pair of ugly stiletto heels on and for some weird reason was trying to walk around in them.
 “What on earth are you doing?” I asked in astonishment.
 “Apparently trying to break my neck, ahh!” he screamed as he suddenly lost his balance, luckily for him I was right in front of him so I pushed him back onto his feet and while struggling to hold in my laughter I pushed him onto the ground and demanded that he take the stupid things off. “I have no idea how the hell you women are able to wear these dam things.” He mumbled under his breath.
 “Well for one we’re not idiots and we start from kitten heels and make our way up,’ I said laughing in his face.
 “Well then….” He mocked getting up and walking away pretending to me mad at me.
 He did this with every clothing store that we went into, he would drag me to the shoes isle the first thing that we would look at and he would try it each time. After a while we started getting bored with that so he moved onto to dresses…… More than once he would do a mocking impression on someone by pretending to strut down a run way or in an action movie, and there was many times that I just couldn’t hold it in and I swear that I was going to end up peeing in my pants if he didn’t stop making me laugh my guts out so much.
 Time came and went, and before we knew it the sun was starting to set leaving a beautiful sunset in its wake, and the wind was starting to pick up with the cold night air. I wrapped my arms around one of Alex’s arms and said “So speaking of food…” I said looking up at the handsome boy beside me, “Where are we going to eat that’s close enough to the movies?” I asked.
 Again he looked at me with a surprised expression but ended up quickly replacing it with the biggest smile that I have ever seen on him in the longest time and replied, “What about here?” he said stopping in front of a junk food joint that we just so happened to be in front of.
 “Perfect!” I said smirking as I started walking into the restaurant. But just as I went to place my hand on the door he reached in front of me and held it open for the both of us.
 “You know you don’t have to be a gentlemen it’s only me that you’re with,” I mumbled loud enough so that only he would hear me.
 “Even more reason on why I should be.” He shot back playfully while grabbing onto my hand with his free one and intertwining our fingers once more as we entered the cold building.
 Walking out of the theatre we were both laughing our asses off, I don’t usually like going to see horror movies but this one was so terrible that you just had to laugh at it. We were laughing so hard that we had to lean against one another for support as we slowly made our way to the car. Once we were on my side of the car I let my arm drop from Alex’s waist back to my side and he was about to drop his arm from around my shoulders but I stopped him by firmly gripping his arm with my smile going from huge to a tiny sad smile.
 He looked straight into my eyes for some time and he must have seen what I was going to say to him because his smile faded and he sighed sadly. “I’m not going to force you to tell me but I’m also not going to say that I want you to be ready to tell me because I can see that this is killing you more than it is anyone else by not being able to talk about it with anyone now that Raven’s not here.”
 Whatever unshed tears that I might have had left from this would started pouring out as my grip on Alex’s arms became harder and harder as I was eventually able to let the heavy burden off of my chest. He was scarily quiet for a long time and I could tell that he was fighting with himself on what he should do compared to what he want to do. Not knowing what I should do I unwrapped my fingers from him and made room to wrap them around his neck and in his hair instead. As selfish as it was of me I just wanted to stay there in his arms forever, where I knew that I would always be safe and wanted.
 He suddenly pushed me away as he forcefully opened my door, after I got in and buckled up he slammed the door in my face and once he got in he didn’t even bother with his seatbelt before he started racing into the darkness towards our home. Many times on the drive he tried to grab and hold onto my hand, but the more times that he tried the more that I ended up getting scared of him. I know that he didn’t mean to scare me but it wasn’t like I was treated like a princess while I was gone either and that’s probably what was causing him to go ape shit right now.
 My body froze in fear as he spun the car around in a circle and jolted to a stop, with his hands still tightly clutching the wheel he was breathing hard from the adrenaline rush. Knees bent towards my chest, head held in between my legs, arms wrapped tightly around my knees, and fighting back more tears that were threatening to come out from being scared of him and knowing that tonight was a stupid idea. He slowly got his breathing back under his control but his body was still visibly tense with rage at what I had told him. “So that’s why you wouldn’t allow yourself alone with any of us?” he asked obviously still mad but also wanting to make sure that he had heard correctly.
 I didn’t say anything in response to him but I could feel his eyes on me. “Vi,” he added sadly reaching over to me in an attempt to touch me. As soon as I felt his warm fingers brush against mine I accidently let out a little shriek and shrinked further back into the chair wanting to get away from the danger. He pulled his hand away regretfully and watched me until I started calming down and got comfortable again.
 “You have no idea what it’s like Alex,” I mumbled. “No idea what it’s like to be so scared for your life, and the one thing that you have always held onto so tight only for it to be taken away from you like a toy. To feel so violated that you can’t even be near your own family in fear that they might do the same.”
 “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t have started arguing with you then none of this would have happened.” He sighed while rubbing his hands over his face in shame.
 “No you were right, I should have told you when you first came to the mansion that Libby was you sister, and not have kept it from you and I’m sorry for that.”
 “How about from now on we just tell each other the truth alright? No more hiding behind these lies.”
“Only if you learn how to control that temper of yours.” I giggled starting to warm back up to him again.
 “That’s gonna be a tough one.” He mumbled while turning the key and restarting the ignition.
 “We’ve got nothing but time.” I said giving him a small smile and intertwining our fingers once more.
 The radio was quietly playing as I was righting against my instinct to sleep, tonight was fun don’t get me wrong but I’m just not use to doing so much activity like tonight. We must have reached the mansion earlier than I would have thought, I felt my body being placed against Alex’s chest as he started carrying me inside and up to bed. So with as little movement as I could I attempted to snuggle up against his chest. He started laying me down but I clutched onto him tighter not wanting him to let me go in fear of being alone and having tonight only being a dream and mumbled, “No I want to sleep with you tonight.”
 “Are you sure?” he asked timidly. I tiredly nodded my head against his chest, and poor him when he went to set me down again but this time on his bed I almost ended up freaking out a second time. “Shh, Violet we’re in my room calm down.” He whispered.
 My eyes shot open as he said that and I started looking around frantically until my eyes met his calm ones as he started quietly repeating our conversation from the  last few minutes. “Alright,” I mumbled. “You’re safe,” I said getting out of his arms and stripping off my clothing until I was only in a tank top and my underwear on, not even worrying that Alex was watching me as I hopped into his bed and made myself comfortable. And being too tired to care on what he thinks of me.

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