Today was the funeral I have just left the hospital and now I'm on my way to the Memorial serve, I was thinking to my self as Leanne and Craig was driving me home ( my foster parents ) if I wasn't born or even alive maybe they both would be alive, i wouldn't have caused 2 innocent boys to their death beds, I don't want to see Tyler and Justin's parents they ārę gõìńg to hate me i was the reason that both their baby boys died, I hate myself, just like when I survived the car crash but none of my family did, my mum probably is looking down at me thinking how disappointed she is that I let this happen I got tangled up in two boys that I both cared about thinking about my parents and family made me want to die, I felt soft tears trickle down the tip of my nose and splash onto my cheeks
When we pulled up in the parking lot I stared at the building it reminded me of reminded me of when I was 8, i saw the sorrow and sadness in both of the parents eyes as the walked into the tall grey building, I hopped out of the car staring at my feet I carried on walking like this until i stood in front of the building as I enter I saw eyes stare as I walked in, my heart pounded, the looks that they gave me told me that I shouldn't be there I found my seat and sat down and stared at the photo of Justin then my eyes flicker back and froth between Tyler to Justin and I started to cry, then when I thought it couldn't get any worse I felt a soft warm hand touch my fingers that were shaking the hand was reassuring... NO what am I saying I'm at my ex psychopathic boyfriends and my sweet kind and lovely boyfriends funeral, well I'm not sure if we are still going out really, I quickly pulled my hand away and snapped my head around and stared directly into those soft emerald eyes glistened.
He softly spoke
"Hi I'm Alex and Justin's cousin, I'm guessing your Lexie"
I felt my heart shattering as he spoke his name the boy that I loves with all my heart, I want to reverse time go back to the first time I met him and reject his offer of prom stay with Tyler then maybe... NO... He would be alive i would know to keep my distance
" yes that's me the girl who watch the two boys kill each other to protect her" I felt the tears burning in my eyes I couldn't hold them back any longer
"It's okay, don't cry" he started to rub my arm gently
"No it's no okay!!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs making the mourning people snap their head around
"Keep your voice down, they already don't think you should be here, don't give them another reason to hate you" he said in a harsh and sour tone
"I knew I should have killed myself when I had the chance" I muttered to my self
"What why would you even contemplate killing your self, how would your mum and dad be able to live without their baby girl" he said now going back to his normal soft husky voice
He doesn't know does he... Well I'm going to try and keep it that way
"Are you going to ignore me now" he said getting angry
I flinched and closed my eye expecting impact waiting for him to hit me
"I'm not going to hurt you" reassurance in his voice
"B...but aren't you going to hit me" I stuttered as I spoke the words hoping not to get beaten
"No I will not hit you I don't do that, look here is my number if you need to talk he handed me a piece of paper,
I looked at the paper then pushed it back towards him
" what have I done why don't you want my number" he stared directly into my eyes
" ummmm well maybe later but I really don't think that this is a good time to be exchanging numbers, I'm still scared and upset about what has just happened"
I fought back the tears, still wondering why Tyler would shoot Justin and then himself it still didn't make sense to me!
" okay then maybe some other time then" he said pretty disappointed
She just flipping rejected my number, what is wrong with her, you may be wondering why I'm not crying and stuff like that, well it's because I don't... Didn't know Justin nor Alex
The serve was over and it was 4:17, I looked around trying to find that Lexie girl from before, there is something about her that I just can resist...