“Remmy!” whined Sirius.
“Shut up, Sirius,” snapped Remus as he finished up his homework.
“But Remmy! I’m bored!”
“Too bad,” muttered Remus, stuffing his homework into his bag.
“Where’s...uh...my new girlfriend?”
“You don’t remember her NAME?” said Remus in disbelief.
Sirius laughed. “Sure I do! I was trying to annoy you.”
“Okay, so what’s her name?”
“Oh, come on, Remmy!”
“Don’t call me Remmy.”
“What do you want?”
“Why are you so moody?” asked Sirius.
“Will you shut up?” asked Remus shaking his head.
“But I don’t feel like it,” said Sirius. “And I don’t know how.”
“I can teach you how,” said Remus helpfully.
“Oh! How, then?” Sirius leaned forward eagerly.
“First of all, close your mouth.”
Sirius nodded and shut his mouth.
“Then-just a second.” Remus ran up to the dormitories and brought a roll of masking tape. “Cover your mouth with this.”
“What? What is that yellow stuff?”
“It’s like...scotch tape.”
“Oh, yay!” said Sirius, grabbing the masking tape from Remus.
“Put it on your mouth now,” said Remus slowly and deliberately.
Sirius unpeeled a strip of tape and put it on his mouth. Remus pointed his wand at the tape that was on Sirius’ mouth and muttered a spell.
“Mm rake ir off row?” mumbled Sirius. Remus, being a wonderful friend, understood Sirius: “Can I take it off now?” was what Sirius had said.
Sirius didn’t wait for an answer; he brought his hand to his mouth and tried to peel off the tape.
“Rmmur! Tep! Stk!”
“Remus, the tape is stuck,” was what Sirius had said.
Little did Sirius know, that Remus had done the Sticking Spell on the tape.
“That’s great!” said Remus, slightly cheerful now. “Bye! I’m going to go hang out with Summer and Savannah and Peter!” He ran out of the common room.
“Aw yur frnds er grls!” yelled Sirius after Remus. Translation: “All your friends are girls!”
Sirius laughed-tried to laugh-at his own joke.
Hours later, James showed up, whistling.
“Whyr ru tho cherful?” said Sirius.
“Lily said hi to me!”
“She probably said ‘sod off, Potter,’ and you misinterpreted it as ‘hi’,” muttered Sirius. It was getting easier to speak.
“Hey!” James looked annoyed. Then confused. “Why do you have yellow stuff on your mouth?”
“I could ask the same thing,” said Sirius, his voice getting high pitched.
He lunged at James, at James’ feet. “SAVE HUMANITY FROM REMUS LUPIN!” he yelled, starting to cry.
James, worried that he’d end up being best friends with a lunatic, stared worriedly at Sirius. “Are you alright, mate? Should I take you to an Muggle asylu-the hospital wing?”
“What’s an asylu?” asked Sirius, hiccuping.
“It’s a Muggle hospital,” said James quickly.
“Oh,” said Sirius. “Mate, could you bring me a tub of chocolate ice cream?”
“I’m too laz-okay, fine,” said James, sensing that Sirius was about to go loony again.
Just as James left, Remus walked in.
“Thanks a lot, Remus,” sniffled Sirius.
Remus was extremely puzzled. “What? Why are you...crying?”
“YOU RUINED HUMANITY!” yelled Sirius, lunging at Remus and scratching him.
“GET OFF!” shouted Remus. “What is WRONG with you, Sirius? I’LL TAKE OFF THE STICKING SPELL!”
“Oh.” Sirius suddenly looked extremely embarrassed. “There was...a Sticking Spell?”
“Yes, there was a bloody sticking spell!” grumbled Remus.
“I thought it was a Muggle pernanent scotch.”
“PerManent,” corrected Remus.
“I don’t care,” sniffed Sirius. “How do we take off the Sticking Spell?”
Just then, Peter and James walked in together. Peter started laughing hysterically. “Why is there YELLOW stuff on your mouth?”
“Oi, thanks a lot,” said Sirius, annoyed. Noticing that James had brought the tub of chocolate ice cream, Sirius leaped up, snatched it from James and began to devour it. When he was half way through, he glanced at Remus, and asked again: “How do we take off the Sticking Spell?”
“Well, it’s only a temporary sticking spell, so it should wear off in another hour,” said Remus wearily.
“Yes!” Sirius pumped his fist. He started to sing: “AND THE WORLD! IS BETTER AGAIN! Wait, Remus, how did the song about the Wizard of Oz go?”
“I am NOT telling you!” said Remus, horrified at the idea.
“Oh, yeah! I remember! WE’RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!”
“I don’t get it. Shouldn’t the Sticking Spell have made his voice muffled?” Remus asked Peter grumpily. Peter shrugged and continued watching Sirius.
James looked around, then at Remus. "Hey, Remmy, want to come Lily-watching with me?"
“Not particularly, but ANYTHING to escape Sirius’ singing,” said Remus. “Come on, James. Let’s go Lily-watching.”
"Yes!" cheered James.
The two friends walked out of the portrait hole, and went looking for Lily.
“There she is!” shouted James, pointing at a red head. The red head turned and glared, then shook her head at Remus in disappointment..
“Oh…” James sounded embarrassed. “That’s not Lily.”
“James!” hissed Remus. “That’s Martha! She studies with me sometimes!"
“Oops?” said James sheepishly.
“Yeah, oops indeed,” muttered Remus as the two moved on. “Can’t you Lily-watch alone?”
“Nah. Anyway, she’s with Summer all the time these days.” James wiggled his eyebrows at Remus.
“Shut up, James! I do not like Summer!”
“She’s dating Oliver Nighters.”
“She IS? I’m going to kill him!”
“Yeah, it’s OBVIOUS that you don’t like Summer,” said James mischievously.
“She’s my best friend! I’m overprotective!”
“Sure you are.”
“There’s Lily!” said Remus quickly, pointing at a FAMILIAR red head.
James looked at Remus as though Remus were stupid. “Remus, that’s your friend Martha.”
Remus shook his head. “Look. Lily! Hey, Lily!”
Lily turned. “Oh, hi Remus!”
“See?” said Remus.
“See what?” said James innocently.
“There’s Lily, see!”
“No. LILY greets only me with a ‘hi’. This is a Lily CLONE!”
“What the heck, James!” Remus whisper-shouted.
“What?” asked James. He looked at Lily. “Hey, Lily-clone!”
“Lily’s” Point of View
How does the blood-traitor know? I thought. Well...I suppose it’s because he’s friends with my dear COUSIN, Sirius Black.
The Lupin walked over. “Hey, Lily...I thought Summer was with you.”
“The Mudbloods? I hate them both. I mean…”
SIRIUS walked out to the Hogwarts grounds and to me and Remus.
“Hey, blood traitor of a cousin,” I spat.
Sirius stopped. “Trixie.”
“Bellatrix, actually,” I said.
Lupin stared. “Is this some kind of prank?” he asked. “Why would Bellatrix take Polyjuice Potion of Lily?”
“Why, to imprison her, of course,” I said. “She got away last time, which maddened us very much. And everyone would get suspicious if their favorite amazing red head disappeared.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were jealous of Lily,” said Sirius.
“Jealous of a MUDBLOOD?” I screeched.
“Jealous of a mudblood, yeah,” a voice said.
Lupin and Sirius spun around, only to see Evans. The real Evans.
“How did you get away?” I said in disbelief.
“Peter,” Evans said simply.
Hours later, I was still telling the story. “Malfoy and Dolohov carried me off, and then Peter ran in, stuffing marshmallows in his mouth. Malfoy and Dolohov were so disgusted by the mushed up marshmallows, they let go of me, and then I ran off.”
“Of all the ways to get rescued,” said Marlene, shaking her head in wonder.
“I know, right!” I said, laughing. “And...later on, Siriu-BLACK told me that Bellatrix had got her hands on Polyjuice Potion of me. Is that true?”
Someone walked by and gave me a dirty look. Then he walked-no, marched-over.
“WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, CALLING MY GIRLFRIEND A MUDBLOOD?” yelled the boy.
“Er...what’s your girlfriend’s name?” I asked, getting a really bad feeling.
“Ariel. Ariel Stockings,” said the boy, walking-MARCHING-away.
“Oh,” I said. “I guess it’s true.”
Marlene patted my arm. “Never fear, my dear Lily friend. We shall clear your name!”
I managed a smile. “Thanks, Marls.”
Summer walked in to the common room, eyes lit up. “Lily! Marlene!” she squealed. “Sirius’ girlfriend broke up with him because he couldn’t remember her name!”
I sniggered, in spite of myself. “Seriously?”
“Yeah! And now I have a chance!” She bounced up and down.
Marlene butted in, “Did you hear about Peter’s marshmallows?”
Summer nodded. “Pete is so awesome,” she giggled. “Marshmallows! And if those idiots, Yaxely and Dolohov-” she said in distaste- “Were about to kill Lily, marshmallows saved her life! And to think, I used to hate marshmallows!”
“Why would you hate them? I have always loved them!” said Marlene.
“Uh, because they’re so sickly sweet! But NOW I like them.” She giggled again, and skipped off.
“Strange girl, Summer Diggory is,” commented Alice as she walked over.
I shrugged. “She’s better than Amos. Amos is an idiot.”
“Oh, come on, Amos is okay!” said Alice, “Although Frank is much cuter,” she grinned.
“Alice! Did you hear of Peter’s marshmallows?” asked Marlene excitedly.
Alice shook her head. “Nope. What about his marshmallows?”
“They saved Lily’s life!” said Marlene dramatically.
“Seriously, Marlene?” I groaned. “They did NOT.”
“Yeah, they totally did!” Marlene nodded.
“Okay, so what happened?” asked Alice.
Marlene started explaining the story, adding in five superheroes and a baby with a tragic past named Oliano.
Alice looked at me. “Lily, can you tell me what really happened?”
“Hey!” complained Marlene.
“What really happened was thatMalfoy and Dolohov carried me off, and then Peter ran in, stuffing marshmallows in his mouth. Malfoy and Dolohov were so disgusted by the mushed up marshmallows, they let go of me, and then I ran off,” I repeated.
“Oh, wow,” murmured Alice. “That is INTERESTING.”
“It doesn’t sound that heroic, though,” muttered Marlene.
“It’s not supposed to. I’m just glad I’m safe,” I said, smiling at everyone.
I looked around. “Where’s Selena?” I asked.
“I think she’s over there,” said Alice, gesturing vaguely toward the couch in the common room.
“Alright, then…” I said, walking to the couch and spotting Selena. “Hey, Sel.”
“Hi, Lily,” said Selena.
“You look upset,” I said, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. But I want to be rescued by a marshmallow boy!”
“Oh, Selena!” I said. “Okay...do you want to play a game where you’re rescued in?”
“Yes!” said Selena, brightening.
“Okay. You can make the rules for the game,” I said graciously, smiling at Sel.
“Okay! So, we get marshmallows from the kitchens first,” said Selena, all business. “And then we get some random guy to bring a Hippogriff into here. And then the guy pretends to be bad. And then the Hippogriff gives us marshmallows.
“Selena, I’m not sure that’s possible-” I started.
“Let’s play!” she crowed, running up to a boy. I noticed it was the one who had accused me of calling his girlfriend Mudblood.
“Johnny!! Can you drive a Hippogriff in here while I bring marshmallows?”
The boy-Johnny-looked confused. “I guess so…”
He walked out of the common room, hands in pockets.
“Selena!” I said urgently. “Sel, we can’t! We’ll get expelled!”
“For what?” she said, scowling. “There’s nothing in the rules that says we can’t drive a Hippogriff in here.”
I took a deep breath.
“Okay. Let’s do this.”
I couldn’t believe I was giving in, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t, you know, not give in. Selena was sweet and I didn’t want to lose her as a friend.
“Okay!” She dragged me off to the kitchens. She tickled the fruit, and we walked in.
“Marshmallows please!” shouted Selena.
A house elf bowed and nodded, and a few seconds later, the elves ran in with an enormous platter of marshmallows, plus drinks: one chocolate milkshake, one banana milkshake. Rolled up next to the marshmallows were about five crepes.
“Wow. Thank you,” I said, staring.
“It’s no problem,” squeaked the elf.
“Still. Thank you.”
Me and Selena walked back to the common room. I prayed that Johnny wouldn’t find a Hippogriff, but no such luck:
Everyone scattered. Chaos ensued.
“Selena! Selena, please!”
Her eyes glinted with tears. “It’s beautiful.” She walked forward and bowed. The Hippogriff bowed back.
But we didn't have time to play the game Selena wanted to play. Hagrid burst into the common room. "How did it get in 'ere? 'ho expanded the por'rai' ho'?"
Johnny raised a sheepish hand.
"Well, gi'e me back me Hippogriff!" said Hagrid angrily. "Come o', Winger."
The Hippogriff whinnied in protest but Hagrid was firm; he led Winger away.
"Is he okay?" I asked quietly, running after Hagrid.
Hagrid's eyes crinkled. "Don' worry, Lily, 'e's fine. So, 'ow are you?" he asked, smiling.
"Musta been quite an impression you made today, being rescued by Pe'er and marshmallows."
"Hey, Peter's okay. And marshmallows are yummy," I pointed out, grinning.
"Yeah, bu'..." he smiled. "I su'ose tha's true. See you, la'er, Lily!"
"Bye, Hagrid!" I said, smiling as I waved.
I made my way back to the common room, grinning to myself.
"We didn't get to play," said Selena pitifully.
"Next time," I promised. "We'll play next time, Selena."
"Yay!" said Selena happily. "But next time, let's play outside," she said seriously, fixing her dark icy blue eyes on me.
"Alright," I said. "That'll be easier anyway."
"Lily," said Sel, "Tell me about Peter's marshmallows again."
"But you've already heard it," I said confusedly.
"Duh," she said. "I'd like to hear it again."
I smiled. "I'll tell you it again. But can I change the character's names a little?"
"Of course you can!" Selena said, grinning.
"Okay. Once upon a time, a little girl called Selena Emma Mayson was walking around school grounds, when suddenly, very bad people were there; Demetyla Wilner and Dvansvoski Betriov. They picked her up.
Then a boy walked by, chewing fluffy pink marshmallows and when he saw Selena, he spit out the marshmallows. Demetyla and Dvansvoski were so disgusted, they dropped Selena Emma Mayson, and Selena ran off. Now she will always be remembered."
I smiled at Selena. "And then she went to bed. Goodnight, Sel."