I stand motionless not knowing what to say or how to react.We both stand in silence waiting for one of us to speak up first.Ryan takes the situation into his hands and decides to be the first to speak up. "Today was my last day." Now I'm even more unsure of what to say.He tries reaching out to me by stroking my cheek.I allow him to but I don't react to it.
"You should've just let me be a witness for you."
"It wouldn't have made a difference (YN)...besides its better this way."
"Yes it would've but you didn't let me."
"No it wouldn't,don't you remember what I told you before?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I came here for a reason,I was expelled from my old school so my mom and I came here to start fresh.Remember I told you that?"
"Yes," I think for a moment and then it all slowly comes to me. "You couldn't get into a fight or else..."
"Exactly.It's better this way,that way you aren't involved.You already got hurt because of me."
"How is it better this way Ryan?What about prom?What about graduation?We were supposed to do all of that together and we can't because you're leaving.What do we do now?" He doesn't respond. "What happens to me and you?" He looks down. "Ryan...where does this leave us?" He looks up and faces me.
"Well my mom can't exactly afford to buy a new house right now."
"So you're staying at your house?"
"What do you mean?"
"After the meeting with the principal my therapist said he wanted to see me.My mom drove me out and we sat in his office." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "He said that we should leave..."
"I don't understand,you already are?"
"Leave the city.Go somewhere else and start fresh.He thinks staying in the neighborhood isn't a good idea."
"Well if your mom can't afford to buy a new house what does he expect you to do?Live on the streets."
"My mom called my aunt last night and she said she didn't mind us living with her.She said we could stay there and not worry about rent."
"So your gonna live with your aunt?"
"Well that's good isn't it?"
"My aunt...lives six hours away from here."
"When...do you leave?"
"Friday...It's only my mom and me so we don't have much packing to do,plus we already started.Were gonna be packing for the rest of the week."
"My aunt already enrolled me at some school over there.It won't be finalized until I have a meeting with the school plus there's still paperwork to be done."
"It all seems like its happening so fast."
"I have to come back Friday morning to pick up some things and sign a few papers,but as of today I'm no longer a student here."
"It's all so unfair."
"Life isn't fair." It grows silent. "I'm so sorry (YN).I wanted nothing more than to be your date to prom.I wanted to see you in a beautiful dress and take pictures with me in a tuxedo that we could show our moms who would probably cry over them.I wanted to be by your side for graduation.I wanted to do all those things with you but now I can't because I'm leaving."
I decide to ask again. "Where does this leave us?" He looks at me sincerely and then sighs.
"Well were never gonna see each other and I'm gonna be far away.It wouldn't even be a relationship anymore."
"We could try..."
"Long distance...never works out."
"For most people...we could still try."
"I don't want you resenting me for not being able to be with you."
"It just wouldn't be the same."
"But we could try..."
"No (YN)," I don't say anything.He looks down so that he is not facing me. "We have to break up." I knew where he was going with this and I was expecting it to happen but to hear him actually say it still came as quite a shock.It's completely silent now and I'm not ready to say anything. "I'm sorry it has to be this way."
"To think that everything we went through...was just for this."
"I'll never forget you.You changed my life.You were my first girlfriend.My first kiss.And my first real friend.You gave me friendship,fun,laughter,romance and I'm really glad I met you.And even though it turned out like this,I don't regret anything." I don't respond I just look down and stare at the floor beneath us.He moves a strand of hair from my face behind my ear then he strokes my cheek and moves his hand down to my chin.He lifts my head gently,like he always does, until I'm facing him and our eyes meet.I can't believe this is the last time I get to stare into those amazing eyes.I suddenly remember the first time I ever stared into them.They were a strange mix of colors,how they are now.I feel completely compelled for a moment then I'm reminded that I'll never be able to look into his eyes like this again.I shift my eyes from looking at his to the corner of my eye. "Please look at me,I want to remember the way you looked at me before I leave.Please..." I shift my eyes back to looking at his.
"I should go now."
"I want you to stay."
"Now you know how I feel." His eyes move from mine to my lips and he stares at them intently.Nervous,I bite my bottom lip but it only seems to taunt him more. "I should go."
Its completely silent.We remain standing with him still focused on my lips and me completely motionless. "I love you (YN)." I turn my head and he reaches for my chin but I jerk away.
"I can't do this."
"What do you mean?"
"You can't say that to me and then leave."
"I thought you understood."
"Then what's wrong?" I don't respond.He lifts my head again but I don't jerk away this time.My eyes meet his and a smile forms across his lips that seem to be getting bigger.They were actually getting closer.He closes his eyes and plants his lips on mine.Instead of enjoying the moment I only feel awful and confused inside.I pull away and Ryan reaches for me but I jerk away.
"I just told you you couldn't do this and you still do it anyway."
"What?I'm not allowed to kiss you?"
"No because if we kiss then that means were together and were not..."
"Think of it as a goodbye kiss."
"No...were not together Ryan.I can't."
"It's okay because we have history together...so it's not bad." He leans in again but I push him away.
"Stop it already!I told you I can't do this!"
"I told you it was okay."
"No it's not!Just do us both a favor and leave now!I"
"Go away!I don't want to see you!" I'm looking down at the ground and my fists are clenched.I feel so angry.I could tell he was still standing there. "I said to leave!" Right after that Ryan pins me to the tree and his face is right in front of mine.
"Do you really want me to leave?" I don't answer him. "Answer me!"
"Just get the hell out of here!I don't want to see your face!I hate you!I hate that I ever met you!So just leave me alone!" I feel him loosen his grip so I take the opportunity and pull my arms away.I push him off and run.If he wasn't going to leave then I would.
I'm running home feeling awfully confused and torn up inside.I didn't think it would last forever but I didn't want it to end this way and so soon.There was still so much we didn't get to do.Memories are running through my mind,all the laughs and kisses,the long walks,all these memories just keep flowing into my head one after the other.I can feel my eyes begin to sting but I refuse to be weak.
I finally spot my house up ahead.I run to the door and pull out my keys in a rush.I open the door and let myself in shutting the door behind me.I lean against it and catch my breath.There's a sudden knock and it makes me jump.I assume I was just hearing things but then I hear it again.I step away from the door and stare at it awaiting for another knock.It isn't long until I hear it again but this time it's followed by, "I know you're there.Please let me in." I recognized his voice. "(YN),please open the door.I don't to leave things this way." I don't say anything,I stare instead wondering how Ryan looks behind my closed door.He continues to knock and call out for me but I refuse to answer him.I notice that the door wasn't locked.He must think it is since he hasn't tried opening it yet.I slowly approach the door and reach for the knob.Once my hand is placed over it I make sure to be as still as possible. "(YN) can you please let me in?Please,I just want to talk." I don't say anything. "(YN)...(YN) please..."
"I just want to talk." I don't respond. "Can you please let me in?"
"I don't want to see you."
"Then will you at least listen?" I place my hand over the lock and switch it on.Ryan most likely heard the sound of the lock because he started moving the knob around.He must've thought I unlocked it for him when the truth was I did the exact opposite.
"It was unlocked this whole time...I locked it just now."
"I know you're upset but would you just hear me out?"
"Just leave,you're only making this a lot harder."
"I'm not trying to."
"Then let me make it easier for the both of us..." I take a moment to pause. "It's over.Were done.We'll never see each other again so just leave now."
"Leave.Do us both a favor and leave...you're going to anyway."
"Will you at least say goodbye to me?" I don't give him a reply and after awhile of waiting he finally gives up.I hear his footsteps as they grow fainter and fainter until the sound is completely gone.I lean against the door once more then I head to my room.I step in and the first thing I see is my bed.I stare at it and I begin to see Ryan and I laying together.The image slowly sinks in and when it finally does I feel the sting in my eyes once again.I go up to my bed and yank off the sheets throwing them all around the room so they become a scattered mess on the floor.I keep my eyes shut tight enough until I can't take it anymore.I let my body drop to the floor and a single tear run down my teach.I close my eyes gently for a moment and when I reopen them I don't hold back.Tear after tear begin to run down my cheeks,I can't even keep count.I really am weak.
I walk home feeling awful and with unease set in my mind.I told her I wanted to break up and that's what happened but I didn't want it to be like this.I didn't want her to be in pain.I didn't want to hurt her.I didn't want to have to remember her this way,upset and in tears.All I wanted was to say goodbye and leave her with happy memories but I guess I couldn't do that.(YN) always made me feel better.She made me happy and I could never return the favor.I always bring nothing but pain and sadness to her.Maybe it's a good thing I'm leaving;she won't have to deal with me anymore and now she can be happy,that's all I really want...for her to be happy.
I arrive home and the first thing I do is set my stuff down in my room.I look at all the piled boxes around me.I hear footsteps and my mom makes a knocking sound by my door,which is open.I turn and look back to face her.
"Hey you all packed up here?"
"Yeah,I just have some clothes left and I'm done."
"Great!Wanna help me finish packing downstairs.There's still some photos I have to take down"
"Alright I'll be downstairs." She leaves and I remain standing in my room.I look around a bit longer then I join my mom downstairs.It's a good things it's just the two of us or else packing would be such a hassle but since we've been at it day and night were practically done.We should be finished be tomorrow then we leave the day after.It's all just happening so fast.I didn't mean for all of this to happen,to be honest all my guilt is aimed towards my mom.We moved last year to start fresh and make a new life for ourselves.Now it seems I just threw it all away on a whim,and for what?For Derek?I was just being reckless and I didn't think anything through.I knew if I got in a fight I'd get kicked out but I did anyway.I know I shouldn't blame Derek because I'm the only person to blame for what I did.I could've so easily ignored Derek and walked away but I didn't.Instead I just let him get to me.
We finally pack all the picture frames and set them in the living room to take with us Friday. "So what are you in the mood for today?"
"Could we just make it easier for ourselves and settle for McDonalds?"
"I suppose if that's what you want."
"It's fast food,it doesn't really matter." We've been eating out this whole week since we've packed all our kitchen equipment and want to leave the stove as clean as possible for buyers.
"Alright lets go." My mom gets her keys and I follow her outside the house and into the car.We head to the nearest McDonalds and enter the drive through.We order our food then pick it up at the window and drive back home.I carry the drinks and my mom carries the bag then we enter our house and set everything at the table.My mom locks the door and then we both take our seats.My mom hands me my food and then she gets hers.
We each take our first bite into our food and continue dinner dinner in silence.When I finish I take my trash and throw it away.I head upstairs and change into something comfortable.I go the the bathroom and I brush my teeth.I wash my face and pad it dry with a towel.I head back to my room and see my mom standing in the center. "This was a nice room wasn't it?"
"Did you like it?"
"Yeah it was cozy."
"Did you like it here?" She turns to face me. "Did you really like it here?This house,school,your life?Did you like it?"
"Yeah,I really did."
"Then why did you get in that fight?You knew what would happen."
"I wasn't thinking straight.I just let him get to me." I'm a bit surprised my mom is asking all of this so suddenly.We haven't exactly talked about the fight in full detail.
"I know we all have our moment of weakness but for god sakes Ryan we had a life here!You were happy and you weren't being bullied!That's what I thought!Was I wrong?"
"No mom,you weren't wrong.I wasn't being bullied and I really did like it here.I'm really sorry this happened."
"I just wanted you to be happy.I gave you a new life so that you could be happy.All I ever wanted was your happiness and if you had that...then I'd have mine."
"I know you did all of this for me and I just threw it away,but were starting over again.It's okay.We'll be starting fresh and this time I'll make sure I don't screw up the opportunity you've given me." I pause taking the moment to reassure her that everything is okay with a smile. "Thank you...for everything."
She smiles and walks over to me then pulls me into a hug. "I really wish we could just stay here."
"We both know we can't."
"I was looking forward to you graduating with all your friends and of course your prom.You and (YN) would've had such a good time.I can only imagine the picture you two would've had together." The mention of (YN)'s name only reminds me of how upset she was today.I frown a bit and my mom is quick to notice. "Have you told (YN) yet?"
I let out a sigh. "I told her today."
"Was she okay?"
"She was pretty upset.I can't believe the last thing I'm gonna remember about her is her crying."
"Poor thing must be locked up in her room right now."
"I didn't want it to end like this.I only wanted to leave her with happy memories but instead I made her hate me."
"I don't think she hates you."
"You didn't see her face or hear what she said.She didn't even want to talk to me.She just wanted to me to leave."
"I'm sure she didn't mean any of it." She pauses and takes the moment to comfort me by placing her hand over my shoulder. "Maybe she thought it'd be easier to let you go this way.People handle these things differently." I accept my mom's comforting advice and ease up a bit.I thank her and decide to go to bed.She leaves my room and I lay on my bed.I think how I won't be able to sleep in this room or bed anymore soon.My aunt took care of all our furniture needs at her place so we didn't need to bring a lot with us.She'll be here tomorrow to help us with any last minute packing for our leave Friday.I decide to stop thinking about everything that's happening and go to sleep.
I get ready for school with a completely blank mind.I grab something quick to eat and it on the way.When I arrive I head to first period and start my day.
At lunch I go to the tree,when I see it I suddenly remember being there yesterday with Ryan.The image of us is set in my mind and made me feel bitter inside.I shake off the feeling and take my seat against the trunk.I work on homework to distract myself from my thoughts.The day went along and soon enough I was in sixth period.I took my seat in class and waited for the bell to ring.
Once class was over I packed my things and got ready to go.I walked out of class without paying any attention to my surroundings.I felt myself collide into something and I got knocked to the floor.I pick myself up and I see Derek standing before me.He looked as though he were about to help me up.We stare at each other for a moment.Derek has a surprised expression on his face but soon turns to a blank one.I stare at him straight with no facial movement whatsoever.I've had enough and I look down breaking our eye contact then walk off without saying a word.
As I walk home I can't help but think about Derek and running into him today.The mood seemed tense.He didn't even say anything,neither did I.I have nothing to say to him anyways.He's the reason why Ryan is moving away.It's all his fault that Ryan has to leave.He's the on who made him throw the first punch.If it hadn't been for Derek then Ryan wouldn't have been expelled and he could stay.Ryan could've stayed here...with me...if only Derek hadn't taunted him.Maybe everything was my fault.I should have just told Derek to piss off that day then maybe he would've left me alone and Ryan never would've saw us kiss leading to the fight.However if that fight didn't happen then I never would have hurt my head and Ryan never would have taken care of me the way he did.If it weren't for the fight then Ryan and I wouldn't have gotten back together.Of course we were only reunited to be separated again.I'd rather have never made up with Ryan than have him leave.Even if it meant we weren't together anymore I'd still rather know that he was near than far away where I couldn't see him anymore.
All these thoughts pondering my mind only seem to make me feel upset and angry with myself.I can't think of Ryan.I have to force him out of my mind...out of my life,since that's the way things are gonna be now.After tomorrow Ryan will be gone for good and I'll never see him again or hear from.I'm sure he'll be happier now that he doesn't have to deal with a nuisance like me in his life.Maybe this is for the best,even if it's not the best for me I should still be happy for Ryan.He's gonna start a whole new life in a new neighborhood with new people,new friends,a new house.Who knows maybe he'll even find himself a new girlfriend.I wouldn't be surprised if he did.She'll be a way better girlfriend than I ever was and she'll make him happy,unlike me.All I ever did was confuse him and cause him pain.I never deserved him I should've just accepted that.Ryan and I...never should've happened.It would've been best that way.None of the mess we went through ever would've happened if we hadn't met.I just wish the empty seat next to me in sixth was taken so that he never could've taken it greeting me that day with the friendly smile I grew to admire.
When I arrive home I'm even more upset because all I could think about was Ryan.It only made me feel bitter and empty.I really had to stop thinking about him but that was all I could do.Ever since yesterday he's been the only thing on my mind.I try to distract myself with things to do at home but it isn't enough.When it grows late I get ready for bed and lay down in my room.Ryan continues to be the only thing occupying my mind and I give into a frown.I turn on my side hoping to feel more comfortable but it only reminds me of the other night when we slept together.I can practically see Ryan laying there beside me with his sweet smile on his face.It twists knots in my stomach and I turn to face the other way.I let out a sigh and place a hand over my stomach hoping it helps ease it more.Although I can't seem to control my mind,I force my eyes shut and try my hardest to fall asleep.
The next morning I wake up feeling no different than I did yesterday.I got ready for school and then began my morning walk.I approach the front of the school and I notice Michelle's car parked out front.The sight of it brings unease to my stomach and I begin to feel myself give in to pain.I bite my inner lip and make my way into the school.I pass by the principals office and I take a glance.I notice 2 figures standing.A woman and a boy.Michelle and Ryan.My stomach only feel worse at the sight of them so I hurry to pass them and make my way to class.I make it and wait out in the hallway.I lean against the wall and close my eyes for a moment.I can't help but feel so awful.I try shaking the nerves but its no good.I guess I'll have to deal with this for a while now until I can accept Ryan being gone for good.
When it's time for class I make my way into the room and take my seat.During class I'm completely unfocused and my mind is somewhere else.I don't pay attention to the teacher or lesson.I don't even know what's going on.The teacher must have notice because I hear my name being called out. "(YN).(YN).(YN)!" It takes a while for me to come back to my senses.I look to the front of the class and see my teacher looking at me concerned. "Are you alright?"
"Would you like to go to the nurse's office?"
"N-no I'm fine really."
"Why don't you take a step out of class for a moment.Clear your head.Take the hall pass." I get up from my seat and approach the front of the class.The teacher hands me the hall pass and I take it. "Go to the restroom or just wait out in the hall." I step outside of class and decide to just go to the restroom like my teacher recommended.I realize that I'm the only one in the restroom.I don't need to use it and all I can do is pace back and forth.
More and more thoughts of Ryan flood my mind and I can't seem to handle it all.My hands begin to shake and I can feel myself quiver.I rush to the sink and wash my hands hoping it'd help me calm down.As I wash my hands it only reminds of how Ryan used to hold them.I stop and dry them quickly.I stare at them and they're still shaking.I can feel trembles all over my body.I make my way back towards the sink and I look down at it as I have my hands grasp the ends tightly.I look up to face the mirror.I look distraught.I shut my eyes and reopen them but instead of my own reflection I see Ryan smiling at me. "Ryan?" I mutter.I place my hand over the mirror and allow my finger tips to touch it.The second they do Ryan disappears before my eyes.A light whimper escapes my mouth.Ryan really is gone.He's leaving and I'm never gonna see him again...so why can't I stop thinking about him?He's out of my life for good but he just can't seem to escape my mind.Why can't I just face the truth?He's gone.Maybe it' just because I don't want to face the truth.I don't want Ryan to go,I want him to stay.There's nothing I can do about it now though.He's gone and out of my life forever.
It suddenly hits me,I saw Michelle's car out front.I even saw Ryan and Michelle in the principals office.Maybe their not gone...at least not yet.Only one way to find out.It was about half an hour ago the last time I saw them but they might still be there.I have to hurry.I burst out of the restroom without a moment to waste and run to the principals office.I don't care if I get in trouble for running the hall,I have to make it in time.There's still a chance that they're there.I run with all my might hoping my breath can catch up with my pace.I see it not far ahead now and I use the last of my stamina in me to reach it.I enter panting trying desperately to catch my breath.I see the office workers all looking at me confused and concerned.I ignore them and continue to try catching my breath.I look around but I don't see Ryan anywhere.I was too late.If only I had come earlier or maybe if I had just let him in yesterday then I wouldn't feel as awful as I do now.Then I could've seen him one last time before I said goodbye.I turn and make my way for the door. "(YN)?" I don't even bother stopping myself because after hearing it my entire body froze on its own.I recognized the voice and the tone.It was all so familiar.I couldn't even explain the emotion building up inside of me right now. "(YN),is that you?" I try to build up the will to face him.I slowly turn my head and then my entire body so that I am facing him. "What are you doing here?" I can't speak.Seeing him again was like a huge slap in the face.Tears begin to form in my eyes and I feel one run down my cheek.Ryan approaches me and sees that I am crying. "(YN),your crying?" He places his thumb over my cheek and gently wipes away the tears falling.He looks back to Michelle and she nods. "Lets go outside." He leads the way outside of the office and I follow behind.The door closes behind us and now were alone at the front of the school.
We stand in silence,neither of us having the courage to speak first.I try to be the first to take action and decide to look up and face him.Our eyes meet and I hope he doesn't notice the tears still forming in them.Another tear runs down my cheek followed by another and another. "Why...are you crying?"
"You don't have to apologize for crying,though I'd like to know why."
"N-no,not for crying.I'm sorry for everything.Everything I did to you only hurt you or made you upset.So for that I'm sorry.For everything I'm truly sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for anything,you didn't do anything wrong."
"Yes I did.I hurt you...multiple times.You never deserved such a terrible friend like me or girlfriend.I'm sure you'll find someone better where you go and you'll be happy.That's all I want for you.I want you to smile and feel nothing but joy.I want you to be with someone who makes you feel whole and brings nothing but warmth to you.I want you to be with someone who makes your heart skip a beat every time you see her.I just want you to be happy."
"I thought you hated me.I thought you never wanted to see me again.You said all those things..."
"You said all those things and you came here just to tell me all that?"
"You said you never wanted to see me again.You told me you hate me and and then you told me to leave.You said to leave because you didn't want to see me.You told me to leave."
"I know but-"
"Why would you say all that,and then come here?Why?"
"I didn't mean any of it okay?!" He doesn't say anything. "I never meant it!Not any of it!I didn't mean a word I said!And yet...you believed that I did." I begin to cry and decide to shove my face in my hands. "All I ever do is cause you pain...I said such awful things to you and yet you're still being so nice to me.You're not even mad or yelling at me or anything...but I hurt you.This is why you're better off with someone else.It's for the best.I just want what's best for you.I want you to be happy." I continue to cry into my hands.
"I already am." I lift my head from my hands and face him. "I'm already happy (YN)...with you.You're what's best for me."
"I don't care if we've had a few bumps in the road.Every relationship has it's ups and downs but in the end it's all worth it if it means I can be with you."
"I'm sorry." I pause. "I'm sorry I said all those things.I really didn't mean any of it."
"It's okay,but why did you?"
"I guess I just thought that if I hated you...it'd be easier to let you go.But even after trying to force myself to hate you...I just can't.It was too hard to face you,I didn't want to say goodbye.It only made things worse and it only made me want to see you even more.You were the only thing I could think about up until that moment I saw you in the office just now."
"No,I'm sorry.I caused you all this pain.Looking at you now I can see that I put you through quite a mess.And I'm so terribly sorry.I never meant for it to be like this.I never wanted any of this to happen.I never wanted to leave you (YN) but that's how it has to be.I'm so terribly sorry,I truly am.I promised you that I'd be with you always,to always protect you,that I'd never leave you and today that's exactly what I'm doing.I hurt you and I broke my promise to you.I wish that I could keep it and stay with you but I can't.This is the way it has to be."
"I don't know what I'm gonna do without you.I guess I'll go back to being the loner girl."
"I want you to promise me something."
"What is it?"
"I know I'm leaving and I know you're gonna be alone...but I don't want you to be." He takes a moment to pause then stares at me with sincerity in his eyes. "I want you to open yourself (YN),it doesn't have to be to everyone but just try and make some friends.That's all that I want.I don't want to leave you alone how you were when I first met you.I want to be able to leave you knowing that you're okay and smiling.I know you'll be upset when I'm gone but you don't have to feel too bad...if you have friends to cheer you up.I'm starting a new life and you should do the same."
"I'm not exactly the friendliest person in the world though.I'm not you Ryan."
"I was bullied my entire life and I wasn't too fond of people either but I over came all of that...with you.I really want you to do the same."
"Please?Even if you won't do it for yourself,do it for me.Please."
I stare at him blankly for a moment then I give a weak smile. "I'll try." He smiles then he looks down and then back up again.He turns to face me still smiling.
"Would it be okay..." I look at him confused. "...if I kissed you right now." My mind is struck by his question and I'm unsure of what to do.I don't even react I just remain straight faced looking at him.He moves in closer and begins leaning in. "Is this okay?" I don't respond but he continues to lean in.I can sense his lips are just inches away from mine. "Just one..." He gently plants his lips on mine and I close my eyes.He slowly pull away. "...kiss." I can feel his forehead against mine;I decide to open my eyes.I see his face before me and I stare at him.He isn't facing me,he's looking down. "I really do love you." I can feel my eyes widen and I gasp lightly.I assume he heard and he looks up to face me.A light smile forms across his lips that have just touched mine. "I'm sorry,but I can't help the way I feel.I just had to kiss you one last time." We remain in silence for a moment. "You can go ahead and yell at me now.I know you didn't want me to." His eyes shift their gaze from me to the side.
I continue to stare at him but he remains avoiding eye contact with me.I can't take this strange atmosphere any longer,without even thinking I grab his face with my two hands and pull him into a deep kiss.I can sense that he is confused at first and taken by surprise but soon lets it be and accepts my kiss.I pull away and lean my forehead against his,I look down but Ryan soon lifts my head so that I am facing him again and then pulls me into a kiss of his own.This time I don't hesitate to take action and I gladly kiss back.Were interrupted with the sound of a door open and, "What's going on here?" We both pull away turn our attention towards Michelle standing by the door along with another woman.
"W-we were just saying goodbye.Right (YN)?"
"Uh,y-yeah..." Ryan and I are both embarrassed but don't say anything.
"Is this the girl?" I hear the other lady ask Michelle.
"Yep,this is the famous (YN)."
She turns her attention to me and approaches me with an eager smile on her face. "It's so nice to meet you.I'm Lydia,Ryan's aunt." I'm a bit upset knowing she's the person Ryan is going to live with but I come to the understanding that it isn't her fault and I have no reason to be upset with this woman.
"Nice to meet you." I reach out my hand to her and she takes it eagerly shaking it. "I'm (YN)."
"So you're Ryan's girlfriend?"
"Oh?You guys just happen to make out whenever you feel like.I see,so it's that kind of relationship."
I feel my cheeks burn and I'm practically red. "N-n-no!I-i-it's not like that!Were friends!We just uhh...well we uhh..we used to go out that is but now..." I stop myself from rambling unable to finish my sentence.
"So you are his girlfriend?"
It takes a while for Lydia to grasp the situation but when Michelle shoots her a look she quickly understands. "I see." She pauses. "Have you said everything you wanted to say to each other?" She looks to me and I nod then she looks to Ryan. "And what about you?" She has caught Ryan's attention. "Have you said everything you want to say to this girl?" Ryan looks to her and then to me. "Alright,we'll be inside.Come in when you're ready.Were leaving right after." And with that the two of them go back into the principals office leaving Ryan and I alone.We both turn to face each other and stand in silence.
"I really...have nothing to say to you.I just wanted to have a last moment alone with you." There's nothing but silence between us after. "Do you...have anything you'd like to say to me?"
"Other than goodbye?I'm not sure.I just want you to be happy.I hope you enjoy your new life." I try my hardest to put on a smile but I'm not sure he's convinced.
"I know you keep telling me to find a better life and be happy but no matter who I meet or how good life is...I'll always rather have this life with you."
"This is beginning to sound like marriage vows.Were only teenagers,if anything,were only high school sweethearts.We weren't really anything serious...just a couple of high school kids acting out on hormones.So it was nothing re-," I'm cut off by a sweet and savoring kiss.Once he pulls away my lips are trembling and I cover them with my hand.
"Everything you're saying,you don't mean."
"I don't know what I mean."
"It doesn't matter if were teenagers,it doesn't change the matters of the way we feel.Everything you're saying...is only to make this moment easier.Not just for you but for me too.Thank you...really thank you but I'd rather leave knowing what I had with you was real."
"It'll only hurt more that way."
"I don't care.I already told you.I'd rather have loved than never to have loved at all.I love you (YN) and I always will.I won't forget you and I'll always remember what you were to me.Even if we meet other people and move on,I'll always know that I loved you and I'm glad that I did.For now,I still love you even though I can't be with you."
"I'm...really going to miss you."
"I am too."
"What did I do?"
"Well for basically forcing me to be your friend and for always being there.You gave me the closure I needed in my life so now I can move on from my past.I no longer have to be tormented about my dad.I don't have to be scared anymore...because of you.So thank-," He cuts me off with another kiss.When he pulls away he kisses my nose gently. "How many more times are you gonna cut me off like this."
"Like what?" He jokes.
"Like-," He kisses me again and I smile as he does. "Exactly like this."
"I want to make sure I remember how it felt like to kiss you." He smiles at me.
"Do you think you've had enough to refresh your memory?"
"No,afraid not." He pulls me close to him and leans his forehead against mine. "May I?"
"You may." He presses his lips against mine and I gladly accept them.After he pulls away he sighs. "I guess you should go now."
"Yeah...and you have class." He pauses. "How are you even here?" I pull out the hall pass revealing it to him. "Was that taken or given?"
"The teacher gave it to me.Do you honestly think I would ditch class?"
"Well it's what you're doing now."
"It's okay.I don't mind,if it's for you."
He smiles. "I'm really glad...you showed up today.I don't think it would've felt right leaving things the way they were."
"Again I'm sorry."
"I kind of wanted of a proper goodbye from you."
"Well I mean...we basically just made out the entire time."
"Thanks to you!"
"Hey but I don't mind."
"Of course you don't."
We both take a moment to laugh together for a bit but then it grows silent again. "I really should get going.I don't want to keep them waiting any longer."
"Well I guess this is goodbye."
"Yeah...I guess it is."
"I'm really gonna miss you."
"We already clarified this."
"I know...I'll be off then.You should get back to class."
"Y-yeah,I hope you have a safe trip."
"Thanks,it means a lot." And with that he leaves and goes back to the office.He comes back out with Michelle and Lydia.They make their way to the car.I watch them and I begin to feel a huge knot in my stomach.I know that Ryan has to go and I know I can't change anything.I've already come to terms with that and I thought I accepted it but it seem like I did.I knew he was leaving and there was nothing I could do about it so why did I have this sudden urge building up inside of me.What could I possibly do to help Ryan in any way right now?Nothing.There's nothing I can do.In fact,even if there was something I could do I wouldn't know what to do because Ryan doesn't even need my help.He's well off right now.There's nothing I could possibly do for him.
They've finally reached the car and I know it's time for them to leave.It isn't until I see Ryan reach for the car door that I suddenly realize what I have to do.I can feel my eyes widen and I am in complete shock.I can't believe I could be so blind.How could I miss this?I guess I truly am clueless.A complete fool.No matter,I can't waste any more time to stop and think I have to do this now or I'll never be able to.I immediately bolt and run off towards them standing outside of their car. "Ryan!" I call out to his attention and he hears me.He looks at me confused. "Ryan!" He is concerned and runs off towards me.He meets me half way and I can't stop myself from running.I crash right into him but he catches me almost as if holding me in a strong embrace.
"What are you doing?You should be in class?" I stare at him and he looks at me with so many emotions mixed in his expression.He stares at me awaiting for an answer.Instead of saying anything I plant my lips on his and kiss him with so much force that it nearly knocks him back but he catches his balance.I carefully pull away and allow him to breathe. "What...are you...,"
"I love you."
I see his eyes widen and he has a look of disbelief in his eyes.
"When did you-,"
"I always have.It just took you leaving for me to realize it."
"I-I don't know-,"
"What to say?Yeah,I know the feeling."
"Do you mean it?Honestly.Do you really mean it?"
"Of course.I love you Ryan."
"I love you too." We both rush into a final strong passionate kiss and I wrap my arms around his neck while does wraps his around my waist pulling me closer to him and deepening our kiss.We both smile in between kisses and are too caught up in the moment to bother stopping to catch our breaths.Ryan finally retreats and he pants deeply.I do the same and smile at him. "Well that was a pretty hot make out session." I blush slightly. "Now," He pauses. "I'm gonna have to figure out how to explain this to them." His attention turns from me to Michelle and his aunt who were watching us this entire time.I feel my face burn and I am more embarrassed than I have ever been in my life.I look to see them smiling at us with their arms crossed. I bury my face into Ryan's shoulder and he laughs at me.
"Don't be.I'm happy."
"But your mom...and your aunt."
"I don't care,I'm happy even if they saw it doesn't matter to me.You love me and I love you.That's all that matters right now.I can leave happy now thanks to you.Can you say the same?"
"I think I can manage."
"That's good to know.Well I should really leave now I'm sure their dying to know what happened."
"Are you gonna tell them?"
"I guess,it is a six hour drive.Maybe I'll just tell my aunt our story."
"Yeah,our story.The story of us.Two hormone driven teenagers who apparently love each other."
"Maybe they're not so hormone driven after all." He smiles at me sweetly. "I mean,what they had was real right?"
"I don't know about that." He jokes. "I'm kidding.What they had was definitely real.I don't either of them will forget it."
"Well you should get going and I should really head back to class.The period is practically over.So this is goodbye."
"Should we hug?"
"I guess we both need it." We pull each other into a hug and then we both let go staring at each other.
"One last kiss?"
"Mmm,close your eyes." He closes his eyes and readies himself for a kiss.I lean and plant my lips gently on his cheek.I kiss him softly and then I pull away.He opens his eyes to meet mine and has a disappointed look on his face. "We aren't together anymore.We both have to realize it so..."
"I'll take it." He smiles at me. "Now you close your eyes."
"Trust me." I shrug my shoulders and close my eyes.I'm so certain that he's going to steal another kiss but am proven wrong when I feel his lips gently kiss my cheek.When he pulls away I open my eyes to see him smiling at me. "I guess I'll go now.Bye."
I watch him as he runs off to their car with his mom and aunt both smiling at him.Ryan pauses at his door and looks to me one last time.He smiles and waves.I do the same.They all get in and then they drive off.It finally hits me that Ryan is really gone.He left and I'm never gonna see him again.I don't feel too bad though because I know he'll be okay.I'm sure he'd want me to be smiling and happy.I head into the principals office and make my way back to class.Ryan was right,it is better to have loved than never to have loved at all.