I felt like the weekend dragged on,I was so impatient for it to be Monday.Why, you ask?Because Monday meant going to school and going to school meant seeing (YN).We've had a pretty hectic time with each other going from strangers to friends and now dating but I'm glad we went through all of it because then we wouldn't be together now if none that had happened.
I still remember Friday night,I had a great time and it seemed like she did too.Maybe I was trying too hard to be romantic but she deserves it.Plus I like it when she gets nervous and shy,I find it cute.
On Monday morning I got up and ready for school.I left the house with a granola bar and ate it on the way to (YN)'s.When I got there I knocked on the door and waited for her to come out.It wasn't long until the door opened but when it did I was surprised to find (YN)'s mom. "Oh hi (Your mom's name),good morning."
"Good morning Ryan."
"I'm sorry but is (YN) ready?"
"Oh you know what she left early today."
"Yes,she told me to tell you.Just go on to school without her I'm sorry for wasting your time."
"Oh it's fine.Bye."
I left (YN)'s house alone.I found it strange that she left early.Maybe she had something to do but she could've told me before that way I didn't have to waste time going to her house.I guess it could've been a really last minute thing though.I left it at that and continued my walk to school.
Each period seemed to drag on longer than first.I was really anxious to see (YN) now.It's hard not seeing your girlfriend for an entire weekend and then not end up seeing her when you usually do.Well I just had to wait until lunch then I could see her.
It took awhile but it was worth the wait.When the bell rang for lunch I couldn't be more than happy.When I walked out of class I saw (YN) already walking in the hallway,she didn't notice me so I thought I'd surprise her.I went up to her but she still didn't seem to notice me.I stood right in front of her blocking her way.When she finally noticed me she gave a look of surprise.
"Did I scare you?"
"Good." She didn't say anything back so I tried saying something else. "I missed you."
"You missed me?"
"It's hard being separated for so long." I give a dramatic tone to my voice.
"It's only a weekend Ryan.Two days is nothing."
"No,it's technically two-and-a-half because I didn't see you this morning.Any particular reason why?"
"I told my mom to tell you."
"She just said you left early."
"That's what I told her..."
"Why?You should've let me know before I bothered walking to your house in the morning wasting my time."
"I'm sorry,I just couldn't okay."
I stare at her closely and I can tell she's hiding something from me.But instead of pushing it any further I let it go and say, "Okay." Is she mad at me?
She tells me she has something to do for lunch and I offer to go with her but she says that she has to do it alone.I tell her I understand so I let her go then I go sit by our usual spot at the tree by myself.
After lunch I decide to just wait for her outside of her fifth period.When she comes she doesn't look up and turns bumping into me. "I'm so sorry, I-," She looks up to realize it was me. "Oh it's just you."
"Just me." It grows silent between the two of us. "So are you gonna leave to do something after school too or just ignore me the entire time?" She hears the hint of sarcasm in my voice and that set her off.She didn't say anything she just rolled her eyes and left for class.She is definitely upset about something.
For the rest of the school day I tried figuring out what could be wrong with her.Thought after thought ran through my head but nothing seemed to add up.It made absolutely no sense because we were having such a good time Friday.It took her a weekend to be upset with me,I only wish I knew why.Should I give her some space?No,you know what screw that!I've done nothing but give her space our entire time together and all she does is keep it that way until I confront her about it.She probably never had any intention of telling me what's wrong either.She does this all the time and I'm always the one reaching out to her but this time things are different.I'm sick of her pulling the same routine.I can't deal with this anymore.I'm just gonna confront her right after school and tell her I'm done trying to help when she clearly doesn't want it.
The day dragged on and when I got to sixth period I couldn't help but shake the thought of (YN).Why was she upset?When class ended I packed my things and got ready to go.I waited for (YN) to pass by first and then left a little after her so it wasn't obvious that I was following her.She made it to the front of the school and continued walking off when I decided she was far enough I picked up the pace and caught up to her.When I was close enough I called out to her, "Hey!" She stopped and looked back.She took a few steps towards me and crossed her arms. "We need to talk." She looked me directly in the eyes and I could tell she was not looking forward to this.
"I just want to know what's your problem?"
"Yes,your problem.You're the one who's all of a sudden avoiding me."
"How would you know if I was?"
"Like you don't make it pretty damn obvious (YN)!"
"Well so what if I am?Why do you care?"
That just got me even more upset and I lost my cool. "You wanna know why I care?Are you serious?"
She remains silent and I notice her bite the inside of her cheek. "I'm your boyfriend (YN)!Last time I checked boyfriends are supposed to be there for their girlfriends,which you are to me!You're supposed to feel comfortable and secure with me.You need to be open and talk to me about any problems you have.That's what a boyfriend is for,to be there to make you laugh and to support you whenever you cry."
She just stood with her arms crossed staring at me.
"Is that all you're gonna do?"
"Okay you know what?I'm sick of this!I'm so tired of you going through some little phase with you and then trying so hard to reach out when you don't even care!I'm tired of being the one that always tries.I'm tired of this up and down crap with you.You're bipolar behavior towards me is exhausting enough as it is;I have better things to worry about."
"You're sick of me?You had a nice ride but now you're leaving?Is that what you're saying?"
"No!It's not like that!"
"That's what it sounds like to me."
"God damn it (YN)!I don't want you to leave but it sure seems like you want me to!And I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted.I've dealt with that enough in my life."
"Well I'm sorry I can't be your ideal girlfriend."
"It's not about that!It's about you constantly pulling me in then shutting me out time and time again!If you were dealing with this from my perspective you'd understand but I don't want to do that to you!You don't deserve that kind of treatment...and I don't think I deserve it either." It grows silent.She's probably pondering in her mind what to say.I break the silence with, "I'm done."
"You don't want me in your life anymore?"
I pause trying to think of what to say.
"Of course I still want you.I've always wanted you but...you just never wanted me."
"That's not true!"
"Then why do you treat me this way?Do you really even care about me?Or did you just feel bad for me?" She doesn't say anything and looks down. "The fact that you have to think about it proves that you never really did." She looks up at me and I see guilt in her eyes. "Believe me this hurts me way more than it hurts you." There's a slight pause.I give her time to think of anything to say but not a sound escapes her mouth.She doesn't even open it in attempt to speak.She just stands motionless looking down with her fist covering her mouth.I decide to say the last words. "Bye,I just want you to be happy." And with that I leave her alone,not bothering to look back.
When I arrive home I'm feeling pretty lousy.My mom is in the best mood ever making dinner.I could hear her singing from the kitchen.I head upstairs to my room and leave my backpack on the floor.I head downstairs and my mom yells out, "Ryan is that you?!"
"Yeah,it's me." I head into the kitchen and see her smiling while she prepares dinner over the hot stove. "You seem in a good mood."
"Oh I am!"
"What?I can't be in a good mood from time to time."
"Well when there's absolutely no reason then it's pretty weird."
She shoots me a look. "Well what's gotten you in a bad mood."
"Nothing I'm fine."
"It's been a long day.I'm just tired.That's all."
"Hmm...alright then go off and get some rest.Let me finish dinner."
I leave the kitchen and go upstairs to my room.I lay on my bed and rest my arm over my forehead.I let out a sigh and close my eyes.Suddenly my mom barges into the room and slams the door against the wall making me jump.
"What do you mean what's wrong?"
"I know my son now talk!"
"I told you I was tired."
"Ryan Dawson!The truth now!"
I roll my eyes and sit up in my bed. "Okay fine.You want the truth,then here it is;(YN) and I broke up mom.There,you heard!Are you happy?"
She stares at me shocked.
"No mom I'm not."
She walks over to me and takes a seat beside me on my bed.She places her hand on my shoulder then she leans her head on mine. "Are you okay sweety?"
"Yes...No...I don't know."
"It's normal to feel hurt."
"It's my first breakup mom I don't really know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to feel.I mean I'm the guy,I should be the one shouting free at last right?"
"That would be the stereotypical thing to do...but I raised a sweet caring boy with feelings."
"Yeah thanks a lot."
"It's okay pretty soon you'll move on and you'll just be two friends with memories."
"More like strangers."
"Well break ups are hard but I mean you don't always have to leave each others lives permanently.You guys could find your ways back to each other as friends and that's okay.Maybe you were just meant to be friends and nothing more."
"Well I don't think she wants me in her life at all so I don't think we'll wound up being friends."
"Did you do something?"
"No...Yes...Maybe?I don't know!If I did do something then she didn't tell me.Part of being in a relationship is talking to each other and telling each other everything that's wrong."
"That's true.Maybe she was looking for the right time to tell you."
"No mom she was just going to avoid me like she always done.I'm sick of having to chase after her every time something bugs her that she's not gonna bother telling me about.There's no point in trying so I'm done."
"Did you break up with her?"
"Yes,I thought it was for the best."
"How did she feel?"
"I don't think she cared too much.She's probably taking it better than me."
"Well at least you're not crying."
"Well I'm not trying to."
"Okay,okay I'll leave you alone now.If you need anything just tell me."
"I just want to make sure you're doing okay.Part of that is by babying you."
"Maybe I should have breakups more often."
She smiles and says, "Maybe." then she leaves the room closing the door on her way out.
Well I'm still able to joke around.I guess I'm not doing too bad then.I lean back in my bed and drop my head onto my pillow.I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.I open them to look up to ceiling.
I know I'm supposed to be mad and upset but I can't help but think about her.What is she doing right now and what's on her mind?More importantly,how is she feeling?Is she taking it bad or doing fine?What was really crossing my mind was the thought that maybe she was thinking of me too.
The walk home was pretty casual.Nothing out of the ordinary the only thing was that I was alone.When I got home I made a sandwich for myself.After I ate it I went to my room and started working on my homework.Everything was just as things were before...before I met Ryan that is.I was alone and that was okay with me.I had been alone my entire life and I never minded being alone.It never bothered me.So why now...do I feel so empty that someone else has left my life.I can't say it hurts but it definitely doesn't feel too good either.
The day dragged on and pretty soon it was getting late.I got ready for bed and then lay down facing the ceiling of my room.I begin to remember everything that happened today.Then I begin to remember our date on Friday.He was sweet and romantic.We had a lot of fun that night then he walked me home like the gentleman he is.Then he...he said goodbye but he also said that he...he...he loved me.I pull the covers over my face and I can feel my face cringe.
None of it matters anymore though.Ryan and I have nothing else to worry about because he said he was done.He was done with this,with us,with...me.Part of it honestly bothers me but another part of me doesn't care too much.I guess Ryan was right.He doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treated him.He deserves someone who cares for him as much as he can care for anyone.He's been treated so wrong in the past;I feel so upset thinking about his life yet he still manages to smile and befriend other people even though people are what have hurt him most in the past.These thoughts flood my mind the entire time I'm awake and stay with me until I completely fall asleep.
The next morning I woke up and got ready for school.I head outside the door and close it behind me.Right as I'm about to take off I suddenly remember Ryan.I stop myself and decide to wait for him but then I am reminded that he will not be coming because he doesn't have to anymore.Not that he ever had to before,he just wanted to because it meant seeing me every morning.Well that's all gone now.Our morning walks are a thing of the past,now I'm back to walking alone.
When I got to school I waited outside of my classroom until the bell rang.I was the first one in class and I waited until class started for the day to begin.The rest of the day was nothing out of the ordinary.Each class went by pretty slow but as each class ended the closer I was to the end of the day.During lunch I sat by my tree alone working on some homework.I looked around and saw groups of friends sitting together and laughing.Watching them made me remember my times laughing with Ryan.I get lonely at the thought.He could be sitting right beside me at the tree right now laughing with me like everyone else.I try to shake the thought but it's still stuck in my mind.I deal with it and continue to work on my homework.
Fifth period came and went like lightning then it was time for sixth period.We ended up getting a worksheet for class.I just worked on it the entire time and finished about fifteen minutes before class ended.I didn't know what to do with my time after.I decided to just work on some of my homework from other classes.I ended up finishing it since I had done most of it during lunch.When the bell rang I couldn't have been more relieved.I packed my things to go and then made my way out of class.When I entered the hallway I saw Angie and Ryan walking off together.I felt my throat dry up.I was upset for about five seconds then I got over it.I shouldn't let it bother me.Ryan doesn't care about me anymore and neither should I.I sighed and walked following far behind them so I could leave school.I walked home alone and when I arrived I just followed my old basic routine.
The rest of the week went by the same way and the same thing for the week that followed.Both weeks dragged along and went by so slow.When it was Friday I was just glad that after today it'd finally be the weekend.I got up and ready for school then left with a piece of toast to eat on the way.When I finally got to school I headed straight for my first period and waited for class to start.
Throughout the entire day I was just waiting for all the classes to be over.One by one I'd count them down until I got to sixth.At lunch I sat alone and read a book since none of my teachers had given any homework for the weekend.I kind of wish they had so I could have kept myself preoccupied with something but reading is fine too I guess.When the bell rang I put my book away and walked to class.I walked off not paying attention and I ended up bumping into someone.Pretty hard too because I fell to the floor.A hand reached out to me and I took it. "I'm so sorry,I wasn't paying a-," There was a pause, "(YN)?" I looked up and saw his face.
"D-Derek," I practically gasped.
"You look like you saw a ghost haha."
"No I'm just surprised."
"We do have a class together haha."
"I know it's just,I feel like I haven't spoken to you in forever.It's strange."
"Well you haven't exactly been free,but lately I've noticed you have nothing but time on your hands."
I feel tension begin to grow so I decide to close the conversation. "Well I have class so I should probably go,don't want to be late."
"Yeah we don't want that."
"I'll see you in sixth."
I left and rushed to my fifth period not wanting to be late.The bell rang about a minute after I had already got to class.I took my seat at my desk and couldn't help but feel lucky.Throughout class I couldn't help but think about my short encounter with Derek.It felt strange running into him again.I feel like he moved away or something,he just completely left my life when Ryan entered it.Now Ryan's out of my life and I guess Derek is back in it again.It's funny how life works.
After the bell rang I head to sixth period thankful the day was practically over.Only one more class to go then I could go home peacefully.I arrived to class at the same time as Derek.We both stopped at the door in front of each other.I looked up and stood still hoping he would go in.He looked at me and then smiled.He gestured his arm towards the door for me to go ahead. "Umm thanks," I walked in and took my seat at my desk.
During class I felt eyes watching me.I would look up and I'd notice Derek staring at me from his seat.If I caught him he would look away as if he wasn't but after awhile he wouldn't even bother looking away.It was almost as if he wanted me to notice he was looking at me.Towards the end of class I looked at him when he wasn't looking at me.He was looking down at his work.I just kept watching him and he realized I was because it wasn't long until he looked up at me making eye contact that I instantly broke out of embarrassment.I felt my face blush and I looked up slightly to see if he was still looking at me.He was,and when I looked up again to see his face he smiled at me.All of these eye games were so exhausting.I looked down and concentrated on my work for the rest of the period.
When the bell rang I packed up my things and left class.I made my way out to the front of the school to head home.I was still close to the campus when I heard my name being called out. "(YN)!," I stopped to look back and saw Derek catching up to me. "Hey," he said. "You're pretty fast."
"I've been told."
"Are you busy?"
"Well I was just gonna head home."
"Oh do you want to hang out maybe?We could go eat.My treat."
"I umm don't think that's a good idea."
"Come one,who passes up free food?"
"I'm just pretty tired and I really want to go home.I'm sorry."
"Do you mind if I tag along?"
"Well I'd hate to inconvenience you.You don't have to really."
He takes a few steps closer to me and smiles.He places his hand on my cheek then lowers it to my chin. "I want to." He tilts my head and leans in.I realize what is about to happen so I jerk my head away. "You're pretty feisty aren't you."
"I could walk home alone."
"Just want to make sure a pretty girl like you gets home safe."
"Come on any guy could easily go up to you and grab you like this." He grabs my arm firmly and doesn't let go. "He could pull you in close to him with your body pressed against his." He pulls me in close to him.I can feel his stomach and chest on mine.I try getting out but I can't he's pretty strong. "Any guy could easily do all of this and steal a kiss just like this." He lifts my head and plants his lips on mine.I try pulling away but he senses that I am and he begins to kiss me forcefully.I wiggle around and try to squirm my way out of it.I have no idea how but I finally manage to escape his lips and grasp.I shove him away and gasp for air.He smirks and wipes his lips. "Still can't keep your girl I see Dawson,she regrets choosing you over me." I look behind me and see Ryan standing there stiff as stone.
"Ryan I swear I didn't do anything!He grabbed me and forced himself!I swear!I'm so sorry!" He looks up and his eyes meet mine.I begin to plead. "Ryan I swear I'm telling the truth you have to believe me!Please!"
"Its okay (YN),I believe you."
"Yes.I saw the whole thing.I was ready to leave in disgust then I noticed you trying to get away."
"Oh please Ryan why would she try to get away from me?"
"Because she doesn't like you Derek!"
"How would you know?You can't even keep your own girl.You weren't good enough for her that's why she left your ass!"
"At least I got her unlike you!"
"She only picked you because she felt sorry for your newbie ass!"
"Face it Ryan!You know that part of you believes it's true!"
"Drop it Derek!"
"How did it feel every time you kissed her knowing that my lips had touched hers before yours ever did!Huh?"
"I mean it!Stop now!"
"I bet that's not the only part of her I could get to before you." Ryan's expression immediately changed after Derek's comment.It was the last straw and Ryan tackled Derek to the floor!They were rolling around but Ryan had the advantage.Ryan was throwing punches left and right!Derek managed to get up a bit and then took Ryan down.Now he had the advantage.A bunch of people saw them fighting and made a giant crowd surrounding them.I was in the front witnessing everything.They were kicking and punching at first then they started yelling out insults at each other.Everyone one in the crowd began chanting 'Fight!' repeatedly making both of them want to fight even more.I couldn't just stand on the sideline and watch both of them go on like this.I decided to try talking some sense into them.
"Ryan,Derek stop!Please stop!" They still kept fighting anyway. "Please just stop you're hurting each other!" I watched closely as I saw blood begin to flow from the side of Ryan's head and Derek's mouth.It was a sight I just couldn't bear to see.I felt my eyes begin to water.I felt guilty,both of them were fighting because of me.I felt hot tears stream down my face.Even though I was a mess I still kept yelling at both of them begging them to stop.Nothing was getting through to them the only way I could possibly stop it was to get involved myself.I was terrified at first but it had to be done.I took a deep breath and ran straight into the fight.I jumped on Derek since his back was exposed and I clung on for my life in hopes that they would stop. "Derek Ryan you guys have to stop now!Please stop fighting,for me!Please I'm begging you two! Sto-," I couldn't finish my sentence because I felt myself falling from Derek's back.I landed hard on the ground,I even hit the back of my head causing me to feel unconscious.Things began to look blurry and I heard voices that were faded out.
I could only make out Ryan's voice.He was saying my name. "(YN),(YN)!Stay with me!Don't close your eyes!Stay awake!" I saw shadows overcrowding me.I could barely understand what was going on.I heard so many other voices but I was most familiar with Ryan's. "Get away!Give her some air!" He had a panicked tone to his voice.The last thing I heard him say was, "I'm so sorry!" Then I felt my eyes shut and everything went black.