I'm not sure what to say at the moment.I look to her and I can tell by her expression she is desperate to know;I think she'd just like to know if anything happened between us but should I tell her?How would she react if I told her,well we just came to the park and hung out here for a bit oh and by the way we almost kissed.Yeah,I'm sure she'd get pretty pissed off but if I don't tell her would I be lying?Of course not it's not like I'm saying we didn't do anything,I just wouldn't be telling her every detail that happened...but then again that's just like the whole Derek and (YN) situation.What if she ends up having to find out the way I did?She'd hate me for sure and I can't risk our friendship like that,not now...not like this.
"Why do you ask?"
Idiot don't procrastinate the answer,it just makes it seem like something happened!
"I was just curious.I'm sorry I asked."
"No it's fine you deserve to know."
Oh crap,shouldn't have said that.If I didn't say that just now we could've forgotten about the entire thing and moved on.Nobody would be at risk of getting hurt and I really don't want to be the cause of (YN)'s pain.
"If you don't mind me asking...did you guys do anything?"
Crap crap crap!
"We hung out for a bit...here."
"Yeah she wanted to come to the park,so we came here and hung out for a bit."
"Oh," she looks down.
Dammit now she's gonna think I brought her here because it reminded me of Angie.
"What did you guys do?"
"Well she showed me her tree climbing skills."
"Did you do it with her?" She looks up to me and I can see a bit of sadness in her eyes.
"No,I just watched."
"Did you two go to the playground?"
"No,we just walked around then we sat on a bench."
"Like this one?"
I look around me and I suddenly realize this is the bench Angie and I sat on yesterday.I begin to feel a huge pit in my stomach and I don't know how to react.
"It was this one actually."
"I see." She looks down again.
Oh no now she's hurt and she's probably mad at me.I really hope none of this leads to me having to admit that I almost kissed Angie.The thought remains stuck in my mind and I begin to think of the pros and cons of me admitting that I almost kissed Angie.Pro:She might accept that I was being honest and forgive me.Con:She'll get really mad and leave not wanting to talk to me again.Pro:I will have admitted and relieved a weight off of my shoulders.Con:She'll be hurt and wish she never knew.Pro:She'll understand and I could explain it wasn't intentional.Con:She won't believe a word that comes out of my mouth.Pro:If I admit it,I'd be a good friend for telling the truth and being honest.Con:She'll yell at me and tell me I'm the worst.Crap I don't know what I should do!Should I just risk her being mad by saying something or risk our friendship by not saying anything in the first place.Wait,that's exactly what happened before!(YN),didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me she had kissed Derek so she kept it to herself,but word got out and I had to find out by some stranger.It wrecked our friendship and I don't want that to happen again.If I tell her,then she might be thankful I told the truth,besides even if I did tell her it's not like anything actually happened.I mean I didn't kiss her I was almost about to kiss her,but then (YN) came into mind and I snapped back into reality so there really wasn't any harm done whereas in (YN)'s case she made out with Derek more than once even right after I told her the two of them bothered me.I think I'd be a good friend telling her the truth and I could even tell her that I couldn't go through with it because she came into mind and it reminded me that I knew she wouldn't like the idea of Angie and I kissing.
"Yeah..." She looks up with a look of sadness.I feel bad now.
"I uh,have something to tell you."
"W-what is it?"
"Yesterday when I hung out with Angie...something happened."
"Oh," She looks back down.
"But nothing really happened!" She looks up to me again.
"What do you mean?"
"Well we were sitting here and we were talking and one thing led to another so we..."
"Yes!Wait I mean no!"
"Well which is it?"
"Then what happened?"
"Look the truth is,we almost kissed."
"How do you almost kiss?"
"Well we were just kind of in a mood I guess,I mean I was just acting by instinct and when I closed my eyes I realized I couldn't go through with it."
"Because I knew you wouldn't like the idea of us kissing so when I closed my eyes reality hit me and I immediately backed away.I knew you'd be mad if we kissed so I made sure nothing happened because...because,"
I let out a sigh then speak again, "Because I didn't want to hurt you."
"How would you hurt me?"
"I know your not fond of Angie,and you know that I don't like the idea of you and Derek.So it would've just been history repeating itself;I didn't want you to feel the way I did when I found out you kissed Derek."
"I should go."
Dammit!I knew this would happen.
She gets up and walks off but I immediately get up right after and grab her by the shoulder.
"(YN), I'm sorry!I didn't mean to I swear,but it was just an instinct!"
"Sorry?Why are you sorry you didn't do anything wrong!"
"If anyone should be sorry it's me."
She pulls her shoulder away and then runs off,I run after her and I eventually catch up.I reach for her arm and then grab her by it making sure she doesn't run off.I turn her body to face mine and she is looking down not wanting to make eye contact with me.
"(YN),look I'm sor-"
"Stop saying that!Don't apologize you didn't do anything."
"I,I don't understand."
"Look you told the truth,that's all that matters."
"Then why are you so upset?"
"Because you admitted that you almost kissed Angie."
"So you are mad me then?"
"Then what are you mad about?"
"I'm not I just feel...so horrible."
"Why?Should I have not told you?"
"No it's not that it's just..."
She remains looking down.I place my hand on her cheek then place my fingers on her chin lifting her head slightly.
"Come on (YN) talk to me,you trust me right?"
"It's not fair."
"What's not fair,tell me it's okay."
"I kissed Derek even when you told me you didn't like the idea of the two of us and I didn't even bother to stop!I kissed him more than once and you didn't even kiss Angie,you were just about to but you stopped because...because,"
"Because I knew it'd hurt you."
"But that's not fair!"
"What's not fair?"
"You didn't kiss Angie because you thought of me and how I'd feel about it but I didn't do the same."
"What do you mean?"
"I kissed Derek and even though I knew you would've been bothered by it...I still went on and did it.I didn't even tell you the truth,I just kept it from you but you admitted to me and that's not fair to you.You did a selfless thing like that all because you knew it'd hurt me so that's why it's not fair for you to have such a horrible friend like me.I don't deserve to have a friend like you Ryan I'm sorry,I should just go."
"But I don't want you to go."
"You don't deserve to put up with having a friend like me Ryan.You deserve better,maybe you are better off with Angie."
"Hey,I don't care about that.It doesn't matter and it's all in the past now.All that matters is that your my friend and I'll care for you no matter what,can I ask you to do the same for me?"
"But nothing,I made a promise I'd always be there for you.I broke that promise once and I don't intend on doing it again."
"But it's still not fair to you Ryan,I'll still feel bad.You'd be better off without me.I even caused you problems before the whole Derek thing."
"Well I'm willing to put up with it."
"Were friends aren't we?And friends should always be there for each other,plus,they never give up on each other either."
"Your willing to put up with the difficulties of being my friend?"
"As long as were both willing,our friendship is fine."
"I guess,but I'll still feel bad.I'm starting to think maybe you should have kissed Angie,that way we'd be even."
"But do you really want that to happen?"
"No!I mean uhh...well I wouldn't be too happy about it."
"Haha,your too cute."
She looks down embarrassed but I only seem to find it even cuter.
"I am not cute!"
"Haha okay don't take a compliment then."
She looks up and I give her a smile.
"So,can I ask you something else?"
"Did you have more fun at the park yesterday with Angie than today with me?"
"What kind of questions is that?"
"I-I-I don't know I'm sorry just forget it." She looks down.
She looks up confused.
"You,I had more fun today with you."
"Haha yes,we did more together so I find it funner.Plus,I kind of prefer hanging out with you anyways."
"Haha what you're the one who asked the question,I just answered honestly haha."
"So I'm more fun to be around?"
"Haha why does it matter?"
"Just answer the question!"
"Hahaha yes (YN),your more fun to be around.Now why don't we continue to make the best of our day and try to have some fun now?"
"What could we do?"
"It's the park,we could run around or sit and talk.Maybe play at the playground some more."
"Or we could go home and relax."
"We've pretty much done everything at the park already!"
"Good point...how about we go home and watch movies?"
"What kind of movies?"
"Doesn't really matter,but who's house should we stay at?"
"Well my house is empty."
"My mom is probably home,but it is Friday and she might be willing to buy us food!"
"So your house?"
"Yeah let's go!"
He takes my hand and we run off.I'm kind of tired of being dragged around,he's been doing it practically all day!We eventually stop running and just walk to his house.On our way,we just talk and laugh like friends do.We soon arrive and Ryan gets out his key opening the door.We walk in and then Ryan says out loud, "Mom I'm home!" I hear footsteps and then Michelle is heading down the stairs into the living room.She notices me and smiles big making her way over to me pulling me into a hug.I hug her back and then we both pull away.
"(YN),honey how nice to have you over.I wish Ryan told me he was bringing a guest.I would have made you guys a treat."
"Oh it's fine really thank you.Are you sure it's okay for me to stay here?I feel like I'm being a nuisance."
"Don't be silly!Your practically family over here and we both just love having you over!"
"Thank you,I love coming over too;it's nice spending time with you two."
"Oh thank you sweetheart.You come over whenever you like."
I smile and she does too.
"Hey mom is it okay if (YN) and I stay in the living room,were gonna watch movies."
Ryan then heads upstairs and I follow behind.We go into his room and he throws his backpack in a corner.I set mine down on the floor and then we both walk out of the room;as we leave he closes the door behind him.We both head back downstairs and I stand in the living room awkwardly.
"Alright,what do you feel like watching (YN)?"
"Umm whatever you want."
"Your the guest,just pick a genre.Do you want horror,comedy,romance,etc.?"
"Umm a comedy sounds okay for now."
"Alright cool,do you want like an 80's movie or something more modern?"
"You have 80's movies?"
"Yeah we have a bunch.My mom and I used to have a bunch of movie nights so when we saw a movie we hadn't seen we'd buy it and then watch it."
"Haha I guess,so what do you wanna see?Any titles in mind?"
"Umm not really."
"Okay Bridesmaids it is."
"Because it's funny.Have you ever seen it?"
"I've seen some parts of it."
"Well now you get to watch the whole thing."
He sets up their DVD player and then puts the movie disc in.We watch the trailers and then it goes to the main menu.He clicks "Play Movie" on the screen.The movie begins and I am a bit disturbed by the first scene.I look down practically the entire time and Ryan is laughing at my reaction.Overall,I find myself enjoying the movie and got a few good laughs here and there.When it ended I felt a bit disturbed by the ending but it wasn't much to be bothered about.When it ended Ryan took out the disc and put away the movie.
"So what was your favorite part?"
"When they're trying on the dresses!Ahahahaha!"
"That's a good one ahaha!"
"And when they're on the plane haha and that weird lady is talking about her vision!Hahahaha!"
We sit there laughing and talking then Michelle walks into the room.
"Hey do you two want something to eat?"
Ryan looks to me waiting for my answer.
"Well I am a bit hungry."
"What would you like (YN)?"
"Umm it doesn't matter."
"Your our guest,I insist what would you like?Burgers,pizza,tacos?"
"Umm pizza sounds fine."
"Okay I'll order one right now.Is there anything you like on your pizza (YN)?"
"Well I like pepperoni and cheese,is that fine?"
She makes the call and orders a larger pepperoni pizza.When she's done she walks back into the living room where Ryan and I are just talking.
"Okay I'm gonna go pick it up,is there anything you two might want?Maybe some sodas or I could go to the store and buy chips?"
Ryan again looks to me awaiting for me to answer.
"Well I don't want to have to inconvenience you to go to the store."
"Oh don't worry about it really I just want to make sure you feel welcome and enjoy your visit."
"Well I don't know..."
"Oh it's fine (YN) really,I'll go what would you like?"
"Umm an Arizona iced tea?"
"Okay and you Ryan?"
"I'll have a Brisk."
"Okay and for chips?"
"We don't really need any."
"Are you sure?"
I look to Ryan but he's expecting me to give an answer.
"Well I guess one family bag would be okay,then we could all share."
"That's a great idea!What kind of chips would you like (YN)?"
"Umm Lays...lime flavored."
"Okay,I'll be back."
And with that she walked out the door and I heard her lock it from outside.Ryan and I are now left alone in his house sitting on the floor of his living room.
"I'm glad you picked those chips haha."
"I really like lime flavored Lays,haha."
"Wow!Haha,well your welcome then."
"Haha,so nice choice of words earlier."
"What are you talking about?"
"When you told my mom you like coming over here.Very smooth of you.Haha now she'll love you forever."
"Well I didn't say it to be smooth,I really meant it."
"Well when I'm here with you guys it's like the family I never had haha."
"Umm what do you mean?"
"Well I'm used to staying home alone and eating alone.So when I'm here with you guys I just enjoy your company."
"Haha,well technically your our company."
"I guess so haha."
"Well feel free to come over whenever you'd like then."
"Haha okay....so what now?"
"Wanna watch another movie?"
"You could pick."
"But I already did!Haha."
"Okay then umm do you have The Heat?"
"With Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock?"
"I'm pretty sure we have it,I'll check."
He goes looking through his movies and he ends up finding it.He puts it on and we stay seated on the floor watching it.Michelle comes home eventually and she walks in carrying a big pizza box with two bags of groceries.Ryan gets up and takes the box of pizza from her then sets it on the table.Michelle sets the grocery bags down and asks us if we want to eat now.Ryan and I both agree to eat now and Michelle says it's okay for us to eat while watching the movie.She gets paper plates and gives us each one slice then she opens the bag of chips and pours some chips onto our plates.She remembers the drinks she bought us and hands them to us.Ryan takes his plate to the living room with him and I do the same.We each take a seat on the floor and I place my plate on my lap.We continue to watch the movie and eat.
When the movie ends Ryan and I have already finished our food.Michelle asks us if we want another slice since there's still a lot to go around.We both get up and take another slice.Ryan and I decide maybe we could watch one more movie.We both agree to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off.We sit on the living room floor eating our second slice of pizza and watch the movie.When the movie ends I don't even realize how late it is until Michelle tells me.
"(YN),it's already eleven-forty."
"Oh I'm so so sorry!I didn't mean to stay over that long!"
"It's no problem,is your mother home?"
"Well...she gets home late."
"It's pretty late now."
"She gets home...later."
"Oh,umm wait here."
She walks out of the living room leaving Ryan and I alone in the living room together.We just sit in silence not having anything to say to each other.Michelle walks back into the living room after some time.
"Okay well (YN) I just called your mother and let her know that you were with us.I let her know we lost track of time and apologized for keeping you so late.She told me she won't be home until much later."
"I'm really sorry I just got carried away."
"It's fine,anyways your mother said we could drop you off but I don't think I could leave you home alone with a clear mind.I asked her if we had her permission to allow you to spend the night."
"So I'm going to sleep here?"
"Only if you want and feel comfortable,I'd be willing to drop you off home if you'd like but I just feel the better option would be for you to stay."
"Well...I've never spent the night at anyone's house before."
"We don't want to force you to,it's just an option."
I'm so unsure right now.I've never spent the night at anyone's house before and here I am being asked to.If I stay...I'll be with Ryan and his mom but if I go home I'll just be alone like always.What if I can't sleep knowing I'm not in my own house?I can't keep them waiting for a reply,that's rude.I guess staying over for one night couldn't be so bad can it?
"I'll stay,if it's okay with you."
"I don't mind at all.Let me just think of somewhere you can sleep."
"Well I think I could sleep in the living room,if it's not too much trouble."
"I just don't want to throw you on the sofa,that doesn't seem like a proper place for a guest to sleep."
"I'm fine really.I don't mind."
"Okay,now we just need to find you some clothes.I might have something for you to wear or maybe...Ryan!"
"Would you please lend (YN) some clothes to sleep in?It doesn't have to be anything special I'm sure some shorts and a shirt are fine."
"(YN),why don't you go with Ryan to his room so he could fetch you something to wear."
Ryan then heads upstairs into his room and I follow behind.Were in his room and he's looking through his drawers;he pulls out one thing from one and something else from another.He walks over and hands what's in his hand to me.
"Here,it's a t-shirt and a pair of boxers."
I take them and head into the bathroom to change.I look into the mirror when I'm done changing.I'm wearing a big white t-shirt and some blue boxers.His shirt is pretty big on me and the boxers feel a bit loose.I grab the clothes I changed out of and walk out of the bathroom.Michelle hands me a bag to put my clothes in and tells me I can leave it in her room for now.She then hands me an unused toothbrush so I have something to brush my teeth with.I take it from her and head to the bathroom;I run into Ryan who is about to enter the bathroom.
"You could go ahead and use it."
"Oh no it's okay."
"It's fine I can wait."
"Well I just need to brush my teeth."
"Oh that's what I was gonna do,haha."
"You don't need to use it then?"
"Shall we then?"
I laugh softly and then say, "We shall."
We both walk into the bathroom and put toothpaste on our toothbrushes;we begin to brush our teeth.It's kind of awkward brushing our teeth in the bathroom together but we each manage a smile when we look to each other.We take turns spitting in the sink and I try to hide my spit not wanting him to see;it kind of reminds me of a scene I saw in a movie before but I'm not sure what it is at the moment.Soon,we both finish brushing our teeth and we rinse our mouths.Ryan walks out first and I walk out after.Michelle hands me some blankets and I take them downstairs then place them on the sofa.I sit down awkwardly not sure what to do.I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I look over my shoulder to see Ryan.He walks down and then stands not too far away from me.
"You know, you actually look pretty good in my clothes."
I giggle softly and then notice him smiling at me.I look down feeling a bit awkward.
I hear his footsteps and I can feel his presence close by.I then feel him take a seat beside me on the sofa.
"So your gonna sleep here tonight?"
"That's how it seems."
"I'd let you sleep in my room but I can't part with my bed."
"Haha it's fine."
I look down and I see my hands are placed on my thighs.
"Why do you seem so nervous?"
"Well I've never spent the night at someone's house before."
"Haha all you have to do is enjoy your time and at night fall asleep,you already got the hardest part down now you just need to knockout."
"What if I can't sleep?"
"Want me to stay up with you until you fall asleep?"
"I feel like that would just keep me awake."
"Because then we'd just be talking and I'd never fall asleep."
"We don't have to talk we could just stay up and sit until you get tired."
"I don't know,won't you get tired?"
"I don't mind,haha want me to read you a bed time story?"
"Oh god no!Haha."
"Come on I tell a mean version of Cinderella."
"Hahaha no,that's okay maybe some other time."
"Awww boo your no fun."
Just then Michelle is coming down the stairs and we both look to her.
"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay,are you ready to go to sleep?"
"Okay,Ryan are you going to bed?"
"Uh yeah I'll be up in a sec,"
"Okay,I'm going to bed now.Goodnight Ryan.Goodnight (YN)."
"Good night.",we both say.
She heads back up the stairs and I hear a door close,I assume it's the door to her room.
"So I guess I should turn in now huh?"
"I think it'd be best."
"Alright see you in the morning."
He heads up the stairs and stops half way,he looks to me and says, "Almost forgot,goodnight."
I smile and reply, "Goodnight."
He continues up the stairs and I soon hear a door close,its probably Ryan's door.I notice the light is left on so I go to turn it off.It's pretty dark down here but I manage to make it back to my bed.I lay down on the sofa and I don't feel the slightest bit of sleepy.I guess falling asleep is going to be harder than I thought.I sigh and close my eyes trying to fall asleep.I suddenly hear a door open and footsteps.I situp in the sofa and I look,I get a bit nervous but then the light switches on and it's Ryan.His hands are placed behind his back and he's looking to me with a half smile.
"What are you doing?"
"I just figured it might be hard for you to fall asleep so I brought this."
He then reveals a small stuffed white tiger.
"His name is Tiko,I got him when I was a little kid;I kind of had an obsession with white tigers haha.Anyways I just thought this might help you sleep."
I look to the tiger and it's really cute.I look to Ryan and he's still half smiling.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah,I just want to make sure your okay so here."
He hands me the small stuffed white tiger and I gladly take it.I smile at it then I look up to Ryan and give him an even sweeter smile.
"Your welcome,well I should be going to bed now,night (YN)."
"Good night Ryan."
He turns off the lights and I hear him head up the stairs.The sound of a door closing has me lie down back in bed.I'm not so sure if I'll be able to sleep.I look to the stuffed tiger in my hands and then I hold it close to my chest.I close my eyes still holding the stuffed tiger.I eventually feel myself getting a bit more comfy and sleepy;I allow myself to drift off to sleep.