I didn't know what to think when I saw Ryan and Michelle standing in my living room,I just stared blankly then looked from Ryan to Michelle to my mom then back to Ryan again.I wasn't thinking clearly and I felt confused,nobody was saying anything so I decided to speak up but it probably wasn't the best thing to say at the moment.
"What are you doing here?"
"(YN),I invited Ryan and Michelle over."
This must be another friendly day out between my mom and Michelle,this just forces Ryan and I to be in the same room as each other.
"So you guys are going to hang out today?"
"What do you mean?"
The two of them then look to Ryan and their attention fixed on him brings mine to him as well.
"I uh,wanted to see you."
"You see me everyday at school." Why would you say that?That's so rude and stupid!Plus I said it in front of my mom and Michelle!Definitely not a wise thing to say.Man what is up with me!
"I was hoping I could...talk to you...alone."
He wants to talk to me?A thousand things are running through my mind now but I'm only able to process so many.Ryan then looks to Michelle and she nods to him then my mom gets up and they both step out of the house.This leaves Ryan and I alone in my house and I just stare at him wondering what he could possibly want to talk about.
"So looks like were alone now.",I say
"Knowing my mom she'll be pressing her ear against the door to know what's going on."
I smile softly and he does too.It's silent and the two of us remain still.I can't take the silence anymore and decide to speak out. "Why do you want to talk to me?"
"I've been uh...taking some time to myself thinking and I kind of realized something."
"And what's that?"
"That I miss you."
It's quiet again but I don't want to be rude so I decide to just keep the discussion going.
"You miss me?Why?"
"Well we did kind of get into a fight and I didn't want to see or speak to you again."
"And yet here you are now.",I say sarcastically.He rolls his eyes and I feel bad.Pull yourself together (YN) this is going so wrong because of you! "I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's up with me today."
"It's fine but I'd really like to talk to you seriously right now.Please?" I look at his pleading eyes and nod. "So the fight kind of messed up our friendship.And the whole thing just ruined everything,anyways my plan involved me ignoring you and getting over everything but the project pretty much screwed up that plan."
"Because we got in the same group and I was trying to avoid you,I didn't want to jeopardize the project or have the group be awkward.That was of course a problem considering you and Derek were both in the group but that's not important now."
"Then what is?You say you miss me but I don't understand where you're going with everything."
"Look spending time with you when I didn't intend to was awkward for me but I just chose to be friendly so the project wouldn't have any problems.I didn't want to ruin anything by risking a lash out on you or Derek."
"So you were being friendly with me because of the project?"
"Yeah," Oh great,I guess I knew it all along but now knowing the truth,it was kind of disappointing to hear,almost like a slap in the face. "But,as we spend more time together..." But?There's a but,is this a good thing? "...I came to realize I really missed our friendship and you of course."
"Well...I miss you too." Might as well admit it since were being all honest here.
"That's nice to hear because...I was sort of hoping you'd forgive me."
"Forgive you?For what?"
"For being over dramatic.I was acting like a baby and I'm ashamed of it but I hope you can forgive me."
"Even for all the ignoring?"
"Even for all the ignoring to the negative things I said to you including all the negative thoughts I had in mind."
"Negative thoughts?" I ask a bit surprised.
"Haha look I'm sorry!That's why I'm asking for forgiveness here!"
"Well I'd forgive you but-,"
I smile a bit because his reaction was a bit funny to watch.
"Haha,I was just gonna say,but you never really did anything wrong.I understand you feel guilty about over reacting and feeling immature but you did have every right to be.And if anyone should be asking to be forgiven...it should be me." He looks to me and smiles sweetly so I do the same. "So,Ryan Dawson can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
He places his hand over his chin and makes a thinking expression. "Let me think about it."
"Hmm...down on your knees and plead for forgiveness!"
"Ryan are you serious?"
I playfully roll my eyes and get down to the floor.I am on my knees and I look up at Ryan.
"Plead for forgiveness!"
I laugh and then begin to plead for forgiveness. "I'm sorry Ryan can you please forgive me?"
"From the stupid mistakes I made to the pain I brought to you."
"You swear you won't do it again?"
I then stick out my pinky and take his making a pinky promise.He smiles and I do too.
"So do you forgive me?"
"Hahaha on one condition."
"What is it?"
"Make up hug?"
He smiles and opens up his arms.I get up and go in for the hug.As we hug my face is buried into his shoulder and I smell his scent.It's sweet and nice.Just then the door opens;Ryan and I look to find Michelle and my mom walking in.We were positioned with me in front of Ryan and his arm around my waist while my hand rest on his shoulder.The two of them smile big as they walk in.
My mom takes the liberty of speaking first,"Did you two make up?"
"Yeah we're fine now mom."
"Oh are you two a couple now?Look at the way they're holding each other (Your mom's name)!" Ryan and I look at each and then immediately step away from each other embarrassed. "You two are together!"
"No mom,we're just friends!"
"Oh fine I'll let you two develop that all on your own."
"Look you're blushing Ryan how cute!Show (YN) how cute you are!"
I look to him and he's a a bit of a shade of pink and he's looking down hiding his face.I smile and then I look to my mom she's watching me with a smile on her face.I feel uncomfortable and smile to her. "Well I'm glad to hear that the two of you made up." Ryan and Michelle decided to stay over for a bit.Ryan wanted to go outside and get some fresh air but I think he just wanted to get out of the house because his mom kept teasing him.We went outside and I leaned against the door.He looked to me and smiled.
"Looks like we're buddy buddy again."
"Yeah I guess so."
"You say it like it's a bad thing?"
"No it's not that it's just....I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I'm not used to this whole friend thing so I'm not sure how to react to the whole thing."
"That makes sense but you could start by smiling a little bigger and laughing.You should be grateful you have me back in your life!"
"Grateful?You're sounding a little narcissistic there."
"You're lucky you have me back!"
"Haha I already knelt down for you don't push it."
"Haha okay then.Oh (YN) can we play tether ball?!"
"Uhh...I haven't played since I was little."
"So what?It'll be fun come on!Please!"
He gave me a puppy dog face and pouted his lips.I playfully rolled my eyes and walked over to my tether ball court.Ryan gave a some quick rules and then he let me serve since he felt that ladies first was the fair thing.We played and I beat him but he demanded a rematch.He came close to beating me but I made the comeback and beat him again.Ryan constantly wanted a rematch every time I'd beat him,which was about seven times.He finally beat me the last time and he was overexcited;I let him have his victory and he wanted to play again but I ended up beating him.He called me a cheater but I just laughed and I said I was sorry he lost.We walked back inside and Michelle insisted that they leave already.We said goodbye and Ryan gave me a hug;he told me he'd walk with me to school on Monday.The two of them left and then I closed the door.I looked back and saw my mom with her arms crossed smiling.
"So what did you two do out there?"
"Just play tether ball."
"Oh...you haven't played with that thing in ages."
"I know...I used to play with dad a lot,he was the one who set it up for me."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine...it's just hard at times,are you?"
"I usually just shut everything out.It helps."
"Well now you have Ryan to help you.He seems like a sweet boy." She smiles at me but I just remain with a blank expression. "So (YN) I'm curious do you...like Ryan?"
"What?Where did that come from?"
"Well you're a girl and he's a boy.He's very sweet and good looking."
"I'm just being a curious mother.Michelle seems to think you two are great together but Ryan reacts the same way when she brings it up."
"Maybe because it's uncomfortable.We barely met and we're just friends."
"Oh alright then have it your way."
The weekend went by and next thing I knew it was already Sunday night.I got ready for bed and drifted to sleep.I woke up in the morning and got ready for school.I ate an apple and then walked off.While I was walking I felt my mind remembering something but I wasn't sure what.Just then I heard my name being called.I looked back to find Ryan running towards me with a big smile on his face.
"What are you doing?"
"I told you we'd walk to school."
Oh that's what it was,I completely forgot.
"Sorry I forgot."
"Why don't I just start picking you up at your house?"
"If that works for you."
"It'll be a lot easier,I mean I'd have to wake up earlier but its worth it if I get to see you every morning." He smiles sweetly and I think I gave a smile but I guess I must've given a weird expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I uh..wasn't I was just..."
"Were you looking at me?"
I look down guilty and embarrassed then I hear Ryan's laugh.
"Haha don't sweat over it,I think it's cute and you're stuttering was fun to watch haha!"
"Okay glad you got your laugh can we get to school now?"
"Oh right school!"
We both walked off talking and laughing,man did I miss this.Ryan and I were friends again and everything was fine kind of like nothing ever happened.We arrived and then Ryan offered to walk me to class,I said no but he insisted.We walked through the halls and some eyes were watching us but I ignored them.We soon arrived at my class and Ryan gave me a hug then left.I walked into class and took my seat.Class went by and then I head to 2nd period.The day went on and eventually I was in 4th period.I walked in and took my seat.I saw Ryan walk in and I gave a smile and he saw then returned the favor.He looked to me in class and mouthed to me, "Wait for me after class." I smiled and nodded.
For class Mr.Johnson just wanted the other groups to present so we all sat and watched the presentations;it was a pretty chill period.Two groups presented and since we had no more time for another presentation Mr.Johnson said for the remainder of the period we could talk.I stayed in my desk and people were talking to each other around their desks.I began packing up my things and waited for the bell to ring.Once the bell rang I got up from my desk and walked over to Ryan.He packed up his things and his friends were still with him,including Derek.I ignored Derek's presence and waited for Ryan.He got his things and looked to me smiling.His friends walked off and stopped at the door. "Ryan you coming?",one of them said.
"No it's okay guys I'm gonna hang out with (YN)."
They all walked out and Derek was the last to leave but before he did I saw him looking back at the two of us.I could care less about what his thoughts were right now,all that mattered was that Ryan and I reconciled our friendship and now were back to the way things were.Ryan and I walked over to my tree and we sat down by the trunk."I haven't been here in a while."
"Yeah you were kind of avoiding me."
"Can you blame me?"
"Well no,I'm at fault and take the blame."
"I shouldn't have acted the way I did though.I was being pretty over dramatic."
"Yeah drama queen!"
"Um it's drama king!"
"That just sounds lame."
"Oh god it does!Haha!"
"Look we talked about all of this already haha I don't think we need to talk about it again.Do you?"
"No it's just I feel bad I mean I overreacted and that wasn't fair to you."
"Neither was me not telling you about Derek right after it happened."
"Well we forgave each other so it doesn't matter anymore right?"
"But I'm still sorry for the way I acted."
"Oh my god stop it!"
"I just feel bad."
"Well it's forgiven already haha!"
"Now you know how I feel haha!"
"Isn't it annoying?"
"Haha now you understand."
"Yes I do."
"To be honest I think I overreacted because I wasn't really sure how to react I guess."
"What do you mean?"
"I've never dealt with that kind of experience before,I've actually never really dealt with any of this before."
"Any of this?"
"This...you and me being friends,I've never had this kind of a situation in my life."
"You've never had a girlfriend?" He looks at me and raises an eyebrow.I panic and begin to babble on. "I mean well I'm a girl and I'm your friend so I'm a girl friend but not like girlfriend boyfriend just girl and boy friend...as friends.Because we're just friends..." I immediately look down hiding my embarrassed face.
"Haha!You're too much!"
"I was just explaining so you wouldn't get the wrong idea."
"I got it don't worry haha that was really cute." He looks to me and smiles sweetly and I feel my cheeks warm up.
"Well to answer your question,no I've never had a girl-friend haha."
"I've never had a guy friend but then again I've never really had any friends before."
"Well you and I aren't so different."
"What do you mean?" He pauses and looks straight ahead with a serious expression on his face. "Ryan?"
"Yeah I'm sorry I was just thinking."
"Are you done thinking?"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not now,rather not turn a good day into a bad one." He smiles and I'm unsure of what to say so I just smile back.
We spend the rest of lunch talking and then the bell rings so we walk off to class.Ryan walks me to class and hugs me goodbye.I wonder what he meant earlier when he said the two of us weren't so different.Clearly there's something about Ryan that I don't know but then again he doesn't know about my major crisis with the haunting memory of my dad that constantly eats away at my mother's thoughts.I'd rather keep it to myself than go on talking about it risking the reopening of severely hidden wounds.Well he has his personal business and I have mine,friends don't have to tell each other EVERYTHING right?
The period goes on and then the bell rings for 6th.I walk into class and see Ryan smiling at me as I walk to my desk.I take my seat and smile to him then say hi.We talk for a bit and then the class bell rings.We have a lecture and we have to take some notes.Once class ends I pack up my things and wait for Ryan to pack up his.I hear footsteps and notice Angie walking over.What is she doing here? "Hey Ryan."
"Oh hey Angie."
"Umm wanna walk home together?"
No!Say no!I look to Ryan and he looks to me then back to Angie.
"I actually promised (YN) I'd hang out with her after school.Sorry maybe next time."
"Oh okay,next time then.Sorry to bug." She waves bye to Ryan and then looks at me for a second and quickly looks away.I look to Ryan with a blank expression and he just kind of side smiles.We get our backpacks and walk off.When we're off of the school campus I am eager to ask Ryan why he lied.We walked to my house talking and laughing like friends do.Once we were at the front door I looked to Ryan and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Why'd you lie?"
"Earlier today when you told Angie you were hanging out with me.Why'd you lie?"
He looks down and put his hands in his pocket.
"Look I knew you'd be annoyed so I was just taking your feelings into consideration.Sorry if it seemed rude."
He lied for me?How sweet of him and he knew I wasn't fond about Angie especially the two of them together but I really have no reason to be. "Thank you for that.It kind of means a lot."
"No problem.Well I guess I should go."
"Well maybe we could make that lie true..."
"Uhh?Are you asking me to hang out?"
"Haha I kind of liked the way you put that.Nice,alright I'll stay I'll just tell my mom." He called his mom and then we both walked into my house right after.We placed our backpacks on the floor and then we took a seat on the sofa. "So what do you wanna do?"
"I don't know haha I just thought it'd be fun to have you over."
"Aww you can't live without me can you." I instantly blush and look down. "Haha I'm kidding.Maybe we could play would you rather."
"You're kidding me?"
"So we just ask each other random things and you have to choose which one you'd rather do.Here I'll start,would you rather eat worms or go swimming with hungry great whites?"
"But you have to pick one,that's the point of the game haha!"
"I wouldn't do either though!"
"You're not going to do it just say which you'd rather do haha."
"So worms or sharks?"
"Worms!I'm not swimming with those predators."
"Ohh predators, such a big word!"
"Haha shut up!"
"Okay now you ask me!"
"Umm would you rather drink spoiled milk or run into a pole?"
"That's lame!Ask something more spontaneous!By the way I'd pick the pole,rather have my face get minor damage than have my stomach suffer from major damage!"
"Haha fine!Umm would you rather jump off a building or wrestle a crocodile?"
"Hmmm?How high is the building?"
"Haha very high!"
"I'd rather be killed by myself than some creature with sharp teeth that could rip me to shreds!"
"Haha okay nice choice."
"Thank you...now my turn!"
"Would you rather ride a bike to school and get hit by a car or walk and get kidnapped never to be heard from again?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"An imaginative one!"
"Umm I guess I'd rather get hit by a car."
"Really?Kidnapped seems like the easier way to go."
"What if they torture me?"
"Good point but I just said kidnapped for eternity not like being raped or something."
"Oh god Ryan that's such a horrible thought!"
"You're right,we should change the topic!"
"My turn!Would you rather get picked on for the rest of your life or get lost in the jungle filled with deadly animals and poisonous plants?"
"I don't know being picked on seems like a smaller problem and easier to deal with."
"Well it's not!" It grows quiet and he has a look of desperation and anger on his face.I've never seen this look before it kind of scares me especially how he raised his voice.His eyes are cold and his look is serious with wide eyes. "I-I'm sorry.I didn't mean to yell at you."
"No it's not.It wasn't right for me to take out my anger on you."
"What exactly are you mad about?"
"Obviously not if it's bothering you."
"Look I just don't...wanna talk about that right now."
"Thank you...maybe we should do something else."
"Are you sure you don't want to go home?If you're feeling bothered I'd rather allow you time for yourself."
"I'm fine,honest I just got...a little carried away."
"Okay if you say so."
Of course I'm going to put this to the side and try to act like nothing happened but Ryan wasn't fooling me.I could see it in his eyes and by the expression on his face...he wasn't alright and something was indeed bothering him but what?Was it the same thing he mentioned earlier, but even then he still refused to talk about it.I don't want to be rude and provoke him to speak about it because I know it's rude and I don't like the feeling myself but if I wasn't going to know now...I'd have to know eventually and I'd prefer to know sooner rather than later.