When me and my mom arrived home I had such an awful feeling in my stomach.We both came into our house and I was about to head upstairs to work on my homework then my mom called my name.I followed her voice from the kitchen. "What do you want for dinner?"
"Umm anything is fine mom.Whatever we have."
"Oh come on you don't have anything in mind?"
"Not really,hah sorry."
"What about food types?Are you in the mood for a good classic American meal or maybe you want some Italian?"
"How about Mac and Cheese?" She puts her hands on her hips and raises an eyebrow. "I'm kidding haha sorry mom.Hmmm how about some classic homemade burgers?"
"If you want burgers then we might as well go to In N Out."
"But you offered."
"Thanks mom,Love you." I go over to her and hug her from the side then give her a kiss on the cheek.I head upstairs and start on my homework.Once I finish I lay on my bed with my hands under my head.I begin to think about so many things:school,life,family,friends,(YN),and the move to a new place,new school,and new life.
I have to admit above all thing I was mainly thinking about (YN),her and moving here.I'm still not sure if it was for the best.I'm getting along with people fine,except (YN).I wonder what's wrong with her.She looked so scared and upset when I saw her yesterday right before I left.It must be something pretty personal if it makes her cry that much and bring that much anger to her.I've never seen her like that but I mean I did just barely meet her like a week ago.I understand that I don't know her all that well but she could at least be a bit more open,and not just with people but with herself as well.I tried talking to her but she shut me out.Maybe I could try again but what she said still hurts.I began to think of yesterday at her house.We were having a good time until I brought up what I wanted to talk about.I'm such an idiot I ruined everything but it had to be done I mean if I went on with that she probably would've just gone back to ignoring me again leaving me in absolute confusion.
I tried thinking of all the possibilities of what could be bothering her.I know it's something personal,she wouldn't have cried like that if it wasn't.Man I need some advice but who would I ask.I barely know anyone.The one person I could actually see being my friend for the year is (YN),but she hates me now.Or maybe she's just really frustrated and upset about whats eating away at her.I just wish she'd let me help.I offered so many times but she still refused.I swear (YN) is like a treasure filled with wonders and secrets.She just needs the right key to match in order to be opened.Now that I think about it that is actually a perfect analogy.She just needs the right key...maybe if I try hard enough I could be the key.Could I?Can I really get her to be that open,and with me of all people.I barely met her,she has clearly already clarified to me she does not want to share anything but maybe...if I use the right amount of pressure and patience she'll slowly start being unlocked and then she'll reveal herself.I have to know what's eating away at (YN),friend or not its not healthy to let out emotions like that.I begin to think of small ways I can try to help her out step by step but then I hear a voice in my head, "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" It's (YN)'s voice.It stirs me the wrong way.I begin to think maybe she really doesn't want anything to do with me.Such anger and agony in her voice.Her expressions of fear and pain on her face.I suddenly begin to imagine her sobbing on the floor alone.Does she need someone to show her the bright side of life?I begin to go at war in my mind whether or not I should keep trying or just forget everything.Forgetting seems like the easier way to go but what if she really does need help.My promise would then become broken.I promised I'd be there for her.I hear her voice again, "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" I shut my eyes tightly wanting to forget all my thoughts.I begin to hear giggling.I see her eyes.Then her face and her smile.She has such an amazing smile.I love seeing it on her face,maybe because the smile is meant for me?I imagine her happy and smiling on one side of my head and on the other I see her alone face in her knees sobbing.All these thoughts and voices rushing through my mind so fast I can barely grasp them.They begin to make me feel lightheaded.I sit on the floor burying my head into my hands wanting it all to just go away.Suddenly my mom calls my name, "Ryan,come down and help." At that moment all the thoughts have escaped my mind.I feel a great sense of relief.I head down the stairs and help out my mom.
When the burgers were done we cut up tomatoes and lettuce.We put on our toppings and then we sat at the table. "So sweety how was school?"
"It was okay."
"Were people mean to you?"
"No mom,I'm setting a new image for myself don't worry.So far the people I hang out with think I'm pretty cool."
"They just think your cool not hip?"
"Mom hip isn't in.That's from like the 80's."
"Well well mister,your mom was pretty hip back in her day."
"My mom is pretty hip now."
"Aww that's sweet,but you said hip wasn't in?"
"Exactly." I smile and raise both my eyebrows twice.
"Ryan,who knew we had a comedian in the house."
"Haha I don't know the first person I ever made laugh was (YN)."
"Really?She seems so adorably shy?"
"How is she?"
"Umm she's alright.She's kind of going through some hard times right now."
"Well why don't you be a good friend and comfort her?"
"I tried,she just wants to be alone right now.I'm giving her the space she needs.I don't want to overwhelm her." I couldn't tell my mom every single detail knowing her she'd make me go to (YN)'s house right now and make the two of us talk it out in front of her until she was satisfied.
"That's considerate of you,she must be lucky to have such a sweet and understanding friend like you."
I mumble under breath, "Yeah I wish."
"What was that?"
"Oh umm I just said that she sure is."
We eat our meal and we talk. "So do you think your going to take (YN) to any school dances during the year?" My mom bites into her burger and looks at me with anxious eyes.
"I don't know why are you asking?"
"Well she's a pretty girl.More cute but still with some makeup she'd be beautiful.I mean she has a naturally pretty thing going on for her,I'm sure a ton of girls envy her."
"Do you notice that?"
"That she's a pretty girl?"
"Ummm I don't know if I want to answer that."
"Ryan I am your mother come on.Do other guys at least talk about her?"
I think about what I've heard about (YN) from people I've met and there honestly isn't much.I decide to make something up.I guess I should pay more attention next time. "Well some guys say she's cute."
"And do you think she's cute?" My mom begins to grin at me awaiting my reply.
"Umm do we have to talk about this?"
"Ohh look your blushing.You like her."
"I think she's a cool person and I'd like to get to know her better before I come up with conclusions like that."
"Ryan you're no fun."
"I'm sorry it's not what you wanted to hear haha."
"Just answer this okay,do you find her attractive in any way?"
"Just think about her,just imagine her face,the way she smiles and when you see her.Just picture her face in your mind for a moment." I begin to think of (YN),her smile,her eyes,her hair,her soft cheeks.
"Now do you think she's a beauty or not?"
"Beauty definitely." I was still in my zone when I spoke and I didn't realize it until a few seconds after my reply.
"Aww see you think she's a beauty." I look down in embarrassment. "I like her Ryan,get to know her better.Come on work your charm.You're taking her to homecoming."
"Umm I just transferred to the school mom,it's already second semester.Homecoming passed."
"Then the next school dance!"
"I think that's Saidee's mom."
"Take her to that."
"Well there's a problem with that."
"Saidee's is when the girl asks the guy."
"So,your a handsome boy Ryan,just show what you got and work your charm.Then you'll get her."
"Do you really want to see us together that badly?"
"Yes,you two looked cute talking to each other yesterday." If only she knew what we were talking about.
"How about you let me decide how I feel about her first and get to know her better before you go one making up assumptions about us two." Because right now I'm not too sure if she even wants to accept me as a friend.
"Oh fine,Ryan your no fun."
"Thank you mom." I smiled and then we ate up our dinner.
When I finished I got ready for bed and the jumped right onto my bed.I got comfy and then turned on my backside.I rest my hands behind my head.I had no time for thoughts right now so instead I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my alarm.I got up and ready.I went to my mom's room and gave her a kiss on the cheek.I headed out the door and locked it.I began my walk to school.Once I got there I headed towards my 1st period.I waited outside the class until the bell rang.I walked in and took my seat.As people began to walk in I said hi to them and good morning of course.In 2nd period I took my seat next to Derek.Derk is in my 4th period as well.He sits near me with our crowd. "Sup' man."
"Hey hows it going?"
"Oh you know,fine.Ahaha its school man,the real fun happens after school."
"What?You got plans?"
"Yeah,gonna head to Jordan's house and freeload."
"Are you guys gonna do anything else?"
"Probably just chill and hang out.You know just a guys thing."
"Hey man you wanna come?"
"Okay after school just meet at the front of the school and then we'll walk to Jordan's from there."
"Alright,thanks man." 2nd period soon ends and the day goes on.
In 4th I walk into class and take my seat.Everybody else walks in and they say hi to me.At lunch I leave with the guys and we head to the tables.It's chill and we all just talk and whatnot.The bell rings and I head to my 5th period.Once the bell rings I pack up and head to 6th period.I take my seat and pull out my supplies.I notice (YN) walk in but I ignore her.She takes her seat next to mine and I take a deep breath then let it out.In psychology our teacher began talking about the brain and how it stores memories.Then she went off about how sometimes people's memories are so terrible it gives them nightmares and sometimes they eventually go mad.I hear a soft sound to my left and I look at (YN).She didn't look at me but her posture made me believe that she was uncomfortable.Probably can't stand sitting next to me.
Once the bell rang I packed my things and head out the door.I went to the front of the school and I told my mom I was invited to hang out with some friends.She let me go and then she drove off.I noticed Derek with a group of guys. "Aye yo Ryan."
"We were waiting for you."
"Sorry had some stuff to take care of."
"Don't worry about it we're still waiting on Jordan.I swear he lags." We waited for a bit just talking and then Jordan came.We all greeted him and made small talk then we left to his house.As we were walking I noticed this was the way to (YN)'s house,up ahead there was someone walking.I was pretty sure it was a girl,it had to be a student from school.We continued walking and then I noticed the person ahead turned left.I watched them as they entered their house.The house was (YN)'s,that must've been (YN) then.
As we walked down the street a bit more we then turned right.I looked back at (YN)'s house.It wasn't very far from Jordan's.We head inside and then Jordan offers us some tea.We drink up and then we all sit down and start talking.I noticed Jordan head into the kitchen and then he came back out with sandwiches.We ate up and then we turned on the TV.We looked for some movies to watch and then Derek put on The Watch. "This movie is so fricken' hilarious!" Everyone agreed and then we just watched and laughed. Eventually the guys started talking about sports and classes.Then the subject came around to girls.A bunch of names were mentioned that I was unfamiliar with but then I noticed (YN) was mentioned.I began to pay more attention.
"Alright guys honest what do all of you think about (YN)?" All the guys begin to respond saying things like she's quiet but cute. "What about you Derek?",one of the guys said.
Derek smiles a bit and then he begins, "(YN)...is definitely a cutie.I would honestly ask her out but she' so quiet and she never talks to anyone.Why even bother if she's not willing right?" All the guys begin to nod their heads and start saying things about how quiet she is.Derek then turned his attention towards me. "What about you Ryan?"
"What about me?"
"You're new here,what was your first impression on (YN)?"
"Ummm I don't know."
"Come on man we're not gonna tell anybody.It's just us guys I mean all of us pretty much think she's worth dating.What was your first impression on her when you met her?Appearance wise."
"Umm well in 4th period I looked around trying to remember the faces.In 6th period I noticed she was from my 4th.I ended up taking a seat next her."
"And?Dude what did you think when you saw her face?" I begin to remember the first time I made her smile.
"Well,I tried being friendly at first,but-"
"Then she shut you out and ignored you?"
"No she actually made real small talk with me and then she smiled at me.And I don't know...I liked it." It grew pretty quiet I looked around the room and all the guys looked like they were in shock. "What's wrong?"
"Dude you actually spoke to (YN)?"
"(YN)...(Your full name)"
"I don't see why this is so surprising?"
"Dude you're new here so we'll fill you in." I looked at them confused and they begin to talk.
They start saying things about how (YN) is extremely unsocial and that if anybody tries talking to her she just ignores them and walks away.They begin saying things like maybe she's stuck up or a snob but I don't think so. "She's not any of those things,she's really sweet and adorably shy."
"Look Ryan in 8th grade when (YN) moved to the area she was the typical new girl.Everybody wanted to get to know her and show her around.Of course when people offered to show her around the school she would refuse.As the year went on she spent time alone and she was declared as the school loner.In high school she completely isolated herself from people and now she just sits by some tree by herself at lunch.I guess that's her spot."
"Was she ever bullied?"
"No,no one ever bothered her,it was honestly kind of like she was invisible but she didn't seem to mind in fact I think its what she prefers." I begin to think,no one can just seclude themselves from society for no reason.And this was happening back then too.What was the problem here.I wanted to know what was bothering her?Why wouldn't she open herself to people? "So Ryan...how exactly did you make her smile?"
"I just made a small joke I guess.And she smiled,I didn't know she wasn't good around people I was just being friendly and since she kind of returned the same kind of attitude I figured she'd want to be friends."
"Interesting...she never smiles.She always has a blank expression on her face even when there's a funny joke in class.She just doesn't go well with society."
"Nobody knows,she never talked to anyone and she was new to the school and neighborhood so we never got anything from her.Most people just say she's stuck up but others just think she might be really shy."
"What do you think Ryan?"
"I think...that somethings bothering her,and it has to be something from the past if she's been like this since back then."
"What do you think it is?"
"I don't know."
"Well,then good luck with (YN) I guess,lets see what happens." It becomes quiet and then some of the guys start talking about random things.I started talking some more but the thought of (YN),just kept eating away at me.I tried to ignore it but it was still there.
Once it got late everyone began leaving.They were walking home so I figured I might as well do the same.I passed by (YN)'s house and I looked for a second then looked back.After some time walking I got home and opened the door. "Well how were your after school plans?"
"Alright I guess."
"Alright?Well what did you two do?"
"What do you mean us two?"
"You said you were invited to hang out at your friend's house."
"So how were you two?"
"Who's us two?"
"You and (YN)?" I begin to chuckle, "What is it?"
"Mom I went to my friend Jordan's house and a bunch of guys were there."
"Oh,well then what did you guys do?"
"We just hung out and talked.Watched some TV and Jordan made us sandwiches."
"That's nice.Talk about anything interesting?"
"Just school,sports,and girls for a bit."
"Girls?Any in particular?"
"Umm a lot of the names mentioned were people I didn't know."
"They didn't mention a single person you knew?"
"Well they brought up (YN)..."
"And how did that go?"
"They just said she was really cute and they'd all consider dating her."
"See I told you she's a good one you better work your charm faster than a cheetah because then she'll be taken like that."
"I seriously doubt that."
"Well its just...(YN),has never talked to any of those guys so I don't think she'd be interested."
"She's talked to you."
"Yeah and whats your point?"
"Ryan,most parents don't want their kids to be in a relationship.Be grateful I'm 100% supportive of you in a relationship and 110% supportive if it's with (YN)." I smile at her and role my eyes playfully.
"Mom I really don't think (YN),wants to be in any kind of relationship right now."
"Then make her change her mind." I kiss her on the cheek and then head upstairs.I finish up my homework and get ready for bed.Just then my mom calls me down.
"What is it?"
"Oh I almost forgot to tell you.We got invited to have dinner tomorrow so don't make any plans."
"Oh just some lady I met in the market today I told her I was new here and she invited me over for a nice welcome to the neighborhood dinner."
"Sounds nice. "
"I told her I had a son and he just transferred schools and she said she had a daughter the same age.She goes to your school too!Maybe you guys might take a liking to each other." I rolled my eyes again playfully and head upstairs.I hopped into bed and went to sleep.
The next morning I got up and ready for school.I ate some quick breakfast then left the house.Classes were same old same old.The day went by quickly.By the time I got to 6th I was surprised at how fast the day went by.I took my seat and everybody else walked in taking their seats.Mrs.Jacobs told the class we'd be doing a partner activity for the remainder of the period.I figured we'd get to pick our partners but I was wrong.She said our partners were the people seated next to you.I looked to my left and right unsure of who was my partner.Mrs.Jacobs paired everybody up and of course the chances of me ending up with (YN) were pretty high so I wasn't surprised when I got her as my partner and I didn't mind but I wasn't sure if she did.She instructed us to face our desks towards each other.We all moved our desks around and then I took my seat right in front of (YN).I began thinking of everything the guys were talking about yesterday.I stared at her an then our eyes locked on each others she must've felt uneasy because she quickly looked down and I decided do the same.