When morning approached I did the same old routine.On my way to school I felt tired,I didn't know why but I just did.I walked in the hallways and was heading to class.I saw Derek standing outside of my class but he didn't notice me.I immediately turned around and changed my course of direction not wanting him to spot me.As I walked down the hallway I was surprised to see Ryan,but he wasn't alone;Angie was with him.I watched them both and they were simply smiling and talking.What was he doing with her?Do they have first period together?I hid in a corner of the hallway not wanting them to see me watching them.They talked a bit longer then I noticed them positioning themselves differently,the two of them pulled each other into a hug and I saw Angie's bright smile light up as her face rest on his shoulder.I bite my bottom lip and I instantly felt like charging over there and pulling them apart.I can't believe what this is doing to me?I'm jealous but this is horrible!It's much more intense than I'd imagined it'd be and now it's leading me to dislike Angie,some girl I don't even know.I watched them say goodbye and Angie walked into class while Ryan walked off,he was heading in my direction so I instantly turned hoping he didn't notice I was there.He walked on pass me and I watched him as he left down the hall then turning left.I realized I should head to class now even if it meant another unwanted encounter with Derek.
I rushed to class not wanting to be late,I was glad that I didn't run into Derek;he probably gave up and left.In class I couldn't stop thinking about Ryan and Angie,they hugged and he had walked her to class.Were they dating now or was Ryan using Angie as some little replacement since I'm no longer in his life,not really anyways.That's a pretty sick thought and I was probably a horrible person for thinking that but I did hurt him pretty bad from what I hear,maybe he missed having a friend like me in his life and Angie was the closest thing to what he wanted.I immediately think what a narcissistic thought.
The day went on and I soon got to 4th period.I watched Ryan as he walked in only seeing the image of him hugging Angie earlier today.I noticed Derek walking in but payed no attention to him.I looked at Ryan a bit more then looked down to my desk.Mr.Johnson gave us a lecture and we took notes.When he finished with the lecture he told the class we should have already decided on our book for our project.He instructed what he expected in our presentation.He said that we could do what we wanted but nothing boring like a 10 minute power point.If we were to have a power point it would have to be interesting or else it'd drop our presentation grade.He said we should include theme,plot,purpose,and a brief summary of the story.He also wanted us to include a mini biography on the author;he insisted that we use important quotes from the book and when presenting to point out important scenes.We could also add extra information if we wanted such as examples of rhetorical devices used and anything else we would find important or worth sharing.I heard the bell ring and I began to pack my things.I heard my name being called and saw that it was Joanne.
"Can we meet up at your house again today?"
"Uh,sure I guess.What are we gonna do?"
"We could just discuss the book and go over important things in it.If we want we could also discuss our presentation,I don't think we should do a power point though it's too risky."
"Oh right that's what I was thinking."
"So today after school?"
"Yeah it's fine."
"Okay we'll meet at the front of the school again."
"Could you tell Ryan?"
"Okay,I'll tell Derek.So it's settled then,your house after school." I smiled and she did too then walked off.I packed up and went out to my tree.I ended up finishing the homework I had been assigned so far which was good because we had a group meeting today and that would interfere with my homework time.The bell soon rang and I head off to 5th period.That class flew by and I head off to 6th.I saw Ryan sitting in his desk as I walked in and I suddenly remembered I had to tell him about the meeting.I took my seat and tried to work up the urge to speak to him.All I had to tell him was we had a meeting after school,it wasn't a big deal or anything so why was I struggling with telling him.I finally managed to work up the urge and just as I was about to tell him,the bell rang.You've got to be kidding me.
Mrs.Jacobs said all we would be doing for class today was watch a video.She set it up and I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to tell him but I couldn't bring myself to do it.Are you serious?Not very long ago I was capable of telling him and suddenly the urge just goes away.What kind of damn psychological problem was this?I was so annoyed with myself and I decided to just watch the video.The video was basically about studies of the human brain and life experiences from people along with interviews from psychologists.It was kind of interesting to watch but of course other students in the class were talking and not paying attention.Class was about to end and Mrs.Jacobs began to turn off the video player.There was just a minute of class and I knew I had to speak up now.
"Ryan..." He looked to me.
"Umm Joanne said we have a group meeting today...at my house."
"You sure this isn't just some excuse to hang out with me?" I feel my face burn up,it wasn't an excuse at all but I couldn't help it.I looked down hiding my face. "Haha I'm only kidding."
I looked back up and he gave a friendly smile,it was comforting.I began to pack up my things and so did he.The bell soon rang and I was ready to go then suddenly Angie came over.
"Do you think you could help me with my homework?I have tons and I'm just confused."
Can you please do us all a favor and go away.
"Uh,I'm busy today.Sorry,maybe next time."
"What are you doing?"
"I have a group project thing."
"Oh with who?"
"Derek,Joanne,and (YN)." He gestured to me when saying my name.
"Oh,well hope you have fun.I'll see you around."
I looked up at Ryan and I guess I looked annoyed,I was but I didn't think I was showing it.
The two of us went off and head to the front of the school.I saw Joanne already waiting and now we had to wait for Derek.He came soon and then we walked off.I made some small talk with Joanne while Derek and Ryan had their own conversation.Once we arrived I opened the door and let everyone in.We placed our backpacks on the floor and everyone took a seat getting comfortable.
"So how are we going to present?",asked Derek.
"Well I think we could throw some ideas around and decide that way.I mean we still have time so we can change our presentation idea later but we have to focus on all the details and summary of the story.",said Joanne.
"The story is basically about young British boys who get stranded on an island and separate into two different groups,one that is civilized and the other turns to savagery.Two boys are killed,they are Simon and Piggy,and eventually Ralph is on his own.The boys are then rescued and questioned on their behavior.The end.",said Derek.
"Looks like we have our summary.",said Joanne.
We all began discussing the book and mentioning important scenes that occurred throughout the story.We agreed that I could make the small biography on William Golding,I didn't mind.After some time of discussing Derek began complaining that he was hungry.I offered to make sandwiches but he said he wasn't in the mood for sandwiches,if he was so hungry then he'd be willing to eat anything.
"What do you want?"
"You." He smiled and winked but I just rolled my eyes.
"Again Derek,no one is laughing.",said Joanne.
He looked at her annoyed and then rolled his eyes,she did too.
"Why don't we make hot dogs?",We all looked to Ryan.
"Do you have hot dogs and buns?",he asked me.
"Uhh...yeah,I think so."
"Great I'll make some,you guys can relax.",And with that he head into the kitchen.
This was my house,Ryan shouldn't be making everybody else food,it should be me.I walked into the kitchen and saw him already turning the stove on.He noticed I had followed him. "Hey,"
"What are you doing here?"
"What are you?"
"I'm making hot dogs."
"Well you shouldn't."
"Why not?Do you think I'm gonna poison them or something.",he jokes.
"No,but you're the guest and I should be preparing the food."
"So you finally learned the rules of having guests over then I see."
"I guess you could say that."
"Well I'm glad you learned guest rules and whatnot but really I'm fine.I don't mind making a couple of hot dogs."
"Let me help."
"Because...because,I want to." I smiled and he did too.
He instructed me on what I could do and we got to work.After some time we finished and I got a plate to place them all on.We weren't sure what toppings they liked on their hot dogs so we asked.I made Joanne's while Ryan made Derek's.We each made one more for ourselves and then I took the plate to the table for everyone to eat.Derek of course said the hot dogs were great and I admitted that Ryan had made his.He praised Ryan for making great hotdogs and Ryan just thanked him.We soon all finished and we went back into the living room.I took a seat on my sofa and soon after Derek took a seat beside me.Joanne took a seat on a chair and Ryan remained standing.
"Ryan don't you want to take a seat?",I ask.
"No I'm fine,thanks."
"Well we had a good discussion today so I don't know if you guys want to go over more things like the presentation or the project itself.",said Joanne.
"I think we did good today but if you guys want to discuss more I'm fine with that.",said Derek.
"We have some more time maybe we should go over the presentation.",said Ryan.
"(YN),do you mind having us over a little longer?",asked Joanne.
"N-not at all." I reassured them with a smile but I don't think it was a strong one.
"Alright more time with you,that benefits me.",said Derek and then he placed his arm over me resting his hand on my shoulder.I felt uncomfortable and I remained seated looking in the opposite direction of Derek.I looked up and saw Ryan looking towards me.This is exactly why he thinks we're dating,Derek just doesn't know when to stop.I then remove his hand from my shoulder and push his arm off.I look to him and he looks at me confused but I say nothing not even giving an expression.He began to scoot a bit closer but I didn't want him to so I shoved him off and got up out of my seat.I felt eyes on me and I knew they were Derek's but I ignored it.
We went over our presentation and decided we could each take turns presenting different parts.Derek would present the plot while Joanne would present some rhetorical strategies used and the tone of the book.Ryan was going to present important scenes throughout the book and give examples of symbolism in the book.I was going to present the biography on William Golding.Joanne was also going to present the theme while Derek presented the purpose of of why Gold wrote the story.Ryan and I were going to read aloud important quotes and then explain them.It seemed like our project was going to be great.We were on task and focused.
Soon enough we all thought we made good progress and we called it a day.Joanne was the first to go of course and Derek insisted on staying to help me with homework but I said I had none left.He of course wanting to stay said that it was great I had none because he had more time to spend with me.I reminded him that we were not alone and turned my attention to Ryan. "Are you gonna go home?" Please don't go.
"I'm not sure." Just stay,I don't want to be alone with Derek. "Well I don't know if I should walk home or have my mom pick me up."
"You could wait a little longer...if you're not sure."
"I think I'll just walk." Oh no,I'm gonna be alone with Derek.
"Do you have any homework you might need help on?" He looked at me confused,probably wondering if I was making every excuse I could to make him stay.
"Not really." Oh great,he's gonna leave.
"I think..." Yes?
"I think...I'll stay a little longer." YES! Thank you so much!I would give him a hug right now but it'd be weird and embarrassing.
"So are you guys gonna work on homework because if you are I don't want to bother you."
"I'll do it at home."
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea,having Ryan and Derek in the same room together with me sounds like asking to be punched in the face.Awkward silence filled the room and I wanted to break the ice but couldn't bring myself to do so.Thankfully Derek managed to speak.
"So how do you guys think we're gonna do on our project?"
Ryan replied first,"I think we'll do good."
"Yeah we're pretty on top of everything.",I said.
It grew quiet again and Derek decided to leave.Ryan and I were alone again but things were still pretty quiet.
"So you seem pretty uncomfortable."
"Excuse me?",I said.
"The project...when Derek tries to talk to you,you seem uneasy.You look bothered."
"Because he's a jerk and he gets on my nerves,and...he doesn't know when to stop.It's like he can't take a hint."
"Funny,you didn't seem to think all of that when you let him shove his tongue down your throat."
"You're still with that?"
"It doesn't matter,look I only stayed because you seemed like you didn't want to be alone with Derek."
He thought of me?I guess it was pretty evident that I wanted Derek out then,but I couldn't believe Ryan was willing to stay with me just because he was considering my feelings.
"Th-,thank you for that."
"Yeah sure,anytime I guess."
"Are you gonna leave now?"
"Do you want me to?"
I looked up to him and my eyes met his.
"Well,I don't want you to have to waste your time here...when you have better things to do."
"Okay...I'll leave then.I'll see you around."
And with that he got up and left out the door.Ryan is a nice person,he took me into consideration and that was a nice thought to have in mind but it only made me feel like a bad person.He thought about how I felt and yet I didn't think about how he would've felt when I kissed Derek.I guess I really don't deserve an apology and Ryan doesn't deserve having a friend like me.Even when we were friends I only seemed to bring complications into his life with my bipolar behavior;even when he seemed pretty open with me I was never truly open with him.He told me about his dad and I could've done the same thing but I didn't.I'm just too selfish of a person that I don't want to have to share that memory with anyone but myself.