Why did we have to be paired together.I am in no position to talk to him or to even look at him.Well at least the day is almost over and its Friday so I'll be fine for the weekend.Mrs.Jacobs then began announcing to the class what the activity was exactly.She said we'd be therapists and patients we'd each take turns.We were to ask minor questions then lead them up to more serious questions.Jot everything down on a separate sheet of paper and at the end we'd have to analyze everything we jot down and over think everything.Then come to a conclusion of what your partners problem can possibly be.Mrs.Jacobs started walking around with a tub of papers.The papers were slips of what we were to be portraying.I was a a lady in her mid 30's who had an abortion as a teenager and and now I can't have kids.I am haunted by this for the rest of my life apparently.I see Ryan draw his slip and he chuckles softly.I look down at my slip and then Mrs.Jacobs walked to the front of the class and announced to begin.It was quiet at first then Ryan tried to ease the tension, "So this activity seems pretty fun huh?"
"I guess..." It grew quiet again.I noticed Mr.s Jacobs staring at us and I didn't want a bad grade so I decided to cooperate. "So do you want to be the patient or should I?"
"It doesn't matter to me."
"Umm I'll go first then.Go ahead and ask me questions." He looked at me studying my face and I just looked at him awaiting for him to start.He began to lean back and gently touch is face as if he had a mustache.
"So Ms.(Your last name),how are you today?" He smiles but I don't return one.
"You're certainly going to be a lot of work.",he jokes. "Now do you have anything in particular you'd like to discuss."
"Not really..." Stop making this so difficult,just do the activity and ignore him later.
"Okay...ummm so are there any thoughts in your head that maybe make you feel negative about yourself or upset?"
"I have this memory...from something I did along time ago.It still haunts me to this day.The decision I made effected me more than I thought it would."
"You had an abortion!" I study his face and his eyes are big with a bit of excitement. "Am I right?"
I smile weakly, "Yeah,your right."
"I am a genius!Man I should be a therapist haha I'll make bank." I look down and hide the smile that comes across my face.
I look back up then Ryan suggests he should be the patient now. "Ready when your ready."
"Right...so uhh how are you today?"
"I don't want to be here..." I look at him raising an eyebrow. "It's for the character,haha I'm sorry just playing the part." I laugh softly and look back up,Ryan is smiling at me I feel uneasy. "(YN)..."
My eyes lock on his,his eyes are hazel with a mix of light blue.I never noticed before,they're so different...so beautiful.Ryan then breaks the lock by looking down.I shake my head gently trying to regain focus. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be." He smiles slightly. "I think...we should get back to work."
"Right." I write a few things down and begin to ask questions.I wasn't sure what Ryan's case was.It was so difficult.I had asked so many different questions left and right but I couldn't figure it out.There was five minutes of class left.
"Do you give up?"
"Yes.I am done,I can't figure it out."
"I am a psychopathic murderer who just killed my brother out of agony and resentment."
"That's a really interesting case."
"Haha I guess so." I write final notes down and Ryan does as well.We turn our papers in and the class puts back their desks.
I begin to put my things away and drop my notebook.I sigh and bend down to pick it up.Some papers scattered around on the floor.I begin to reach for a paper when my hand meets another.I look up and see Ryan.I look into his eyes again.He smiles and I look down. "Why are you always picking up my things?"
"Why are you always dropping your things haha." I smile and laugh weakly.
"I don't know...but this stuff always happens in movies."
"That's true.It's kind of funny that this does always happen though."
"So have any weekend plans?"
"Umm no...just stay home."
"Well that sounds exciting." I ignore the tiny hint of sarcasm.
"What about you?"
"Umm not really anything."
"Oh," We picked up all the papers and I put them together back in the notebook.I put it away and then the bell rang.Everybody rushed out of the classroom I tried to squeeze through the crowd but I got shoved and then I fell.
"(YN) are you alright?" I look to see Ryan standing in front of me.
"Yeah I just fell,it's no big deal." He lends out his hand to me and I look at it then back to him.I take it and he pulls me up.
"Looks like your pretty clumsy huh?"
"I got shoved!"
"Haha I'm only teasing (YN).You're too cute."
"Ohh...right I uhh....I'm sor-"
"Why are you always apologizing when you don't need to."
"I don't know.Sorry."
"See there you go again.Just stop okay haha." I bite the inside of my cheek softly.
"Well why are you always calling me cute?" He looks down and approaches me closer.He looks down at me and is about a few inches away from my face. "Because you are." I stare into his eyes again.Those gorgeous eyes. "Well ummm I guess I'll see you Monday." He leaves without another word and I watch him walk away.I look down and stop thinking about everything that just happened.It was only for a class activity it doesn't matter.
I begin to head home.When I open the door I am surprised to see my mother home. "Mom what are you doing here?"
"Oh sweety I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you,I got out early today."
"Oh that's cool."
"Also (YN) we're having company over so would you be a dear and show the best hospitality?"
"Ummm yeah of course."
"Also umm treat your guest nicely and be a good host."
"Umm sure thing mom."
"Now I want you to clean up anything you find a bit dirty and tidy up your room a bit more."
"Okay." I head to my room and tidy things up a bit then I begin to clean everything else in the house that seems even the least bit of dirty.I finish up and go to the kitchen where I find my mom. "So is this a big deal?"
"Well it's more of a social matter.Just trying to be polite is all." I see a bright smile on her face.This seems like its a big deal for her. "Sweety can you go change into something nice?"
"Yeah, sure." I go to my room and change into some nice clothes.I'm not sure if I should be dressed in formal clothing or just something that looks especially nice.
"(YN) can you take out whats in the oven when you hear the ding?"
"Thanks sweety.I'll just take a quick shower and get ready." Dammit, I should've taken a shower.I wait in the kitchen bored for the sound to ding.After a bit longer of waiting it dings.I put on oven mitts and open the oven.I carefully take out the tray and place it down.It was lasagna and it smelled great.
My mom got out of the shower and quickly got ready.She began to blow dry her hair.I saw her step out.She was dressed in a nice dress and heels.She accessorized with jewelry I was unaware she had.She looked stunning in my opinion. "How do I look?"
"You look amazing mom."
"You don't think it's too much?"
"Oh no you look great."
"Thank you sweety." I smile and she smiles back.It's around 7 PM and then there's a knock at the door. "Oh they're here.(YN) Could you get the dishes and set the table?"
"Of course mom."
My mom heads to the door and I head into the kitchen.I set the table with plates and utensils.I go get the cups and set three down.As I'm about to set the last cup down my mom calls me,"Sweety would you come in here please?" I walk into the living room and then the cup drops out of my hand.It shatters all over the floor. "(YN)?"
"I'm sorry,I was just ummm....I'm sorry." I was absolutely shocked when I saw that it was Ryan and his mother.I head to the kitchen then get the broom and dustpan.I head back into the living room and begin to sweep up the mess.
"(YN) this is Michelle and her son-"
"You know each other?"
"Uhh yeah,we go to school together."
"(YN),it's great to see you again sweetheart!" Michelle rushes to me and pulls me into a hug.I hug her back.
"So you know these two?"
"Yeah umm Ryan and I met on his first day and Michelle drove me home."
"Well that's great!You're all comfortable with each other then.Well since we all know each other I guess we don't do introductions.Lets eat." My mom and Michelle head into the dining room while me and Ryan stand there in silence.
"So I see you're still clumsy and apologizing." He grins at me.I then playfully role my eyes. "Oh miss attitude are we?"
"Haha oh please." He chuckles and looks at me.
I look at him and he is dressed very nicely.He looks sharp in his outfit.I look at him up and down. "You done checking me out?" I look at him and feel my face burn.I look down but he gently lifts my head with his hand stroking my cheek.I look into his eyes again. "I'm teasing." I smile and he does too. "By the way you look especially pretty."
"Are you saying that I don't usually look pretty?"
"No,you just look prettier than usual."
"Are you saying I always look pretty?" He smiles and goes up to me then whispers in my ear, "In my eyes...always." He pulls himself back and walks into the dining room.I begin to touch my cheek where he gently stroked it with his hand.I shake my head and go into the dining room.
My mother serves us each one piece of lasagna and I serve some tea.I go to Ryan, "Would you like some tea?"
He smiles, "Now you offer me something to drink." I smile and giggle quietly.I hand him his cup and take my seat.
We all eat and our parents are doing most of the talking.Ryan and I get pulled into the discussion every now and then but its a pretty calm dinner. "So I was talking to Ryan about the school dances and I asked him if he'd go to the next one."
"Are you going Ryan?"
Ryan replies with, "Umm I don't know.I think the next dance is Saidee's."
"Actually the next dance is the buddy dinner.", I interrupt.Everyone began to look at me.
"It's the Buddy Dinner then Saidee's."
"What's the buddy dinner?"
"Its a dance not so much for couples but more for like your friends.Like if your friend zoned or just going with a group of friends."
"Have you ever been to it?"
"No,dances aren't really my thing."
"You and (YN) would be perfect for that." I notice Ryan staring at his mom.
"I'm just saying you two are friends and it's a dance for friends so why not.(YN),sweetheart dances are a great experience."
"I don't know I just feel like I should just focus on school."
"That's exactly why school's have dances,a break from studying and school.Think of it as a present from the school to you.It's like saying thank you for all the hard work you've done here's a night to relax and have fun."
"Sounds like fun sweety what do you think?", my mom adds.
"I don't know...maybe." I take a piece of my lasagna and eat it.
Once everyone has finished dinner I wash the dishes and set them to dry.I head into the living room and see Ryan,Michelle,and my mom sitting.Michelle and my mom were talking while Ryan just sat there. "(YN),why don't you give Ryan a tour of the house." Ryan looks at me.
"Okay." He gets up and his mom smiles at him but he just looks down.
"So where do we go first?"
"Ummm whatever you wanna see."
"I'm curious about your room."
"How about we save that for last then."
"Sure thing." I guide Ryan around the house and it's not very big so we get to my room in no time.I open the door and take a seat on my bed.Ryan looks at me and I look the other way.
"So...this is where I sleep."
"Haha I kind of figured once I saw the bed."
"Right I'm sor-"
"Stop that.", Ryan interrupts me.
"You're always apologizing for nothing."
"(YN) seriously stop!Hahaha!"
"Okay I'm sor-,I mean...I'll stop."
"I must get annoying apologizing all the time."
"Not really...it just bothers me that you're apologizing for absolutely nothing."
"Could you ever think of anything I apologized for that deserved it."
"Well I could of things you've done worth apologizing for but you never did." He looks down.
"(YN),I really don't want to talk about this right now.You might have another breakdown and our parents are down there.I don't want to deal with that."
I take a moment to pause then manage to let out the two words he didn't want me to say, but needed to hear. "I'm sorry..."
"No I have to."
"What are you talking about?" I closed my eyes and opened them looking at Ryan's face.
"I'm sorry for confusing you.I'm sorry for yelling at you,I'm sorry for shutting you out.I'm sorry for all the harsh things I said.I'm sorry for being so stubborn.I'm sorry I told you to leave the way I did.I'm sorry for upsetting you with the things I did.I'm just so... very sorry.Can you forgive me?"
"I can but I don't know if that's what you want..."
"What do you mean?"
"It's just...sometimes you're really bipolar.I mean you're all happy and fine with me then the next thing I know your acting like you hate me and you want me to leave you alone.And it's frustrating.I really don't know if it's your way of calling for help or if you really just don't want anything to do with me."
"It's not that I don't want you it's just..."
"See,and then this...every time I try to help you or find out what's wrong you just say you can't or you won't.You don't understand how all of this makes me feel (YN)."
"I know you're sorry but I want to help you.Only,I can't help you unless you help yourself first.You just have to open yourself (YN),it can't be that hard."
"You don't understand the pain that comes with me opening myself."
"I get that but maybe it'll be easier if you have someone there to help you.I already promised you I'd be right here.But if you really don't want my help then I'll leave you alone." I look at Ryan's face and it has a look of such desperation.He clearly wants an answer from me but what do I say?Do I want him to leave and walk out of my life for good or do I want him here with me every step of the way.I enjoy his company but what do I do?What if it's too much?
"Ryan...I don't want your help..." He looks down.
"But I don't want you to go." He looks up at me and I stare into his eyes.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm willing to be f-f-f..."
"Yeah...I'm willing to be friends, if you just stop trying to find out what's wrong with me."
"Are you sure you don't want any help?"
"I'm fine...can we please at least just try to be friends?"
"Only if you promise not to act so bipolar and awkward around me.Kapeesh?"
I smile and say, "Kapeesh."
He holds out his pinky and I stare at it. "Haven't you ever done a pinky promise before?" I shake my head responding no. "Well give me your hand." He takes my hand and tells me to make my hand into a fist except for my pinky. "So you hold out your pinky and then hold onto each others." He took my pinky with his and smiled. "See a pinky promise.I pinky promise to always be there for you no matter what and to not bother you about your personal problems."
"I pinky promise to be your friend and to not be awkward or bipolar around you," We both smiled and then we let go.
We sat in silence for moment and at that moment so many thoughts rushed into my head.I just accepted Ryan as my friend and I just promised I would be his friend and not shut him out anymore.I don't know why I did this?Maybe it was an all in the moment thing but now I feel absolutely at war with myself.One side of me tells me I'm such an idiot.A fool for allowing this to happen and the other tells me things are fine.It's just a friend and he seems like a nice person.I don't mind too much,besides I enjoy his company and he doesn't seem to cause any problems,only when he wants to try and figure out what's wrong with me but he also promised to no longer bother me about that.Who knows maybe this friendship worked out for the best.
Ryan and I hang out for awhile and just do some small talk.It begins to get pretty late and he has to go home.We all say our final goodbyes and Michelle gives my mother and I a hug.When Ryan says goodbye he goes to my mom. "This was a great meal,Mrs.(Your last name)."
"Oh you're just a big sweetheart.Thank you but please call me (Your mom's name)."
"This was a wonderful dinner,thank you for having my mom and I here.You're the first people to invite us over.It means a lot.Thank you."
"Oh,the pleasure was mine really.Honestly I insist please come again soon."
"Me and my mom will be looking forward to it." He smiles at my mom and she gives him a hug.
"Michelle you have such a wonderful boy."
"Oh but (YN) is a lovely young lady herself." I smile.
"Thank you Michelle,it was a pleasure having both of you over this evening." I look at Ryan and he smiles at me,since we're friends now I smile back with no restrains.
They begin to take a step out the door, "(YN),sweety would you mind walking them out?"
"Of course not." I begin to follow them out the door.Michelle gets in her car and Ryan waited in my front yard.He gestured to his mother with his hand as maybe saying to wait for a bit.
"So friends now huh?"
"Friends." I smile and he gives a friendly smile as well.
"So when I see you Monday...no awkward (YN) trying to avoid me."
I giggle and smile, "It's a promise right?"
"Yeah...well umm thank you for having us over.And thank your mom again for me too."
"I will." He smiles one last time and walks over to the car getting into the passenger's seat.The window begins to lower and I see Ryan's hand sticking out waving goodbye.I wave bye back and enter the house.