Yesterday I realized that I like Ryan and now I'm having my mom drive me over to his house so I can tell him how I feel.At the moment I'm just so nervous and anxious,unsure of what to say.Do I just say 'Hey Ryan I like you' or should I try to say it in a kinder way.Do I make it dramatic?Nah this isn't some corny romance movie,if I did that I'm sure I'd regret it.God how did Ryan manage to tell me he liked me it's so god damn nerve wrecking!I swear I could just punch something right now!I'll do anything to relieve all the stress on me right now!
I feel the car slowing down and my head immediately shoots up.I look outside my window and see Ryan's house right in front of me.My anxiety increases as I stare at it. "(YN),let's go." I look to my mom and she gives me a look of surprise. "Are you okay?" I nod but I can tell she doesn't buy it. "What exactly did you want to come over for (YN)?" I didn't tell my mom why I wanted to see Ryan,I only asked her to drive me there.I really don't want to tell her that I'm about to tell Ryan that I like him.
"I just need to talk to him about some school stuff."
She looks at me unconvinced but she just says, "Alright,well lets go then."
The two of us step out of the car and my mom leads the way to the front of their house.Each step weighs down the anxiety on my shoulders and I feel like something has to lift me up so I can go through with this.My mom and I stand at the front of the door and my mom rings the doorbell,the sound of it brings tiny goosebumps running all over my arms.I hold my arms with one another and hope the goosebumps go away.I hear some footsteps at the other end of the door and I feel myself stiffen up.The door opens and Michelle stands right there before my eyes with a smile on her face.
"Oh hi you two,come on in!" My mom steps in first and thanks Michelle for welcoming us in.I follow after her and the three of us stand in the living room.My mom and Michelle make some small talk while I just stand in silence.I look to the stairs and wonder if I should just head up to Ryan's room,he's most likely in there. "What brings you two here?" I over hear Michelle ask my mom.
"Well (YN) asked me to bring her over here.She said she wanted to talk to Ryan about something related with school."
"Is that true sweetheart?Was Ryan expecting you?"
Crap now their attention is on me. "Oh well umm he wasn't expecting me I just sort of realized I had to talk to him about something last night and I figured I should just talk to him today."
"Well I hate to ruin your plans but Ryan isn't here right now."
"No,he said he had some business to attend to and he left,not too long ago either."
"Do you know when he'll be back?"
"He didn't say,I'm sorry hun."
"Do you know where he went?"
"Umm I think he's at the park.I honestly thought he was going to see you but I guess not."
"Oh do you mind if I umm go to the park with him?"
I look at Michelle then to my mom awaiting an answer from both of them.
"Do what you want sweety,I trust you with my son so I don't mind."
I look to my mom and then she says, "I suppose if it's that important then by all means go ahead.Just make sure you come back here after so we can go back home."
"And sweety make sure you come back with Ryan please?"
"Okay,no problem.Thank you."
I step out of the house and sigh.Well this sucks,I'm a bit relieved that I didn't end up telling him so soon and now I have a bit more time to calm down about it but I'm a bit annoyed that he isn't here.Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn't tell him or that it isn't a good idea.Although,it really doesn't matter how much of a bad idea it is I still have to do it.I need to tell him my feelings.He did tell me to take my time and now that I have and realized that I like him,it has to be said and directly to his face,he deserves that from me.
I walk to the park with the best of my ability to remember how to get there.The walk gives me some time to think and I manage to relieve the stress a little.I guess I can try and figure out what to say.How's about, 'Ryan I realized that I like you too' or maybe instead I could say, 'My feelings match yours',no,screw the second one!That's way too corny!God I'm so new to all of this it just makes it even harder on myself.Ryan is a good looking guy so I'm sure he's had lots of girlfriends or at least some better experience than me.Lets face it,even if he just hugged a girl or held hands with a girl that's still more experience than me.I guess I have some experience now from Derek and Ryan but it's not anything official that has to do with dating or being in a relationship.Well I can't let any of that bother me.I have to make sure I'm head strong so I can confess to him.
Soon enough I arrive at the park and I look around to see if I can find Ryan anywhere.He's nowhere in sight so I decide to walk around a little and see if I can spot him anywhere.As I'm walking I begin to feel more certain of what to say.The nerves are calming down and I feel pretty at ease with the situation.I'm just gonna go up to Ryan and tell him how I feel then wait to hear what he has to say.I'm sure everything will turn out fine.Besides,I don't have to worry about him liking me back because I already know he does.
I feel pretty confident right now and I'm kind of glad he turned out to be at the park.It gave me more time to relax and think of how to handle this situation best.I continue to walk and look around.It seems like he's not even here I guess I should just head back and explain that I couldn't find him.Who knows maybe he left already before I even got here or something.Just when I'm about to go back and leave I see a figure not far ahead.I look closely and it's the figure of a guy.Is that him?I look closer and I see that it is!It's Ryan!I'm so excited to see him that I begin to run towards him without even thinking.I don't think he notices me he's paying attention to something else but I don't know what.I continue to run and I'm about a few feet away now.I see him leaning in towards something...no,someone.I stop and then I take a few steps closer to him.I see Ryan's arms wrapped around Angie and her's around his neck.
I feel as though I have just witnessed a murder but it's not even close to that.Why would I even compare someone getting killed to two people hugging?They're two completely different situations and yet I feel like seeing someone getting murdered would hurt a lot less than this.I remain standing motionless watching them.They've finally let go and I see Angie has noticed me.Ryan sees that Angie is distracted by something and he looks over.His eyes widen at the sight of me and then he says, "(YN),";he takes a step forward but I already feel the tears beginning to form.Not wanting them to see me,I turn and run away.I hear Ryan calling my name behind but I don't bother to stop.I could care less now!I hate Ryan he's just a stupid jerk who played with my feelings!First he becomes my friend then he tells me he likes me and now here he is with Angie wrapped in his arms!I never want to talk to or see him again!I just want him gone and out of my life for good!
I continue running and I can still hear Ryan calling my name behind me.Tears are streaming down my face as I run but I don't let it bother me.I try to run as fast as I can so I can just leave him behind as an unwanted memory in my life.I run faster and harder wanting to make sure I leave him behind.I can still hear him calling my name so he's not far.He's probably just running after me but I'm not slowing down!If I slow down then he'll catch up and I'll have to face him.I'm running with all my might and I feel my foot hit something causing me to trip.I fall to the ground and I lay on the floor.I hear running close by and I know it's him.I'd go back to running now but he's too close and there's no point.I just look down at the ground hoping I don't have to see his face.
"You're fast you know."
I don't say anything,I just say quiet.
"(YN) look at me please,"
"Talk to me (YN)!"
I turn around and look at him.I pick myself up and stare at him with my watery eyes.
"Are you crying?"
I look down not wanting him to see the tears forming in my eyes.He approaches me closer and then he places his hand on me cheek.He lowers his hand down towards my chin then he begins to lift my head so I can look at him but I defy his actions and jerk my head away.
"Why are you being like this?"
That question really set me off.I just caught him with his arms locked around Angie and he has the nerve to ask me that?Is he serious right now?
"Just talk to me."
"Why would I want to talk to a stupid jerk like you!"
"What?!How am I a jerk?!"
"I just caught you with your arms wrapped around Angie!"
"It was a hug!"
"Well you two seemed pretty cozy to me!"
"Why are you being like this?Angie never bothered you this much before!"
"That was before you two hugged right in front of me!"
"We've hugged in front of you before!"
"Not when I'm about to confess my feelings to you!"
It grows silent and he has an expression of shock on his face.I suddenly realize that I just admitted to Ryan that I have feelings for him.I should just take off and run right now.I'm about to turn around but then I hear Ryan say, "(YN),did you just say you were going to confess to me?" I feel my face blush slightly but I don't turn around or say anything. "(YN)?"
I close my eyes and let out a sigh, "Yes,"
"Y-you like me?"
"Yes.I was hoping to tell you some other way but I guess it turned out like this." It grows silent for a moment and I feel like leaving. "I guess I'm a little late,you've got Angie over there waiting.I should go." I take one step but I feel a grasp on my arm. "Ryan I have to-," Before I can finish my sentence he turns me around and cuts me off with a sweet,gentle kiss.I feel him slowly pulling away and I bite my bottom lip.I look up at him and see him smiling.He then leans his forehead against mine and pulls me close to him pressing his body against me.
"What about Angie?", I ask.
"Angie called me to talk.She told me that she liked me and I told her that I was glad she confessed to me."
"Oh,I see." I look down but he lifts my head by my chin forcing me to look up at him.
"I told her that I couldn't return her feelings because I already like somebody else and that I was waiting for her to see if she liked me back."
"You were waiting for me?"
"I told you I would,didn't I?"
"Yes," I then look back down embarrassed.
He lifts my head again and whispers, "You were worth the wait." Right after he says that,he pulls me into a sweet kiss.This time I kiss back and I can feel a smile form across his lips as he's kissing me.The two of us slowly begin to pull away and lean our foreheads against each others.Ryan holds me with his arms wrapped around my waist and I place mine around his neck.Ryan starts swaying the two of us side to side and we both enjoy this moment.
"So does this mean we're together now?"
Ryan smiles and says, "I would say yes but it depends if you want to be in a relationship or not."
"Well if it was just any guy I'd say no...but since it's you I can happily say yes."
"Yes," I smile.
"A-are you sure?I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you into anything."
I then give him a sweet kiss on the lips and pull away with a smile. "Did that answer your question?" I then look down slightly embarrassed,that's something I'd never do and I'd never say something like that.God I just made everything so cheesy! "S-sorry about that."
"Don't be,it made me happy."
"But it was so cheesy!"
"Haha it's okay.Were a couple now.Being cheesy is necessary sometimes."
We spend some time at the park for a bit.We go to the playground and Ryan pushes me on the swings.We even go to a tree and sit under it's shade;Ryan leans against the trunk and I lean back on Ryan's chest with his arms around my waist.I'm just enjoying myself so much that I almost forget that we have to go back to Ryan's house.I tell Ryan we have to head back now so we both get up and begin to leave the park.I feel a grasp of my hand and I look to it only to see that my hand is being held by Ryan's.I look up to him and he is smiling at me.I smile back and we continue our walk with our hands locked onto each others.
We reach Ryan's house and we both walk up to the front door.Ryan takes out his keys with his free hand and unlocks the door.We both step in and close the door behind us.When we both look up we see our moms staring at us with a mixture of surprise and confusion on their faces.Ryan and I look to each other unsure of why they are staring at us with such strange expressions.We both look down to our hands;we've been holding hands this entire time,even when we step foot in Ryan's house.Ryan and I look back up at each other then we both turn to our moms.Michelle begins to approach us a bit but she stops when she's a few feet away from us. "Well what do we have here?",she says.Ryan and I both look down embarrassed and I feel myself blush slightly.
"Mom,(YN) and I are together."
"Well I can see that.Care to share with (Your mom's name)?Maybe see how she feels about this."
Ryan looks to me and then to my mom.
"Ms.(Your last name),"
"I...I really like (YN) and I know allowing your daughter to have a boyfriend isn't something most parents want but I do truly like her and I will try my very best to make sure that she is happy.I promise you that I will take care of her and respect her.I wouldn't do anything to hurt her.I hope you understand and can accept me...as your daughter's boyfriend.If not,I can understand and I'll still be happy being her friend."
My mom is looking at Ryan with her arms crossed and it makes me feel nervous.
"Well for starters,I already told you to call me (Your mom's name)." I notice a slight change in Ryan's expression. "Allowing my daughter to have a boyfriend isn't really something I'm fond of." I see Ryan look down a bit upset.
"However, I am quite fond of you." Ryan looks up awaiting for her to finish. "Please treat my daughter well."
I see Ryan smile and he then takes my mother's hand and shakes it. "I will,I promise." Ryan then holds out his pinky to my mom and she looks at it confused. "I'll pinky promise you." My mom then smiles and holds out her pinky.Ryan takes it and he makes his promise.When he's finished with my mom, Ryan goes over to me with a smile on his face. "I'll promise you too,"
"Ryan you don't have to."
"I want to,so you know that I will never hurt you and try my very best to bring a smile on your face everyday." He holds out his pinky and I stare at it for a moment.I look up to his face and he is smiling down at me.I then hold out my pinky for him to take;when he does he leans his forehead on mine and whispers, "I'll make you happy,I promise." I feel him slowly starting to lean in and I close my eyes.I await for him to plant a sweet kiss on my lips but instead he plants one on my cheek.I hear him whisper softly, "Our moms are in the room." Crap!I completely forgot they were here.I look to Michelle and my mom;they're both smiling at us and I feel myself blush.I look down hiding my face.
"Did you two forget we were in here?Haha." I blush even harder but instead of looking down I bury my face into Ryan's chest. "Aww would you look at that,they're just adorable aren't they."
"I agree Michelle,I'm just glad they have each other."
"Yes,your daughter is a lovely girl.I'm so glad she met my son."
"And I say the same for your son.Such a handsome kind young man."
"I'm not all that great.", Ryan says.
"Let's hear what (YN) has to say." I look up from Ryan's chest and see Michelle looking to me. "What do you think of Ryan hmm?"
"I uhh,he's umm...I think...Ryan is the sweetest guy I've ever met and he's really nice.I like him a lot." I look down embarrassed because my voice was so shaky and nervous when I said it.
"Haha,awww I'm the sweetest guy you've ever met?"
I look up to meet his eyes and I smile, "Yes."
My mom and Michelle both then burst out with an, "Awww!" and I just giggle.
"You're so cute when you giggle." I feel my cheeks burn up and I try hiding it.
I whisper to Ryan, "Not in front of our moms!"
"(YN),hun, are you blushing?"
"N-n-no,what makes you say that."
"Well you're not looking at us for starters." I then turn my head and look up to face them. "Oh look she's all red!" I feel my face burn even more and I feel like I could die of embarrassment any moment now.
"What about you Ryan?What do you think of (YN)?" I then look to Ryan and then he looks to me and smiles.
"She's sweet,adorable,shy, and insanely beautiful.She makes me feel happy and I can be a complete dork around her knowing she won't mind.I like her a lot too."
My mom and Michelle immediately burst into another, "Awwww!" Ryan then pulls me close to him and wraps his arms around my waist.
"I hope you two go to prom together!That's a photo I just can't wait to take!"
"Mom,we won't be seniors until next year."
"Well stay together until then,I can just vision up a picture of you two right now!"
"Mom,you're embarrassing (YN)." He's right,my face feels as though it may be a light shade of pink right now.I feel a bit uncomfortable with them talking about this stuff.
"Oh alright,trying to protect his girlfriend I see." Girlfriend?I know that I am but being referred to as that just comes as a bit of a shock. "Well we can take a hint.You're both free to go up to your room."
"Thanks mom," Ryan then takes my hand and pulls me up the stairs but before we can go up Ryan's mom stops us.
"I trust you both and know you aren't bad kids but just don't do anything you two would be ashamed to tell us,please."
"You have my word mom."
"(Your mom's name),should we let them up there alone?"
"I trust (YN)...and Ryan too."
"All right you're free to go."
Ryan leads me up the stairs and we go into his room.He takes a seat on his bed and I take a seat beside him.I look up at him and he smiles at me.I do the same and he slowly starts leaning in.He closes his eyes and places his lips upon mine.He slowly pulls away and looks at me confused. "What's wrong?"
"I know you (YN),come on tell me.Please?"
"Well your mom said that stuff earlier so I don't know...I guess I feel guilty being up here with you."
"We've been here before."
"But not as a couple."
"I see your point but were not doing anything bad.It's just a kiss.When my mom said that she meant like other stuff.I'm sure she understands us kissing because we're together now but just none of the bad stuff."
"The bad stuff?"
"How bad exactly?"
"Anything that might lead to a teenage pregnancy." My eyes widen at his response and I back up a bit. "Haha I didn't want to talk about it because it'd be weird."
"Yeah,sorry about bringing it up."
"It's fine.And for the record I won't do anything you're not comfortable with okay?If we're ever doing something and you feel uncomfortable just let me know and I'll stop,okay?"
"You make it sound like you're going to try and get in my pants later on."
"Hahaha no I won't I swear!I don't want to do that,at least not until I'm older and married."
I stare and watch him.He is looking down with a smile on his face.He looks like he's thinking about something,probably about being married and older with a family.
"You really are sweet."
"Hahaha not really."
"Yes you are!"
"Haha,sweet enough to kiss?"
"I'll have to think about that." I jokingly make a thinking face and Ryan just laughs at me. "Yes," I give a peck on the cheek and he stares at me.
"What was that?"
"I want a real kiss!"
"Haha fine." I then give him a peck on the lips.He stares at me with a blank expression again.
"I said a real kiss."
"Our lips made contact didn't they?"
"Very funny,you and I both know you're just being a little tease right now."
"Am I?" He smiles at me and scoots closer to me. "What are you doing?"
"Getting what I want." I stayed focused on his eyes but I can sense him getting closer.I gaze into his eyes and I feel like I'm in a trance.My eyes slowly shift down to his lips and the temptation to kiss them builds up inside of me.I bite my lower lip and Ryan notices. "Ready?" I nod my head and close my eyes.I feel him press his lips on my cheek and then he pulls away.I open my eyes to see a smirk on his face. "Not so fun not getting what you want,is it?"
"You jerk!Haha you were messing with me!"
"Hey I call it getting even."
For the time that passed Ryan and I stayed in his room.We just kept talking and laughing about the random things.He was doing most of the random talking actually but I didn't mind.I wasn't even sure exactly how much time had passed because I was too distracted to even pay attention or bother worrying about time.
Ryan and I were having our own little moment.Our eyes were locked on each others and he was smiling as sweetly as ever at me.It only seemed natural to let a kiss happen right about now,so we both started to lean in.I closed my eyes and I could feel the tip of his nose pressed gently against mine.I felt his warm breath;it only made me yearn for his lips even more.He finally kissed me and I willingly kissed back.The door suddenly bursts open which causes me to jump and pull away. "Ryan,(YN) has to go now." I look to the door and see Michelle standing there. "(YN)'s leaving."
"What?I just came to tell you she had to go."
"Well can you knock?We were kind of busy."
"Oh you two have tons of time to make out by yourselves at school."
I instantly blush at Michelle's remark and hide my face embarrassed.I guess that means she saw us kissing.Who am I kidding of course she saw us!Even if she didn't,she still knows what we were doing.I look to Ryan who is apparently just as embarrassed as I am with his head face down.I think I can even see a hint of light pink flushed over his cheeks.
We all head downstairs;my mom thanks Michelle for having us over and they make some small talk.While they're having their own conversation,Ryan and I stand in front of each other not making any contact. "So that was pretty embarrassing,huh?" I look up to him and he is half smiling at me.
"I'm sorry about that,you seemed pretty embarrassed."
"No I'm sorry,it's your house and your mom is the one that saw."
"How about we just forget about this haha."
"Fine by me,haha."
Michelle and Ryan walk us out to our car and were all saying goodbye.I give Michelle a hug and thank her for letting us stay over.I also apologize for coming so unexpectedly but she says she doesn't mind and that it was okay.Before I get in the passenger's seat of the car I look to Ryan,who is of course,smiling at me. "Do I get a hug goodbye?"
"Do you really need one?I'll see you at school."
"Either a hug or a kiss.You can take your pick." I roll my eyes playfully and then I pull him into a hug.When we both let go he says, "I'll see you at school." I smile and head into the car.
My mom starts the car and then we drive off. "Did you have fun?"
"Huh?Oh yeah,it was nice."
She looks at me and sees that I'm smiling. "Ryan seems awfully sweet."
"Haha,he is,isn't he?"
"You certainly seem to like him a lot."
"I do." I say with a smile on my face.My mom sees this and smiles at me.
"(YN)," I look to her but her eyes focused on the road.
"I'm glad that you found a great guy."
I look down for a moment and think of Ryan.A smile forms across my face. "Yeah...me too."