I felt myself slowly beginning to regain consciousness.I could hear voices speaking very faintly.I slowly opened my eyes to see a light above me.It blinded me so I looked away and blinked.I sat up and noticed that I was lying on a nurse bed. "(YN)," I looked and saw Ryan sitting in a chair at the corner of the room. "Are you okay?" I looked at him with a blank expression.
"I think so...What happened?"
"You fell and hit your head.Pretty hard too because you knocked out."
"You tried to stop me and Derek but you ended up falling.After you hit your head you kind of lost it and then your eyes shut.Everyone was crowding over you not giving you any air so I told them to step back.I tried waking you up but you were out cold.Someone got the nurse and she said to bring you to the office.A group of us carried you in and placed you on the bed.We've just been waiting for you to wake up,and now you have."
"I'm sorry to have caused such a commotion."
"It wasn't your fault,you were trying to do the right thing by stopping us.We were just being idiots.I'm the one who's sorry,if I hadn't thrown the first punch none of this would've happened."
I look closely at Ryan and notice he's covered in scratches and bruises.He has a gash on the side of his head accompanied with a bump. "Ryan your hurt,"
"Yeah,I can't really say no damage was done."
"Are you okay?"
"As long as you are then I'm fine." he says with a smile.
I give a weak smile back then look down shyly. "Did you stay here the entire time?"
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." He looks at me sincerely. "Is this your way of telling me to leave?"
"No,no I just-,"
"Relax,I'm kidding but if you want me to go just say so."
"Please...would you stay?Please..."
He smiles at me and says, "Of course."
Ryan gets up to go let the nurse know that I'm awake.She says I'm good to go now but I wasn't allowed to walk home.Ryan asks his mom to pick us up and give me a ride home.We both sit in the nurse's office waiting for Michelle to come.It's pretty silent while we wait but Ryan tries making small talk with me.Pretty soon Michelle comes walking in trying to spot us.We both get up for her to notice us.Michelle asks the nurse if she needs to do anything but the nurse says to just go.The three of us leave the office then head to Michelle's car.Ryan opens the back seat door for me.I thank him getting into the car then I buckle my seat belt.Ryan and Michelle get into the car then they put on their seat belts.Michelle starts the car and we drive off.The car ride is silent.When we finally arrive to my house I unbuckle my seat belt and get out.I thank Michelle for the ride home and she tells me your welcome.Ryan gets out of the car and he walks me to my front door.I get my key and unlock the door but I don't open it yet.
"Anytime,it's no problem."
"No I mean for everything.The waiting,helping, and I'm assuming you helped carry me in too."
He looks down and smiles, "Yeah I did haha."
"Well thanks,and for the ride too of course.Plus walking me to my door."
"I just want to make sure your okay."
"I'm fine,I think."
"Are you gonna be alright alone?"
"Umm I think,I've never been home alone after getting a concussion."
Ryan looks at me and then he bites the corner of his lip. "Wait here." He walks over to his moms car and I can see him talking to her from the car window.Ryan makes his way back over. "Would you mind if I waited with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think leaving you alone after all of this is a good idea.Would you mind if I stayed with you?"
"Oh," I look down nervous pondering the idea.
"If your not comfortable you can tell me,I'll leave but I just think it'd be better...if someone was with you."
"I-I don't mind really."
"Okay." He looks over to his mom and gives her a thumbs up.She waves goodbye to us and drives off.Ryan looks back to me and says, "Shall we?" I nod and open the door.We both step in and stand in silence for a moment.
"Do you want a drink or something to eat?"
"That would be great." I make my way for the kitchen but Ryan stops me. "Maybe I should."
"But you don't know where all the stuff is."
"Okay then how about we just do it together."
Ryan decided to do something basic so we made soup.He thought it would be good for me too since soup usually helps with curing anything.I made the broth while Ryan chopped up all the vegetables and other ingredients necessary.When everything was prepared we put it together in the pot.I got a lid and handed it to Ryan.He covered the pot and we let it sit so everything could cooked together.We went to the living room and it was silent.There was a large gap between us on the sofa creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.
"H-how long do you think until the soup is ready?"
"Maybe and hour at most,it wasn't too much ingredients."
The conversation died and it grew quiet again.
"How are you feeling?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Oh,I'm okay.I guess the cooking made me feel a bit lightheaded though."
"Maybe you should rest."
"But you're here and you'd be bored."
"I came to make sure you were okay." I look down.He gets up from the sofa and stands in front of me on the sofa.I look up to him. "Come on let's go to your room." I nod and then I get up leading the way to my room.I take a seat on my bed and he just stands.
"You can sit if you want." He smiles and takes a seat at the edge of the bed.There's still nothing but space and silence between the two of us. "Are you comfy?"
"You could lay down for a while if you want.I'll get up and leave the room so you can rest."
He gets up to leave but I stop him. "Don't leave," He stops and looks back.
"I'll just be in the living room." He takes a step further.
"But," I pause unable to continue.
"I just want you to feel comfortable."
"I'd feel more comfortable if you were with me." His eyes pop a bit and then he gives a weak smile.
"I'll go check on the soup." Then he left the room.What am I saying?I'm probably making this more awkward than it already is.He probably wants to leave now.I don't blame him though.It wasn't long when he returned to the room. "It won't be done for awhile.Maybe you should rest until then."
"Then what are you gonna do?"
"Take care of you,that's what I'm here for."
"Because you're hurt."
"I know but why?Why are you going through all of this trouble when we aren't even-," I pause unable to finish my sentence.
"I know that were not together but that doesn't mean I don't care about you.It doesn't change the way I feel about you."
"But you said you were done with me?You said all those things?"
"I know what I said but do you think I actually meant any of it?"
"Well it seemed like you did..."
"Do you think I actually wanted to say all of that?"
"But you did..."
"Because of you (YN)!You were avoiding me.You didn't even bother talking to me about it.I don't think you were ever going to tell me what was wrong either." I look down guilty.He's not wrong.I was avoiding him and I didn't talk to him like I should have.He's right,I never intended to tell him anything.I just ran away from the situation like I always do."Why?" I was too distracted in thought to say anything. "It makes no sense,we had such a good time Friday and then Monday comes and you were all of a sudden mad at me.Why?"
"I wasn't mad."
"Well what were you then?"
"I was scared,okay."
It grows silent,but silence is meant to be broken. "Scared of what?"
"Of you,of me...of us."
"Why?Why would you be scared of us?"
"Because you said you loved me." I don't know why but hot tears began to form in my eyes and stream down my cheeks.Ryan notices and takes a seat beside me.He lifts my head so that I am facing him.He places his hands on my cheeks gently wiping the tears away with his thumbs.
"What's so wrong about that?"
"I don't know.I just wasn't expecting it."
"Well it was sort of in the moment."
"So you didn't mean it?"
"Of course I meant it.Just because I said it in the moment doesn't make it any less real."
"How do you know it's real?"
"I don't know.I just do.I know what I feel." It grows silent. "It's not a bad thing to love (YN)." He places his hand on mine and gently strokes it.
"You don't get it...it's not that I don't want to I'm just afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Happiness is meant to be taken away.That's how I see it.All the happiness in my life was taken from me.I've had to deal with the loss of my dad,I've practically lost my mother,and I don't think I can take another loss...especially if it's you."
"You won't lose me."
"How do you know?"
"Because the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you."
"Well what if you're the one who gets hurt,I don't want that either."
"Well I think it's better to have loved than never to have loved at all."
"But I don't even kno-,"
"Hey it's okay.It's okay if you don't know.Maybe you do maybe you don't.You don't have to love me right now.Maybe you'll love me in five years,even if were not together."
"You're an awfully confident talker."
"I'm just telling you what you want to hear."
"And what's that?"
"I love you." He says with a smile.My eyes meet his and then I look to his lips.I begin to lean in and then I stop allowing him to lean in.When he's close enough I make the first move and plant my lips on his.I lay myself down on my bed with Ryan on top of me as we continue to kiss.I can feel his body pressed so closely against mine and I don't even mind all of his weight on me because I am enjoying the moment.I begin to feel a burning sensation grow within me and I don't want this to end.My body can't contain it any longer and I pull away catching my breath. "So I guess this means were back together?"
"I guess so."
"I uh,think the soup should be done now."
He gets off of me and I sit myself up.We both leave the room then go into the kitchen.I grab two bowls and hand them to Ryan to serve.I take one bowl and grab a spoon then set them down on the table.Ryan takes the other bowl and does the same.We take a seat at the table and begin to eat our soup.
After we finish eating our soup we wash our dishes and place them on the drying rack.We go to the living room and watch TV.Ryan and I are sitting close together cuddling each other.My head rests on his shoulder and his head rests on top of mine.
It began to get pretty late and it was dark outside.I told Ryan that he should leave because it was already late enough.He told me it would be fine and that his mother wouldn't mind.He told me he came here to make sure I was taken care of and that's why he's here.I told him I was fine but he still wanted to stay and make sure.He said he'd leave when my mom got home.I told him that she got home pretty late and he said he didn't mind.
We remained seated on the sofa cuddled together for a bit longer.I began to grow tired and Ryan could tell by my yawn.He asked if I wanted to go to bed so I told him that I was just tired.He could see that it was late so he told me to go get ready for bed.I got up and left to my room.I changed into some shorts and a t-shirt then I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.When I was done I went back to the living room.Ryan noticed me and he looked up with a smile.He complimented my pajamas and I blushed a bit.He teased me about it making me blush even more but I tried changing the subject.Ryan and I sat together again but I would constantly doze off.Ryan noticed so he told me to go to bed.I felt bad about going to sleep because then he'd be up alone but he of course said he didn't mind.He got up and carried me princess style in his arms.He carried me to my room and then he carefully set me down on my bed.
"Do you want me to tuck you in too?" He said teasing.
"I can do it myself." I pull the covers over me and lay on my side facing him. "See."
"Alright.Well you should get some rest.I think it's okay for you to sleep now."
He turns and takes a step. "Ryan," He stops and turns around.
"Could you stay with me?"
"Why would you want me to stay with you?"
"I just...I'd feel more secure with you here."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes,but only if you don't mind."
He smiles and approaches the bed.He gets down on his knees and sits beside me on the edge of my bed.He rests his arms and head on my bed.I turn my body to face him.We both stay up talking and eventually I fall asleep.
I'm in a dark room with no one around me.I look around but there's nothing in sight, nothing but loneliness and darkness.I decide to wander around and look for any sign of help.I can't tell where I'm going and I could probably be walking in circles but I just continue walking anyway.As I begin to walk more and more I hear people's voices.I can't make out what they're saying but they're pretty loud.I follow the voices and begin to run.I can hear voices grow louder and louder but they're words sound like mumbles from hear.I finally meet where the voices are coming from but there's still no one around me.I continue to walk straight ahead then I bump into something.I take a step back and reach out.It's a wall.I move my hands around and I can sense a knob.It's a door!I place my hand over the knob and slowly begin to turn it.The people's voices are louder and as the door opens wider the more clear their voices come out to be.They're...arguing.I enter the door and it takes me to a room.I exit the room and find myself in a hallway.I can see a small figure hiding in the corner but doesn't seem to notice me.It's a girl.She seems so focused on something.I approach her and I can see her face more clearly.She looks like me.I wander further past the hallway to where the arguing is coming from.I approach the room slowly.When I enter the room I expect to see my parents arguing.I expect to see my mom with anger in here eyes and my dad's sorrowful face.This is what I expect to see.When I walk in I can see they're pretty deep in their argument.I move in closer to them but realize my expectations were wrong.My dad is the one filled with anger in his eyes and my mom is the one with the sorrowful face.My expectations were proven even more wrong when I realized that this couple wasn't my parents.My eyes widen in surprise and then I'm struck with fear when the scene becomes more clear to me.It's me.I'm the one with the sorrowful look on my face and the one with anger in their eyes is...Ryan.I look to where the little girl was standing and I realize she must be our daughter?Her face resembles mine but she has the eyes of her father.I feel myself panic and I fall back hitting the floor.I look at myself crying pleading for forgiveness and then I look to Ryan who is looking aggravated as ever.I just want them to stop!They finally do when Ryan leaves with, "I can't do this anymore!," Then he walks out the door slamming it shut.I look at me and I just drop down on my knees sobbing.I look at myself and I can't help but think how pitiful I look.I get up from the floor and decide to run after Ryan.I grab the door and open it but when I step out I'm not outside.I'm in some strange room.
I look around.This must be a basement.I hear footsteps so I hide.I see Ryan.Tears begin to form in his eyes and he cries hysterically.I've never seen Ryan like this and it makes my stomach twist.He reaches inside his drawer and pulls something out.He begins to cry even more but I don't know what he's looking at.He holds it in his left hand and then reaches in his drawer again.This time he pulls something else out.It isn't long for me to realize what it is.The shape gives it away to easily.
He holds the gun in his right hand and the sight of it only makes me panic.I keep looking from the gun to Ryan the entire time.He looks at what he's holding in his left hand one last time then he lifts the gun and puts it to his head.My eyes widen.Is he going to do it?He lets out, "I still love you (YN)." Then I feel deafened by the sound of the gun shot.I drop down on my knees.I look to see Ryan's body on the floor surrounded by blood.I rush over to him and turn him over.His eyes are wide open.I begin to feel tears form in my eyes and they stream down my face like a waterfall.I notice a picture frame on the floor.I pick it up and turn it face up.It's a family picture.It's Ryan,me and that little girl.I guess she really was our daughter.Seeing the picture only makes everything hurt even more.I look to Ryan who's eyes are still wide open.I can't look at him like this so I close his eyes to make him look more peaceful.I look back at the picture.My hands begin to shake and the frame falls from my hands hitting the cold hard floor.I pick it up and I can see a crack has been made.Now everything really is broken.Ryan didn't deserve any of this.He was in pain because of me.He did this to himself because of me.All of this happened because of me.I just wanted him to be happy but now...
"Ryan I'm sorry!" Without thinking I take the gun and check if there are any bullets.There's still two more.I set it up and hold the gun to my head.Hot tears form in my eyes.Everything was really my fault.I wish he'd never have met me then this wouldn't have happened.I bite my lip so hard it begins to bleed.The taste of blood lingers in my mouth when I say, "I'm so sorry!" I pull the trigger and the sound of the gun shot is the last thing I hear.
I wake up hot and sweaty in the middle of the night.I look around my room in panic.Everything is dark.I pant and begin to catch my breath.I keep thinking to myself, "it was just a dream".I look at my hands and they're trembling.I try to stop but I can't.I shove my face into my hands and I can feel a sting in my eyes. "(YN)?" I look up and see Ryan.He's still here? "(YN) are you okay?"
"Y-yeah,just a bad dream."
"(YN) you're crying."
"No you're not.Look at you you're shaking." I guess he noticed my trembling hand.I put it over my mouth trying to calm down.He takes it in his and begins stroking it.It's strange to say that it actually helped,my hand calmed down right after.I look up and meet his eyes.He had such a look of concern. "Better?"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'd rather not relive my nightmare...if you don't mind."
"No,it's fine.I understand.You seem pretty shaken up."
"I'll just go back to sleep.I'm sorry to have woken you."
I try going back to sleep but I can't bring myself to.I toss and turn and I'm sure I'm only keeping Ryan awake moving so much but I can't help it.My dream is just eating away at my mind and I don't know how to make it stop.Every time I close my eyes I hear the gun shot loud and clear echo in my head and I can't bear the sound.
"Are you okay?"
"I can't sleep.I'm sorry."
"Oh,I see." Silence grows between us. "Do you think...you'd want me to sleep with you?"
"Sleep with me?"
"I can understand if it makes you uncomfortable.It was just a thought.Forget I asked." It's strange but the thought didn't make me uncomfortable at all.I actually wanted him to sleep with me.
"I actually don't mind but if you don't want to then I understand."
"Are you sure?"
"Only if you don't mind." He gets up and goes to the other side of the bed.He lifts the sheets and gets in bed.I turn my body to face him. "Are you comfortable?"
"Why are you nervous?"
"I'm not used to sleeping in the same bed with girls...especially beautiful ones."
"It's just me."
"Yeah it's just you.The girl I always think about who makes me nervous with just a simple look."
"I make you nervous?" I tease.
"Yes,very.What I don't make you nervous?"
"At the moment no."
"Well what if I got a bit closer." I feel him move his body closer to mine.Were practically pressed against each other.
"Not even if I tell you how beautiful you are."
"You already do that." He smiles.
He moves his head in closer and I can feel his warm breath on my neck.A tingle runs through my entire body until it reaches the pit of my stomach. "What if I whispered in your ear like this." His whisper tickles my ear and I fidget a bit. "See you're nervous." It grows silent for a bit and we remain laying in bed together with our bodies pressed against each other closely.I feel a bit tense. "I think I just made this worst for myself by doing all of that."
"Smart." I tease.
"Maybe this was a bad idea." I look up to him and his eyes are fixed on me.I give him a kiss on the cheek. "What was that for?"
"For always being there."
I lean in and kiss his lips sweetly.
I snuggle up closer to him and rest my head on his chest.I wrap my arm around his waist and I close my eyes. "Now I'm really nervous." I don't say anything. "(YN)?" I don't respond. "(YN)?" I stay silent and allow a smile on my face.Ryan really does make me feel more secure.I could stay like this forever but even it's just for tonight I'm still happy.I begin to feel relaxed and soon I drift off into a peaceful sleep.