80. Too Much, Or Nothing
…. At the Concert ….
The two ladies and I walked with the support of guards to the area where the boys usually change and rest before/after their concert. With ever clunk my heels made on the rigid ground, I prayed not to see Harry; because I know I will be rude, mean, and colder than ice with him; at least that’s what I estimated at the moment.
“No! Is it my Yankee Doodler !?” Louis cheered once he saw me, and rushed me in his arms in a tight hug; hug me as much as you want Louis, I need as much love as possible from anyone right now. “Where are the rest?” Angela scanned the room, but none of the boys were there. “They’re taking pictures in the Meet & Greet sector; I was just heading there. (He holds my hand like a brotherly action of care.) Let’s go.” The girls followed Louis and I to the large room were usually fans with VIP passes, take pictures with the guys.
I lost my sense of breathe; I couldn’t believe myself how I easily felt so weak once I saw his face. Harry was taking a picture with some fans along with the rest of the guys, but I knew that the smile that he is prevailing isn’t the natural one he used to always apply; was it because of me? Liam waved at us, and that caught the rest of the guys’ attention. The look that Harry gave me, made me want to rip my skin from its place; he was smiling at me in a very desperate and warm way, I just left Louis’s hand and stepped back slowly.
“Where are you going?” Angela asked and I just didn’t find any reasoning to reply, so I went for the classic excuse: “I just need a little bit of water that’s all.” Louis joined the guys, and Sophia sighed at me as I flexed my heels back to the outside of this room; to the outside of my heart pain.
I sighed deeply after I crinkled the plastic cup in my hand and threw it in the bin; but as soon as I turned someone moaned from pain as we bumped in each other.“Ouch!” That voice thundered in my ears and revived the butterflies in my stomach; I stood back quickly after I noticed that I stepped on Harry’s feet by mistake. “I’m so sorry, Harry. (I look down at his bare feet, and I get confused a little.) Why aren’t you putting on your shoes?”He flexes his toes that I accidentally stepped on and laughs lightly. “(He spoke in a tired voice, why is he tired?) I rushed up here, I didn’t have time to finish dressing up; (He smiles warmly at me and I try to reply with one of my own.) I’m even still in my shorts.” I nod and walk past him saying: “Sorry again, Harry. I didn’t mean to.”
As I walked a little farther than were we stood, he froze my actions by a begging yell:“Wait please!” I turned my back to face him and he walked towards me, eying me the whole time with his innocent looks that I missed the most. He even is still wearing the ring I got him from his birthday! This is so difficult on me right now. I want to cry so bad right now, I just want him to hug me and I want to tell him all this is a mistake, and that I knew its Cara’s fault not his! I sniffed my nose as soon as I felt like crying, and just placed a poker face expression.
“(He spoke in deep agony of whispers.) Becky, please just let me tell y-…” I cut him off and spoke: “(I sighed.) You don’t have to, Harry. You have a concert in less than 30 minutes; your fans rely on you to see you cheered up and happy; we’ll do this later sometime.” He looks at me as his eyes threaten to tear any moment, and I see them water on the sides. “(He cooed.) You make me happy…” Why can’t I just die right now, why!?
Thankfully someone saved the moment, it was Paul, aka head of security, which called for Harry from behind him: “Harry, get ready right away!” I threw a weak smile at Harry as he held my hand and placed a soft kiss on it, like he always used to do to make me smile. “(I stuttered.) Y-you have to um… G-go Harry-h…” I took my hand from his handhold and I walked back to where I left the girls and the rest of the guys; this is too much for me to handle…