Half A Heart

"I love you, Ky. But I think it is time for us to go our separate ways." Niall kissed my cheek and walked away, leaving me standing in the park, in the dark alone.

It all started two months ago when my boyfriend, Niall broke up with me. Ever since then, things have been bad for me. I dropped out of high school, I lost touch with my best friend, and my parents divorced. But one day, I realized it was time for a change. I had to get Niall back, and I was going to do whatever it takes to do that. Even if it means leaving behind my mom, all my siblings, and my reputation behind.

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1. The Story Of My Life

"Now, Kylyn, I want you to tell me what these scars on your arms are from." The therapist took my arm and pointed to the 107 little faint lines on my arms, like I didn't know where they were. Ever since Niall and I broke up, I've been super depressed, and done some things I am not proud of. But that didn't mean my mom had to send me to therapy. I yanked my arm away from him and crossed them. Every Tuesday and Thursday, when I had to come here, I was super rude to him in hopes that maybe someday he would tell my mom he didn't want me going there anymore. Then I wouldn't have to come here anymore and tell him my personal business. He wrote something down on his dumb notepad and looked at me again. not saying anything.

"Look, I know my mom brings me here twice a week to help or whatever, but how about we just pretend I am fine. You'll get paid and I won't have to listen to your stupid advice that doesn't help me. Deal?" I got out my phone and started to check Facebook, but he grabbed the phone out of my hands and out it in a bucket on the shelf above him.

"Kylyn, I realize that you don't want to be here, but your mother wants you to get some help. And I honestly think I can help you. I know you thing this will not help, but it will. You just have to cooperate. Now, please answer my question." I sighed. Damn, this guy just never gives up, does he?

"Listen, it's not my choice to come here or not, but it is my choice to answer your dumb questions. And I am choosing NOT to answer that one. Okay?" I reached in the bin and grabbed my phone, getting back on Facebook.

"Okay, that's it for our session today." I walked out, staring at my phone. I would rather not make eye contact with my mom since I knew the therapy guy was going to tell her what happened. I walked right past her and to the parking lot. The building that I went to therapy at was a huge building with multiple establishments in it. There was a dentist office, a foot doctor, and the therapist building. It was a more modern building, and it was absolutely covered in windows. Inside, there was a front desk and three leather couches in front of a television that always had on the news. There was nothing special about it, it was just like any other building. But there was some kind of weird feeling in there. When I went in there, I just got this kind of sad vibe. It traveled through the air like sound waves. That's part of the reason I hated going in there. The other reason was because I didn't want to talk about Niall.

Me and Niall Horan had the best relationship in the world, and an amazing story. When I first got to High School, he was the hottest guy there. I had every class with him, but I always sat on the other side of the room from him. I had always liked Niall, and not just for his looks. I liked him for his personality. He hated when the sluts followed him around, and he often tried to get away from them. I could tell that he was a different kind of guy. But me,  I wasn't the kind of girl guys usually go for. I had brown hair and glasses and braces. Kind of ugly, actually. But one day, I'll never forget it, Niall was forced to be my lab partner. At first, it was a little bit awkward since I had never had a full conversation with him. But day after day, we would not do our assignments and talk to eachother. We talked about things to get to know eachother, little things like music, our favorite colors, and that type of thing. And then one day, I was going home late from studying in the library, and Niall was in the parking lot. When he saw me coming out of the school, he ran over to me and walked me to my car. That night, he kissed me. And ever since then we have been in love. I was depressed the day he left school to audition for the X Factor, but I ended up going home early to watch him. I never knew how good of a singer he was until then. When he made it, the first thing he did was call me and tell me. I just remember crying and him saying these exact words, "I can't wait to win because then I can buy you a nice ring and we can get married. I love you, Ky." When he got put in the group, I was so happy for him, and he promised me we would stay together even though he was away. For the X Factor Finals, his mom flew me out as a surprise, and when I came out from around the corner, he cried. It was the best feeling in the world, knowing he really loved me that much. That was the day he got third place, and all night we layed in bed and talked and he cried and I held him. I knew that was not the end of One Direction, though. I flew back home, and he did too, and he was depressed for a long time. But I told him to keep making music because I knew that something was going to happen for them. And, as you probably know, things did happen for them. They are now the most popular boy band on the planet, and I am very proud of him.

But a couple months ago, when he came back home from tour, we broke up. He decided that he had to focus on his music, and didn't have time for a relationship right now. I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe that after all we had been through, he just dumped me like that. The days following the breakup, I was terrible. I started cutting, and I mean cutting bad. I didn't want to live anymore. I felt like three years of my life had been wasted, and I wanted to die and forget about it all. I dropped out of high school, mostly because it was making it hard to focus on school when all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. Since I was all depressed, both of my parents had different reactions to it, causing them to get a divorce, and my dad moved all the way across the country. Now I live with my mom and 5 sisters and 4 brothers. I'm the youngest, so most of them are all grown up and out of the house. Since then, my mom has been sending me to this place to get therapy, and me and Niall haven't talked. I always text him, but he never answers. I always try to come up with some kind of excuse, but I always know the truth.

I walked through the parking lot to my car, but when I got there, it was locked. I didn't have to wait long, though, because my mom came out shortly afterwards. I knew by the look on her face she was not happy.

"Ky, I know that you are not happy, I know that. But you have been through a lot lately and I really think that this will help you, That is, if you actually give it a chance." I just ignored her.

"I know you can hear me." She started sounding stern, so I knew I had to actually answer her.

"Okay, mom. I understand, but he doesn't help, ever. All he does is as why I am sad and you have to realize that I don't want to talk about it."

"Right, but you are doing bad things with yourself and that is a result of keeping your thoughts and emotions inside of you. And with therapy, you can let it all go. You just have to open up!"

"No, mom! No! I am acting this way as a result of everyone making me talk about it! Just leave me alone and let me cry and maybe things will get better!" I knew I was probably making her feel better by yelling at her, but she needed to know that I was not happy. After that, she didn't respond. I knew how to get my mom to shut up.

When we got home, I stormed immediately up to my room, slamming the door. I sat down on my bed and opened my shoebox. When me and Niall first started dating, he decorated this little box in wrapping paper and glued the letters "K" and "N" on it, meaning Kylyn+Niall. Through our whole relationship, I put everything in that box including letters, cards, and gifts from him. But when we broke up, I found myself reading through all of it when I was upset. I cried and cried and cried until my phone started ringing. When I picked it up and looked at the Caller I.D., I recognized the number and my heart started beating really fast, it was Niall.

 

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