Half A Heart

"I love you, Ky. But I think it is time for us to go our separate ways." Niall kissed my cheek and walked away, leaving me standing in the park, in the dark alone.

It all started two months ago when my boyfriend, Niall broke up with me. Ever since then, things have been bad for me. I dropped out of high school, I lost touch with my best friend, and my parents divorced. But one day, I realized it was time for a change. I had to get Niall back, and I was going to do whatever it takes to do that. Even if it means leaving behind my mom, all my siblings, and my reputation behind.

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4. Chain Reaction

That day obviously didn't go as planned. I cried hard for a little while, but then didn't feel like crying anymore. Something inside me couldn't. Maybe my tear ducts had dried out. After a while, I began to feel beside myself. Not like surprised, but LITERALLY beside myself. I could feel myself breathing, and I could feel Harry's arms around me but I didn't feel like I was me. It was an out of body experience almost; Like I was outside my body watching myself stare blankly at the wall. 

After I had returned to myself, Harry and I made tea and sat on the couch. I had changed out of my dress into a pair of my sister's Hollister skinny jeans and a white v-neck that was in Harry's car. He said it was too small for him and anything, even boy's cloths, would look good on me. 

Harry took a sip of tea and faced towards me. 

"Ky, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I think it might help to tell me how you're feeling. I can only help if I know what to say and what not to say." I was feeling weird. When I first got all that out to Niall, it didn't feel good. I felt like I was messing up our relationship, even though it wasn't real anymore. But when I finally calmed down, I realized that it wasn't that I was feeling bad about telling him off. I was feeling like that because of knowing that NOW there was no chance for me. Even when I was depressed, I was always thinking that someday, he'd show up at my door with roses and just kiss me. Kiss me and make up for everything he made me go through. And I always wear the ring he gave me. It's never come off my finger. Because when we were together, we thought it would be cute to use it as my wedding ring. It's a little knot. It's called a love knot, and it's symbolizing that we're gonna be tied together forever. But hearing his words and knowing there's another girl that's gonna be his last kiss, and another girl who gets to be told she doesn't need makeup to be beautiful, and another girl that get to be the face he sees when he wakes up, and another girl that gets to have the little knot ring on her finger forever, killed me inside. 

"I  just thought I still had a chance." I said honestly. My sister had come in by then, and was sitting on the recliner dad used to lounge in when he was here. I heard her sigh, but didn't look up from the tea inside the mug in my hands. 

"Do you still love him, Kylyn. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with me." Harry said, resting his hand on my thigh. That posed a very controversial question inside my head, and every time I had forced myself to think about it, I got a migraine and ended up passing out from the pills I took to make it go away. 

"I don't know. Honestly." I looked into Harry's eyes, and when I saw what I saw in his eyes, my answer became very clear. Ever since I first got sick, all I saw anybody's eyes was exhaustion and hurt and disappointment and hopelessness. But when I see Harry, sitting right in front of me with his delicate and beautiful fingers on my thigh, and eyes full of hope. I can tell be believes in me, and that he believes I can get better and stop beating myself up. He believes I can live. 

"No." I say to him. His eyes light up and he cracks a subtle smile. 

"No?" Harry and Braylee say at the same time. 

"No. I don't love him anymore. I'm ready to move on from this." I point at the scars on my arm, and I see the same little glint of hope in my sister's eyes when I look at her. I'm not sure if she believes it, but soon enough I'll be able to show her. 

"What do you need me to do?" Harry asks. He stands up and reaches out for my hand. I take his hand and stand up. 

"Call Niall and tell him I want to see him." I could feel Harry's heart stop, and his grip on my hand tightened. 

"What?" Braylee said, coming over to me. "No, Kylyn. No! I won't let you see that jerk again! Look what he did to you." She grabbed my other arm and pointed at my scars. I'm so sick of them being there. 

'Bray, chill. I just want to tell him how I feel." She sighed. 

"Is it really going to make you feel better? Maybe someone should go with you. Just in case you need to leave." 

"No, I can do it. I just don't think he'll answer me if I call him. Harry, please?" 

"I don't know if I condone this at all, Ky. You were just almost throwing up from seeing him. I hate seeing you like that. Why do you think seeing him will make it better when it just made it worse?" I hugged Harry quickly and grabbed his phone off the coffee table in front of the couch. 

"It just will, trust me." I dialed Niall's number, and he picked up right away. 

"Dude I'm so fucking sorry, I shouldn't have gone there." I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and forced myself to be nice to him. 

"Niall, it's me." 

"Ky.....I'm so so sorry." 

"I'll be at Blackmount Cafe in 20 minutes. Come and talk to me if you want to." And then I hung up. I wasn't completely sure what I was doing, but I didn't have much time to think about it. I needed to get ready to go meet the used-to-be love of my life. 

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