Love and Hate

This is a Nial Horan Fan Finction. Najomitt is a huge directioner who won an interview and meet One Direction. After having a friendship Niall and Najomitt start having feelings for each other but Niall is scare about the fans and the hate she could recieve. What could happen when a couple receive so much hate?

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24. Singing to me

Nani POV*

“Niall please don’t leave me” I cried harder than I was expecting “don’t leave me alone, please. I am so tired so tired of feeling alone, please don’t leave me, don’t let me go Niall please!” I don’t know what got into me but I just felt like everyone was leaving me, or I was just so alone. When I felt Niall’s arms around me I felt safe, as he was saying he wouldn’t anyone hurt me. I knew I wasn’t alone but he was leaving, he was leaving two weeks and I would stay in home with nobody to talk to but myself.

I was emotional because it was almost my time of the month, but it wasn’t just that, it was also the fact that I started feeling things for Niall, he seems to like me back, we had many opportunities to kiss and I haven’t been blind to that and that made me feel happy but what happened today made me debut if what I was feeling was right. Those fans were hating on me and we weren’t even together, it was just some rumors that spread through the internet. Being call bitch, whore, fat, ugly, not enough for him made me feel like crap. That was it: crap. Nothing much but dirt, somehow they were right I was just another fan but who got to get in touch with her favorite people in the world and which suddenly feel a incredible strong feeling towards one of her favorite. After those horrible words outside of my house, I felt terrible but the biggest mistake I could make was entering in the social media. I received thousands of notifications saying that I don’t deserve to be with Niall, you are dumb stupid bitch, and going on and on. It never stopped I could help myself from crying. I couldn’t believe that people from my own fandom could be mean to one another like that, we were supposed to be together for the same reason. Yeah, I am very aware that Directioners are one of the biggest and meanest fandom but that doesn’t mean they had to be so mean with one another. It really hurt me to see the hate somebody could hold for a stupid reason, or better rumor they heard.

The fandom wasn’t the only reason of this amazing break down; my family was one of the biggest root of this thing. I missed them so much; I missed my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sister. Everybody that I cared about seemed to be far, very far from me and that depressed me. I don’t know if I was ready to have this big move from another country, alone. I was still 17 years old, still a stupid, hormonal teenager who would do anything to reach her goal, but what happened when I already reach my goal? I felt like I was five years old again, I felt like I needed my parents to sing to me at night, to stay with me and never let me until I fall sleep. Or maybe I just needed them, their love, their encouragement, their advice, I just needed them. I missed them.

Niall kept hugging me thigh, whispering words of encouragement making me feel better. He was there for me; I knew it he would always be there for me. At that exact moment it felt so right with him, everything stopped and it was just me with Niall in the bed both of us hugging each other. We never spoke our feelings out loud but our actions said everything, in that moment words weren’t necessary to say our feelings. Our embrace symbolizes the support we would give to each other; we would hold each other whenever we are feeling low.

I stopped sobbing after about two hours of crying non-stop, each minute I became calmer and calmer until I was no longer crying. We didn’t brake our embrace thought, we kept holding each other as I depended on this and he was my stone where I could always support, and the truth is that I needed him, I really needed him to support me and to be there with me. We were both laying flat in bed, me hiding my face in his, now wet with tears, white shirt, he was still rubbing my back his chin resting in the top of my head.

“I am not going to ask what was that about, I can ask that later” he told me grabbing my head in his hands making me look at him. I nodded in response not trusting my voice. I felt so relieve, I wasn’t ready to tell him anything just yet, he so understood “what I want to know if you are okay or at least better now”

I thought about my answer, I could always say the famous ‘I am fine’ with a smile but I was tired of always saying the same, always faking a smile pretending to be fine when in reality I wasn’t. I thought about what my parents used to do when I was feeling like this as a child “sing to me” I whispered “sing to me Niall please” I begged him. Music is the only thing that makes me forget about everything, and Niall was the perfect for this role

“Is that what you want?” he asked me rubbing my cheeks. I nodded “okay” he gave me a kiss on the forehead and stand on searching for his guitar. The kiss was the most sweet and beautiful gesture I felt “what song do you want?”

I sit letting my head rest on the headboard “I don’t care which, as long as I hear your voice” I closed my eyes as Niall started to play the guitar to some melody I didn’t recognize at first but after some seconds couldn’t missed it. What Makes You Beautiful started playing and Niall’s quite voice filled my ears. I needed to touch him physically to feel that he was actually there and not some dream where after the music ends he disappears as a cloud. I touched one of his legs, I needed the reassurance that he wouldn’t leave me. He was leaving the next day but he would not leave me for the rest of the month, year or the next second.

Your insecure don’t know what for

Well, try to not be insecure while you have thousands of people making you feel like crap

You’re turning head when you walk through the door

No actually no, I never turned any heads of a room. Every time somebody turn to see me is because I am with my friends, never for me.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

Do I Niall? Do I light up your world the same way as you light mine?

You don’t know oh, oh you don’t know you’re beautiful

 Maybe that’s the problem, I don’t know I am beautiful but who tell me, who call me beautiful other than my friends and parents? I mean they suppose to tell me that but nobody, a random person or some stranger says ‘hey you are beautiful’ or at least looked at me. Maybe because I am not a Victoria Secret model, because I am not tall, because I have plan and common brown eyes, because I am chubby. Maybe that’s what people and majority of society wants just some fake bunch of girl with silicon all over her body, full of makeup hiding how their faces really are.

You don’t know you’re beautiful

If only you saw what I can see

You’ll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe

You don’t know oh, oh

You don’t know you’re beautiful

I relax at the sound of Niall’s voice singing, never taking away my hand from his leg. I needed that reassurance that he was there and never going away, at least not for that night, for that moment. The last chorus of the song I started singing with him in a very low voice, almost a whisper.

You don’t know oh, oh

You don’t know you’re beautiful

I stayed quite when the song ended, feeling much better, calmer and relax than before. His voice was so relaxing and beautiful it didn’t seem real. I felt his arm on my shoulders giving me support, he was so close to me that I couldn’t resist hide my head in his neck. My head and body were acting by themselves when I started to slice my lips along his soft neck skin; his arms press me against him harder. I pulled away just to see his handsome face. He had set the guitar in the ground and with free hand he travel my mouth with his thumb, I opened my eyes to see his eyes, he was so close to me I could feel his hot breath

“Do you want me to kiss you?” he whispered. How can he ask that? Isn’t it obvious that I was dying to feel his lips on mine and this time to remember it?

“Yes, please” I said but my voice came out as I was begging, I was actually doing it. He smiled at my answer

Niall brought his lips near to my face but he didn’t kiss my lips right away, he first kiss my forehead, my checks which were wet by my tears, my nose until he reach just the corner of my mouth. He stood there without moving for a long time as thinking if he should do it or not. I brought one of my hands to his hair and the other one to his cheek. I was going to count until 5 and if he didn’t move I will. 1,2,3,4… I jump of surprise by my phone ringing

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Niall groaned, I couldn’t be more agree. Every time was the same, when we were going to kiss something happen that interrupt us, is like my the universe didn’t want us to kiss, as stupid as it sounds it is true our luck was fucked up.

“Please don’t go” I simply said. I needed him still, I wasn’t ready to be left alone even when I was answering the phone. He nodded and I squeeze his hand. I stand up and reach for my phone, I answered without looking at the ID caller “Hello?”

“You answer a simply hello at your favorite sister?” I heard a extremely familiar voice. I felt so much better after all this crying with Niall but hearing Karen’s voice made me so happy

“Karen! How are you? How have you been?” I ask cheerfully, clearing my throat

“I am great, everything is so amazing, I love my classes and I am so exited every day, I feel so happy” she sounded so happy that I smile to myself “now the question here is are you okay? Your voice is kind of off. Oh my God don’t tell me I woke you up I am not still use to this differences in the time zones”

“No, no you didn’t is just I am… sick and well my throat is sore but nothing to worry about” I reassure her “good for you I am still waiting to start classes, like one more month and I am going to university. Oh I really can’t believe I am starting university and I am going to be 18 in a few months”

“Oh shut up little bitch, I am going to be 19 and already this is my second year in college” I laughed walking toward the bed again.

“You are a whore” I joked. I looked at Niall whose expression was confuse by the name I just called my sister “our relationship” I whispered so Karen couldn’t hear it, she still didn’t know I still hang out with the boys let alone that I was staying at their house.

 We talked for a little while about every update she had going on, of course she already found a cute guy there and ‘fall in love with him’

“I swear to God he have this Justin’s hair style and looks so hot”

“seriously you are comparing this guy to Justin’s hair?” I said rolling my eyes. every time she see some cute boy she always had to compare him with Justin, is not like I don’t understand i do the same but with 5 different boys

“Justin Bieber?” Niall said loud enough for Karen to hear. I closed my eyes waiting for her reaction, I knew her very well so she would give me hell I knew it

“WHO IS THERE WITH YOU? NAJOMITT RIVERO YOU ANSWER ME NOW!” she scream. I sigh looking at Niall “RESPONDE CHICA (answer me girl)”

“chill out would you?” I said harsh, I had to deal with her like this “is just…” what was I suppose to say? A friend? After everything we have been doing I don’t think a friend is good term but I couldn’t say boyfriend, that was way too much “a friend. He just with me right now”

“A friend who is with you in the middle of the night? Really?” she suspiciously said “C’mon tell me, who is he? Is he cute? Are you two together or something?”

“You are so annoying” she reminded me of Louis “First of all you already know him and yes we are just friends”

“I don’t know any of your friends are you stupid or something?” I rolled my eyes she could be so sufferable sometimes

“No you idiot, he is everywhere in poster in my room. Do you want another clue? He is Irish and blonde”

“No, it can’t be” she whispered “is impossible for Niall fucking Horan to be with you”

“You wanna bet?” I put the phone in speaker “talk” I ordered to Niall

“What do you want me to say?” he furrowed

“AHHHHHH” Karen scream “I can’t believe I am talking with you for real. I never thought this would be real”

“oh wow thank you, you are literally calling me a liar, you bitch” I joked. She laughed “I told you I was talking to them still”

“yes, but not that you were sleeping with him!” WHAT THE FUCK? She just said sleeping with Niall? I wish! I looked at him embarrassed

“Shut up, you don’t even know what are you talking about. I told you he is just a friend. You are just crazy”

“She stayed at my house because she was sick and I was afraid for her to be alone in her house” Niall explained

“Okay, whatever you say” she stubbornly said

Talking with my sister was kind of annoying sometimes, even when I love her to death and talk to her bring me to happiness but she is so stubborn and nosey that it gets irritating. We talked just like about five more minutes before I hang up telling her I was tired and wanted to sleep, which was not a lie considering that it was almost two in the morning.

“I am sorry for her attitude” I apologize to Niall

“don’t worry, she is funny” he laughed. I chuckle at that, no way what he wanted to say was she is so inappropriate and that is funny “are you okay?”

“yes” I responded automatically

“No I mean are you better? You know from what happened before?”

“oh, yes. Thank you so much, you help me a lot, it means so much to me to know I can count on you” I said from the bottom of my heart

“you can always can count on me Nani” he smiled “Now I don’t know if this the right moment to ask but why did you act like that? I mean you looked so sad it really scare me”

I sigh but I told him everything. He deserved to know why I was in that state and I also did it for me. I had to talk with somebody about it, I had to let it out. I told him about how much I miss my family and the sleepless nights I been having for it crying, the hate that I got from the fans, hoe lonely I felt when they weren’t there and every other thing that made emotional. I didn’t cry I think it was because I already let out everything. He didn’t said anything he just nodded but I knew he was paying attention, I knew that, I don’t know how, he understand me.

“Come here” he said after a moment of silence, after I said everything. He opened his arms for me and I gladly went into them both of us resting our backs to the headboard “I don’t want you to feel alone again because you are not, you have me and the rest of the boys. We are probably out a lot but that doesn’t mean you can’t count on us okay?” I nodded already sleepy, I yawn “Lets go cutie, you are tired. You need some rest” millions of butterflies were dancing at my stomach by the way he called me. he was standing to his feet but I stopped him before he could go any further

“No, stay with me please” I grabbed his hand. My eyes were closing slowly, it took everything on me to not let them fall. He didn’t said anything he just went under the cover right next to me sliding an arm under my waist. I put my head in his chest “thank you” I whispered. He started singing a melody that I did not recognize, not that I could think either I was almost unconscious

I’ll be gone, gone tonight

The way I hold her too thigh with nothing in between

… keep her warm

Time is frozen

At that moment those words had none meaning for me, but later those words would mean everything and the reason of many, many regards.

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