Love and Hate

This is a Nial Horan Fan Finction. Najomitt is a huge directioner who won an interview and meet One Direction. After having a friendship Niall and Najomitt start having feelings for each other but Niall is scare about the fans and the hate she could recieve. What could happen when a couple receive so much hate?

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18. Rumors

After two cups of vodka I started to feel dizzy. I didn’t want a hangover, and I stopped drinking. I drank water, pretending that it was vodka so Louis couldn’t notice, but of course he did.

“Already drunk?” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Just a little bit. I actually don’t want a hangover tomorrow.” I turned to Niall. “I want to dance, come with me?” I asked him. Since I left my house, I had that necessity to dance and move my body with the music.

“I don’t dance,” he said nervously. “I don’t like dancing,” he lied.

“Oh please!” I shout. The alcohol in my system didn’t let me think 100% clearly “Don’t tell me you don’t dance. What are you doing here then? Just get drunk and talk? You need to have fun.” Without giving him a chance to respond, I grabbed his hand and pushed him towards the danced area. There were many people dancing and moving their bodies, and I did the same. I let my body moved along with the music. Niall was standing awkwardly beside me, looking between me and the direction of the table.

“Don’t even think of it. Niall, just relax,” I put my hands on his shoulders standing in front of him.

“Do what I tell you to do.” He nodded. “Close your eyes… good! Now feel the music and move along.” He started moving his head, then his legs. His hands were hanging at his sides so I grabbed them and put them in my waist. He looked nervous but I smiled him in sign that it was okay. ‘Strong arms, strong legs and those wonderful hands. I know what he can do with them,’ I thought. The alcohol is really taking an effect on me. These dirty thoughts and the loss of shyness were a perfect sign that I was a little bit drunk. I moved closer to him and before I could think of it, my body was acting by itself. We moved along the music, our bodies touching. I grabbed one of his hands from my waist and interlacing our fingers. I turned around, my back against his chest, and I rested my head in his shoulder, never letting go of his hand as I put it back on my waist. I tried to moved slower and more my hips even more, with Niall’s hands on my waist and feeling his breathing on my neck. I felt sexy. After about 20 minutes, we left to get some drinks

“That wasn’t that bad, was it?” I said, winked at him.

Niall blushed. “No it wasn’t, it was very fun, actually.”

“I am glad to hear that.” We reached the table and everybody was looking at us, especially Eleanor and Louis.

“What?” I asked

They looked away.

“Nothing” They said in unison. They’re so weird, so I just ignore them.

I drank about two more glasses of vodka, even though I said I wouldn’t. It tasted so good, I just didn’t care.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I announced. While I was walking, I saw some girls walking towards the table I was at before. They sent me some dirty looks. I confused rolled my eyes and forgot about it. While I was checking myself in the mirror, I heard some girls talking, and when they entered, I recognized them as the girls from moments ago. I entered in one of the cubicles so I could hear what they were saying.

‘Why are you so nosey?’ I thought myself. I was about to leave when I heard the name Niall coming out of one of the girls

“I don’t know how he is with her, like she looks so not his type,” one of them said with typical American white girl accent

“Jessica! You are so mean,” the other girl said to Jessica laughing, also in the white girl accent. “But is kind of true. She looks so simple and sooooo whatever.”

Who are they talking about? Me? impossible!

“Her dress is so cute, but she doesn’t look good in it. She is too fat for it. But in me, it would be awesome; navy is perfect for my skin color,” Jessica said. “Gosh Nicole, did you see the way she was dancing with Niall? She is a slut.”

They were definitely talking about me! I realized after they named the navy dress. What the hell? What did I do to them? 

“I know. And the funny part is that Niall looked so distant,” Nicole said. “Does my makeup look good?” she asked her friend

“Yes. And my hair?”

“Perfect. Now get out of here, we have some good pictures with the One Direction boys!” Nicole shouted.

When they left, I went out and looked at myself in the mirror. They called me fat. Did I look bad in this dress? I know that at my house I said I looked awesome, and the guys gave me good compliments, but maybe they said that because they didn’t want to embarrass me. Yes, I am not a 0 size, but I am not THAT fat.

“She is a slut.” Jessica’s voice said again and again in my  head

“Slut?” I whispered to myself. Before I could realized it, I had tears running down my cheeks.

I’ve never been confident enough of myself. I know I am pretty and have good qualities, but not enough. I’ve always compared myself with other girls. Really, the mix of alcohol and depression is not good at all. I thought of Eleanor, Perrie and Caroline. They are so beautiful that everybody turn their heads when they enter in a room. I’ve never made that impression on boys. Maybe one or two, but never a whole room like them. Just as I was saying their names in my head, they entered in the bathroom and saw me crying my eyes out and watching in the mirror.

“Nani? Are you okay?” Caroline ran to me and hugged me. I cried a little bit harder. “What happened, beautiful?”

I laughed at her compliment, completely opposite as how I felt in the moment.

“Do I look bad and fat in this dress?” I asked the girls. “Did I dance like a slut? Did Niall look bored and distance when we were dancing?” I bombarded them with question, not waiting for an answer.

“What are you talking about?” Eleanor asked, confused. “You look incredible.”

I decided to tell them what my problem was. I needed to know their honest opinion.

“These two girls were looking at me and sending me dirty looks while I was walking to the bathroom. I just let it go, but when they came into the bathroom they started talking about me. About how fat and bad I look and how nice it would be on her. How Niall was bored with me and how big a slut I am. I was hiding so none of them could see me.” By the time I finished, I was crying, and my makeup was ruined. I looked like shit; at least my hair was ok.

“Let me give you advice in this,” Perrie told me seriously. “I always, and I am pretty sure every girl as well, receive comments like this. Listen to me Najomitt, you are beautiful and if you are not “skinny” like they think it should be. Whatever. Being skinny is not going to resolve all your problems. Just because you are not skinny doesn’t mean you will be problems free, right? They say that because they are jealous because of how beautiful you are.” She smiled and I smiled back, feeling a little better. I knew she had to deal with this kind of stuff every day, and I always saw it myself.

“And you are not a slut; you actually know how to move. They are just jealous of you because they don’t have those moves and swing in their hips,” Eleanor winked at me

“Bored and distant? Niall? They seriously didn’t see the way he looked at you. Let me tell you, that boy is hot as hell,” Caroline said to me. I laughed. Those girls know how to cheer up a person.

“Believe me Nani, he was anything but distant with you, and bored? No, not at all. He was actually focusing on something very specific.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. What does she mean by ‘something’? There were still alcohol in my body so I couldn’t think straight

“Nothing,” the three of them said.

“Don’t worry about it. Now, let’s fix that makeup and let’s dance. The night is not over yet,” Caroline said, grabbing her purse

After Caroline fixed my makeup and Eleanor fixed my hair, we went out. “Girls, can we take a picture?” I asked them. They all answered me with smiles. I asked some random boy if he could take the picture

“Can I upload it on instagram?” I asked for permission

“Yeah, sure,” Perrie answered.

I posted it and in the caption said, “How can you not be insecure having friends like these amazing and gorgeous people?”   

“Done,” I tell them smiling. I usually check the likes and comment right after I posted the picture, but at the moment I had better things to do, so I would check it later.

When we got back to the table, I sat beside Liam who talked to me about random things. I saw Niall coming towards the table with two drinks. He smiled at me, and I did the same. I thought on what Caroline said in the bathroom. ‘He was actually focusing on something very specific,’ she said. What did she mean by that? I tried to replay every moment while we were dancing, but I could remember just Niall’s arms around my waist and he touching my bare back. It was awesome. I dreamed so many times with Niall’s hand touching me and the fact that he was dancing so close to me and touching my skin made me feel electricity through my body.

“Nani,” Louis shook his hands in front of my face. “You still there or did we lose you in the moon?” he laughed

“Sorry, I was just thinking,” I blushed ashamed of my own thoughts.

“Yes, you could say that. Well, whatever, do you want another drink?” he asked me. I thought for a second about the hangover, but then I couldn’t care less at the moment. I had a break down earlier, I felt tired by my emotions and I wanted just to enjoy. The fuck with the hangover.

“Yes, yes I do,” I responded, determined.

About two in the morning, I was literally wasted. I drank almost the whole bottle of vodka by myself. When we stood up, I had to sit again because I felt like I was going to fall. I laughed at myself.

“You drank way too much. I can’t believe we let her,” Liam was saying. Was he shouting or just whispering?

“You are such a good boy,” I giggle. “Honest, and perfect. I like you Liam.” I giggle again. I wasn’t even sure if they understood what I said.

“I will take her, see you guys at home,” Niall said to everybody else

Everybody said goodbye and walked out. Caroline, Niall, and I were the last. I wasn’t sure but I think Harry came back and gave something to Caroline. What was it? I couldn’t see very well, my eyes were heavy, I just wanted to sleep.

“Wow, I am drunk,” I said, barely understandable. I giggle at how stupid that sounded. “Are we going now? I want to sleep!” I scream. To be honest, I didn’t like when I get drunk. I never got that drunk before and my attitude was just stupid and immature.

“Let’s get you out of here,” Niall told me, helping me to stand up. “There are many paparazzi outside so I am warning you it will be difficult to walk straight okay?” he said, putting his arm around my waist, Caroline following us behind. Niall was basically carrying me. When we got outside the first thing I notice and the only actually was the flashes coming from everywhere. It hurt my eyes; I hid my face in Niall’s chest. His arms protectively and firmly around me until we finally reached the car, I saw some paparazzi approaching to us but Niall started the car and left. I fell asleep after 5 minutes. The next day would be hell.

Niall POV*

Nani fell asleep right after we left. She was just wasted, and tomorrow she would have such a hangover. I remembered the time when we danced and how she made me feel. When she took my hand, I couldn’t help but put her closer, it felt so good. I was so focused on her face that I didn’t notice the bulge that I had. I tried to hide it but it was just impossible and her proximity wasn’t helping. I blushed; this girl is making me so crazy.

“Tonight was fun,” Caroline told me.

“Yes, it was.” I remembered her talking with Harry, and both of them were flirting.

“Do you like Harry?” I asked before I could stop the words.

She didn’t answer right away. I looked at her by the rearview mirror and saw that she was smiling.

“Yes, like a friend though. I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know that.” We both laughed.

“Don’t worry about it. You are all nice.”

“Thank you. So do you like our music? Or you have other likes?” I asked her. I was very tired and I needed somebody to talk to me so I don’t fall asleep

“No. Well, I don’t like pop music. For me it’s always like the same. I like heavy metal, and I know what you are going to say, ‘you don’t have that look,’ but I just love it,” she said. I laughed.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but now that I think of it, it’s true. It’s your decision thought, who you like or who not, I guess people just stereotype,” I responded

“I guess it’s true. I get that all the time. Even when I am with Brant, people always look at us because on how different we are. He is all covered in tattoos and piercings and well, me, just a normal girl. I don’t know.” She shrugged.

I nodded at her statement. People always stereotype by your look or for who you are with. It shouldn’t be like that, but is just human nature to stereotype and judge people. Like Caroline, I get that a lot. For example, if you are in a boy band, that means that you are gay. If you have tattoos, that mean that you are a bad person, etc.

We didn’t get just judged by everything we say or do, also we got hate. Hate is something very difficult to handle, mostly because even when you have many positive comments, one hateful can change your mood. I eventually learned to avoid that and enjoy the love. Hate can be overwhelming. I imagined Nani handling with hate. She would be new to it and I am sure she could get depressed. Today was proof on how sensible she could get. She thought we didn’t notice but we did. Her breakdown in the bathroom was something that was notorious in her face and eyes. Also Eleanor told Louis and I heard of it. It’s sick how people can say such things.

Hate. A very short word, but one that affects everybody in this planet. This word contains no just a meaning, also the emotion of million and billions of people, who usually feel either inferior or superior by others. That was what scared me the most when I think on my feeling for Nani. The thought on the amount of hate she could receive scared me. She would be okay, yes, but it still would be something that she would deal with for the rest of our relationship, either as friend or as a love relationship. I was so confused about it. I needed advice, I needed to talk to somebody. Liam. He was perfect. His and Danielle’s relationship was a topic that any of us mention after they broke up because we knew that he was hurt even when he didn’t showed it. But I had to bring it up if I want to be clear in this. When they broke up, he was destroyed, he tried to hide it so many times but we know him very well and could not lie to us. It was a very complicated and thoughtful topic for all of us, but I needed to be done if I wanted to clear my feelings.

“Go ahead, I will take Nani to her apartment,” I said to Caroline when we arrived. She nodded and headed upstairs. I took Nani in my arms and carried her. She was so little, petite. Her face was so peaceful and beautiful. Suddenly I felt an incredible impulse to kiss her lips, to feel her breath mix with mine, to see her eyes while I kiss her, to grab her waist. But at the same time I felt like something was wrong, like it shouldn’t be. I definitely had to talk with Liam. I tried to open the door with her key, trying very hard to not wake her. When I entered, I went directly to her room and put her in the bed. When I took off her shoes, she woke up.

“Niall?” she asked

“I am right here. I am going to go. Just go back to sleep,” I told her

“No, I will go with you to the door,” she told me, standing up. “Thank you for bringing me home,” she smiled. I smiled back

“No problem. I had a very fun night.”

She laughed. “I know you did, and I am sure I did too. You guys are fun; we should go out often when you have your free time. You need to practice your dance skills.” She laughed again and I joined her.

“I know I have to.”

Nani gave a step closer to me and I thought she was going to kiss me in the cheek like she always does, so I turn my face in the opposite direction, but she did a movement I wasn’t expecting and her lips were on mine by accident. I was so shocked that I didn’t move any muscle of my body. She didn’t moved either so I guess she was also surprised. My hands worked for themselves and grab Nani’s waist and put her closer to me. She threw her arm around my neck, without separating our lips the whole time. I felt electricity through my body when our lips met, and it was an amazing feeling. Nani responded the same way I did and hugged even tighter. Her lips tasted like vodka and I remembered that she was drunk, and maybe that was the reason why she responded that way to our kiss. She was just drunk and didn’t know what she was doing. I felt like I was taking advantage of her. But her lips were so delicious and I wanted to do this so bad. “It’s not right,” my conscience said. “She will not remember this tomorrow,” my conscience insisted. It was right, I was taking advantage for doing this, and I bet she didn’t even want to do this if she was sober. Because I was a little drunk too and didn’t notice what I was doing until I found myself kissing her neck. I jerked away and practically ran to the elevator. I didn’t even said goodbye but this kiss was overwhelming. I felt fire in my lips. I better just go home and sleep.

“I am drunk. It’s just that, I am just drunk,” I told myself. But I knew it was the best feeling I ever had and she was the only one who ever made me feel that way, even though she wasn’t even aware of it.

Nani POV*

I woke up by my phone buzzing without stopping. Even before I opened my eyes I felt the horrible headache result of the big amount of alcohol I consumed the night before. I growled and rolled in bed so I could reach my phone. I saw the screen and the caller ID: my mom. I inhale and thought about what I had to say to her, I couldn’t said I got drunk last night, she would kill me, literally give me a lesson through the phone and at that moment it was the last thing I needed.

“Hola mami,” (hi mommy) I said to her

“Hola mi niña. How are you?” she responded. We talked normally about some updates of my dad and brother. She gave me my sister’s number in Australia. She went there after a week I came to London but had a phone now.

“Did you see the picture of your friend? Neill?” she suddenly asked. I got tense; did she see pictures?

“Niall mom, and I don’t know, what picture?” I asked her innocently, I really didn’t know what picture she was talking about. I had no idea what happened last night, because the last thing I remembered was dancing with Niall and then start drinking. That’s all.

“I think it was from last night, and he was out and got drunk. This article says something about a possible girlfriend,” she explained. “I can’t see the girls face but he is hugging her and going out of a club.” I got nervous. Could that be me? I really don’t know what my mom was talking about.

“Well, he told me they were going out, but I don’t know which picture it is,” I said calmly, but inside I was praying that mom would drop the topic. If she knew I was drunk and with the boys, I don’t know what she would do.

“Oh, ok. I just saw it through the news,” she told me, and for my happiness, she changed the subject. We talked for about half an hour after that.

“Mom, I need to leave you because I have to go out. I need to go and pick up my car from the mechanic.” I was supposed to picked up my car at 11:00am and it was 9:30, and I was still in bed.

“Already fixing the car? You sure the car is safe? I knew you had bought another car a new one?”

“Mama era imposible, it was so expensive. A new car is crazy, and remember that London is expensive. I couldn’t afford that.”

“If you would tell us before you bought that car, we would have helped you.”

“Madre ya hablamos de esto (we talked about this before). I wanted to be independent and if I let you buy me a car, I would feel bad and that I’m too dependent on you,” I explained to my mother for the hundredth time.

“Yeah, whatever. Go and take a shower, I know you are still in bed.”

“Mom, it’s 9 in the morning. You better than anyone should know I never wake up at this time.” I laughed. She joined

“Yeah, I know. Well I have to go too, I have to go to work,” she said. It was Sunday but because of her job, she had to work almost every weekend. It was so annoying.

“Ok. Bye mama, love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” She hung up.

I stayed in bed a little while after I hung up, just thinking about that picture my mom mentioned. Was I the girl that was in the picture? Was some other girl? I didn’t remember anything and it was frustrating. I promised myself to never drink like that again. I looked at my phone and to my surprise, I had more than 2000 notifications from twitter and Instagram. That was weird. I always had like, 100 notifications lately, but this was so much. I opened Instagram first. I had so many comments on my picture, some of them were cute but the majority were rude, hater’s comments.

‘You should feel insecure, you are not that pretty.’ ‘You are fat, and they are too much perfection for you.’ ‘You are a bitch and slut.’ ‘Why are you with them?’

Those comments made me mad. What I did to them to say to me things like that? Because I was such a masochist person, I kept reading all the hateful comments and some of them mentioned me on another picture. I clicked on it and saw the picture of Niall and a girl getting out of the club we were last night. I looked closer and by the dress and the shoes that girl was me. I looked down at myself I was still wearing the dress; I guess I was too drunk to even change my clothes. The comments were saying that we were together and the fans were assuming that Niall and I were dating. What is happening, I don’t even remember anything? The comments were like resolving a puzzle; one of the many had my attention.

“Ok, so first we saw this girl in this great interview, and apparently she is a Directioner. Later, we saw the picture of her on Harry’s, and Louis’ Liam’s and Niall’s Instagram and twitter. Now, about two weeks later, we see the same girl on a club in Niall’s arms. I really don’t know what to think. I just know that this girl is friend with the boys and probably with Niall, and he hopefully will tell us everything.”

“What is this?” I said to myself. “Rumors, rumors and more rumors.”

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