Love and Hate

This is a Nial Horan Fan Finction. Najomitt is a huge directioner who won an interview and meet One Direction. After having a friendship Niall and Najomitt start having feelings for each other but Niall is scare about the fans and the hate she could recieve. What could happen when a couple receive so much hate?

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21. Not just a simple crush

I woke up early and tired, a result of my night with almost no sleep. After I ended talking with Caroline, I leaned in my bed looking at the ceiling, thinking on the kiss. Did I want to kiss Niall? The answer was simple; of course I did! All I ever wanted was to kiss him since the day I saw him through my computer. It was just a wish that I thought would never actually happen; but I now that I kissed him for real. But  I asked myself; did I REALLY want to do it? Do I have feelings for him? And the answer was obviously sure, and it is clear that I have feelings for him, more than just love for a celebrity crush. I like him and I am so attracted to him that every time I am near him I feel nervous, I laugh at something that is not even funny. I want to hug him and that he hug me back, and yes, I want him to kiss me.

Yes, I like Niall Horan for more than just a simple crush. It was something else. It made me happy to realize that I finally accept that I liked Niall but it made me sad at the same time because I know he didn’t felt the same about me. It was clear he was such a charming person but he is that way with everyone. He’s always so happy and hardly ever gets mad. I am just a fan who became a friend, that’s all. I am sure he just feels a friendship love and I should be content with it but the truth is I am not.

I wanted something more than just a friend but I had to convince myself that being friends was enough. I was lucky enough to have him as a friend, I should be pleased. I spend most of the night convincing myself that I should be pleased, and it would never work out. My subconscious had another plans. I dreamed about a time where Niall and I would be together, loving each other, going and leaving the crazy life that he has, but again it was just a dream. A perfect one, but still just a dream.

 

“Hello Nani, how are you this morning?” Robert asked me. Robert is one of my co-worker and one of the nicest people I ever met.

 

“I am good, thank you.” I smiled “A little nervous though. I invited my friends for lunch at my house and I don’t know what I will cook.” He didn’t know what friends they were, he just knew they were some friends who were really busy all the time and travel a lot. He was just fine by that answer.

 

“I am sure you will be fine.” He smiled at reassurance. “I have an idea. Why don’t you cook something typical of your country?”

 

“I think that’s a very good idea, I don’t know what I didn’t think of that before.”

 

“There you go! Tell me I am the smartest person in the world,” he laughed and I joined him.

 

“Yeah, you are.” I said rolling my eyes at him.

 

The rest of the morning passed very quickly. I was still nervous for the simple action of cooking. I’m not the best but I suggest them to come over, so I had to do it.  Why didn’t thought of something else to stalk them?

 

I checked my phone and saw some text messages from Liam and Harry just telling me that they were going to tell me when they were on their way to my house. Nothing from Niall. I hope he is still not angry at me. I know it would be awkward to know that I kissed him but I don’t want to add anything.

 

I was a little too stressed so I put some music on. A little too loud but I didn’t care since there were literally no neighbors. I took a quick a shower and put some make up on so I didn’t look as bad as I felt. Before I knew it, I was setting the little table and the counter and singing along with She’s Not Afraid. The song is very ironic for the moment, the girl is not afraid or anything but fall in love. I’m in the same situation with the simple difference that I am afraid of actually accept my feelings for someone else.

 

She’s not afraid of all the attention

 

She’s not afraid of running wild

 

How come she’s so afraid of falling in love?

 

She’s not afraid not afraid of scary movie

 

She like the way we kiss in the dark

 

But she’s so afraid of f-f-falling in love, love

 

When I turn around I see the 5 dream boys entering to my house. I blushed instantly. I was just dancing and singing along when they entered. It remembered me when Niall went to my hotel to give me the picture. He saw me singing also and joking about it. It seemed like a long time ago. My embarrassment  evaporated as fast as it came because Louis and Harry started singing along. In seconds we were all laughing, each of the guys sang their part I was just laughing by their faces. When it was Niall’s turn to sing I got nervous, I don’t know why I just felt that way. What if he was still mad? Would be as awkward as I imagine? He was smiling so I put all the questions to the back of my head. My favorite part of the song became a reality when I heard Niall’s laugh. Every time I heard his laugh it put me in such a good mood. I always wait until that moment of the song to smile and right now, when he is laughing right in front of me, it erased all my worries and I just laughed with him.

 

“Wow, that was fun. I see that you know every part of the song.” Louis winked at me.

 

“Well, you see I don’t call myself a Directioner for nothing.” I laughed.

 

“What else do you do besides knowing all of our songs?” he asked with a smirk.

 

“You know, spend most of my teenage years obsessing over five idiots, spend most of my days in front of a computer just to fangirl with others, and making friends all over the world. Oh, and let’s not forget about the crazy voting when there is some awards going on. Stayed up all night just to hear a song or buy an album. You know the usual.”

 

“And how do you feel about it?” Liam asked me.

 

“I couldn’t be happier.” I shrug.

 

I looked at Niall and caught him looking at me. He quickly looked away and blushed. I sighed; I guessed it would be tense as I thought it would be.

 

“Smells good. What did you cook?” Liam asked. He probably felt the tension too.

 

“It is called Pabellon Criollo and it is a food typical from Venezuela. Please guys, you don’t need to feel obliged to like it just to not hurt my feelings. Seriously, if you don’t like it I can call for pizza. I know I am not the best cook,” I warned everybody. I don’t want them to eat something that they don’t like just because of me.

 

“The other night you said the same and it wasn’t bad at all,” Niall said. At the moment I heard his voice, my heart rate quick and I involuntarily smiled.

 

“Thank you. But I am serious, if you don’t like it just tell me”

 

“What does this have?” Zayn asked

 

“Rice, black beans, plantain, and meat. Some people like it with eggs but I don’t like them so I didn’t make them.”

 

I waited for all the guys reactions. All of them were good I heard some, ‘it is delicious,’ ‘it’s great,’ ‘I like it.’

 

The rest of the meal was very good. Everybody liked the food and I felt proud of myself. Niall was setting next to me on the counter with Liam. Zayn, Louis, and Harry were sitting at the table. Niall never looked at me or even talked to me. It made me sad to notice how uncomfortable he looked.

 

“Guys, you are not going to believe what I saw on twitter the other day,” Zayn said after some minutes of silence. “Some crazy hashtags. The first one I saw was Sex with Liam Be Like.” The moment I heard it I choked. I cough and everyone looked at me. I couldn’t believe he saw that!

 

“Are you okay?” Niall asked me. I nodded.

 

“But I keep searching for it, and it was fucking crazy, but I saw the same hashtag with all of our names. I swear, I worry about our fans,” Zayn kept saying. I cough a little more to hide my laugh “Did you see that Nani?”

 

“Me? What? No?” I lied. Of course I did! I even tweeted on my fan account that thank god nobody knew it was mine because it will be so embarrassing for me if they knew that I tweeted. “I haven’t been very active these days,” I lied again. I always am on my phone and my favorite social media. I can’t help it; I am a fangirl.

 

The rest of the day went quickly and the tension between Niall and I evaporate. We were all joking about anything in specific. I love everyone’s laugh but Niall’s had a different effect on me. I don’t know why. I just love the way he laughs so hard that his cheeks turn red, how he claps his hand, how his eyes glows every time. Actually, just him in general.

 

“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” I said after a while of just laughing. They are just the great people I met, and they’re just like any other normal person. I checked my make up and fix my hair.

 

When I walked into the hall I hear Liam whispering something but I still could hear.

 

“Niall, you need to talk to her,” Liam said. I frowned. Talk to me about what?

 

“I already told you, I will tell her when I am completely sure, and I am still confused with all of this,” Niall answered.

 

What they were talking about? Niall talking to me about what? He said he was confused. I felt little bit of hope. He probably was feeling something towards me too, maybe he likes me too, but he wasn’t sure yet; I dropped the thought because it wouldn’t explain why he was so angry and uncomfortable around me. I could sense.

 

“C’mon mate, just tell her that…” Harry started saying

 

“No, I will not tell her something that I don’t…” he stopped talking the same time he saw me walking towards them. I just couldn’t hear what he really wanted to say.

“I am not going to tell her something that I don’t feel.” I could hear his voice pronouncing those words and even when it shouldn’t it hurt, and hurt really bad. Instead of crying for the ache in my chest, I just planted a bright smile on my lips which Louis made sure that I never dropped. He really is the funny one.

Around 8, they had to leave because they were tired, but not before Harry telling me to come over to their house on Friday because they all were going to visit their families while their free time, and wouldn’t see each other for a least two more weeks. Sometimes I feel like they are never here even though it’s their days off. I hugged each one of them but when was Niall turn we felt the tension raised again. I could see the confusion and debut behind his eyes, but why?

 

“Ahmm, well, I guess I will see you later then.” He smiled at me. I looked at him in the eyes but he looked away. I couldn’t hold it anymore.

 

“Niall look, I don’t remember a lot from the party but I know you haven’t been the same with me,” I said honestly. The rest of the guys were already out so we were the only ones in the room.

 “I know about the kiss and I am so sorry really, just understand I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking straight.” My eyes started to form tears but I hold them, I couldn’t cry.

 

His eyes went wide by my statement. “How do you know that? About the kiss?” His tone was strange; it held no emotion. It was something so new to me to see this Niall with no emotion. I always see him with so much life and happiness.

 

“Caroline told me, but it doesn’t matter now. The only thing I want right now is this not to be awkward between us. I understand that you are mad because I kissed you and you didn’t want it but please, I want you to forgive me,” I begged. I really didn’t want Niall to be piss off at me just for a kiss. Well, just a kiss for him. For me was a little more and even thought I don’t remember, the butterflies I got in my stomach is clear evidence of my feelings; I wanted to be friends even thought I have more than friendship love towards him.

He didn’t say anything for so long that I had to look up at him. I bite my lips by the nervousness I had, and after the longest 30 seconds he finally spoke up.

“Nani, I am not mad at you. It is just I am a little confused right now, you know?” I frowned. Confused about what? I remembered their earlier conversation when he almost said, ‘I am not going to tell her something that I don’t feel.’ He sounded pretty confused but I couldn’t take it that far. I know is just my imagination playing tricks with me by suggesting that Niall could have feelings for me. I know is stupid and I did not want to believe them because if I did, the sad reality will come after all and ruined me.

“Never mind. You don’t have to apologize for anything. I know you were drunk and it is okay.” He smiled his natural and beautiful smiled that he always had. “And who told you I didn’t want it?” He smirked and before I could say something in response, he left.

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