Love and Hate

This is a Nial Horan Fan Finction. Najomitt is a huge directioner who won an interview and meet One Direction. After having a friendship Niall and Najomitt start having feelings for each other but Niall is scare about the fans and the hate she could recieve. What could happen when a couple receive so much hate?

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20. I kissed Niall?

I had to find out what happened last night. It was frustrating not remember anything. It took me by surprise. Niall’s drastic change of humor when he told me about something that happened on my house; I was very nervous and at the same time scare about what I’ve done, if I embarrassed myself in front of him but I wasn’t sure because his mood was kind of tense. I think if I did something funny he would laugh, right? Why would he be like that? One of my biggest questions at the moment. I had to do something, I couldn’t just let it go, because of my actions people now think I am Niall’s girlfriend, I have pictures everywhere, and I lied to my mom about going out and I wasn’t even aware of it. I didn’t like being left out of something when that “SOMETHING” was about me.   

I planned something so I could get all of the guys together and talk about what happened, but not like a detective way, just as friend and casual. I was thinking on inviting them to my house for lunch so we could talk and I would ask them about last night. I had to know. I took my phone and dialed Liam’s number first while I was waiting on a red light.

“Hello?” Liam answered.

 

“Hey, sexy boy.” He laughed at my greeting.

“How are you today, Nani?” He responded in a polite way.

“I am great. Look, I was planning to invite you guys to my house for lunch tomorrow. Are you free?” I asked, waiting for the answer to be yes.

“Let me see. I think like around 3 would be fine because we have a photo shoot in the morning and we would be free by 2-2:30,” he explained. They are always so busy; I don’t know how they are not tired.

“It is fine for me. I will call the rest of the guys then. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Excellent. Bye, see you.” He hung up. I had to plan a really good lunch; I wanted to impress them but I wasn’t a great cook. I know some things but nothing really fancy.

I dialed Louis’, Zayn’s, Harry’s, and Niall’s number. I wanted to have Niall last because I wasn’t sure if he was still mad for our earlier conversation,  but it was better be sure. When I dialed his number, it sent me directly to voicemail, so I decided to leave him a message. I sighed. I guess he was still tense about it, but that only made me more curious about all of this. Why was he mad and so tense? What did I do to him to make him react like that?  

“Hi Niall, it’s Nani. I just wanted to invite you for lunch tomorrow at my house about 3. I already talk with the guys. Please call me if you need anything. I am sorry for whatever happened yesterday at my house, and for what I said earlier I just wanted to know what happened. Hopefully I will see you tomorrow.” I sighed when I hung up. I really felt bad because of Niall’s reaction; his reaction affected me more than it should.

‘Admit it, you fancy him too much. You like him,’ The voice inside of my head said to me.

No I don’t, I don’t fancy him, let alone I like him. Yes, I love him in a way nobody understands because he is my idol, but nothing else. I love him the same way I love the rest of the guys. I told to myself.

No, you don’t, you like him more than you would admit it. The annoying voice kept fighting

“No I don’t!” I said out loud. Nobody would hear me anyways. I wouldn’t admit I like Niall, and if I would, it wouldn’t work. He doesn’t like me back anyways, and that was obvious. Plus I wasn’t enough for him. He was a superstar and I was just another crazy fan who is incredibly in love with the biggest boy band in the world. Definitely wouldn’t work out at all even if I wanted to. I cannot lie, just the thought of it hurt, it hurt to know that this never would actually go somewhere further than just a friendship.

I looked myself in the mirror. I wiped away some tears that started to formed in my eyes. Inhaling and exhaling, I tried to calm myself and erase the ache on my heart. This shouldn’t hurt like it is doing, because he was just a friend who was just in some bad mood in the morning and the one who saw something that shouldn’t and I didn’t know what but just that. Just. A. Friend. I shook my head to drive to the supermarket to buy the ingredients to make the food for the next day.

Niall POV*

After talking with Nani on the phone I felt so bad. Why I was so harsh with her? I was tense because I didn’t know if she remembered the kiss, but when she asked me what happened, I don’t know what got me. I knew she wouldn’t remember because of how drunk she was but a part of me wanted her to remember, to know if she felt the same way I did, if she felt the burn in our lips, the electricity in her whole body. I wanted to know if she liked it as much as I did. The fact that she didn’t remember drove me mad. I just was hoping she would remember at least a little bit of it, but apparently she didn’t.

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. We had the day free and I was tired and had a hangover, and even though I didn’t drink as much as Nani, my head still hurt but I couldn’t just stay in bed. I had to do something else because my mind would go back to our kiss, and that would be bad because would drove me again to madness and not for her but for myself, for letting myself kiss her when I knew I was kind of taking advantage of her, of her state and the fact that she wouldn’t remember. I changed my cloths and headed to the gym and turned my phone off so nobody would disturb my session of exercise. I didn’t see any of the guys so I guessed they were out. I put Nani out of my head and concentrated exclusively on the exercise.

When I headed back to the house, Liam was in the kitchen. At the first sight of him I remembered that I had to talk to him about my feelings for Nani; now Nani is always in my thoughts, everything I see or feel always ends in Nani. What have she done to me? I walked towards him; I had to get this thing that I was feeling out of my heart. He smiled at me when he saw me enter the kitchen.

“Hey mate, how are you?” he asked me. I wanted to tell him confused, crazy, unsure, insecure, afraid that’s how I am, but I just put those words aside for now.

“I am good, just got back from the gym,” I responded. He nodded in response. I wanted to tell him everything because I know he wouldn’t judge me and help to get through all of this mess that are my feeling right now, but I just don’t know how to start to saying everything. “Liam… ahmm I wanted to talk to you for a second,” I started. He looked at me with a frown but stayed quiet so I could keep talking. “It’s about Nani.”

He smiled at me. “Of course it is about her.” I frowned at him, confused “Never mind. Keep talking.”

“Well, you know since I met her, I feel…” I don’t know how to put it in words, it is really hard to describe. “Attracted to her? She is just so adorable and pretty and I haven’t been in a relationship in so long.” I’m trying  to excuse myself for feeling attracted to Nani now? “It’s not like I like her that much but yes, I kind of like her.” Liam looked at him with confused face. “I don’t even know what I just said.” I was so nervous .

“Niall, just calm down! I will understand everything ok?” He tells me in an extremely calm tone. “You told me you feel attract to her?” I nodded “But you don’t like her.”

“Yes, I do like her, it’s just… I am afraid,” I confessed. I felt embarrassed to admit that I was actually afraid. I looked at the ground

“Afraid of what?” Liam asked me with concern in his voice

“Afraid of the hate, afraid that if I get too involve with her the media, the fans, the whole world turns against our relationship.” I sighed “We are used to this, we live it every day, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t deal with all of this type of stuff in her daily life. I am worried and I hate the fact that I have to consider the fans, the media and everything before my feelings.” I am frustrated by everything, and it was very noticeable in my voice. I know Liam knew where I was going with this conversation

“You wanted to talk with me because of Danielle and I’s relationship.” He nodded

“I… I didn’t want to… I just…” I didn’t know what to say, because this was a topic that none of us talked about. It does just bring back so many memories of heartbroken Liam who had to hide his pain and make it up with a smile because of our job. He shook his head and raised his hand to silence me.

“Don’t worry, it is fine. Look, I know and you know this is not easy,” he started. “All the hate she could get, both of you, the judgment, the rumors just everything is hard to handle and I am not going to lie to you. It is very hard but we need to keep going, we need to deal with it. If you really like Nani you shouldn’t put everyone’s reaction or feelings before your own. You need to think in your feelings and hers first before anyone else. You can’t let the media and other people control your whole life.”

 I felt much better talking with Liam. I knew he would understand better than anyone. “Please tell me you would think about it. I really like Nani and she doesn’t look the type of girl who is with us just by our popularity.” I smiled at his compliment to her. Of course she is not; she is the sweetest girl I ever met

“I will. Thank you.” I felt a little clearer on what to do but still so many things to think of.

“Are you coming to lunch tomorrow in Nani’s house?” he asked and I had no idea what he was talking about

“Nani’s house? Tomorrow? Don’t we have a photo shot tomorrow in the morning?” I asked, confused. She haven’t told me anything about lunch.

“Yes, we do, but we get out at 2pm. We are going to her house at 3,” he explained. “Didn’t she call you? She called me and the guys to tell us.” I felt suddenly jealous towards my best friends just for the fact that she called them before me, but I remembered that I turned my phone off.

“Maybe she left a message. I had my phone off while I was at the gym,” I explained. I search for my phone to turn it on and the first thing I saw was a new voicemail. My heart raced quicker at just the thought of her calling me. 

You are such a girl. I told to myself. I put the phone on speaker so Liam could also listen.

“Hi Niall, it’s Nani. I just wanted to invite you for lunch tomorrow at my house about 3. I already talked with the guys. Please call me if you need anything. I am sorry for whatever happened yesterday at my house, and for what I said earlier, I just wanted to know what happened. Hopefully I will see you tomorrow.” Her voice was sad and full of concern. I frowned. My heart ached just because of her tone and I knew the reason was me.

“Why she is apologizing?” Liam asked. “And what happen in her house?”

I didn’t know if I was ready to tell him about the kiss but I wanted to tell somebody about it. This all situation was making crazy and so confused.

“I kissed her,” I admitted and his eyes widened. “It happened when I took her home.”

“You kissed her?”

“No, she kissed me. She didn’t know what she was doing.” 

“She was more than wasted Niall. That’s why she was saying that she just wanted to know what happened, right?” he asked. He was getting a little angry by my actions

“Yes, she doesn’t remember anything.”

“Then why did she sound so sad?” I can’t believe he also noticed the sadness in her voice. I thought I was the only one but I guess it was pretty obvious 

“Well… when we were talking earlier, she asked me about some photos that are in the internet from last night and some rumors that we are dating. Then I got nervous because I didn’t know if she remembered the kiss and when she answered me no, I got a little mad and I was harsh with her.”

Now that I said it out loud it sounded so stupid. I slapped myself in my mind for being harsh with her for no reason. “I know it’s stupid but I just had to hope that she would remember.”

“Niall, like you said before, she didn’t know what she was doing. If you didn’t stop her then you basically took advantage of her state.” I love my best friend but this was too much.

“You don’t understand Liam. You don’t know how much I wanted to kiss her, and you don’t know how long I waited or how good it felt when it finally happened. Don’t you think I also felt like I was taking advantage of her? Of course I did! But I just couldn’t stop.” I breathed heavily. I felt tired after my discussion; this whole heart to heart conversation made you tired. Liam put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a friendly smile/

“I know how you feel man. I really do, I just want you to think twice before you act” he said in the kindest tone.

“I know I have to but I just couldn’t think in that moment. I better go apologize to her.” I smiled at him.

“You should.” He nodded

“Thank you Liam. Really, you helped me a lot”

“No problem at all, you know how it is.” I really don’t know what I would do without those guys.

I went to my room, took a shower and then I would try to apologize with Nani. I tried to call to her cell but got me to her voice mail. I tried three more times but she never picked up. Maybe she was still sad and now mad at me because of what I said before. I really didn’t want her to be mad at me.

I chuckled at myself. Since when do I care if a girl is mad at me or not? Seriously, Nani made something inside of me that I don’t even know what it is. I gave up on trying on talking to her; I would talk to her in her house. I just really hope she would accept my words because I would be heartbroken if she didn’t. I spent most of the afternoon talking with my mom and watching some football. I had to wake up really early the next day for our photo shoot. I love my job but waking up early is something that I surely never enjoy.

 

Nani POV*

I tried not to think about Niall but it was impossible. He always came back to my mind; his smile, his eyes, his laugh, it’s something you dream of. It hurt that he was mad at me for no reason, but I pushed it to the back of my head. I called Caroline to try to stop thinking of Niall. I invited her for lunch too but she told me she had to work. 

“Why do you sound sad Nani?” Caroline asked. 

“What? What are you talking about?” I asked nervously. I didn’t want anybody to notice that I was hurt by Niall harsh attitude. Why can I get over it yet? 

“Oh please Nani! You should be the happiest person right now,” she responded simply. I frowned. 

“How can I be the happiest person in the world?” 

“Ohm come on Nani, don’t tell me that you didn’t want that kiss. I mean, you kissed him!” she laughed. I think my face ran out of color. Kiss? 

“What are you talking about? What kiss?” I was desperate by that time. A kiss between Niall and I? I was so confused.

“Don’t you remember anything from yesterday?” she asked me.

“No, nothing, and I am freaking out about it. I hate not knowing what happened. I already told about the picture and the rumor so you can imagine. But now tell me what kiss?” I demanded. 

“When we arrived to your apartment I went up to mine as well and he stayed with you, but I felt bad because I didn’t even thank Niall for bring us. So  I went to the stairs and the first thing I saw was you and Niall kissing. I was shocked! I thought, ‘wow they finally kissed’. I felt uncomfortable so I went back upstairs. I don’t know anything after that.” If she was shocked, I was 10 times worse than her

“I KISSED NIALL?!” I shout in surprise. I started to panic. Something in my head clicked. That’s why he was in that mood this morning, because he didn’t like the kiss! I knew I did something but kissing him definitely wasn’t in my mind. It was something that I had always dreamed of but never ever thought I would actually do it, let alone when I was drunk and not remembering anything about it. “I kissed Niall, I don’t remember any of it, he didn’t want it, and now he is pissed off with me for it,” I whispered loud enough for Caroline to hear it.

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