Depression diaries

The depression diary
The words of a broken girl.
She speak her heart soul and emotion through he power of words even though words where the things that broke her combined with physical hurt.
50% true x :(

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3. Pencil sharpener blades

When all the thoughts feelings and words coming flooding back you just want to give up. You feel like shit and you don't know any way out. Surrounded by darkness pain and mistakes. You thought about doing it again trying to find the escape, but really it's calling your name and your walking closer each day. 

That night last night I couldn't help it, under so much pressure and hate. I had given up, the thingi si. Had given up for a while but not really. I found sharp object sliding them against my sking hope to cause some kind of pain. It never worked and never showed marks. I used bobbles and pinged them against my skin hard, It left bright red marks across my flesh, but within moments they disappeared. I wanted the marks to stay but I didn't . I sound like a crazy idiot who needs to be locked up now :( don't hate me I can't handle another hater please! 

I found a pencil sharpener and a screw driver. I unscrewed the blade from the plastic cover aground it and threw away the bolt holding it in place. I grabbed the blade seeing how sharp it was, I sliced it across paper testing it's powers. I had great power to harm. Finally making my last choice I said there's no going back now as I pulled it against my arm. I started gental and light. On my arms.then I moved to my leg, close to my ankle. I thought I'd see how much harm I could really do. Pressing harder longer deeper marks. Now I'm scared. The lower leg,by the ankle. Little red lines going across, I went deep enough to bleed but only a little. But u don't think it's ever going to fade not like the marks on my arm, there already disappearing. What are other friends going to say? I told my friend and she's helping me, I asked her to tell my boyfriend and I scared him he didn't sleep well terrified if do more. Then I told a final friend who cares a little less but just enough. 

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