Depression diaries

The depression diary
The words of a broken girl.
She speak her heart soul and emotion through he power of words even though words where the things that broke her combined with physical hurt.
50% true x :(


5. Boyfriend

Being afraid of falling in love with someone who you don't know that well and  when you tell them it feels good but scary. That's howi. Felt a week before he asked me out. Amazing that he secretly felt the same, I guess it all turned out ok though.

It started when he found out on one day he asked to meet me but I forgot and didn't turn up, when I remember he was gone. Then someone told me he was looking for me but I never found him. Then people dragged me towards him but I ran away in fear which upset him, he though I no longer liked him. Then the next day him and his friend hang out with us and tried to hook us up but that didn't work, when he was about to ask my friend fell over and I went to help out and I had to go, so did he. Then on the 13th he asked to see me. The 13th is always my unlucky day. But I guess now it's my lucky day cuz I talked to him and he asked me out :). 13 th of November I was so happy. 

It didn't last long. The happiness. We are still together but it's hard for me. Because I, always upset depressed and feel like I'm go if to cry. I don't want him to see me in tears so I always run away. When he found out about my self harm he freaked out and I scared him. He makes sure I know he loves me everyday and makes sure I won't do it again. 

Another time where I felt weird around him was, he wanted to kiss me. Like he loved me that much. But the thing is iv never kissed anyone I don't know how. So I ignored him. But that didn't help at all. 

The weird thing is. Before lunch on Friday 13th December it was really awkward. I. Don't know why. This was the day I self harmed. When I ran away he got upset and annoyed cuz he thought I no longer liked me someone said. But my friend told him I was running away cuz I was really upset and I don't want to be around him when I'm about to cry. He understood, but the thing is when I got home that's when pencil sharpener blades comes  in. 

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