Cry Lovely

'Anxiety shot through my veins, raging fires. I don't know what I want. I'm confused. Broken. Searching for hopeless love. It's hiding, I'll find it one day not today. No one will love a broken girl. She has herself. Her mind filled with psychotic thoughts.'


12. Pass By

I couldn't function it. I couldn't understand.

I didn't know what to think. I was so confused trying to process what harry had told me and what I was looking at right now. It didn't make any sense, didn't he know? Did the lady just send him to an empty hospital room? I looked closer at the certificate and noticed it dated back to last year. I was frustrated, why was she showing me this and not him?

"Why are you showing this to me and not him? Doesn't he know?" I waved the folder in front of her face trying to get her attention from the computer screen. She sighed.

"He. He knows." She put her head in her hands and shook her head. She looked back up at me. "We informed him on the day of her passing. He couldn't handle the information too well. He came in the next day asking to visit her. We explained to him that she was no longer here. He had the funeral two days later, I heard it was very small only a couple family members flew out. The next week he came in asking to see her. We were all confused, he knew everything. He just couldn't let her go. He goes to her old hospital room once a week and sits in there for hours reading a story book. He seems perfectly normal, I'm not quite sure why he does it."

This made me worry. I knew everything was going to be alright he is going to be alright. "Thank you." I told the lady, she nodded and I turned to the hallway and walked passed doors looking in searching for Harry. I found him in room 56B. There was nothing in the room accept normal hospital furniture. The widows had a view of the hospital garden. Harry was sitting in a chair and had his head in his hands. I walked over and put my hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at me his eyes were red and puffy but no tears were shed. I kneeled down to be at eye level with him.

"Let's go talk to her." I put my hands on his cheeks and looked straight into his eyes. I wanted to get through to him so he could move on from this feeling of abandonment. He nodded and he pulled me into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, he let go and a tear started to break away from his eye.

"Please don't cry love." I wiped it away and stood up to help him out of the chair. We walked back down the hallway in silence, passing the hospital rooms and employes waking by. We walked past the front desk and out the big glass doors. Back into his car. I got in the drivers seat instead and backed the car out of the parking lot to head towards the cemetery. Harry stared out the window watching things pass by.

I didn't want to ask him anything. He needed a break for a moment. The cemetery was in downtown Stinson sort of in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a forest. It was a 30 minute drive from the hospital. I parked the car in a pull over on the side of the road. We had to walk on foot the rest of the way there. It was a down hill dirt path winding around giant trees. I followed Harry down deeper into the path. It was around 3 resulting in the sun rays to shine perfectly through the tree branches. I stopped to look up above and breathe in the wild air. Harry stopped to look back at me.

"It's beautiful isn't it." I said throwing my hands into my front pockets. He continued to look at me with his soft eyes. I started to walk over to him and we both made it to the clearing out of the forest and to the flat area revealing the cemetery.

I followed him around different graves to a plain looking slab of rock. It was surround with dried white roses and a dark green hardcover book. It read Anne Cox. Harry sat down in front of her grave so I did the same.

"She would take my sister and I to the beaches in England when we were little. We would go to the tide pools looking for crabs and starfish." He laid back on the grass with his hands behind his head. I laid down beside him looking up at the rolling clouds. "I remember she would take us out to the sweet shop and buy us a piece of taffy. Caramel was always my favorite flavor. She did everything for us. And I didn't do everything for her. I thought she was going to push through and live with me forever. But that's not how reality works." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I would do anything to talk to her one more time." I turned my head to look at him. His loose curls engulfing his face. He turned his head to look at me.

"I'm sorry Harry."

"Yeah. Me too." He didn't look me in the eye he kept his sight out of my reach. He turned his head back up to fave the sky. I leaned in closer to his eye.

"Let me save you." I whispered so softly and quiet. He immediately turned his head to look me in the eyes. There it was. His eyes that froze my entire body. I stood up and held my hand out motioning him to take it. He stood up towering over me. His height and frame made me feel small and helpless. I knew we were both on the same page in this world we call home. "Were smaller then we think. It causes us to do crazy thing and break back down so easily." He leaned his face in closer to mine his eyes locking with mine.

"I'm falling apart Harry." I looked down at my feet to fidget. He placed both his hands on my cheeks and lowered his head to look up at me. "I breaking apart right beside you. Don't fall too far, I'll be right here." I crashed my face into his chest putting both my hands up to cradle my face. He wrapped his arms around my torso pulling in tight. He laid his head down on my shoulder. I pulled away to look back up to him. The wind was blowing his curls all over the places causing them to fall into his face. I pulled a couple away from his face making him smile.

"Let's go."

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