Cry Lovely

'Anxiety shot through my veins, raging fires. I don't know what I want. I'm confused. Broken. Searching for hopeless love. It's hiding, I'll find it one day not today. No one will love a broken girl. She has herself. Her mind filled with psychotic thoughts.'


1. Night

I did it for them, not for me. They pushed me and threw me down. I was done holding it in and watching the world turn upside down. So I ran, I ran. I ran, I ran without thinking I ran without caring. I ran away from the words and the sounds that kept replaying in my head. I loved them, I loved them all. They seemed happier without me in the picture. My dad loved me to death and I to he, he was everything to me and still is. I cry about him everyday. My step mum critiques me over and over about anything I can possibly do. Maybe that's out of love, but it hurts. At least they acted like I was there. The life in Stinson that I had was awful and lovely it's all twisted around so I got exactly what I didn't need. I didn't know what to do, I thought of the beach. That's all I had left was the beach. I have never lived anywhere else I always lived walking distance from a beach. This was my home. Too bad I wasn't born a fish maybe I wouldn't have so many problems. It was 2h31 am, everyone was sleeping except me. I was sitting in my old red Volkswagen car with clothes, food, a pillow and six blankets, and about 20,000 in cash. In my hand I had my phone and headphones. I changed my number about 4 hours ago so they can't reach me. The only thing on the phone was music and pictures. I guess that's all I needed to be happy. But if I had known what I know now, I would have never wanted it in the first place.

The moon was a crescent in the sky that reminded me of the Cheshire Cat smile from Alice in Wonderland. I drove as slow as I possibly could so I could say goodbye to the trees and houses and flowers that I grew up with. Out of my rear view mirror I saw a black car speeding up close behind me, I turned right on the closest block so he could pass with running me over. I knew all of the people in the neighbor hood I lived in they were either really old people or snotty rich folks. I pulled up to a special part of Stinson beach. The sand was finer and softer while the waves were calmly crashing onto the shore creating a soothing rumble. I grabbed a blanket so I could lay down and be by the water to star gaze until I decided to leave my home. I heard a car pull up to the outskirts of the beach. I looked over my shoulder to see the black car that was previously racing behind me and my car. A boy, 19 or 20 about my age, stepped out of the car. His tall dark frame and loose curly hair made me stare out of curiosity.

He was standing next to his car, one hand on the car door and the other on his head. He slammed the door real hard and turned to face the water. I recognized him. I've seen him at school but never talked to him and I've seen him around town but never talked to him. The rumor about him was he never stayed in one place longer then he should. He didn't seem to be a people person getting in fights all the time and having a high temper. Those were all rumors though I have never actually gotten to know him. His name was Harry I stayed low I was closer to the end of my secret beach. I thought I was the only one who knew about this spot on the beach not even my friends or my dad. It was my sanctuary to get from my thoughts. I watched the boy as he walked steady and slow closer to the waters edge. I assumed he hadn't seen me because he kept his head down while he fiddled with some rings on his fingers. I laid back down and tried to go back to finding all the constellations in the winter sky. Five minutes must of past before I looked back over to where the boy stood by the water. He was gone, his car was still parked at the edge if the sand but he was not inside. I hesitated. I got up and ran to his path of footprints in the sand I followed them to the waters edge and saw silver rings on the wet sand. I looked out at the sea, I looked up and down the coast hoping I would see him standing near by. But he wasn't. I was worried I didn't know what to think.


I yelled hoping to receive an answer. I pulled my shoes and jacket off and dove into the freezing waves of Stinson beach. I dove under and over waves hoping to find something. I was looking for Harry but I didn't know if he was even here. I was out past the break and I saw a black object floating in the water. I swam over hoping it was nothing. It was him, he was face down in the water. I pulled him to me and lifted his head out of the water. He didn't respond and seemed unconscious. I had no time to check right then and there if he was breathing or not. I put him on my back and started to swim, I swam as fast as I could. My feet couldn't touch the bottom of the dark waters so I kicked and paddled more and more and finally back to the breaking waves. I caught a wave in to pull Harry and I the rest if the way onto the sandbank. I stood up and put my arms under his shoulders to pull him up on the dry sand to get him away from the water.

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