Story Of My Life

This is my story. Well i changed parts of it, as Liam, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Harry and Justin aren't my best friends :(
My story is about selfharm, eating disorders and suicidal thoughts.


7. Food

"Can I hold your hand, my lady?" Justin asked as we got out of the van. "I'd like to hold your other hand!" Louis shouted jokingly, waiting to get out of the van. "I can hold your foot" Niall said. "Gimme ya otha foot" Harry said, immitating Zayns voice. "Guys please, 1 is enough" I laughed. "I'll take care of her!" it was Jake. Jake is my bodyguard he was 21 years old, always joking around and pretty sexy. Not that I was attracted to him in some way. Not at all. I had my Justin and I would never choose anyone over him. Anyways, there were girls staring at us, running towards us and screeming at us. Our bodyguards all walked in with us. The only thing I don't like about being 'famous' is that there is always security around. I didn't care about the papparazzi, couldn't help my life was so much more interesting as theirs. 
"Babe, what do you wanna eat?" It was Louis' voice. "I'd like to get some carrots, hun." Harry replied. We were all laughing about their bromance. Justin took my hand "Whats wrong, beauty?" he asked. "I'm just not hungry and a bit tired" I said. At the same time my belly started growling. "Look who's starving!!" Liam shouted while laughing, "Rose I could even hear your stomach here." "Sorry" I said and turned around, looking for a table. Paul, Kenny and Jake walked with me to a big empty table and we sat down. My phone in my bag started buzzing so I took it out and looked at the screen, I had a new message from Zayn. 
Hey babe, what's going trough your mind? Can I help you? I'd do everything for the best, most beautiful and sweetest girl ever. xxx Zach 
He loved how I gave him his nickname Zach. I smiled as I read his cute message. "Ooehh who is the special one?" Kenny and Jake started teasing me. "Replacing Justin?" Kenny asked. "Hey coockie."  it was Zayn who walked in with Liam and with loads of hamburgers, fries and two milkshakes. "Hey Zach, hey Li" I said. Zayn sat down on the other side of the table, facing me. He grabbed my hand and said: "Wonderfull, you can tell me anything, you know that!" I nodded. I looked down because I felt my eyes forming tears. He sqeezed my had a little and bent over the table to kiss my hair. At that moment Justin walked in with Louis by his side. "Justin she's cheating on you!" Louis started yelling. "I know she does." Justin said with a chuckle and placed himself next to me and grabbed my hand which was laying on my lap. I looked him in his eyes and he squuzed my hand a little. I guess he saw the tears in my eyes almost falling down because he kissed me gently justin under my left eye. "Here princess, this is for you." he said handing me a milkshake, kipfingers a cheese burger and some fries with his other hand. "Thanks" I said quietly, realizing I had to eat all of this. My brains were adding up all the calories in the food. "Could you guys excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the bathroom" and I left.

Two girls followed me to the bathroom, I sighted. I walked a little faster, I didn't want them to see me like this, but knowing that they were probbalby going to wait till I was finished in the bathroom. I opened the door to the toilets and inspected myself in the mirror. The girls followed in and started giggling. This made me feel so unconfortable. Then the blonde, skinny girl said: "Hey you are Rose, right? Could we please get your autograph and a picture?" "Fine, but let me finish my makeup first" I said and smiled. "We are a massive fan of you, we love your youtube videos, you have an awesome personality and a beautiful voice." the chubby brunette said. "Thank you, allright let's make this awesome picture." I said. We posed, I gave them my autograph and they left. As soon as the door was closed again I opened the door to one of the toilets, locked it and bent down. I threw up but it was only water, which i had been drinking all day. I was proud of myself, knowing my stomach was all empty now. I washed my hands and sat down next to Justin. "Sorry handsome, but two girls wanted to make some pictures." "Were they hot? next time I walk with you!!" he said and looked me playfully in my eyes. I couldn't resist him anymore and pressed my lips on his. He kissed me passionatly back and - "Ieeuww" we looked up and and I saw Harry pointing at me. "We're eating for christs sake" he said. "Oh tell me you and Lou never do that." I said teasing him a bit and started eating my fries.

I was eating really slowly. I didn't want to dissapoint Justin and the others but I didn't want to dissapoint myself by eating. Niall was staring my cheese burger from my plate so I gave it to him. "Thanks, you're the most wonderfull girl in the universe!" he said. "You're welcome, little one" Niall ate the burger and stole some of my fries. Well, everyone was stealing my fries. "Babe, are you gonna finish that?" it was Zayn pointing his finger on my kipfingers. I gave the two I didn't eat to him and started sippin my massive milkshake. How many calories would it contain? 500? 1000? I started freaking out. "Darling, maybe we should go home." Justin said quitly with his soft but strong voice. I was shaking so he took my hand and guided me out. "Zayn, can you please help me for a sec!?" Justin asked. I was still shaking and freaking out when Zayn gave me a big hug. "I have to pie so bad!! Rose, Zayn will take care of you. I'll be back in a few seconds." he said and left. I was so mad at myself, Zayn sqeezed me a little tighter but it didn't help. I ran back inside, directly to the toilets. The tears streamed down my face as I finally arrived. "Rose wait!" I heard Zayn before the door fell in the lock. I didn't care, it were too many calories. They had to go out of me. I puked several times, till I saw no more fries and kipfingers coming out. I flushed the toilet and opened the door. I started washing my hands as my phone in my pocket started buzzing. I looked at it, Jake has sent me a message
Hey girl, would you mind if Justin came in? xx Jake

Yes I do mind, will be back in a few secs xx me I replied him. I removed the mascara which was under my eyes now and left the toilets. As I opened the door I saw Justins sad face, I never saw him cry bit this was the second time today. He gently pulled me in a tight hug and ran with his fingers trough my hair. "Everything will be fine,  I am here for you no matter what. I will always help and protect you, things will be fine." he whispered in my ear and kissed it. I grabbed his and and pulled out of the hug. We walked back to the van, everyone was allready inside so we got in as well. No one said a thing till we were back home.

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