Fire 2

"We can forget all of the bad things and then start new."
"Is that enough for you."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"As long as you do, it's always enough for me."

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15. Falling apart

Screaming. That's all I could remember doing that night. I screamed for him to come back to me. I screamed about the pain, the excruciating pain that came after he called me a whore. A whore. An easy fuck that's what he meant. He was right, we both knew it. He got into my pants quicker than you can say 'virginity'. I still don't regret it. What I do regret was Justin. God I ruined a friendship. I ruined a life and now, I have nothing. 

The next morning I threw out my birth control, not like I needed those. That day was the day everything collapsed. I was filling out applications to colleges because dead lines were in two weeks. So many applications although I only wanted one school but I can't just apply to one. I gave up after 4 essays and laid on the couch imagining Ryan's arms around me and for a second I actually felt him. But then my phone rang and it was him. It took everything in me not to cry when I answered the phone. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey, um I need my clothes." 

"Oh." I could feel my voice crack. 

"Unless..."

"Unless I'm ready to say that I forgive you? Well I'm not. I'll leave your shit on the door step come over whenever." I hung up. He called again. I ignored it. I packed all of his clothes except the shirt that I was wearing, and on top of that... the ring. Only one of them though I loved that other one, the one that costed nothing but love, that was my ring, that's the only one I wanted right now. That's the only one I wanted ever.

When he came I could her him repeatedly cursing my name. He saw the ring. I know he did, I did that on purpose.

"SCARLETT! COME ON! BABY DON'T DO THIS TO ME!" pound pound pound. "BABY I'M SORRY! LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS!" more pounding. I couldn't move all I could do was cry and cry and cry. "Scarlett please." his voice was soft now and I really wanted to let him in but I couldn't. "I love you." silence. Then footsteps, car doors slamming, then the skid of his wheels.

"FUCK!" I screamed over and over. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot.

Day 3 was when I called him. No answer. I pulled myself together, finished my applications, then mailed them.  I finally took a shower and brushed my teeth. I raided my fridge for anything and found everything. Cooking everything I could think of, Baking a three layer cake. I was going insane. and when everything was ready I ate almost all of it.

Day 4 is when I turned to alcohol. Drink after drink went down my throat and before I knew it, the almost full bottle of vodka was now half empty. I laughed at this.

"Just like my life! Half fucking empty." I said to myself and started to pour another glass but then there was a knock at the door. "It's open." I slurred. I nearly screamed when the door flew open to reveal Ryan. "Oh break my-" fuck, his lips. I missed those lips but I hadn't realized how much until he kissed me right then. I didn't stop him, didn't want to. And one thing lead to another... But I woke up alone and naked, and just horrified at what I did, how easy it was. But he knew we weren't back together,

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