Oh Shit

I could have stayed in rehab for years,but they let me out for no reason.Just like that.I thought it would have some catch to it,but no.Everything was perfectly fine.It's so weird to have things perfectly fine in my world.I went inside my house.I checked around.Looked for someone.And there they were.All in my room.Everyone.My friends,family,and my love.But I couldn't speak to them.I approached them.I was back in rehab.It will never end.I will always screw it up.


2. Sometimes Words Are Not Enough.


"Stop it."I hit my head with the palm of my hand."Shut up."I leaned on the wall and slid down.I rose my knees up to my chest.

Oh sweet Jc.My sweet,sweet Jc.We've talked about this many times.You didn't have trouble obeying my commands when you were younger.

"What?"This voice has been in my head for years.Maybe ever since I was born.His name is Kevin.Kevin has probably been my only friend since Juliet and I stopped talking.He was even my friend before that,but...he knows about my past.The past I can't remember.He swore never to tell me.I've tried so many things just to get it out of him,but nothing worked.No matter how many drugs I took,how many times I've tried to kill myself,nothing ever got it out of him.Maybe he wasn't my friend after all.

Nothing.Get ready.Remember,sweetheart!Kill...

His voice faded away.I only had a few clues from my past.It would slip out from Kevin.I got up from the floor and went over to my bed.I picked up the dress and admired the feeling of it.It was quite soft for an old dress.I smiled remembering my grandma's bright smile that took up most of her face.

I starred out my window.I looked past the bars on it.I heard the wind blowing and leaves rustling.I would finally go out.To the world.Kevin told me that the world is a cruel place,and I believed him.Even in this place,I would meet the saddest,craziest,most mean people ever.I bet the outside world was worse than hell,but curiosity and excitement rushed through the blood in my veins.I placed the dress back on the bed.

My head throbbed in pain.I fell to my knees and cried.The bright smile that my grandma once had was turned into a bloody face.Her eyes turned back,blood falling from the corners of her mouth.Her head was detached from her frail body.But her dress remained perfectly clean.Perfectly neat.

I felt something run down slowly from my nose to my mouth.I quickly tasted blood.I got up and went inside the bathroom.I starred at myself in the mirror as I grabbed toilet paper to clean my bloody nose.I tilted my head back.My grandma.Granny couldn't be dead.Maybe it was normal to imagine such things.I felt my chest rise and fall quickly.She couldn't be dead.I bet anything that she'll be the first person to wait for me outside the fence.With arms wide open.Her bright smile still taking up most of her face.Granny Wilson.

I starred into the mirror again.I seriously looked like shit.I wiped my nose one last time,and turned the shower on.I stuck my hand in waiting to feel the water turn hot.I loved boiling hot water.I always have.It was relaxing.I stripped myself from my clothes and stepped inside the shower.I felt the water run down my skin.The image of my grandma's detached head remained in my mind.I didn't dare close to my eyes.Not even as I washed my hair in shampoo.I can't describe the feelings that I'm feeling right now.I don't know how,but I know one thing:I'll be able to go out.

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