Random Imagines

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None of these imagines are intended to be real, they are simply made up from our twisted imaginations...

~ We will update whenever we can, so no guarantees on a certain day or timetable, sorry ~

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4. Ashton Irwin


Ashton Irwin

“I Hate You, Ashton Fletcher Irwin.”

Those were the last six words I ever spoke to him. The very last words I will ever speak to him.

If I could take them back, I would.

It has been a year since his death, I’ve never felt worse. Just standing here before his grave a year later; knowing that I will never be forgiven. It’s a feeling you get deep in your heart, not being forgiven by the one you loved...

He was my everything, I was his everything, I had to ruin everything. That day he died I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Find another? I tried.

Move on? I couldn’t.

Go into depression? I did.

My whole life turned upside down, my perspective on life changed. Everything changed.

I couldn’t think of a day when he wasn’t on my mind; It was just always Ashton, always will be Ashton.

If I ever got out of this trance of sadness and regret, I would be lost, with no-one or nothing to turn to. Ashton was my solemn thing to live for, the only person who really cared.

A tear lazily rolled down my cheek, my lips began to quiver. I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to keep the excess tears from cascading down my cheeks. I had never visited his grave until this day, always avoiding the topid of his death and the topic of him in general, I loved him but I could not come to a conclusion that he was infact dead. Those four letters can really change everything. The day his mother called… It shattered my heart.

“I’m sorry Ashton. I never meant it,” I forced a corner of my mouth to lift slightly into somewhat of a smile, staring at the tombstone as if I were looking into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

“I never came to visit and I never spoke to you or saw you again because I was worried, scared of what would happen if you hated me for the rest of your life… I couldn’t bear to face you. The day I heard the news… I don’t know how long I cried for. I didn’t want you to see me like that; this may sound stupid but I didn’t know if you’d forgive me because  I just knew you did it because of me. You did it because you thought I really did hate you, well I didn’t. I never did. I wish I would’ve taken it back when you left my house that day- it still dawns on me every day.  I know I was the literal cause of your death, I was angry and those words never meant anything. Hopefully someday we will be re-united up there. I love you Ash.” By now I was drowning in my own tears, sobbing right beside his grave, desperately trying to wipe the tears away with the back of my hands. Crying was definitely not what I had planned.

For some reason all I could think about was his dead, pale, lifeless body feet beyond feet below the ground, and trying to imagine what he looked like.

Did he still have his beautiful messy bunch of curly hair sticking up at the front, or maybe it had been combed down?

Did Ashton still have that big glowing smile that could light up a whole room within seconds, or has it now been replaced by a frown?

Did he still have those glistening chocolate brown eyes or had his eyes changed to a darker shade due to dying? Death is a very mysterious thing sometimes, you will never truly understand it until it happens to you.

I wonder how it felt to die, I wondered how it felt to have been dying, and I wonder how it felt to slide the blade across… I flinched at the image in my head. Imagining how much pain he would’ve put himself through sickens me, and I caused that pain.

It wasn’t the pain from heartache, it wasn’t the pain of losing a close relative, it was the pain that I had caused him with six stupid words, it was me- all me.

A gusty wind blew through the graveyard; I shifted uncomfortably wrapping my jacket tighter around my body. I just stood there, staring at his grave wondering if he was here right now with me, watching over me.

Or was he even watching me at all, maybe he didn’t want to hear my apolagies…  But nevertheless he is in a better place, and I will hopefully find him someday and truly apologise to him.

After a while of whispering quietly about old memories to his grave; I never got a reply, I knew that of course I wouldn't.  So I decided to trudge my way back to my car; my feet heavy like bricks, yet I felt like something massive had been lifted off my chest, like I was forgiven.

 

To be forgiven by someone you must first learn to forgive yourself.

 

 

Authors Note:

~Like and Favourite for more imagines~

 

Sorry If the ending was bad, we didn’t exactly know how to finish it.

Anyway, we hope you really like the imagines we have written so far.

-Mikayla & Erika xx :-)

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