Christmas isn't fun for everyone...

My Dad died on Christmas Day when I was 6. Now I'm 17. This book will have 12 chapters, one for each and every Christmas without him.

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1. When I was 6: 2001

I woke up, obviously excited, why wouldn't I be, I was six years old and it was Christmas Day. Dad was working at the hospital on an early morning shift, but he'd be back at half six, he said Mum got up and we went and waited by the Christmas tree. I was itching to open all my presents, especially that big one in the corner. Half six came and went, no Dad. Mum made breakfast. The hours crawled by like years. Soon it was nine and still no dad. Where was he? Had something happened? My stomach did a Gymnastics routine as Loopy, our Colllie dog, finished off the beef mum had prepared. Usually, I would have shooed him away, but I was to worried to think about anything except Dad. The phone rang. Mum went to answer it. She was gone for a long time. A very long time. So long in fact, that I went to find her. She was sitting at the dining room table, a box of tissues beside her, staring into space. Her eyes were puffy and bloated and I could tell she'd been crying.

"Mum, are you ok?" I asked, sitting down next to her, with Loopy at me feet. She didn't reply. "MUM!" I screamed, scared.

"Sorry, Katy, I'm sorry, I just - I, your, my, your father - died."

I stood up, feeling faint. Daddy dead? It couldn't be possible, he was my dad, he couldn't die, I loved him. My head was spinning and I felt like I was about to throw up, and faint all at once. I couldn't believe it. My dad was - dead? I sat down again and buried my face in the table cloth, the nice one Mum got out each Christmas. My tears seeped onto the deep red fabric, I felt an arm snake around my shoulder. I looked up, Mum was crying too. 

"He can't die Mummy, he just can't..." I whispered, waiting for her to tell me it was all a mistake, waiting for Dad to come through the door, smiling, dressed as Santa, with even more presents in his arms. But that didn't happen. My dearly beloved Dad was dead. 

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