Happily

"Hush little baby don't you cry, Don't cut your arms, don't say goodbye. Put down the razor, put down the light. It may be hard, but you'll win this fight."

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1. Prologue

May 23rd, 11:30 P.M. 

 Anger, Jealousy, Pain and sadness. All the things that they say cause me to do the things I do. I can't disagree with them, but who wants to voluntarily call themselves crazy or depressed, that just worsens the situation in my opinion. I'd like to think I do this to myself just because I can't help it, it's just second nature that some people don't have, most people. Whatever the case may be, it happens to me and now as I bleed through the slender marks about an inch across, I'm not going to stop it. 

 My shaky fingers dropped the silver instrument of sadness onto the tile floor with a small "clink" and I let out a shaky breath as I stood dropping my arms to my sides letting the blood run freely. I took a couple steps to look at myself in the mirror, my eyes are a deeper shade of pink from the tears I've been holding back. When I look at my mouth I see a frown that doesn't quite belong, I've always been good at masking my feelings. 

 I reached up slowly brushing the tangles out of my hair with my fingers careful not to touch my bleeding wrists and finalized the last look I would ever take of myself. I was never the one to call myself beautiful or even pretty. Nothing about me is either of those words, no matter how much I hear it from my family I never think I am, they're supposed to say that, they're supposed to love me unconditionally no matter what I do or how I look. That's why this hurts me the most, but I can't do it anymore. 

 I reached for the door handle and turned it slowly to not wake sleeping family and stepped out into the hallway giving one last glance at all our family photos. Our happy loving family. My parents always did their best to keep me happy and  unfortunately it wasn't enough for me. I don't take pride in the actions I do, they don't make me feel any kind of emotional relief it just subsides the thought of cruelty and pain that I suffer. Whenever they find the letter I hope they know why, I hope they don't blame themselves, I hope they keep living life and providing extra love to my siblings who were blessed with such amazing parents. I was blessed. At least I thought I was. 

12:00 A.M. 

 Now I'm to the point of no return, taking the lonely walk down main street at midnight. The stars look beautiful when there's no one else around to spoil their beauty. Each step I take in the mushy leaf covered concrete I can feel the blood slowly draining out making my arms grow weak and my eyes start to droop but I keep pushing forward to my final destination. 

 Passing through the poor excuse of a strip mall with all the store lights out and not a person to be seen is calming. The low hum of the neon lights soothes my mind as my steps get heavier and heavier but it doesn't matter anymore, I'm almost there. 

12:30 A.M

 Finally. One and a half miles outside of town with nothing but the light of the full moon shinning across the water below illuminating my fate before me. I lift my heavy arms up onto the rail and pull myself up slowly, trying to keep my dizzy mind from sending me over before I make the call. When I'm finally up on my feet my clammy fingers grip the steel cables with as much force as they can as I look out onto the water below. Calm, soothing, gentle waves that bob with the wind that's also blowing my curly hair into my face. I tuck it behind my ear and close my eyes, letting go of every memory, every word, and every breath I ever took as my fingers let go. Never once did I open my eyes too get one last glimpse at the world I'm leaving behind because I don't need to. I've seen all I was destined to see and now it's all over.      

 

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Sorry to anyone who's already read this but I decided it needed to be changed up a bit. I know that the ending doesn't match up with this right now but in time, as I keep fixing and re-writing, it defiantly will and I promise you'll love it!!! So stick around and keep re-reading and watching for new updates because It's going to be 200% better this time. 

-LaurenElizabeth<3

 

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