Good Always Ends

This story is really personal to me, and kinda falls under the category of realism too. It's a true story about a battle for survival in this unkind world with a lot of love and romance thrown in, and I just wanted to get it out there. Enjoy.

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13. Loss of control

 

After a considerable amount of indecision, I finally picked up my phone and went to dial Olis number hurriedly. It was then that my phone lit up with an incoming call, and it was Oli. Taken by surprise, I answered the call anyway. “Hello?” I said, unable to keep the anxiety from showing in my voice. “Sophie” he began, “I need to meet up with you, it’s urgent. I don’t care about what’s been going on in the last…. Well however long its been, I just need to talk to you urgently, in person.” He added. Had I not known better, I would have just passed it off as an attempt to put us back together again, but there was something about the severe urgency in his tone of voice that made me reply “When, and where?”

 

Being back in Oli’s house felt strange- I hadn’t been there in such a long time. Ella and Dan seemed quieter than usual, and I didn’t get the usual enthusiastic greeting, I just received sad smiles. Now I was really worried, something was seriously wrong. Oli pulled up a chair to the dining room table and signalled for me to sit. Inviting his mum in and closing the door, they both sat in the chairs opposite. The arrangement bizarrely resembled the kinds of interview that you watch on TV on the news. I had a feeling that whatever they were about to tell me would be as gloomy and as distressing as the news we see on TV everyday.

 

“Sophie… this is very difficult to tell you, and dragging it out will not make this any easier so I will just be straight with you” I swallowed, my clammy hands clasped together, preparing myself for what would come next. Nothing could have prepared me for this life changing moment. “I’ve got cancer” he announced softly, watching as my facial expression contorted as I processed his words. “What type” I managed to ask in a faint whisper somehow. “Pancreatic. Do you know what this means?” he said softly. As if he had to ask. That kind of thing fascinated me, medical research and terminal illnesses, so I had vague knowledge of the outcomes of pancreatic cancer. I knew that it was one of the rarer forms of cancer, and that there was an extremely low survival rate. I also knew that this meant that Oli had very limited time left. “How much time do you have left? I asked. By this time it was mid November, the twenty third in fact. Four days ago it had been Oli’s birthday, and I sent him a present and a card in the post regardless of our separation. He’d just turned fifteen years of age and he had been diagnosed with a deadly illness. I sat in my chair, my eyes wide and unblinking as I continued to take in all that he had said. His Mother had already begun to suppurate, and soon she was howling with sorrow. I just shook my head, I on the other hand felt nothing. Utter numbness. His Mother reached for a box of tissues and tried to pull herself together as Oli began to explain to me what would have to happen. “I know that this is a lot to take in right now, especially given the circumstances and that we are spending some time apart, but I thought that now was as good a time as any other to tell you. I know that you will find letting go of me difficult so… I guess we can make an agreement for you to distance yourself from me. No texts, no phone calls, no visits? Unless of course you change your mind at some point, but I won’t be bothering you.” He finished, studying my face for a reaction. “I miss you Sophie. I’m going to be going into hospital soon, and they will give me all kinds of treatment, I’ll be lucky to live through Christmas, let alone the new year” His voice was faltering and I could tell that he was on the verge of a break down. So far he had impressed me with his ability to keep it together, and I wasn’t going to stick around to watch him fall apart. “Okay” I responded simply, unable to find the words that I really wanted to say. Without thinking, I wandered out of the house and down the street towards the bus stop. From there I hopped on a bus and set off home. Nothing had really sunk in, and I was still in a state of shock when I reached home. Fortunately my entire family were out, so I had the place to myself. I slumped down on the Sofa and just stared at the wall. Everything in my brain began to piece together- the reason that Oli’s mum had been so down these last few months, the comments she had made. Reality slapped me in the face with all the force of a breezeblock.  Lying down on the sofa, I reminisced about every moment that I had ever spent with Oli. I wondered why I wasn’t crying, no matter how hard I thought about his impending death, no tears came. I felt dead inside, like I wasn’t even capable of emotion anymore, like I wasn’t even human.

 

My family didn’t even notice me when they all came back at eleven oclock, not even my sister who shared a room with me. They all trundled up the stairs single file to bed, and not a word was said concerning my whereabouts. Now I just felt like a ghost, watching life from the outside.

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