Undeniable Love

At first, love is unknown.
It’s like a hurricane creeping up on you before it whisks you away into another world.
But April doesn’t know that yet. She’s yet to find out.
When April meets Cain, it just seems like any other ordinary day - just a small conversation between two students on a bus. It doesn’t matter that one of them is dreading the bell for home time, whilst the other is struggling through every day. Or does it? So one day, when something is revealed before Cain’s eyes, what is he meant to do? This girl before him is just like any other girl he’s ever met, yet he feels the need to help her, to protect her.
April isn’t looking for a saviour, someone to rescue her from all this hatred, but she doesn’t have a choice. When Cain comes crashing into her world, life gets better. Somehow, no matter how much she wants him gone, she equally wants him by her side.
Perhaps a lover isn’t what April wants right now, but maybe he can save her. Maybe, after all, there is a way out.

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13. Cain

 

It’s hurting me to stay away from her. It’s killing me.
As soon as I got home after school, Dad was casually sitting in the living room reading the newspaper. If that didn’t suggest anything at all, I’d be surprised. Clearly he wanted a conversation with me. Obviously I don’t want a conversation with him. Instead I ran upstairs and turned on my laptop, hoping I’d persuade myself to send April a message saying sorry. Half of me needed too, because I couldn’t just let her go when she needs protection, but half of me said she’s not worth it. Anyway, I assumed it was best ignoring her anyway, seeing as I didn’t have her on Facebook.
But now I do. I don’t how, but I actually have her profile – the friend viewing profile – sitting in front of my eyes. Her profile picture stares at me - the picture that isn’t even there. I scan over her photos (3) and friends (10). Can only ten actually stand her? I find that hard to believe when I actually can’t seem to stay away from this girl. But then again I know something they don’t, and I only want to save her from…
Something. I don’t really know. I guess I want to save her from being hurt, for living a life she doesn’t want. I don’t like to see anyone suffering in the way she is, because I know that if I hurt so badly to want to do that, I’d be breaking inside. If my Dad was the same as he was, there’d be no point in me coming home every day to get his glare and his beatings. I only ever enjoyed school because it was the times where I could get away. Maybe she feels the same. Now that I’m following her around, she doesn’t get the escape she wants. I’ve ruined that for her. I know I’ve made a massive mistake.
Leaning back on my chair, I raise my hands behind my head. This is tough - really tough. For once I stood up for myself, and now doubt looms over me like a shadow. How am I meant to know what is right or wrong? How am I meant to know how to solve this? I don’t have experience dealing with these kinds of problems and I never thought I would have to get involved. But now I’m in, I can’t back out. Maybe it’s not clear to her, but the obvious can’t be ignored - just how I can’t ignore the obvious chance to save her. If I let her go, the consequences could be worse than I’d ever imagined. And I’d never, ever, be able to forget that. Life is something you live, not something you wish to regret.
My eyes flash across to the screen as an icon pops up in my inbox.
April.
It’s April.
April is messaging me.
I take a deep breath. Poising my hand over the mouse pad, I encourage myself to stay calm. I persuade myself that this could be nothing – her shouting back at me in return or just saying a friendly ‘hi’. But I know it has to be more than that.
When I click her name, the messaging box pops up. One long paragraph sits before me. Eyes boggled, I scroll up to read the beginning, heart racing, tears already pricking at my eyes.
Cain,
I’m sorry for everything. And I mean it. You’re the only person who’s cared (even though there is only one other person who’s seen my scars).
I smile, but it falls when I realise what must have happened to the other one.
You didn’t leave me when you knew. You could have done, but you didn’t. You quite easily could have spread it around like Devan, or told a teacher or my Mum. But you wouldn’t dare. Thanks for that.
Welcome.
I know maybe we aren’t the best of friends and it seems like I wouldn’t care that you’ve left angry (as I hardly know you) but the truth is, I kind of do. Like, you’re not easy to forget. Every other stranger I meet is just another person in my path, but you’re different. Since the start, to be honest, half of me wanted you to leave me alone. Then I realised, half of me didn’t.
I figured, finally, that you’re my only chance at help. My best friend left me when I plucked up the courage to show her the scars, and she didn’t offer help like you did. Maybe you’re not a genius at this, but maybe you are. In other words, I’m saying I want to take the risk. You’re a good guy really; I just failed to see it.
You know your cover photo? Well, I didn’t understand it at first but now I do. Maybe I needed that one line for everything to make sense. I was going to message you anyway but that just finished off my doubts. You, well, you were obvious. You were clearly in my path for a reason and I failed to think that. I ignored the times you tried to talk to me, or the days you attempted to help me. Look, this isn’t the happily ever after where I admit I love you and whatever, but I’m willing to accept your offer now. You can help me. You can do whatever you want to fix me.
But good luck.
This is going to be a hell of a journey.
April xx

I can’t help but smile. A big cheesy grin spreads out across my face and I know I’ve done it; I’ve finally persuaded her that she needs me to help and it feels so good. I won’t let her down – I can’t because this is what I’ve built up to. I’m her only chance at freedom from the cutting, but she’s my only chance at friendship. I’ve lost everyone, everyone who meant the world to me and friends who could have been more, but maybe April can make up for that?
Maybe she’ll realise that I don’t just want her freedom, but that I’m also clawing for her love.

 

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