The run up to christmas (quite litterally)

What does Santa do in the run up to Christmas?

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1. "The snow is this thick!"

"There you are my dear" Mrs Claus said setting a plate down in front of a very large very bloated red faced looking Santa. He stared down at the plate of vegetables and looked up cluelessly at his wife.

"What's this? Where's the roast beef?" He asked scratching his bald shiny head.

"No roast beef for you my dear. You're on a diet" Mrs Claus said dishing up some vegetables for herself.

"A diet!? I'm Santa Claus I don't need to go on a diet" Santa said his face turning even redder.

"Oh yes you do, you go around on Christmas eve and you can't help the temptation of eating all them mince pies. It's not good for you. So I've decided you're going to go on a diet. Get you down a waist size" she peered round the table at his bulging stomach and added "Or two"

"But you said roast beef!" Santa said crossing his arms like a 5 year old having a tantrum.

"Now now, stop frowning, if the wind changes it will stay like that" Mrs Claus said kissing the top of his head and sitting down next to him.

Santa Claus gingerly picked up his fork, stabbed a head of broccoli and lifted it cautiously to his mouth. He took one bite and made a face of disgust when Mrs Claus wasn't looking.

"So this diet am I doing it by myself?" He said inspecting a broad bean up close with one eye closed.

"No no, i'll be doing it with you" She said patting his knee. Santa found that he quite liked Broad beans and carrots but he didn't let Mrs Claus find out. He left the broccoli but ate everything else. He sat back in his chair and did the cross word as Mrs claus cleaned the dishes.

"Oh by the way one of your elves. The head elf, what is his name again?"

"Curtis" Santa said from behind his paper.

"That's the dear. I told him about your diet and he agrees with me. It's a marvellous idea he said, and he said that he could train you up to go running every morning"

"Run? Every morning. That is positively the worst idea that elf has had!" Santa said curling his hands up into fists.

"Now now dear be nice, he's only trying to help you look your best" Mrs Claus said patronisingly with her hands on Santa's cheeks.

"Will you join me on this run?" Santa said with a cheeky smile on his face Mrs Claus stopped washing up and stared out of the window looking for words.

"Now running isn't really my thing, and I've got to keep up my reputation I mean can you imagine what the papers would say if anybody saw me running? No dear, I'll stay here and keep myself occupied"

"But I don't like running!" Santa said crossing his arms in a fuss.

"Now that's enough, I want you thin again before you go out and get fat on mince pies and if running means that'll happened then running is what you're going to do!" Mrs Claus said very ferociously.

"Fine" Santa said under his breath his arms still crossed.

 

The next morning Mrs Claus prodded at Santa's big round belly for a good few minutes before he started to stir.

"Wake up sleepy head, Curtis is here" Mrs Claus said in a sing song voice. Santa grunted and turned over. he rubbed his eyes and smacked his lips. he showed no signs of living.

"Pancakes are on the table when you're up" as fast as Santa could brush his teeth he was up dressed and sat at the table fresh out of the shower and ready for pancakes. None came.

"Where are the pancakes?" Santa said disappointedly

"Did you really think I'd let you break your diet Mr Santa Claus" A small voice said. The voice seemed to have no person until Santa peered over the edge of the table to see a small person smiling up at him. The person had two huge pointy ears that stuck out through his white hair.

"Curtis Elf reporting for duty sir" The elf said saluting Santa

"Hello, Curtis, I suppose I shouldn't break my diet. Shall we be off?"

"Yes, I think so. I'm all ready" Curtis said jumping up and down.

When they got outside Curtis set off walking but Santa stayed on his doorstep.

"Well what are you waiting for Santa?" Curtis said his bubbly smile fading.

"I can't go running today?" Santa said his arms crossed against his chest

"Well why not?" Curtis said looking worries.

"The snow have you seen it? It is THIS THICK!" Santa indicated with his thumb and forefinger.

"Oh don't be a pansy Mr Santa Claus sir, you can do it, just a little bit on snow blossom that's all" Curtis said enthusiastically

they walked to the place where Curtis had set up a running track. Santa stood there on the line whilst Curtis paced up and down in front of him with a clip board.

"Ok, here is how it's going to go okay, each week when you get fitter and fitter you're going to run the next lampost and the next and the next until you can run in circles. got it?" Curtis asked. Santa stood there with a fake grin on his face.

"Of course" Santa said.

"Okay, so run from here to that lamp post and back, you ready?"

"No." Santa said sarcastically, Curtis laughed

"On your, marks, get set.........GO!!!!!!!!" He shouted the last word and Santa jumped started into action and began to run. (waddle more like)

"I...don't....think...I...can...go...much.....further" Santa shouted through his heaves of breath. Curtis who was stood at the starting line pretended that he couldn't hear him.

"You're doing great" He lied. Santa got the lampost and turned around to smile at Curtis who cheered him on. When Santa got back to the starting line Curtis clicked stop on the stop watch and read out his time and jotted it down on his clip board.

"12 minutes and 39 seconds. Your personal best Mr Santa Claus sir" Curtis said with an unsure look on his face. Santa collapse on the floor breathing heavily, his huge chest going up and down.

"That's our exercise over and done with for today, see you tomorrow Mr Santa Claus sir" Curtis said waving goodbye as he jogged off home. Santa got up on his feet and tip toed home due to the fact that his feet hurt too much.

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