Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake

A scrapbook of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone from Draco Malfoy's point if view. Made for laughs, enjoy!

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19. Plan of Action

What the hell?

This is the challenge?! Some lazy little key things that seem to be flying at -1 mph, and I just have to grab the right one when it flys past? Gee, this is damn easy! I bet Snotty, Poo Head (OMG I CAN'T GET OVER HOW GOOD  THAT NICKNAME IS!) and Mangy will have seriously struggled with this one!

Ha! Stupids... Watch and learn from the master of the masters. (If you haven't caught on yet, I'm talking about myself here...)

Oh look! They even gave me a flippin' broom! Who do they think I am, a toddler? Well I'm not, I'm Draco Malfoy. Draco Matilda Malfoy.

Ooh, wait, time to finally put my catchphrase out there - But, you can call me Awesome. Because I am.

HAHAHAHAHA soooo true, huh?

Even so, just because I am so TOTALLY AWESOME, I'll make a sophisticated plan of action.

Here goes:

- GRAB BROOMSTICK.

- USE AWESOME UNICORN FLYING SKILLS TO REACH THE KEY.

- REALISE THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KEY IT IS.

- CHECK THE DOOR TO SEE WHAT KEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN USED.

- WORK OUT IT'S PROBABLY QUITE A MODERN KEY. (Oh yeah, I really am THAT good a detective!)

- SOMEHOW USE MY CATCHPHRASE AGAIN.

- RE-TRY FOR THE KEY, LOOKING FOR A SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY ONE.

- FIND THE KEY. I totally will, I can sense it with my AWESOME powers... ;-)

- GO THROUGH THE DOOR.

What really happened...

- GRAB BROOMSTICK.

- SCREAM "OWWW!" AS THE KEYS START TO WHACK INTO MY EYES.

- SCREAM "OWWWWWWW!" AS THEY HIT ME IN THE UNMENTIONABLE PARTS...

- SCREAM " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" AS THEY WIPE OFF MY HAIR GEL. Don't you DARE laugh.

- JUMP OFF THE BROOMSTICK SHRIEKING "UNICORNS SAAAVE MEEE!"

- LAND PERFECTLY FINE (EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE I SORT OF TUMBLE OFF THE BROOMSTICK AT THE END...)

- DODGING THE KEYS, RUN FOR THE DOOR YELLING "JELLYFISHES FRYING IN THE PAN!"

- BASH INTO THE DOOR BY ACCIDENT.

- REALIZE THAT IT HAD BEEN UNLOCKED THE WHOLE TIME...

 

 

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