Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake

A scrapbook of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone from Draco Malfoy's point if view. Made for laughs, enjoy!

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Reasons Why My Life Sucks:

1. My middle name is Matilda. Ok mum, dad, I love you so much, but WTH, Matilda?

2. That Pansy Parkinson chic hasn't noticed me yet. How am I supposed to ask her on a date if she doesn't know I exist?

3. My cronies are idiots. Crabbe and Goyle are possibly the WORST cronies ever.

4. Potter rejected my handshake. HOW COULD HE, THE LITTLE SO AND SO! I MEAN, I AM THE AWESOME DRACO MATILDA MALFOY, WHO WOULD REJECT THE OFFER OF A HANDSHAKE FROM ME?

5. There are no unicorns at Hogwarts. Ok, there are some in the Forbidden Forest, but we're not allowed in there. WTH Dumbledore? There should at least be ONE pet unicorn.

6. The Dark Lord's location is still unknown. HURRY UP father, this world needs to be defeated and I'm not waiting till I'm 17 for it to happen!

7. Dumbledore is Headmaster. He's the only one Voldemort fears. How on Earth am I supposed to destroy Hogwarts if the Dark Lord's too scared to come near it?

8. Nobody knows who I am. COME ON HOGWARTS, Draco Matilda Malfoy, you know the almost nearly famous Death Eater one?

9. Snape is the only teacher who likes me. And that's because he's a Death Eater. How am I supposed to get the Dark Lord in with only one adult ally?

10. I have run out of hair-gel. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE WITHOUT MY BEAUTIFUL DARLING HAIR-GEL?

Reasons Why My Life Rules:

1. I'm at Hogwarts.

2. I'm in Slytherin.

My father will hear about this!

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