Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake

A scrapbook of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone from Draco Malfoy's point if view. Made for laughs, enjoy!


24. Letter Home chapter

Dear Popsicle,

This is my final day at Hogwarts! Can you believe I've finally completed my first year? Only 6 more years to go! Then I'll be JUST LIKE YOU! MY ABSOLUTE BESTEST DREAM. (I'm not going to mention my tiny little ever so slightly more important crush on Galinda the Good Witch) Oh Popsicle, so much has happened this year! I'll give you a quick run through from where we left off last time. 

I'm doing extraordinarily in school. I'm getting 100% on every assignment, especially Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Quirell was astonished with my performance, since I sort of outsmarted him on one of my homework assignments. In fact, I earned 10 points for Slytherin house just from that one assignment! Can you believe it?

The ladies are still following my every move, but I think I've found my girl! She is the smartest witch in school, my darling PansyWansyWansyWoo!!! She's watching me write this and has totally NOT just punched me. Nope. The black eye you'll see when I get home is... Um.... Makeup. The latest thing at Hogwarts. Yes father, I've started the greatest ever trend and I just keep saying to myself OMDP, father is so going to want to see this and follow he fashion too!! Anyway, so back to my girlfriend... She no one but the finest witch in Hogwarts. And best of all, she's been head over heels to be my dearest since she set eyes on me. That just made it so much easier for me to ask her out. We are the cutest couple ever! She'd do anything to be with me. And she is!

There was the mid-year Quidditch Match. Slytherin against Gryffindor. Guess who won? SLYTHERIN! Duh! Who would ever think Gryffindor would win? They aren't worthy of winning. Especially since they made their most unfortunate mistake of making Potter their seeker. Sucks for them! 

Oh and  PS the Dark Pizza infiltrated Hogwarts with my help PERFECTLY. If anyone told you there was an assembly yesterday congratulating Potter on defeating VOLDY....(you know, Potter, the guy I refused the handshake of. Not many people know him, I think he's like a minor celebrity or something. Whatever.) Well anyway it's all lies. Although there WAS an assembly telling everyone that I Draco had let the Pizza into Hogwarts and what I good boy I was and how I truly did deserve a sticker. I got one too. :) 

OH AND POTTER IS TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEAD NOW. I killed him myself. Anyone who thinks he's still alive is completely delusional, just ask Crabbe and Goyle my loyal sheeplings. UM HUM, YEAH!!! I AM SOOOOO NOT LYING RIGHT NOW POPSYPOO. NOPE. 

Oh erm... Potter's er.... Clone....has just thrown a book at my head. It hurt. Right, I'm off to get an ice pack. 

See ya Popsy!!!

Lots of unicorn love and big warm hugs from...

Draco Matilda Malfoy!! 



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