Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake

A scrapbook of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone from Draco Malfoy's point if view. Made for laughs, enjoy!

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12. Dragon-spotting Diary Entry...

Dear my wonderfulamazingbeautifulbutnotquiteasbeautifulasPansywansywooDiary,

I HATE MCGONAGALL!

Can you believe she would give me a detention for giving her some amazing (if I do say so myself )help with her fashion sense?! Like Oh My Unicorns, THOSE purple tights with THAT luminous green robe? Excuse me, just let me go and be sick.

BLEUGHHHHH!!!

I really meant it, she's that hideous! Okay, I'm back!! And anyway, then she wasn't really pleased when I gave her a free copy of my fashion guide for Witches (Now you can look as good as Pansy!). If only I had managed to turn my banana into a grasshopper...she might have let me off...

Anyway, all that happened at the mega boring detention was I let her know that Hagrid (I wrote it big because he is HUGE! And not just round the belly.) had a baby dragon! (Tut tut Hagrid, if you're smuggling in magical creatures it should at least be a unicorn!!)

What is wrong with that? Okay, so maybe I forgot to mention that I snuck out of the dormy and sort-of spied on him in his farty old shack so that I could see if there was something going on, but still! If it was for a good cause, it surely doesn't matter! My popsicle certaintly wouldn't think so!

So, while I was there, I saw Potter-snotter, Miss Mangy and Ronald Weasel all round this tiny, little wooden box. At home, father and I have an enormous banquet table, but then again, we are not expelled sloths who have to make friends with people less than half their age! Oops, I just mentioned that thing about the chamber of secrets that I'm not supposed to know and definitely not supposed to tell you that *SPOILER ALERT* my Dark Arts loving father told me it wasn't Hagrid it was THE PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!! (Btw, that's my codeword for Voldy. So much more suave than You KNow Who. Pizza really rolls of your tongue. Pizzaaaaa. Piiiizzzzzaaaaaa. Piiiizzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You try!

Anyhoo, Hagrid doesn't seem to understand that, seeing as he appears to befriend only students! What a weirdo!

Ah, that's Snape calling for me. He wants me to stop writing in that pink bow festooned notebook you Umbridge Unicorn Boy Freak. I wonder what an Umbridge is...? Huh. Some insult. I'd love to be a unicorn -----

arrggghhhhh  got to go Snape's throwing books at me!!!!

Draco Matilda Malfoy signing off!!

 

 

 

 

 

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