Sorry Isn't Enough

"I'm sorry."
"Look, I'm sorry."
"Sorry!"
"No, I'm sorry."
"Don't go, I'm sorry."
"I said I'm sorry."
"I'm so sorry."

Sorry will never be good enough.

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1. A Year Ago.

1st May 2013-

On this day a year ago, he left me. He left me. Those three words, I never thought I would say them. Calum and I were just fine, going on dates, holding hands, sharing cheeky kisses, all the normal things a couple does, but exactly a year ago, he left. 1st May 2012 to be exact. The pain I experienced are just simply unexplainable. I cried for hours and hours, hoping that he would change his mind and come back. But he never did. We broke up just because of a stupid secret I should have never told him. The way his face just fell. The way his smile faded. The sparkle in his eyes disappearing. It was pure agony, having to sit there, the cold wind hitting our cheeks, looking at his face as I poured out every single detail about my big secret. Every detail of what happened that night still remains in my mind, unfortunately. Let me tell you about it. His perfect singing voice filling the night sky, his deep, dark brown eyes gazing at the black sky that was dotted with several shining stars that seemed to give it their all to shine down on us. "Calum?" I can remember myself calling his name as he sat up slowly, grinning that cheeky smile at me, and I couldn't help but smile. He was so cute and cuddly that night. "I have to tell you something." I also said and he nodded, patting his lap for me to sit on and I accepted, climbing onto his lap.

"I don't want you to sit on the rocks, they hurt and they're cold too. I don't want you to get a cold," Calum had said protectively, putting his arms around me and pulling me close to his chest, and I can just remember me giggling quietly and resting my head on his shoulder.

"It's something about... myself..." I murmured, my navy blue eyes meeting with his eyes, and he nodded once again to gesture to me to continue speaking. "You know the time when we... did it?" I'd asked and he laughed a hearty chuckle, his head moving up and down again.

"I was your first," he mumbled into my ear and the smile faded from my lips as I shook my head sadly. "What do you mean?" he asked in concern, his eyebrows furrowing as his smile turned into a frown.

"I-I lied... I didn't want to make you think I was a slut or something," I can remember myself stammering and his grip around me loosened, his frown fading, but in its place wasn't a smile. That's really bad.

"Are you lying about anything else?" a question was sounded from his lips and I looked at him again, shaking my head. I was sure I didn't lie about anything else, just about this. You see, I was with my best friend... well, ex best friend, and he kinda forced me into it. I was only fourteen, thought that I knew how to do everything the best way but I didn't really. "I need time," Calum soon said, gently moving me onto the cold space on another rock as he stood up, shaking his head in despair. Why is this a big thing to him anyway? Well, I asked and he looked at me with a furious expression. "I can't really trust you anymore can I?" he answered in such a harsh tone, I flinched slightly and he started to walk away.

"I'm sorry Cal," I apologised but I couldn't get the words out. His footsteps slowly began to get further and further away. "No Calum! Please!" I yelled as I watched the boy I loved so much; walk away. "Just don't go." I mumbled quietly, tears blurring my vision as I realised that Calum had gone. His voice was dripping with hatred, and I can never forget what happened.

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