Convergent (Winner of the Divergent Competition)

*One of three winners of the Divergent fanfiction contest* Lilith was never meant for Candor. The faction of truth has no place for a girl like her. So when she transfers to Erudite - the intelligence faction - at the choosing ceremony, the lack of surprise is evident. But when a mysterious cat leads her out into the city, will she discover that she made the wrong choice? And who is the strange boy in black?


5. The Fears

"OUT!" Nixon yells, standing abruptly. "EVERYBODY OUT, NOW!"
The music cuts out and a chorus of moans and complaints fill the quickly emptying room. The boy on the floor clumsily gets to his feet and sprints out into the darkness. 
"What the hell, Lilith?! You don't shove a Dauntless boy almost a foot taller than you!" He shouts when the room is empty. Dauntless? I guess I should've known from the black clothing. 
"I- He-" I sigh, and give up. 
Nixon returns my sigh. "You could've been hurt." He says, calmer now. 
"What do you care? You don't even know me!" I shoot him an accusing look.
"Tell me about you." The words seem completely out of place.
"Ummm. What?" My forehead screws up into a puzzled expression.
"Let me get to know you." He takes my hand and leads me to a wooden crate, where we sit. Tilly hops up beside me. "Shoot!"
"Ummm. There's not much to know." I mutter and stroke Tilly's head, to avoid eye contact with Nixon.
"No, come on. I can tell you're a transfer initiate. You don't look completely Erudite yet. So, what were you?" He questions.
"Umm. Candor. But I found it too easy to lie. So I transferred today at the Choosing Ceremony." My voice is low. I sneak a look at the boy sitting next to me, but turn away quickly when I feel my heart skip slightly. "What about you?"
"I've been full Dauntless for a year. Though I was born Dauntless." He explains. "I only just got in though, bottom of the leader board in initiation." I don't know what Dauntless initiation involves, but I've been told it's the worst of all factions. 
"Why? What happened?" I push. 
"I was weak in the first, physical round, easily beatable, but struggled through to the second, purely because most of the transfers dropped out, favouring the idea of being factionless to having to face their fears. I did okay in the second two tests. I beat my fears quickly each time. But I had a lot of fears, the most in my class."
I turn to look at him now. He watches the floor. I stare at him for a moment, only distracted when Tilly crawls into my lap. Nixon turns his head and smiles.
"You're the first!" He laughs.
"Tilly hates people. She basically tries to maul anyone who comes near her!" He strokes her gently and she nuzzles his wrist.
"She's gorgeous." I confess.
"So, how was your first day as Erudite?" He asks, returning his attention to me.
"I dunno. I don't seem to fit in with the non-transfers. They all seem so arrogant and self-assured." I admit. He laughs.
"Isn't that just Erudite?" I punch him on the arm, causing Tilly to jump from my lap and settle at my feet.
"Hey! I'm Erudite now!" I say, returning his laugh. I can't remember the last time I laughed. "So, Nixon," I start, emphasizing his name in a mocking tone. "You seem pretty strong now, how do you hide all those fears?"
"I don't." He replies, his serious demeanour returning. "I face them."
"Oh," is all I can find to reply. Would this have been me in a year's time, if I had chosen Dauntless?
"I only have five in my simulation now: spiders, deep water, humiliation, loss and..." He stops. I wonder what his fifth fear is. I don't pry. I settle instead for satisfying a different curiosity. 
"Simulation? What do you mean?" I quiz. 
"We are injected with a serum, and then sent into a room, where we are shown each of our fears in turn. The only way to pass a fear is to calm down until your heart beat stabilizes, or face it." He explains, looking to the ground. "It's the final test in Dauntless initiation."
"Wow, that..." I pause, searching for the word. "Sucks!" We both laugh. His eyes lock with mine.
"You know, you should come over more often. I'm here every night." He suggests.
"I- Err. I'm not supposed to leave my-"
"You did tonight, didn't you?" He cuts in, making me smile.
"Yeah," I sigh "I guess I did."
The air suddenly starts to feel thicker and my vision seems to tunnel, focusing purely on Nixon's lips. I sense a strange magnetism between us and am drawn forward. Our foreheads touch and I close my eyes, the flick at the end of his fringe tickles my eyelids. All is silent but our breath. Only now do I notice how deep my breathing has become. How deep our breathing has become. I feel his lips graze mine and shiver slightly. I push my mouth against his and relax muscles I did not know were tensed when he kisses me back. I run my hands up his side and feel his figure beneath the material of his shirt. He deepens the kiss, now with his hands on my waist. I run my fingers through his hair and feel his arms pull me closer. 
"Nixon," my voice is muffled under our kiss. He groans in response. Then, freezes. I pull away from him slightly. What did I do? Did I hurt him? Did I not do it right? I've never kissed anyone like that before. He stands and steps back quickly.
"I can't. I need to- I've got to go. I need- I'm sorry, Lilith." He stutters before quickly leaving the room. I sit there for a moment, alone. I touch my swollen lips. I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Does he have a girlfriend? Oh god. Was that a mistake?
I run all the way back to the Erudite building complex. I climb back through the window - which is far more difficult than climbing out - and fall into bed. Soon, I drift to sleep. 

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