In The Depths

Loneliness is like a deep dark void, with nowhere to go and nowhere to hide. As much as I try, I just get deeper into the depths of loneliness, and into the depths of my soul. I just want to get out. I don't deserve this.


16. Fresh Brewery

Coffee is always better on a cold day.

Will, Harry and I found this killer coffee place downtown. There was this little door with a little doorknob on the side of a little building so of course, Will opened the door. We stumbled into this little coffee hut that nobody knew about, except one old man sitting in the corner. 

So here we are, drinking probably the best coffee ever created. Will always laughs about how coffee gets on my mustache, and how when I wipe it off, I end up smearing coffee on my white sweater. The routine goes on. 

It's really small, honestly. Dark, too. A tiny window is in the corner, barely letting in light. The dark brown walls feel cozy and welcome, along with the snug, dark red couches. 

"This is awesome," Harry says into his cup. "Can this be our secret place?"

Will scoffs. "What do you mean, secret place?" He takes a huge bite of his sandwich. "People know about this."

"You're always so questioning," I say back. 

"No, I'm Will." He smiles at me with turkey in his teeth.

Harry stands up, says he has to go to the bathroom, and leaves. Will and I sit across from each other.

Today Will is wearing a sweatshirt with a picture of Superman on it. His pants are red skinny jeans that seem so tight as to cut off blood circulation. Black high tops hug his skinny ankles, and of course, his too-big glasses frame his face.

"You really love him, don't you?" Will says. 

"Yeah. But we're both so shy and awkward and we just blush whenever we compliment each other." I sip the bittersweet black liquid. "We've only kissed once."

"You gotta do something about that, Lou. Take him out for a drink. Take him to your place. Get sexy." He winks at me. 

"I know. I know. Maybe we should go to a bar or something."

"A bar," Will shakes his head, blond hair flying. "Pshh. That's as original as having a white wedding dress. Take him to a fancy restaurant and sit in the bar area. Buy him a fancy drink."

I imagine Harry's eyes gleaming as I appear at his front door step, dressed in a blazer. He would love me just as much as I love him. His happy face is the key to my bliss. 

"Okay, then what?" 

"Then you guys will get a little drunk. You just have to make the move and start kissing him. On the cheeks, on the lips. Soon, Harry will want to bang you like he's hammering a nail into a plank of wood."

"He can't do anything to me while I'm wearing crutches." I nod to my silver crutches resting on the floor. "He- uh, it would be awkward."

"I've seen enough porn to know that it's possible." Will smiles.

I feel my ears get hot, along with my cheeks. A sense of discomfort washes over to me, talking to Will about my sex life. I decide to change the subject.

"You had a girlfriend, I suppose?"

Will's face suddenly twists in remembrance. He looks like he took a crash-landing in memory lane. "Yeah. Two years ago in high school."


"Her name was Jamie. She had vibrant purple hair and always wore this adorable treble clef key chain on her bracelet." He sighed. "We were the nerds in love. Her, loving violin, and me, loving every school subject, even math. People made fun of us for being geeks and overachievers, and she was the only person I had to resort to when times got bad. She was my everything."

He breaks off, his blue eyes suddenly glazed over with sadness. I feel the loss hugging his mind, tinted with the clear fact that Will still loves her. 

He continues: "She always had something funny to say. Whether it was a joke, or some deranged comment about our chemistry teacher, she had a way to make me smile."

"Did she break up with you?"

Will looks at me like I punched him in the face. "No."


"She moved to America, somewhere near Washington D.C. for college. She was going to become a major in conducting orchestras and such. I never... I-" He looks down. "We barely talk. I mean, she texts me, but I think we'll never have a chance to be together again."

"I'm sorry."

Will talks to my shoes. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

Harry is soon standing over us, with a small smile toying at his lips. His floppy hat hangs in his hand, causing his curls to erupt in a sea of puffiness. I find myself smiling, basking in the beautiful essence of him. He sits down as Will stands up.

"I have to go, you guys," Will huffs. "I'm getting a cavity filled." He puts his hand on his hips and looks thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I guess I shouldn't have drank coffee." 

"Bye," Harry and I say together, out voices combining in a crisp melody.

"Peace." Will walks out.

Harry turns his head to me, a goofy smile emerging on his face. I notice that his smile is crooked, the lips opening more on one side than the other. So utterly kissable.

I say, "Do you want to go out for a drink tonight?"

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