I love you not because of anything you have, but because of something that I feel when I’m near you.


6. Tuesday Night

"With the lights out, it's less dangerous 

Here we are now, entertain us 

I feel stupid and contagious 
Here we are now, entertain us,"


Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," is bleeding out of the speaker that's connected to my mobile. Perfect shower song. I love the feeling of showers. The hot water stings my flesh, burning and exfoliating my scalp. It is a sensation, it hurts but yet it's relaxing at the same time. 

I swing open the shower curtain, and leap out onto the shiny, tiled floor. I grab my white, cotton towel from the sink counter and start to dry my wet body. I start off with my hair, shaking my head and wiggling the towel to dry my moist, long brown hair. I wipe the towel all over my arms and torso. I dry my legs and feet and so on. I step off the mat and walk towards my sink to retrieve my makeup bag. I only take one step before I land on my bum. What the hell, did I trip over gravity or some shit? I push myself up and rub my butt. This is great, there's fucking toilet paper on the floor. I try to keep the bathroom clean but my mother wants to mess it up. She's a huge slob and I can't stand it. Who the fuck leaves toilet paper on the floor?! Jesus, Mary and Joseph. 

I stumble over to my drawers and look for my makeup bag. Of course I can't find it. I scramble to look for it, throwing deodorant, tampons and shavers. Okay, before anyone makes any comments like ew or gross, I'm a fucking woman so I need womanly things. 

"Andie, here's your bag. Thanks for letting me use it." my mom says while throwing my bag to me. Like, what the bloody hell, I would seriously curse my mom out right here, right now, but I'm getting ready for a party and I don't want to stay home and fucking watch "The Waltons," or some shit. I love my mom and all, but sometimes we need our distance and she never goes out so I have to take the initiative.

I unwrap the towel from my body, and gently toss it on the floor. I dump all of my makeup out of my bag and find my foundation. It's all-natural and allergy free. If I don't wear allergy free foundation, my face swells up like a puffer fish, I'm redder than a tomato and it itches like a mother fucker. Okay, Andie get back on track. I pour the foundation onto my hand and slowly swirl it onto my fingers; I dab my two fingers into it and apply dots on my face. I massage it until it looks natural. I wash my hands and dry them and I grab my eye-shadow. I apply grey eye shadow on my eyelid. To top off the smoky eye look, I add a little black under my eye and above the grey. Looking like a model. I look for my black, liquid eyeliner and of course it's on the floor. I bend down and scoop it up. I apply a thin layer on my top lid, and flick it outside of my eye creating the Arabian look. I grab my red lipstick and trace it onto my puffy lips. Lastly, I add some gloss to make my mouth pop. I skip gracefully to my room and swing open my closet door and enter my "Wonderland." Yes, I call my closet "Wonderland" because It has my clothes and shoes and everything I love. I go to the section where my dresses are and look for something to wear for tonight. I never, and I mean never, wear dresses, but tonight is different. It's a college party that's full of college kids. And maybe I want to do something I've never done before that's bad, like get laid or smoke pot or something. No drinking though. I'll pass on the offer. So, I push all of the dresses I never wear and find the perfect one. It's black (obviously) short and has sheer accents that make it more revealing. I take the dress off the rack and place it on the table in my Wonderland. I get on my knees and crawl all over my floor to find the perfect shoes. I eventually find them and they're quite monstrous. They're about 6 inches tall, the heel is white with silver studs, above the heel is black with white crosses painted on them and black laces that go through sliver holes. This look is kinda boring with no accessories so I grab my vintage Chanel purse. I look pretty good if you ask me.

I look into one of my white  dresser for a bra and underwear. I find a black lace bra and matching underwear. I slip them on, then squeeze into my dress. I push my feet into the large heels. I feel like big foot with these bad boys on.  

I walk out of my closet and into my room and I am surprised on who I see.

"Brooks!" I nearly screech. I run into his arms and hug him so tight. I love my brother Brooks. He is always there for me and my mom. He never left us, but Lillie did.

"How's my favorite sister?"

"Pretty good, I'm so glad you're here. How long are you staying for?" I ask.

"Hmm, well I'm staying here for four..." He trails off.

"Four... what? Days? Weeks? Months!?"

"No, four days, I was just messing with ya."

"Ugh, why can't you stay longer?"

"If I stay longer, I'll get kicked out of the university, and I graduate next summer."

"But, it's summer right now. What the hell do you do that you have to stay for?"

"Soo, I don't have to pay for university and I have to make up for some of the bad things I've done."

"Ugh, I you suck." I complain.

"Anyway, you going to a party, huh?" Brooks questions gesturing to my outfit.

"Yeah, I'm going to Manchester with some friends." 

"Really? That's where I'm going! And can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah of course, what is it?"

"Can you keep watch for my ex, she's crazy and she still wants to be with me."

"Ouch, yeah I will."

"Thanks sis. Uh I got to go. See ya at the party yeah?"

"Yeah of course. Bye Brooks, love you!"

"See ya." He waves to me and just like that he's out the door. I haven't seen my brother in a few months and now we're going to the same party together. I'm so happy I'm going with someone I know.

The party starts at 12 am and its almost 10 now. Wow i got ready quick. Now to do my hair. I never use heat on my hair unless I'm going to someplace special... like a party. I go into my drawer and pull out a straightener and a curling iron. I choose the curler because curls are cute and innocent. I usually straighten my hair but tonight should be a different look for me. I plug my pink, cheetah print curler into the outlet and wait for it to heat up. Ten minutes later it's still not heated up hot. 20 minutes pass and it's heated enough. Now I know why I never curl my hair, it takes so damn long to heat up. I curl all of my light-brown hair taking another 10 minutes. By the time I'm finished it's 10:30. It takes an hour and a half to get to Manchester University so I have to leave now. I unplug the curler and run to get my bag. I say a goodbye to my mum who is of course, watching "The Waltons." 

I open the door and close it quietly so I don't disturb my mother. I carefully walk down the stairs from the flat. My heels make that clank noise, which I love.

My "friends" are waiting for me outside of my apartment. They're quite a dysfunctional trio. Killian is really tall and is way too perverted for his own good. He's tried to get with me more times than I can remember. Frankie is a diehard stoner and he barely has enough brain cells left to finish a sentence. Then lastly there's Laney who wears too much purple and can't survive without headphones in. That's pretty much all I know about them because I've never cared to learn the rest about their lives. 

I pull up to the car and tap on the glass window. Killian opens the car door for me and of course he's right on top of me.

"Hey, Andie," he speaks with confidence.  


"You look pretty hot, thinking about getting laid tonight?"
"One, I'll never do it with you in your wildest dreams. Two, I'm not some slut you think you can just pull your "moves" on and think it will work because it won't.Three, why don't you masturbate a little bit because I can see your fucking boner from here and it's dark out. Oh here's a tip, zip up your pants and keep it in there for a while."

"Oh shit Killian, you got..." Frankie trails off. Typical Frankie, he just gazes at stuff that isn't there. And of course Laney is driving with headphones in, as usual, even though it's illegal. This is the typical group. The perv, the stoner and the girl who wears too much purple and never talks. For once Killian is quiet... and his boner is gone finally.

We arrive at the university at around 11:55. Good, I like to get to places early so I don't miss anything special or cool that goes on.

I get out of the car and see people passed out in the front lawn. It's not even 12 and people are already wasted. Jesus, some people go all out at these parties. Now, I've been to a lot of parties, it's just never been this crazy before. Usually it took a couple hours before people were plastered and piled on top of each other. The frat house looks pretty nice except for all of these "people" here. The grass is green, the house is a dark color I can't make out and the front porch looks clean, minus the red cups and cigarette butts. Right when you walk in, you can smell all of the alcohol pouring into your senses and making your insides scream. Also, the weed is pretty powerful to smell too. All I can see are people having dry sex, smoke and girls fighting in barely no clothing. 

I start to make my way towards the kitchen when a cute blonde stops me. His eyes are so blue. They can just stare into your soul for hours.

"Hey, you're that girl from therapy," he says like it's an everyday thing.

"Uh, yeah." Wait it's that boy that was with Louis. Oh Jesus, that means he's here too. All of a sudden three more hot guys come up to me. 

The one next to Louis' friend on his right is average height, innocent faced and his body looks fantastic and toned. His hair is in a little quiff and he has a little bit of facial hair. He reminds me of a teddy bear, just hug and squeeze him whenever you need to.

The other one is on the boys left, his face is perfection. He has big, brown, shining eyes. His eyelashes are probably longer my own and mine have mascara on it. His jaw is square and masculine. His jawline could be a razor and cut things. Oh my god, his smile is better than words, I just cab't explain it. He has facial hair, but it's scrappy looking and it doesn't look like he enjoys shaving everyday. His hair is in a quiff with a blonde streak right in the middle, kinda like a skunk, if you ask me. He isn't as muscular as the other one but he wasn't skinny, except for his legs. How can boys have skinnier legs than me?

The last boy, on the perfect looking guys left, was just staring at me. Looking me up and down. His eyes, could see through your soul and can count how many sins you've done. They're green, sparkly and beautiful. His jawline was just like the other one, sharp and masculine. His nose, well it looked like a penis, but mine does too so I can't judge him too much about it. His hair is messy, brown and curly. Like really curly. He's really skinny except for his arms. They're really not huge but they're not skinny like those white, nerdy kids in high school. And of course, his legs are skinnier than mine. His lips are full, pouty and pink. I would kiss them if I could. My lips against his... would be magical. He's highly attractive and you could fall in love in a second. My thoughts are interrupted by one of them.

"Well let me introduce the lads. This is Liam, Zayn and Harry."
"Hi, I'm Andie."
"Andie, that's different," Harry says.

"That's really adorable," Liam says. And Zayn stays quiet and just smiles. That boy has got a smile. Wow.

"So what do you plan on doing tonight?" Harry asks.

"Uh, just partying I guess."

"Well, lets go see Louis, I'm sure he's excited to see you," Niall chips in.

"Yeah that's fine." Niall, Harry and I push through the crowd and I already spot the sluts of the party. I'm wearing 6 inch heels so it's hard to push through people, while fast walking. Harry is holding onto my wrist while Niall is leading. Some random person stick their foot out, and you know clumsy me, I fall flat on my face. "Ow," I mumble under my breath. Niall and Harry stop and stare at me. What a bunch of idiots. When I start to get up, Harry rushes to my side and gently grabs my waist and pulls me up. I'm up and he's still holding my waist. We both stare deeply into each others eyes. I feel the warmth and connection with him. I suddenly forget about Louis, I just want to love Harry. Andie, stop it. Get a hold of yourself. 

"Sorry," I say while moving out of his arms. He looks devastated like I just broke his heart. His emerald eyes begin to darken into a forest green. His pupils grow bigger by the second. His full pink lips pout out. His pink, bumpy tongue slides gently across his puffy mouth. I can't believe I notice all of these details. 

"Andie!" someone screams. I turn to look into the kitchen and see Louis waving and smiling like an idiot. I start to laugh and smile with him. He really is a sweet guy. I think he likes me a lot.

He jogs over to me and gives me the biggest hug anyone could give. I feel like I'm home in his arms, like his arms are squeezing all of the doubt and negativity love has. I look up at him and he looks down into my eyes. His eye really are interesting. When I first met him, they were a really bluish gray color like the gray clouds trying to block out the bright sky. Now, they're the sky. The ocean. The light to love... But what about Harry? 

Louis is still holding me and whispers something in my ear,"You look beautiful tonight."

I start to blush a bright pink and look down at the dark floor. Damn, I wish there was some kind of light here. All of a sudden, Louis kisses my forehead. His lips are so soft. Softer than a cat, softer than a cloud, softer than his eyes. I turn into a tomato. I look like a firetruck for god sake. I let go, but I'm still looking into sparkle of his eyes. Like I said, his blue eyes could light up a dark room. Hell even a huge blizzard or some shitty storm. 

Someone bumps into me and of course it ruins the moment. I turn to look at Harry,who is just standing there, with his arms on his sides, hands behind him, slouching and his head looking down. 

"Do you want a drink Andie?" Louis asks.

"Uh, yeah, water please."
"Water? Are you sure?"
"Yeah I don't drink," I assure him. He could tell by my face I didn't want to take this conversation any further. He left the living room and left me by myself with Harry. I look up to see Harry in the same place and position. He hasn't moved. He's like a statue. A statue of a depressed man who gave it his all and everyone wanted more of it. Harry looked really tired and exhausted. All he really needs is sleep. That's ALL they really need. 

A few minutes later, Louis comes back with my water. He hands it to me and I thank him. Liam comes over to Louis and I. We all have small talk with each other, but I'm stuck on Harry. Harry has moved since I last glanced at him. He's with some blonde girl. Slut. She has long blonde straight hair, green eyes, an anorexic skinny body and huge boobs that were obviously fake. She wore way too much makeup and was all over Harry. I glared at both of them and Harry caught me. Shit, you idiot, who cares you're here with Louis. I take a sip from my water. 

"Andie, what do you think?" Louis asks.

"What do I think of what?" I could tell Louis is annoyed. I feel bad for staring at Harry and memorizing his features and personality than Louis'.

"I said, do you think we should change our new album up a bit?"

"I've never really heard your music before."

"Then you should listen to it," Liam shouts over excitedly.

"Yeah, I'd love to," smiling and looking towards Louis. Louis starts to blush and smile a bit. He's probably nervous because I'm here. Just then, Niall comes over and takes Louis and Liam away from me.

"Go talk to Harry, he needs it," Louis suggests. Great, of course I walk towards Harry and sit next to him. He looks at me and then looks away. Again, another awkward moment. 

"What do you want?" Harry snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Um, I just wanted to talk to you, I guess."

"Why don't you just go fuck Louis, you seem more into him than me." What a stubborn, vain asshole. I can't talk to a guy without him getting jealous. I barely know him and he's acting this way. I literally don't know what to say.

"I mean look at you, you look like a whore. And of course you want to get into Louis' pants so you could gain some social status and be popular," Harry snaps again. I think he needs therapy, not Niall. Again, I just sit there silently, hurt, insecure and confused. I see Harry looking at me, with my head down thinking maybe it's true. Maybe I am a whore. Wait a minute, a whore is someone who is a prostitute or someone who has sex 24/7. I'm still a virgin.

Harry puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. His lips come closer to me and land on my cheek. He shyly kisses my cheek and works his way down to my neck. He gets a little rougher and finds the spot on my neck. I let out a little moan and he stops. He smirks like I just gave him more confidence. He lets go of me and whispers something in my ear, "Come upstairs with me." 

One of my goals was to do something bad so I thought why not? 

I stand up, Harry holds my hand and we walk through the crowd to get to the stairs. He leads me up the stairs and we reach an empty bedroom.

The bed is a king sized bad, with black, silk bedspread and sheets, there is 5 book shelves full of old books and a brown leather chair. The wall is a white, white color and dark brown hardwood flooring. This room is spotless and unique.

Harry kicks the door close with his foot. It makes a slamming noise and makes me jump. Harry chuckles and grabs my waist, turns me around and slams his mouth onto mine. Our lips and thoughts and feelings are connected. He slowly slides his tongue and meets mine. Slowly, he pushes closer and closer to the bed. Our lips detach and he picks me up and starts pecking my neck. Each second he gets harsh with my neck; He starts to suck onto my neck, finding my pleasure spot, while squeezing my bum. I start to moan; All of this is happening so fast but it's worth it.

He moves his soft touching lips up to mine and we kiss passionately, full of lust and love. He stops, looks deep into my eyes, and whispers,"girls like you... make me happy." He then smirks and looks down at the bed. He starts to blush and his rosy cheeks make me want him more. I lightly and shyly kiss his neck. Harry has one vein that is popping out. I kiss it gently and carefully take his shirt off. I may be willing but this would be happening even if I don't want it to. Harry has a very dominative vibe and it seems like when he wants something, he gets it.

His tattoos... they're quite different. He has two, graceful birds on each collarbone, "17black" right above the bird on the right (my right), he has something like a bird cage on his left rib cage (his left) and two different face, a happy one and a sad one. On his stomach is a magnificent, detailed butterfly. Harry's wrist has the words "I can't change," and a key and a lock and lots of other things I can't make out. He sees me observing them, so he takes my left hand and forces me to trace his tattoos. He slowly removes his hand from mine and get closer to me, but I'm still tracing them. 

He kisses me one last time before moving down my body.



Authors note: I'm so sorry about updating so late but here it is. It's a lot longer than my previous ones but I hope you enjoy it. Thanks! -Alex 






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