Silenced Heart

Luke Hemmings loves the fame. The sound of the girls screaming his name and the flashing lights. His band members see this, so they make a bet. If he can last without the fame, he'll be paid. Luke goes back to school, and he meets a girl who flips his entire world upside down. When the bets over, he has one of the biggest decisions he'll ever have to make: leave her or hold on for as long as he can.

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25. Chapter 25

-Luke-

It has been about a week and a half since I last talked or have even seen Hope. She's been absent from school, and hasn't texted, called, or contacted me in any way since I took her home when she felt like she was going to get sick.

I've tried to get in touch with her more than enough times, but I either go straight to voice mail or she doesn't reply to text messages.

I told the guys what happened, and since then, I've left.

The guys were all ecstatic that I returned, but it feels different.

It's one of those situations where it feels as though a mosquitoe's bitten you, but you can't locate the bite, so you sit there, furiously trying to scratch the itch. What I was feeling now was exactly the same.

Knowing that I hurt Hope in the way that I did has left me with an implacable mark in my mind. I haven't exactly heard how she feels about the entire thing because she demanded I take her home straight away.

She seemed like the kind of person that couldn't stay mad at you for long, but she definitely tricked with that one.

"But what if she's not mad, mate?" Ashton suggested as he chucked a tennis ball against the ceiling of the tour bus multiple times.

"What are you saying?" He shrugged his shoulders before pulling the ball closer to his face.

"Maybe she's not mad, she's just unable to cope with the situation. From what you've told me, she doesn't seem like the type of person who can brush something off and walk about untouched." I squirmed in my spot and narrowed me eyes at him.

"Again, what are you saying? That she's dramatic?" He shook his head.

"I'm saying, this girl seems as if she's not used to sudden news. So, what if she's just sort of stunned? Maybe she's not mad, but she just can't cohere her thoughts in order to talk to you again because she's not sure of what to talk to you about." I nodded, suddenly understanding his perspective of the predicament.

"I guess that's possible, but I still think she's just mad." He shook his head and began to toss his ball back to the ceiling once again.

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.

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Hope texted me last night. It wasn't very expected. Actually, it was the last thing I expected from her.

She texted to wish me a happy birthday because the next day would be July 16, my birthday.

I responded about an hour later just so I didn't look desperate, but then that led to me calling her instead.

"Hey," she quietly responded.

"Hi." I spoke, scratching the back of neck nervously.

"What's up?" Her voice seemed soft, like she was afraid there was someone next to me who could hear her.

"Um...nothing. I just called to, you know, see how things were." I slammed for palm on my bed frame for my stupidity I had displayed.

"Things," she stopped for a minute before she drew in a deep breath, "things are fine."

"Bene?" I inquired while looking at my fingernails.

"Bene?" she queried. I nodded my head.

"Yes. Bene. It translates to fine in Italian. If you were to say so-so, thats cosi cosi." I heard her chuckle ring through the tight, compacted place she must have been in. "Where are you, exactly?" She sighed quiet loudly. Either that or the sound just bounced off the wall and came back into the speaker.

"I'm currently sitting in my bathtub. Hailey wouldn't stop singing," pause, continue, "well, your songs." I shifted my gaze from out the window to my toes.

"Oh. She likes them?" Hope laughed a bit before she answered that, yes, indeed she loves them.

"Her favorite's disconnected. I like it, too, honestly." I smiled to myself.

"Oh, thanks. Calum and Ashton actually wrote another song that was similar, but Michael and I disagreed, so we all sat down and just talked and we turned what we talked about into a song." Hope hummed.

"What were you tlaking about?" I shrugged my shoulders, uncomfortable about speaking about our songwriting chats.

"We were talking about how we hate when we're hanging out with a girl and she constantly talks about her Instagram post or her fruends that keep texting her," I explained. I could hear Hope's humming response. I continued, "You know, guys actually enjoy talking to girls, but only if you guys didn't want to talk about a boy who follows you or someone on television who you think's hotter than the sun." Hope remained quiet.

"I don't do that, do I?" I thought for a moment.

"No. You really didn't." She sighed in a sort of comforting way.

"Good. It sounds pretty annoying." I nodded as a conformation that it is one-hundred percent irritating.

I started to let my eyes wander around the room, listening to Hope's short and frantic breaths that she always has.

"Why?" she asked out of nowhere.

"Why what?" I inquired, sitting up totally straight with my eyebrows creased.

"Why?" Her voice cracked loudly. "Why would you do that to me? I don't understand. You led me up to believe you were the nicest and sweetest guy I've ever met, and then you drop this major bomb on me. How's that fair? I get it. You probably think I'm some overreacting girl, but it's hard to take when you think the person you have spent so much time with is so perfect, and then they just ruin it." She was finished with her long rant before I finally felt it.

I felt what she meant. I did. She thinks it was easy for me, but in reality I feel the same way.

I thought she was perfect for me. I thought I was in love. I thought that until I realized who I was and what my job is. That's when I realized that she had no real importance in my life anymore.

"I know how you feel, Hope, but I can't anymore. I can't. Do you know who I am? Do you know what my job is? I can't be your botfriend, or even your friend for that matter." The phone line went dead after a few more seconds.

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.

.

The hardest part about letting Hope go was the fact that I needed her. She made my life sane and real. She wasn't someone who would make up lies just to make you feel better. She let you know how it was the actual way it was. She wasn't some fake person who wouldn't ever hold a real grudge like is needed sometimes or wouldn't have their own opinion.

She treated me like I was normal because that's exactly how she saw me: a normal person.

I called her about fifteen times after what I said to her last night, but it went directly to voice mail on the first ring. Ashton had a lot to say to me after I had informed him in the jackass I was and the things I said that most likely led Hope to believe that I was a jerk.

"What's wrong with you?!" he yelled, slapping me on the back of my head. "You can't say things like that to a girl! They are sensitive human beings who have some weird shit going on with them most of the time. You can't fuck around with them, man!" I felt like a jerk. Because I was one. I couldn't believe myself.

That night I cried myself to sleep for probably the first time in a long time. I couldn't help it. I had sworn to myself that I was fine, but I wasn't. And when I crawled into my bunk, I broke down so hard that Ashton had to come and lie with me until I fell asleep.

The next morning wasn't much better, either. Ashton was eating for me in the small kitchen we had with pancakes and sausage.

"Where are the rest of them?" I asked in a mopy voice. He sighed, telling me that they all went out for breakfast along with the other boys before their interviews.

"Listen," he started, "we need to go back." My eyes shifted from my fluffy pancakes to his face.

"To where?" I shoveled the food in before I felt the urge to pop a few dramamine into my mouth.

"Philadelphia. You can't just leave her broken like that. It's not humane. I'm not saying that you need to clean up the mess you made. Though it would be nice, I don't think it's necessary. Just give her closure. What you said was beyond what a douchedick would say, but you have to at least explain things to her so she doesn't spend the rest of her life wondering what she did wrong." I let Ashton's spiel sink into my brain.

So what he's saying is he wants me to go back, explain what I meant and how I felt, and hope that she forgives me? Haha. No.

"Nah. I'd rather not." Before I could get the fork relatively close to my mouth, Ashton slapped it down with a scowl.

"It's not a suggestion, Luke. I'm telling you that you need to. I've already talked to the others and they agreed that it would be best that you go. Philadelphia's only a few hours drive from New York, so we're going down in a half hour whether you like or not." My eyes bulged, but u nodded and got up to get myself dressed.

.

.

"I'm terrified. She's going to lose her shit when she sees me standing at the door," I explained to Ashton while I opened and closed my fists as I walked up to the wooden door.

"Just do it." Ashton stood behind me while I knocked three times rather forcefully on the door.

Thuds from the creaking stairs could be heard from the front step. Her footsteps became more and more clear until I watched the knob twist. She wing the door open so fast that I thought the wind that she created would send me tumbling back onto Ashton.

"Hope?" I queried with a faint voice.

"What the duck are you doing here?" Ashton broke out into chuckles while I tried to hold it back. "I said duck. I know. Do you have a problem?" she snapped.

She was wearing pastel care bear pajama pants, a beat up white t-shirt, and her hair back into a distressed ponytail, but she was still the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on.

"I'm going to go ino the car," Ashton announced, sprinting off and down the street where we parked.

"Why don't you join him?" I looked up at the girl standing in front of me.

"No. I need to talk to you," I informed her. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over he chest.

Damn.

"About what? How much of a jerk you are? Oh, wait! You can't be seen with me in public. I'll just help you wih your reputation. She tried her hardest to shut the door, but I help it open with one arm while she struggled to close it.

"No. About us." She looked baffled.

"What about us? There is no us. You're a jerk, and you're going to stay that way!" she screamed.

"No. I'm not a jerk. I just acted like it. You know how I feel about you, Hope. It was horrible for me to leave you, and you know that." I frustratingly yelled.

"I don't know how you feel about me," she squeaked.

"I like you, Hope. When I told you that I was leaving, the look in your eyes killed me. I had all the urge to pull you in together than anything, but I couldn't.

Hesitantly, she stepped to the side, allowing me some room to come in the house. We both say down on the couch, Hope staring at her fingers as I was roughly dragging my fingers through my hair.

"I didn't know that you liked me, Luke. I truly didn't. I'm sorry," she apologized, meeting my eyes with her dark brown ones.

"I thought you did. That's why I wouldn't tell you." She sighed and threw her head back.

"You can't like me. I can't like you. We can't possibly be together. This long distance bullshit? It doesn't work because that's exactly what it is: bullshit. Even if I loved you and couldn't stand to be without you, we couldn't possible ever be together. Your job is important, Luke. I can't ruin that. The thing about your job is that you need to fit the status. I'm not the status. I'm much, much lower than the suggested celebrity girlfriend." Her eyes softened and her features into eyes while she kept ranting with her eyes focused on a crack in the wooden floor.

"I can choose who I want to be with, though," I informed her.

"Really, Luke? Or you can choose outof the four superstars who you want to be with?" I felt defeated. I felt defeated because she was totally right.

I couldn't choose the people I wanted to be with in this business. You try your hardest to look positive, but sometimes it's just not possible.

"Well, what now?" she asked?

I stood up, looked Hope dead in the eyes, said, "I don't know," and walked out.

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OMG GUYS. HAYYYYYYYY

I'm a bad person, guys. Seriously. I'm so sorry. I was busy and stressed out lately, so I was just annoyed and didn't want to update. I feel so terrible for doing that, but hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. So yes, this is an update and I will let you know that I'm already working on the next chapter.

In sorry for leaving ya guys hanging all the time, but hopefully I won't anymore.

So how's everyone's summer? Mines pretty good so far, but it could always be better.

So yes, I'm working on a Hope POV and that will be up on thrusday.

Thanks for all of the really sweet comments lately. I love them, so please keep them coming:)

Maria

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