I Have You Still (COMPLETED)

Louis Tomlinson, my best friend since we were 7 years old. His pranks, his jokes, everything about him made me think we were long lost siblings. We're very close to each other. I never left his side, and he never left mine. Best friends forever, or so that's what it seemed like until he left me.

Copyright Shyviolin. Please no duplicating.

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10. Chapter 10


  Harry stood in shock not knowing what to say. I buried my face in my hands crying. I felt horrible. I suddenly feel his arms wrap around me pressing his body against mine.

"Just...before you leave." He grabs my face planting his warm lips on mine. I forgot how his lips felt. It felt so welcoming. He releases my face pulling away.

"Bye Ashton." He turns and walks away back in the house.

"Harry..." I whisper burying my face in my hands. I sit there sobbing in my hands. What has my life turned into? I lost Louis, I lost Harry...I lost the things that made me happy. I need to move on. Just let everything go that's made me stress out. I don't need to be stressed.

*******

 "Ash, what's wrong? Please tell me." Patricia knocks on my door.

"I don't want to talk." I bury my face in my pillow.

"I'm going to break in if you don't open this door."

"Have you tried opening the door?" I look back at the door as she opens it walking in.

"Oh...duh!" She hits her forehead with her hand. "Ashton, tell me what's wrong. What's going on in your head?" She rubs my back.

"Don't go all crazy mad, okay?" I look up at her as she nods, "I had a fight with Louis and we're not talking anymore."

"What? Why?"

"He came out and told me that he liked me and he kissed me. I thought he was drunk when he kissed me, but he told me he just had the scent of alcohol. I ran out and ran into Harry and Louis came out throwing punches at Harry. I confessed to Harry that I loved him and he said he liked me too, but then I confessed that I felt something when Louis kissed me. Harry just kissed me, said bye, and left me outside," I sigh, "I don't think we're going to talk to each other too."

"I'm so sorry this happened Ash! Do you need anything? I'll do anything for you."

"No, I just want to be alone right now, but thanks Patricia." I smile weakly up at her sighing.

"Oh...okay then." She looks down at the ground walking out.

"Patricia, I wasn't trying to sound rude, but I think it's best if I get alone time."

"It's okay Ash, I understand." She sends me a little smile walking out again closing the door behind her.

  I'm such a bitch. What's wrong with me? I'm getting all mad at Patricia now for nothing! I feel horrible now. I just hope I don't lose her too because she's special to me.

  Maybe today was a sign...a sign to give up. I don't belong here. My family abused me and told me they don't love me anymore, I lost my old best friend because he confessed his love for me, I lost the guy I loved who always cheered me up and said I was strong, but now I'm weak. I can't hear his encouraging words that kept me going. It's like he understood me.

  I slowly get up from my bed walking towards my drawer pulling out a small box, a piece of paper and a pen. I walk into the bedroom bathroom looking at the mirror. My mascara was running a lot. I grab a towel wiping the make up off my cheeks washing the towel.

  I sit on the the floor writing on the toilet seat. I write down the words I've been thinking about for a long time now. I scratch off some words then replace them with other ones. It made me less depressed as I wrote my words out.

  I look down at the small box taking out the blade. "This is for not being loved by family," I cut the top of my wrist, "this is for losing my old best friend," I do another, "this is for being a bitch to Patricia," I cut twice this time. Tears begin to roll down my cheeks as I try to speak. "T-this is-" I try to swallow the lump in my throat, "Harry." I cut myself over and over as blood dripped down to the floor. I let go of the blade, resting my back on the wall. I don't deserve to live.

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