Desire

Even if you think the world is absolutely screwed up, everything is more psychotic when you desire someone you can't have. That's what happened to me. (Harry Styles/grunge fanfiction)

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"I think that she's just doing her job. She's getting the media's attention and she's making a name for herself." Shelley says as I walk into the extremely bright kitchen. I am way too hungover for these people right now, I don't even know how I managed to put shorts on.

I go into the fridge and take out a big pitcher of juice. I place it on the kitchen island where Shelley, Harry, and Marissa are sitting. Shelley and Marissa gape at me and Harry just looks at my body, given that I am only wearing ripped high-waisted shorts and a black lace bra. 

"Do you have any dignity?" Shelley exclaims.

"No." I say as I turn to the cupboard to get a glass. I can pretty much feel the heat of Harry's eyes on my bum. 

"Rouge Wayland!Put some clothes on!" Marissa yells much too loud. I cringe at the volume which makes my headache ring through my ears.

"Don't call me by my middle name and please lower your damn voice!" I whisper-yell.

"Are you hungover?! Who am I kidding, I'm surprised that you're even here!" She yells.

I look at Harry and he darts his eyes away from my bare body and to my eyes.

"I was too drunk to go to the bus station so I walked home. Jesus." I say rubbing my temples. A sudden relief washed over Harry's face because I didn't rat him out in front of Shelley. To the normal human being it would be totally normal but with Shelley, it would start world war three. 

"Christ, Rouge. Do you have any other way of spending your time than being completely trashed all the time?" Shelly asks as if she has never done anything bad in her entire life. 

"Yeah I actually do Shelley," I put my elbows on the counter. "I really love getting stoned too." I say with false excitement. She looks at me in disgust and I simply send a smile in her direction. 

"It must be really hard for you, having to avoid all of the drugs and alcohol, Harry." Marissa says, sort of changing the subject.

"Erm, yeah it's a real difficulty for me." he lies. He definitely drinks and probably smokes pot also. 

"Ha, I can tell, Harry." I comment. Marissa gives me a slit-eyed glance.

 "Harry has assured us that he is a clean, pure soul, unlike you." Marissa snaps.

"Bullshit." I say. harry probably gets wasted every night when he's not around Shelley.

"Language!" Shelley yells.

"Suck my dick." I say. Even though I am lacking that particular part, it was enough to piss them off.

"Rouge Wayland! Do not speak like that in this house!" Marissa yells. Seriously though, what is with the middle names this morning?

I know for a fact that she hates my middle name and she just uses it to make herself seem big. Doesn't quite work.

"This breakfast is quite lovely Mrs. Rollins." Harry says, trying to change the subject. Little shit.

"Why thank you Harold. See Rouge why can't you just be like Shelley and find a nice, clean-cut man to marry and fix your life up. There are plenty of people out their that are way better than Nick."

"Don't you dare pull the Nick card. That has absolutely nothing to do with you and you have no business to say that. You know, I would rather die than be like Shelley. Don't ever fucking compare me to her!" I yelled. Marissa knows better.

"End of conversation! Rouge sit down and have some breakfast, please. Marissa says, sitting down.

I sit on a stool at the island. The counter is covered in every breakfast food you could imagine, piled up on big plates. I grab the tea kettle and fill the cup that is in front of me. I drink tea straight, by the way.

"Rouge, sweetie, please eat something or I will have to call-"

"You wouldn't fucking dare. " I tell and give her a death stare. There is no way that I would ever go back there, crazy or not.

"Oh Shelley, I almost forgot! I have two tickets to my favorite play in London and I was really hoping you would come! Brian doesn't like these kinds of things and I would love to get to know you more! Will you go with me?" Marissa asks. Another fantastic example of how my mother likes Shelley more than me, not that I would go anyway.

"I'd absolutely love to! But Harry hasn't got anything to do without me!" Shelley screeches.

"Well actually there is a party that I want to go to with my mates. Go I'll be fine!" Harry says. Of course there is.

"Perfect! We'll go to the theatre and you can go to your little soirée." Marissa says. Haha, good one.

I look up at Harry and mouth the word "soirée". He smiled and stared down at the ground. We both know what this "party" is. Just a bunch of people get stoned and drunk and fucking each other. Pretty typical.

"Brian has to work anyways so everyone will be happily occupied. And well, Rouge, you'll just do whatever it is that you do." Marissa says. Definite detection of an inequality in appreciation.

"What do you do anyways?" Shelley asks as if she is actually interested.

"Do you really want to know, Shelley? I get absolutely plastered and do every drug you could ever imagine so I can handle my narcissistic life. Oh, and I also I fuck a lot of people too." I say. Even though the whole fucking thing is a lie I know it will make her teeth grind.

"Ew." She says with disgust. Marissa hangs her head in her hands.

I know she's disgraced by who I am but she can't seem to remember that she is the one who made me this way. She hates me. My whole family hates me and pretty much everyone else I know because I fuck everything up. And even when someone else fucks up, I'm the one who ends up totally fucked in the end. That's how my life has been since I was pretty much since I was 6 years old. And I'm so used to it that I have become so numb to everything. Numb to life.

"Rouge, stop telling lies. So are you two excited for the engagement party tonight?" Marissa says.

She does that a lot too. She acts like none of it happens. And nothing ever happened.

I look over at Harry. He says nothing but his eyes tell me everything. They tell me that he knows that he knows that those things are true. They tell me that he doesn't car that I'm really fucked up. And that kind of makes me happy.

I drone out the conversation of this impending party and take out a cigarette and put it between my lips and take out my lighter.

"You will not smoke in this house!" Marissa screams.

I don't say a word and get up from my seat. I walk to the back of the house and exit through the glass sliding doors. I sit on the wooden patio steps and light my cigarette.

Breathing in and out, I look up at the sky. It's a lot colder today but the sky is actually clear. No clouds, just a damned eternity of blue.

The wood is a bit cold and my shirtless-ness is causing me a bit of shivering. I breathe in the smoke a few more times before throwing the cigarette into the decorative pebbles in the garden.

I walk back inside where now only Harry remains. His head darts in my direction as I close the door. Once again, his perverted mind causes his eyes to scrape up and down my body.

"Grow up," I say. "You act as if you have never seen a girl's semi-bare body before, you asshole."

"No, just not one as..." he stutters.

"As what, Harry?" I ask, impatiently. I gesture towards my overly exposed skin.

"Nothing. Never mind. Erm, Shelley and your mother went to the grocery store if you were wondering." He says, changing the subject.

"Actually, I wasn't wondering. And she is not my mother." I say while shaking my head in disgust.

"Fuck, just stop being such a bitch all the time! It's really fucking exhausting." He says. What. The. Fuck.

"Me? Please I'm surprised you can stand to be around them."

"They are nice people, unlike you. Why do you fucking live here if you hate them so much! Aren't you like 18 or something?" He says.

"I'm 19 and you think it is my fucking choice to live here?! I wish I could leave this goddamn house, fuck I would rather live on the streets than here but I can't! I would be back in this house in an hour if I tried to leave." I yell.

"Really?! You "can't leave"? That's not what Shelley told me." He scoffs.

"Oh of course not. What did fucking Shelley tell you about me?" I yell.

"If you really want to know, she told me that you are a hopeless stoner that reaps off of your mothers money and lives in this house because you can't do anything fucking better with your life!" He screams.

"Oh my god, you are all so fucking full of yourselves! Why don't you ask Shelley why I am really here. Or maybe ask Marissa. I guarantee you will be unpleasantly surprised by why I'm stuck in this fucking house!" I yell back.

"Whatever, I don't have time for your bullshit. Shouldn't you be at university or something?" He yells.

"I should be, I got accepted to Cambridge and you know who wouldn't let me fucking go?! Marissa! I had a full scholarship and no one would let me go. Fuck I graduated secondary school at sixteen because I was so fucking smart. Stop actin like you know everything!" I yell. It's true I graduated when I was sixteen because I kept getting bumped up to the higher classes.

"That's fucking bullshit! Nobody as rude and bitchy as you would ever get I to a university like that!" Harry's yells. I am done with this conversation.

"Fuck you! Go have fun with your new family and leave me the fuck alone!" I yell as he gets up.

"Fucking stop being such a royal twat! Honestly, I wish I had never even met you because, so far, you have been nothing but an absolute bitch!" He yells. He walks up closer to me, only a couple feet away. His face is red from anger.

"Why don't you just leave then?! I am not going anywhere and you better get the fuck over yourself!" I yell.

Harry pushes his body up to mine in the spur of anger and I could not be any more pissed off right now. I firmly place my hands on his toned chest and push him off me, sending him into the wall. While this is happening, Brian actually woke up and ran in between Harry and I to ensure that I don't do any further damage. Of course, his eyes also avert to my near bare body. Bastard.

"Quit it will you two! Rouge get out of here and put some clothes on!" He says groggily.

"Arsehole." I spit at Harry as I walk up to my room and slam the door.

I really wish I could leave but Marissa has actually managed to piss me off even more by deciding to throw their engagement party. Ew.

I take a quick shower and wash my face. I stumble over to my closet, given that I haven't worn glasses or contacts in two weeks, and step on a very sharp pencil. Glorious.

I throw on a lace strapless bra, a transparent brownish-black sweater with arm cutouts, high waisted black shorts with suspenders, patterned tights, vans, and a black beanie. I add a black cross necklace and walk back to the bathroom to reapply my makeup. I fluff my damp, wavy hair and let it fall on my shoulders.

The outfit is a bit on the heavy side for me but I'm still cold from being outside practically naked.

I surprisingly take my contact case out and pop them into my eyes making the world extremely clear. The vision improvement has made my headache slightly better.

For most of the day, I lay on my bed or stare out the window with really loud rock music playing. I know that everyone can hear it and I find it to be a interesting way to annoy people and sooth myself at the same exact time.

It's around 5 pm and people are starting to arrive to the house and Marissa made me turn the music down. All of the "guests" are dressed and boring pastel dresses and bland suits. It could blind me.

Marissa told me to invite friends so I told Andrew and Danny to come. I figured that Andrew would be immature enough to bother her and Marrissa really hates Danny. Score.

I planned to just stay up in my room all night but when Danny drives up in his car I run down and meet him at the door so that Marissa doesn't "shoo" him.

People stare at me as I walk through the house to the door. Honestly, what is their problem? I'm wearing more clothes than usual so suck it.

I open the door, entirely ignoring Marissa, as Danny steps up to the porch. I catch his glance and he walks into the house. Marissa gave him the worst look ever but I just closed the door behind him and he gave me a giant hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist the same way that he always has and I giggle into his shoulder.

"What a nice house you have, Marissa." Danny says, sarcastically. Haha.

I drag us out of the awkwardness and go into the living room where people are standing around listening to Harry and Shelley talk. He was dressed differently than before. More formal. But he still looked extremely attractive in his ripped skinny jeans. Jesus what is wrong with me. The entire house being scattered with annoying people is starting to bother me. Ugh.

I sit on the empty couch with Danny and completely block out the "happy couple".

"Are you going back to school soon?" I ask. I really hope he says no.

"Sadly, yes. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. But I'll be back for Christmas dear little Rougey." He says while messing up my hair.

"You suck." I laugh.

"So what's his name again?" Danny asks gesturing towards Harry who is now, of course, looking straight at me while Shelley is talking.

"Harry. He's a total arsehole." I say loud enough so he can hear.

"He kind of looks like your type of person," he says and then noticed my expression. "I mean the tattoos and stuff."

"Definitely not." I say.

Andrew finally arrives and sits with us also

We just talk about Danny's school and the band and stuff while all of the party guests swarm around Harry and Shelley towards the end of the night. I actually decide to listen and and find Harry's eyes on me as I look up. What is this guys problem?

"I hope everyone is enjoying the party! I'll be back shortly I just have to use the ladies room. The food is ready in the dining hall if you all would like to help yourselves." Shelley announces. Ew she's trying to be classy. Her squeaky American accent just doesn't match classy. Everyone disperses an I walk upstairs to grab my mobile from my room.

I walk by the loo where Shelley is and the door is slightly opened. The noises I hear do not sound like what one does in the bathroom.

I push the door open and what I see is quite interesting.

Shelley is kissing Andrew. His hands are on her lower back and hers are feeling up his chest. It's actually quite disgusting so I make sure to make a loud noise as I fully open the door to end it.

"Oh my god!" Shelley screams.

"Really?" I say. I don't actually care but, seriously Andrew?

"Hey, don't blame the dude." Andrew says with pink lipstick stained lips.

"Rouge please don't tell anyone! If you do I will..." She says, trying to think of a comeback.

"You'll what, Shelley?" I say. An evil smirk grows on her face.

"I'll tell Harry everything. And I mean everything. I know that you like him somewhere in that cold, dead heart of yours." She says. Bitch.

"You wouldn't dare and I do not fancy him at all." I spit.

"Oh I would dare and I will tell him if you don't keep your mouth shut about this!" She says. I'm done with this

"Fine you twat but I swear to god if you tell him anything I will slit your throat." I say. I know she's scared of me but her telling anyone about me is far worse.

"Now get out!" Andrew yells. I step out and Shelley slams the door and continues to, well you know.

I quickly grab my mobile and go back downstairs and sit with Danny in the kitchen. I whisper what I saw and what Shelley had said and his expression is absolute disgust.

"She wouldn't." He says in disbelief.

"Knowing Shelley, I really believe that she will. You can't tell anyone, Danny." I say

"Of course. You know I'm not like that Rouge." He says.

"Thanks Danny." I see.

I look over to Harry and he instantly looks back at me. If only he knew what I just saw. I really want to tell him but if he knew about me, it would cause a lot more damage than his fiancé cheating on him.

I actually feel bad for him.

 

 

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------/-----------------A/N sorry it's taken me so long but I'm really busy! Enjoy and got to my polyvore @katieplourde to see all of rouges outfits including the one in this chapter! Xx :* ~kr

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