Desire

Even if you think the world is absolutely screwed up, everything is more psychotic when you desire someone you can't have. That's what happened to me. (Harry Styles/grunge fanfiction)

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3. Drowning in Alcohol

Drowning in Alcohol

 

 

Brian passes the green beans to Shelley and Marissa speaks.

"Well, how was your drive?" 

"It was simply beautiful! The countryside here is absolutely gorgeous! Isn't it Harry?" Shelley squawks. 

"Erm, yeah of course, honey." he mumbles. Honey? Seriously, dude, what are you playing at? People that look like him don't just call someone 'honey'.

"So Shelley's told us that you're in a famous boy-band?" Brian adds. I enjoyed the small cringe that arose on Harry's face when Brian said "boy-band". 

"Yeah, One Direction. It's not really a, uuh, boy-band anymore. We've changed our sound a bit. Our new album's going to come out a couple of weeks. We're just making a few last minute decisions now." He says as he looks up at me as if he is embarrassed. He also doesn't look like someone who would be in a boy-band. I would have expected someone more preppy. I shift awkwardly in my chair and stare at my empty plate.

By now you probably think I'm anorexic or something, but I'm not. I used to be anorexic and now I just never have an appetite most of the time. When I say I'm not hungry, I just seriously am not hungry.  

"Well that's lovely! Do you make a lot of money from that?" Marissa says while sipping her glass of wine that should most definitely not be in her hand. 

The exspression on Harry's face is pure realization that all they care about is money, which I can tell is very displeasing to him.

"Yeah it pays the bills." Harry replies with an awkward smile that doesn't fit his face.

"Haha, the man's a comedian too!" Brian says. Such a arsehole.

"Haha, he's a keeper, Shelley!" my mother squeaks.

"I know right! Isn't he just so fabulous?!" she yells. 

"You know, Rouge's a musician too. Maybe you two can have something to talk about?" Brian says. Harry raises an eyebrow at me like he might actually be interested.

"How about no." I say sternly. 

I have had enough of this high pitched, narcissistic small talk. 

"I'm leaving." I rudely announce. Everyone silences as I stand up from my seat. 

"Rogue, sit back down and eat dinner with your family." Marissa says.

"Ha, you're funny, Marissa." I say as I push my chair in, making a loud screeching noise against the floor. 

"Ro, why don't you sit down and eat some of your mother's delicious turkey?" Shelley says. That bitch did not just call me Ro.

"Okay bitch, 1) She is not my mother 2) My opposition on meat has not changed in the last 3 months and 3) Don't you ever fucking call me Ro ever again or I swear I will tear that moronic pink hair right out of your bloody head." I yell. Only Warren can call me Ro. Only Warren.

The look on Harry's face almost looks confused. What the fuck did he expect. He is a fucking poser after all. He's just like the rest of them. Maybe. I thought that maybe he was different. But I thought wrong, just like always.

"Rogue! Do not talk to your sister like that!" Marissa yells. You have got to be kidding me.

"You are such a mother fucking hypocrite! You always put yourself and everyone else before your own goddamn daughter and always have! You are a fucking twat! You walk around here every fucking day and try to act like nothing happened. You act like you have always been the best parent ever but you are so fucking full over yourself to actually notice that you are the reason that I am so damn fucked up. And you're the reason that Warren did what he did. It's all your goddamn fault and I hate you for it. I hate you for existing. You told me that I was fucking crazy and I believed you because of your narcissistic mind games that you played on all three of us. You never cared and you still don't. She is not my sister, he is not my father and you are absolutely not my fucking mother you egotistical fucking cunt! I am fucking leaving." I say and

I stomp out of the room and flip her off. I run to the door and grab my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I fucking hate them all.

"I will call the police again!!!" Marissa yells. Ooh scary.

"Good." I yell as I slam the door, hard. 

I am so done with her. I can't fucking take this anymore. Normally, I would go straight to my dad's but I definitely need to get wasted first. Plus, my music really helps me calm down and Thursday's are acoustic nights. 

I pull my cigarette pack out of my bag and stick one in between my lips and let it rest on my lip ring. I pull out my cheap lighter and light the end of it. I really hate that I smoke and I don't do it too often but it just helps me calm down.

I breathe in the toxic smoke and fill my lungs. I push the smoke out of my nostrils causing my nose to sting, but I really love the feeling. 

I can't get the image of Harry's face when I said those things to Marissa. It was like the little kid who gets socks on Christmas instead of the new action figure. Marissa is a sock. The disappointment on his face almost makes me feel bad for him but I remember who he is.

I really consider calling someone for ride given that I most likely look like a prostitute in this outfit because I am walking all alone, at night, on the side of the road and will probably get mugged.

I find my phone in my bag and go to my contacts to see who would be willing to give me a ride. I don't really have any friends, yet I have so many. I consider calling Nick but we all know how that will turn out. Nick is my ex-boyfriend by the way. I scroll through my contacts and find Danny's number. Danny was probably one of the most genuine people I have ever met. Danny was Warren's boyfriend and whenever Marissa and step-douchebag Brian were away, we would all go out to the movies or to the Pit, that being before I worked there. Danny treated me like his little sister and we had a really good relationship but I haven't seen him for a while since he's been at his new University, 200 miles away. But Danny is the kind of person who always comes home for holidays. I decide to ring him and I click his contact.

*ring*ring*

*hello?* Danny says

*Hey it's me. Can I ask you for a favor? You're in Bristol right?*

*Yeah, of course. What can I do for yah, love?*

*Well I'm sort of impending my potential mugging by walking of the side of the road in a dress all by myself in the middle of the night because Marissa was being a first class bitch.*

*Haha, what's new? Alright, where are you?*

*Erm, the corner of Pinehurst and Lillie Ave. Right down the street from the old carwash.*

*Alright I'm on my way. Haha, don't get mugged before I get there! I can always go for a good mugging!*

*Ugh you're horrible, Danny! Just hurry up, I'm freezing my bum off!*

*I'll be there in 5 minutes. Bye bye Rougey!*

*You suck! Bye!*

Ugh, Danny always used to call me 'Rougey' because he knows that I hate it. I've missed Danny a lot but I do kind of feel bad for him having to leave and come drive me but his parents are practically hippies so I know that they won't mind him leaving to save a freezing blonde girl. I just really wish I had my car back. 

For the next 7 minutes, I checked, I stand here under the street post and play with my eyebrow ring. Danny finally pulls up to the curb and I practically sprint into passenger seat of his familiar car. 

"You said five minutes! That was seven bloody minutes!" I yell jokingly.

"Same thing." he laughs and rolls his head back. 

I look over to Danny and his brown hair is carelessly brushed around like usual. He has a small bit of stubble on his face which sort of suits him, even though I know that he just didn't have time to shave.

"The Pit, yeah?" He asks, looking at the road.

"You know me all too well." I laugh. I've really missed Danny. Even before he went away to university he was a bit distant but it's good to see the normal, happy Danny again.

"So how are you Rouge?" He asks, slightly leaning over.

"I'm good." I say. I know that's not what he means.

"You know what I mean." Danny says, becoming serious.

"Danny, I don't know anymore. Honestly, there is nothing good in my life right now and it's been like that for a while. I just wish I could live with my dad." I say. Danny's actually someone who understands everything I've been through.

"Rouge, that's not your fault." He's says.

"I know that it's her fault but sometimes I feel guilty. " I mumble. I do feel like some of the stuff that happened back then was my fault. I should've stood up for myself and Warren but they wouldn't have believed us anyway.

"Rouge, don't do that to yourself. You keep on putting everyone else up higher than yourself. Warren used to do it all he time and now you are. I love you Rouge, but you really need to put yourself and your feelings before other people. You're better than they are. Warren told me that. He said that you are a way better person than all of them and they're restricting you from being able to love yourself." he says. Danny seriously always knows the right things to say.

"Warren really said that yeah?" I asked. Anything connected to my brother made me happy. 

"Yeah. He meant it too." he says. We pull up and the Pit is already packed.

"Thanks, Danny. Not just for the ride." I say. 

"I know," he smiles. "Just don't get too drunk, alright?"

I step out of the car and lean in to say, "Will do, Danny." 

I watch his car drive away and then realize that the temperature hasn't changed in the last ten minutes. I rub my arms and run in through the doors.

There are a bunch of people in my way so I have to push through them to get to the stage, all the way in the back. Since I'm late, the boys are just playing something on their instruments. I say hi to Marty and, of course, he laughs at me outfit. I kind of laugh at it too.

When I finally get up to the stage, the boys look absolutely relieved and frustrated. Most likely because I am over an hour late. But hey, who knows? 

To give you a bit of a line up, James is the drummer. He's shorter than the other guys, he has black hair and we call him "Sheep" and no one knows why. Andrew is our bass player and he is the same height as me, blonde hair, and is too impatient to take anything seriously. And then lastly, you have Kyle who is our guitarist. He has red hair that goes in every direction and he's about an inch taller than I am. He pretty much always wears plaid shirts and he also thinks that every day is a good day to wear vans. We've been 'friends' for a while but by that I mean that we just go to the same parties and hang around each other sometimes. 

All three of them sigh in relief as I sit on my normal stool in the center of the stage. I apologize for being late and we perform for a couple of hours. I love acoustic nights because I never listen to anything besides heavy metal but I write and sing soft indie music. It's really a lot of fun and the atmosphere is a lot different from the whole head-banging deal.

It's at least 10:00 pm by the time that everyone is actually enjoying the music and sitting back to chill out. Mainly because everyone is drunk, which cues the end of the show and one last song. 

"Last song guys?" I ask, waiting for suggestions.

"Uhm yeah, what about that new one that Sheep wrote?" Andrew says. Meh, a little too up beat.

"Nah, lets do something more mellow." Sheep says. Decisions, decisions."

"How about an old one? Rouge, you up for Reverse?" Kyle asks, knowing that it is one of my favorite that we have. I wrote this one by myself, instead of with the guys, because it's more of a personal song. 

"Definitely!" I say with more excitement than I should after two glasses of random alcohol in the middle of the night.

The piece is mostly just guitar but James and Andrew mend their way in to the song.

(A/N Reverse by Gabrielle Aplin)

 

 

*Harry's POV*

 

After that absolutely horrible dinner, everyone pretty much just went to bed, but I'm too jet-lagged from being on tour to sleep. I decide to go out somewhere after being stuck in this fucking house for too long.

I had asked Mrs. Rollins if there was anywhere to go for fun around town it she said it was called the Pot or Pat or something like that. She said she couldn't remember the name because it was somewhere that "hopeless stoners go to have fun" which sort of sounds like my scene. She also said that Rouge goes there a lot but that she would have probably gone to her dad's house in London. 

I really hate the fact the I have to call Shelley's dad and step mum "Mr. and Mrs. Rollins" but she sad it's how they expect worthy people to act. I wouldn't quite consider myself 'worthy'. 

I grab my keys and pull on my worn leather jacket. I walk out to my car, which really isn't mine because I borrowed it from my mate, Niall. Niall likes fancier cars like this one and my car is really old so Shelley said that I couldn't drive it to her parent's house because it would make a "bad impression". But what the fuck why should I have to act as fake as her for her to be happy. Shelley is a nice girl but, honestly, I wouldn't even think of marrying her, let alone date, if it weren't for my management. They said that since I had such a bad reputation that I needed a certain image in my girlfriend and then they said that I had to fucking marry her. I rather be with someone like Rouge. Fuck no. What is wrong with me? Well a lot of things but I really can't fuck up this time because I always fuck up really, really bad.

I drive to where Mrs. Rollins said the place was and it was packed with people and cars. I park the car a small ways up the street and walk down to the building. It's a bit shady but so are all of the places I hang out so it's no difference. 

I walk into the clouded bar and see a crowd of people all standing at the back and a few people sitting in tables. I start to walk towards the crowd but I am completely taken back when I see Rouge sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage. I stay towards the back because I don't think she would appreciate if she saw me here. 

Her blonde and black hair brushes over her bare shoulders as she moves her head around, talking to who I am pretty sure are her bandmates. I didn't get a very good look at her at dinner because of Shelley. But know that I can actually see her, she is really fucking hot. I probably sound like an arsehole, which I am, but I can't get over her body. Unlike every girl I have ever been with, including Shelley, she isn't super short. She's only a little bit shorter than I am and that is a lot more attractive to me than a giant size difference in girls. Rouge has lean shoulders that stretch into long arms. Her neck and collar bones are fucking sexy which go down to- well let's not go there. I may be a total dick but that's a little overboard with someone I've just met. Well usually I would go there but... She has a very small waist but yet her torso is quite long. What really surprises me is that even though she is skinny and tall, her hips are extremely curvy. The way that her long, lean legs make her hip bones stick out just turns me on so much. Jesus christ I am such a fucking asshole. Her legs though. In those high heels. Fucking hell. 

I avert my fucking mind to her face and try to stop being a complete fucker. She has really full lips and big blue eyes. She would look a lot better if she didn't wear all of that makeup but she definitely doesn't seem like the kind of person who would listen to anything I say especially given what she probably thinks of me.

The ginger guy starts to play guitar and I flash back to when Mr. Rollins said that Rouge was a musician. I had thought she just played an instrument or something but I never would have figured that she sings. 

Rouge opens her mouth and starts to sing. I am immediately taken back by what I hear.  Her voice is so soft and high and peaceful. I would think that someone like her would never be into anything like this. But fuck, it is so perfect. 

I walk up to the front of the crowd of drunks so that I can get a better view. I stand in front of her, from a distance.

Her eyes met mine and she chokes a small bit that I think only I notice but then she looks mad. I can tell that she hates me already but that doesn't change how I feel about her. Goddamn it, I'm engaged! What am I doing?!

Her eyes don't leave mine but for I different reason than me. I can tell by the emotion in her voice that she wrote the song. The way that she squints her eyes when she sings a high note just makes me crazy. No it fucking doesn't you bastard, stop.

I am completely taken by her the entire time and my focus doesn't stray from her. What am I doing? I have a fucking fiance! It feels so right to want her but I know that it is so wrong. I just met her, barely.

When the song is over she walks of of the small stage and disappears into the mass of people. 

 

 

*Rouge's POV*

 

 

Who the fuck does he think he is? This is my place and he has no right to come here. I swear if Marissa sent him here...

I walk over to the bar where Marty is standing on the opposite side.

"Regular, Rouge?" he says with a smile.

"Fuck yes. Double it even." I say, rubbing my fingers into my temples. 

"That bad, huh?" he says while making my extremely toxic drink.

"You have no idea." I say. I pull out a cigarette and pop it into my mouth. I know that Marty doesn't mind but he always tells me to quit because he says it will make me sick. I know it's killing me but maybe that's why I smoke.

I must say this is a record on smoking for me, though. I usually only smoke about 2 a week let alone one day. My "family" just puts me that much on edge. 

Marty hands me my drink and low and behold Harry fucking Styles appears at my side. This bastard really doesn't know when to quit.

"Fuck off." I say without looking at him. I take a large gulp of my drink and place it back down on the counter. 

"Look, I'm not trying to-"

"Just fucking go Harry. They sent you here didn't they? Mother fuckers." I say. They have some damn nerve. I take the cigarette out of my mouther and hold it between my fingers.

"NO they absolutely did not. I was fucking tired of being in that damn house!" He whisper-yells. 

"Save it. I know your fucking 'kind'. You're an egotistical, narcissistic poser." I yell. I chug down the rest of my drink.

"No you don't. But I know you. All too well. You are too fucking full of yourself to give any credit to your fucking family. I wish I had a family like yours." he says. 

"Fuck you. You don't know anything about me or those people. They are not my family. If you knew half of the shit that they have put me through you wouldn't want to be anywhere near them!" I yell. I few people near by have now turned towards us but I don't give a fuck.

"What are you talking about?! They are lovely people. Sure they might be a bit full of themselves and really fucking annoying but they are extremely kind. You call your own mother by her first name for fuck's sake! Could you be any more bloody self centered?!" He yells at me.

"You fucking arsehole! I can tell that you know all they want is your money! I saw that look on your face. Fucking disappointment. Trust me, I know that look all too well and I am usually on the receiving end of it. Shut the fuck up and leave, you motherfucking twat!" I yell.

"Stop being so full of yourself, goddamn it!" he yells at me. I am getting really tired of this and I am too drunk to take this volume of speaking any longer. I down the new cup of alcohol in front of me, making my throat burn like hell. I take a long breath of my cigarette and blow the smoke into Harry's face as I get up.

"Hey! We aren't done here!" he yells as he follows me outside.

"Leave me the fuck alone! You don't even know me so why do you fucking care!?" I yell at him as we walk onto the pavement. A few people smoking a spliff gaze at us but I could care less.

"I don't know! I guess that your life affects mine, so no matter what you do, it comes back to me!" he yells. just what I thought.

"Fuck it! I was right. You are just full of yourself! You only give a shit if it affects you, you fucking bastard!" I scream. 

"No I don't! You're part of my life now, whether you fucking like it or not! " he screams. Why are we screaming?

"Just forget I exist alright! Forget you even met me! I don't matter to anyone else so just fucking forget it!" I start to walk towards the bus centre. Given my severe intoxication, I trip over my feet and fall but I catch myself with my right hand. Fucking hell this hurts. 

I feel a very strong hand pull me up by the waist, back onto my feet. Of course it's fucking Harry.

"Don't fucking touch me! Just leave me alone!" I scream and stumble out of his grasp. I really am fucking wasted.

"No your fucking drunk! At least let me drive you back to your house so you don't get fucking murdered!"

"I'd rather be murdered!" I yell as I walk further down the street.

"Fuck!" He screams as he runs back. Well that didn't take much.

I am absolutely freezing as I walk down the street, falling over a few times. My mind is totally scattered.

A car pulls up to me and rolls down the window. Fucking Harry.

"Get in the fucking car!" he yells as he drives beside me.

"Not happening you bastard!" I yelled. Not my best line. I really am fucked.

"Would you rather freeze to death or get in the nice warm car?" he yells. What a douchebag. 

"Freeze!" I yell back. My teeth start to chatter which is not a good mix from the sweat that the alcohol has brought me. I really want to get in that car.

"Rouge, just get in." he says in defeat. I almost don't but I am a freezing girl who is so drunk that I lost my cigarette.

I take a big breath and sprint into the passenger seat of the car and close the door. I must have drunken at least 5 glasses of hard liquor during that scream-fest. I'm absolutely exhausted.

I shiver tremendously and Harry drives away. 

I must have passed out at some point because the next thing I know, Harry is basically dragging my up the stairs of the house, trying to be as quiet as one can with a drunk person.

I wriggle out of his grasp and crawl up the stairs. He doesn't speak in fear of waking everybody. He still follows though and it's quite annoying but I don't comment. I go into my room and very prominently show harry that he must stay in the doorway. 

My shoes have disappeared from the last time I was conscious so I unzip my dress and let it fall to the floor. I can feel Harry's eyes glued to me but I really don't fucking care right now, I just want to sleep.

I walk to my bed in my underwear and flop onto my bed and snuggle into the messy blankets. I can hear the door swoosh close as I pas out again.

The one thing that I feel before I'm out is the hot trails of Harry's large hands that have somehow lingered on my skin. I just know that it makes me feel happy.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N This chapter was a bit long but what the hay! Hoped you enjoyed it :* ~kr

 

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