Falling

Jess is just starting her second semester of being a Junior in high school. To start the semester off, she volunteers to show the new kid around the school. Mainly because she gets to skip gym class, but also because she is intrigued by the idea of meeting someone new. Over the first month of school, Jess becomes really close friend with the new student, but who wouldn't become best friends with Louis Tomlinson. He's funny, entertaining, and not to mention cute, but Jess would never admit to thinking that. Louis is always there for Jess, especially when she gets heart shattering news that changes everything.

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27. Twenty Six.

Soon enough it was Wednesday, my birthday, and it had been three days since I had talked to Louis. To say that it killed me would have been an understatement; I felt suffocated without him next to him, arms around me, lips on mine. It was my fault that we weren't talking. I was the one ignoring his attempts to talk to me. Though I never deleted a single text, the thought of doing that felt like a knife going through my heart. I watched my phone light up each time he sent me something, my eyes only focusing on the amount of messages he sent me. It was up to seventy the last time I checked.

At one in the morning, I sat in my bed with my thumb hovering over the messages in my phone from Louis. I wanted to read them. I wanted to see what he was saying. I wanted to know if he was mad at me. He had every right not be mad at me, I was mad at myself. I held so much regret for what I said to him and the way that I treated him because I needed him to be there for me. I needed him.

From My Lovely Louis: I know you don't want to talk to me, but I want to make sure you're okay.

From My Lovely Louis: Are you okay? I love you.

From My Lovely Louis: How's Jared?

From My Lovely Louis: Is everything okay?

From My Lovely Louis: I love you.

From My Lovely Louis: I'll be there for you when you need me.

From My Lovely Louis: Is Jared going to be okay? I wish you would talk to me.

From My Lovely Louis: I wish you wouldn't ignore my calls.

From My Lovely Louis: I'm trying my hardest to not get nervous, but when you don't talk to me, I feel like you're not okay, and the though of you not being okay makes me upset.

From My Lovely Louis: I love you.

From My Lovely Louis: How are you feeling?

From My Lovely Louis: I love you, and I hope that you know that I will always be there for you, even when you push me away.

I could only read twelve texts from Louis before I started to cry. I didn't deserve him, I really didn't. I didn't deserve to be treated nicely by him. He should be yelling at me, telling me that I was a selfish human being. He should be mad at me.

I cried harder when I realized that Louis was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Before I knew it, I had dialed Louis' number in my phone.

Jess,” he breathed when he answered the phone.

Why don't you hate me?”

I could never, ever hate you.”

I love you so much,” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

I love you, too,” he paused. “Do you want to come over?”

Can I?

Always.”

I stayed silent for a moment. “Okay.”

I'll see you soon,” he said, hanging up.

I slid out of bed and put on some sneakers, quietly walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed a piece of paper from the desk to write my parents a note about where I was going and left.

When I got to his house, he was waiting for me on his front porch. He had a pile of blankets in his lab and was holding two mugs in his hands. I parked in his driveway and climbed out of my car, making my way over to him. He placed the things he was holding on the ground and met me halfway with open arms. I felt my lower lip tremble as his arms came around my back, and I was thankful to have him in my life.

I'm so sorry,” I told him. “I shouldn't have yelled at you or pushed you away.”

It's okay, Jess. You're going through something really hard, I under--”

No, Louis. It isn't okay. I was so selfish. I don't know why you even bother dating me because I'm an absolute mess, and I don't deserve you.”

Let's not talk about this in the middle of my driveway,” he looked me in the eyes. “Come on.”

He took my hand in his and went back to the porch to pick up the blankets and mugs, handing me one in the process. He told me that it was hot chocolate and lead me to his backyard. He spread a blanket on the ground, motioning for me to sit down on it with him. I had a blanket around my shoulders while Louis had one across his lap. We stared at each other while we sipped our drinks, so many unspoken words floating in the air around us.

Why don't you think you deserve me?” He asked me suddenly.

You're always there for me. You have never once doubted me, or been mad at me, or yelled at me. You're a great person, and I'm just so... Awful,” I slumped my shoulders.

You know that none of that is true. I've been there for you because you have needed me. I haven't needed you to be there for me on that level, but I know that you will. I haven't gotten mad or yelled at you because you haven't given me a reason to. When you yelled at me the other day, it was because I wasn't giving you the space that you needed. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, and I love you.”

Gosh, I love you, too,” I placed my mug on the grass beside the blankets and crawled towards Louis.

I pushed at his chest lightly, so he was laying on his back, and laid down next to him. I placed my head on his chest and relished in the way Louis ran his fingers up and down my arm.

By the way, happy birthday,” he said to me.

Thank you,” I rested my chin on his chest, so I cold look into his eyes.

I got you a present. Well, three actually. One is in my room, one is trip that we will do later today, and the last one is out here.”

What are they?” I sat up, Louis mirroring my action.

The first two are a surprise, but here's the second one,” he leaned forward and kissed me.

My heart nearly leaped from my chest as his lips moved slowly against mine.

Best present ever,” I giggled, feeling that my smile didn't fully reach my eyes.

We laid back and cuddled close together, both blankets on top of us because it was a cold night. We laid in each others arms, legs intertwined, kissing occasionally until I fell asleep. My dreams were better, but not by much. I had one less thing on my mind now that I was with Louis, but that still didn't change how badly Jared affected my dreams. He played a big role in most of then, and I woke up a total of seven times during the nigh by how badly my thoughts had freaked me out. Seven was less that my usual amount, though, which I had Louis to thank for.

Are you okay?” Louis asked me.

I was shifting in his arms, having woken up from a particularly awful dream.

Just some bad dreams.”

How's Jared?” He questioned, sensing what my dreams were about, and turned onto his side to face me.

He's worse, but not as bad as he could be. He's so tired all the time, he hardly has enough energy to talk. No one knows how much longer he has, but he doesn't have long.”

I don't know what to say because I know that you don't want to hear me say sorry.”

I don't know what to say either,” I half smiled at him.

I wish I knew how to make you feel better.”

I don't think there is anything that can make me feel better,” I sighed.

I love you,” he reminded me.

I love you, too,” I whispered back, drifting back to sleep.

When Louis and I both woke up that morning, he cooked me a birthday breakfast of pancakes and bacon. It warmed my heart that he was sweet enough to do that for me. Then, he went to his room to get dressed, since he was taking me somewhere to celebrate my birthday. He drove me to my house so I could change out of my pajamas, and we were off on an adventure. I sat in the passenger seat of his car, like I had many times before, and I felt a wonderful sense of nostalgia wash over me that made me smile. I thought back to the first time I heard him sing along to his favorite song on the radio, the first time that I heard him swear when someone almost hit his car, the first time I felt a spark when our fingers touched while fighting over the radio station, and the first time that we made out in his backseat, all taking place in his car.

Do you remember that one time that you took me to the mall, and you locked your keys in the car?”

Louis' laugh filled the car. “I had to call my dad to bring me the spare key, and he yelled at me in front of everyone in the mall parking lot.”

That was so funny,” I laughed with him.

What made you think of that?”

I was thinking about all the things that have happened in this car. I have a lot of happy memories from sitting in this seat.”

Louis smiled at me and continued driving. Eventually, it hit me where he was taking me: the park where I took him for a makeup date. I don't know why I was so surprised, I've brought him back several times and have told him on numerous occasions how much this place means to me. It was slowly becoming out special place.

Louis suddenly appeared in front of the passenger window, waving to me before opening the door.

I didn't even notice that you parked the car,” I told him, taking his extended hand as I stepped out of the car.

You were pretty lost in thought,” Louis said. “So, as you can see, this is what I planned. I thought that it would be nice to spend your birthday in a secluded area, away from everything that's going on in the world.”

Did you--”

Pack a picnic? Obviously,” he winked at me.

I let Louis take my hand and lead me further into the park, feeling even more surprised when he took me to the patch of flowers that my dad had started instead of the grassy field that we normally sat in. The trees canopied over the flowers, leaving spot of shade while other parts were flooded with sunlight. Louis laid a blanket underneath a gap in the trees that left enough sunlight to warm both of our skin. He sat down and waved me over to him.

How did you know about this place?” I asked, stunned that I was sitting there with Louis.

I talked to your dad yesterday about something special I could do for you. He told me about how he started this flower garden for your mom when he knew that he was in love with her and how he shared it with you when your little brothers were born. I know this park means the world to you, so I thought it would be the perfect idea to bring you here, since this place holds more special place in your heart,” Louis blushed slightly.

This is so astounding,” I smiled. “This means so much to me, Louis.”

Kisses?” He smiled at me.

Only if you feed me afterward.”

You literally only think of food.”

Sometimes I think of you,” I ruffled his hair.

Oh, how sweet,” he sat up. “You messed up my hair.”

Let me fix it,” I said, helping him reposition his hair back into it's normal fringe.

Is it better now?”

Yes, Mr. Beauty Queen.”

I like that nickname.”

Will you feed me already?” I mockingly rolled my eyes.

Louis pulled out two paper plates from inside the picnic basket and placed them in front of us. He then pulled out the sandwiches, chips, strawberries, and cupcakes, placing them on out plates. He also brought out two plastic cups and filled them with sparkling apple juice.

Nice work,” I raised my cup to him.

Thank you,” he tapped his cup to mine.

We took a sip, not breaking eye contact over the rim of the cups. I giggled when I set my cup beside me, picking up my sandwich. I kept my eyes on Louis as he ate, taking notice of each movement he made. H was resting his back against a tree, his legs stretched out in front of him. His foot was moving to a beat inside his head, his eyes wandering around the trees and flowers around us. I smiled to myself at the wonderful boy in front of me, tilting my head back to look at the tree tops.

I love the way the trees creak with the wind. It makes me want to know how long they've been here,” I sighed. “I like to watch the branches move. It looks like the sun and the leaves are chasing each other. The leaves keep trying to block out the sun, but the sun keeps escaping it's grasp. It peaks out, like it's playing peak-a-boo with the grass.”

That was pretty,” Louis smiled at me.

He was laying on his back with one of his arm underneath his head, the other across his face to cover his eyes from the light shining down on him. When he looked at me, he squinted his eyes, causing his nose to crinkle.

He suddenly sat up. “Wait here. I have to get something.”

He crawled to the picnic basket and dug through it until he found was he was looking for. He turned back to me, telling me to close my eyes. I did as he said, giggling a little when I felt him pick up one of my hands and place something in it.

Okay, you can look now.”

When I opened my eyes, I saw a packet of flower seeds. They were red.

I thought that we could add our own flowers to the patch.”

This is why I love you,” I threw my arms around him.

Why?” He asked.

Because you do such sweet things like this,” I said, kissing a spot below his ear.

Are you crying?”

A little,” I giggled, wiping the fallen tears from my face.

Are you okay?”

Yeah, yeah. I'm a little overwhelmed, I guess. No one has ever done anything this sweet before, and this park means to much to me, and so do you.”

I love you,” he whispered in my ear.

I took Louis' cheeks between my hands and placed my lips on his, moving my body closer. His arms wound around my waist, his lips causing me to melt into his embrace.

Let's plant them,” I whispered against his lips.

I pulled back and took his hand in mine. Together, we spread the seeds across the patch of dirt and watered them. It was wonderful, having Louis there with me and adding our own flowers to the patch that already meant so much to me. Now, when I come back, I would be able to see the reds mixing with the pinks, purples, and blues, and I would remember this day with Louis. I would remember what he said, the way he hugged and kissed me, and the way I felt so full of love. I would remember the way that Louis and I felt towards each other at that very moment, both of our eyes sparkling with love for each other. I would remember the way that Louis said 'I love you' to me.

It was in that moment that I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Louis. I could picture our wedding, how I would cry and Louis would make fun of me for it, saying that I would eventually run out of tears because I cry so often. I could picture our first dance, how Louis' feet would move clumsily across the floor and how I would only be able to see him though we were in a room full of people. I could picture our first night together as a married couple, how we would lay together and reminisce on the times we had together in high school and laugh at all the dumb choices we made. I could picture moving into our first house together, how we would unpack everything together and eat take-out food on the floor of the kitchen because we hadn't bought a table yet. I could picture telling Louis that I was pregnant with our first child, how the look on his face would turn from shock to pure joy and how he would life me in the air and spin me around, then place me back on my feet in fear of harming the baby. I could picture our first child being born, how Louis would hold the baby so carefully, whispering little things about how he would be the best father in the world.

I could picture all of that and more, because, in that moment, Louis was the only thing in the world that mattered to me.

My dad had showed the love of his life the park, and now I had showed it to mine.

 

a/n: this chapter means the world to me, so I hope you liked it <3

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