Jess is just starting her second semester of being a Junior in high school. To start the semester off, she volunteers to show the new kid around the school. Mainly because she gets to skip gym class, but also because she is intrigued by the idea of meeting someone new. Over the first month of school, Jess becomes really close friend with the new student, but who wouldn't become best friends with Louis Tomlinson. He's funny, entertaining, and not to mention cute, but Jess would never admit to thinking that. Louis is always there for Jess, especially when she gets heart shattering news that changes everything.


13. Twelve.

Saturday. The fateful day that Louis and I would go on our first date. Date. I never imagined that I would be say that. Louis is just my friend. A friend that I sometimes feel something for, but how could anyone not? Any girl that spends as much time as I do with a guy like Louis will eventually start to feel some sort of feelings. It's basically inevitable. I just haven't felt like I need to act on those feelings.

When I eventually told my mom that Louis asked me out on a date, she replied by squealing and hugging, no, attacking, me. She seemed more happy than I was. Not that I'm not excited, I'm more anxious to how it turns out. I'm nervous to see where he's taking me, considering he told me wear something nice but nothing else about what he had planned. Louis is a very cheesy guy; he still texts me puns all the time. Besides the fact that tonight could be a whole ball of cheesiness, I'm sure that it will be like any other time we hang out. We'll laugh and talk and I'll still be grateful to be around him. The only difference will be the dress code.

My dad, however, had a very normal reaction. He told me that he really liked Louis and that he trusted him a lot. Then he gave me permission to go out with him, even though I didn't ask for it. He also told me to make sure that we were being 'safe', to which I pretended to violently throw up around the living room. My dad told me that I was being melodramatic, so I started to choke on my pretend vomit and died on the floor. My dad proceeded to pick me up, carry me to the back yard, and announced that he would come back later to bury me. Then he locked me out.

To British Mania: My dad just locked me out of the house.

From British Mania: What did you do?

To British Mania: I chocked on my vomit and died.

From British Mania: What a shame. Does he need help burying you?

To British Mania: I doubt it. He has a nice shovel.

From British Mania: That's good.

To British Mania: Yeah. Are you going to leave flowers on my grave?

From British Mania: Of course. Are sunflowers appropriate?

To British Mania: Those are my favorite flower.

From British Mania: Noted.

To British Mania: We're psychotic.

From British Mania: Just a little.

I smiled down at my phone and went to go bang on the door.

For a zombie,” my dad said as he opened the door, “you sure are annoying.”

“This zombie has a date to get ready for,” I replied.

“Whatever happened to my little baby zombie?” He mumbled as I walked past him.

I smiled and gave my dad a hug before I went upstairs to start getting ready. I took my time as I showered and washed my hair, taking even longer to dry and straighten my hair when I was done. Then, I wrapped myself in my robe and went to my room to pick out what dress I would wear. I picked out a black mini dress and a pair of black wedges. My dress was ironed, which was a miracle, and my shoes were right where they were supposed to be. Louis rang the doorbell right as I was putting the final touch to my outfit: a little bit of my favorite perfume.

When I got downstairs, Louis and my parents were standing near the front door talking. They were all laughing when I walked in. As soon as they heard me come down the stairs, they turned and stared at me. They stared at me as I approached them and stopped at Louis' side.

“Hi,” I said, blushing under their eyes.

“Well,” Louis cleared his throat. “I guess we should get going. It's always nice to see you two.”

My parents smiled at Louis and told him that he was welcome anytime. Then, they turned to me and told me goodnight and that I should be back by midnight. Which was a shock, as my usual curfew was ten. I guess there are perks with going out with a boy that your parents trust.

Once Louis and I were outside, he stopped in front of me and gave me hug.

“You look amazing, Jess,” he whispered in my ear. His breath hit my neck, causing goosebumps to break out on my skin.

“Thank you,” I said, looking into his eyes. His smile never seized to dazzle me.

It was then that I felt the urge to kiss him. A strong one, one that I've never felt before. With anyone. Something about Louis drew me in, especially in these more intimate scenarios where I feel an attraction to him. It's when he's more serious, more emotional and raw, and has that smile on his face that I feel something for him. I don't know if it built on the trust that I have for him or actual feelings, which is where I get confused. I have poured my entire soul out in front of him. We have a deep trust with each other and an even deeper bond. I feel like the feelings of loyalty and friendship get mixed up with feelings of love and passion.

“I didn't want to say this in front of your parents, but you look so sexy right now,” Louis said, knocking me out of my thoughts.

“You always know how to ruin a moment, don't you?” I laughed, pulling away from his embrace.

He shrugged, taking my arm and looping it through his. He walked us to his car, opening the door me.

“What a gentleman,” I cooed, batting my eyelashes at him when he sat down in the drivers seat.

“I try,” he replied.

The urge to kiss him was still there, so to keep myself from doing something stupid, I grabbed his hand and intertwined my fingers with his. It somewhat helped with my sudden, and weird, need to suck on Louis' face. But when he looked over to me and smiled that oh-so-amazing smile of his, I knew that I was in for a long night.

“Stop doing that!” I blurted.

Louis looked at me like I was insane, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Doing what?” He laughed.

“That!” I pointed at him. “Smiling.”

“Why?” He laughed harder.

“Because. You-- It-- Ugh. Never mind,” I slumped my shoulders.

“You are so weird, Jess,” he smiled at me.

When he got to the restaurant, Louis came around to my side of the car and opened the door for me. I wound one arm around his waist, pulling him as close to me as I could while still managing to walk. Once Louis' arm came around my shoulder, I was filled with the comfortable warmth that come from being this close to Louis. We walked like that into the destination of Louis' choice, which happened to be my favorite restaurant.

“Reservation for Tomlinson,” he told he host.

“Is it weird that I didn't know your last name?” I questioned as the host lead us to our booth.

“No. I don't know yours.”

“Yes, you do. It's Benson. You called my parents Mr. and Mrs. Benson for, like, a week.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I guess I did know your last name,” Louis laughed.

When we reached the booth, Louis held my hand and helped me take my seat.

“Thank you, Mr. Tomlinson.”

“Are you going to keep calling me that?” He asked, taking his own seat.

“Yes, but only because I find it weird that I've known you for three months and I've never known your last name. I also find it weird that you never told me.”

“I guess it never came up,” he shrugged.

“That's kind of something you tell someone when you first meet them.”

“Oh, well.”

“You're so interesting,” I laughed. Louis smiled at me and picked up a menu. “How did you know this was my favorite restaurant?”

“You told me once. I'm going to guess that you get the fettuccine alfredo and all of the bread sticks in the whole building.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Louis cut me off.

“And a Dr. Pepper to drink,” he smiled.

“You know me so well,” I laughed.

“Do you still dye your hair?” Louis asked out of nowhere.

“It's been a while since I last did. Why?”

“Your roots are showing, girl,” he said, snapping his finger.

I cracked up laughing.

“Was it really that funny?” Louis asked, laughing as well.

“Not really,” I reply, wiping the tears from the corner of my eyes.

“I really don't understand you sometimes.”

“I don't either,” I shrugged.

Louis and I started laughing again, to the point that neither of us could breathe and people all across the restaurant were staring at us.

“Why are we even laughing?” Louis said.

“I don't remember,” I giggled.

I was having a great time with Louis. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be, and I was surprised by the things that Louis remembered about me. I told him only once, a couple days after we met, that I dyed my hair. That's really random thing to remember about someone, so it warmed my heart to know that he actually listened to the things that I tell him.

“Hello, my name is Alex, and I'll be your waiter this evening,” our waiter said when he approached our booth. “What can I get you two to drink?

“I'll have a Dr. Pepper,” I said, looking to Louis.

“I'll just have a water.”

“I'll be right back with those,” Alex smiled at me and walked away. I turned back to Louis, who had an angry look on his face.

“What?” I asked him.

“He was... Friendly,” Louis grumbled.

“All he did was smile,” I shrugged. “What's the big deal with a smile?”

“He was flirting with you,” Louis looked me in the eyes.

“No, he wasn't.”

“You're oblivious,” Louis smiled a sweet smile at me. I shrugged again, leaning forward onto my elbows.

“Maybe that's why I couldn't figure out that you're in love with me,” I joked.

Louis leaned forward as well, getting really close to my face.

“Has anyone ever told you that you're obnoxious?” He asked.

“I think you might have a few times.”

“I wonder why that is?”

“Me, too. I mean, someone who's in love with me shouldn't think that I'm obnoxious.”

“I hate you.”

“You so love me,” I said, kissing Louis on the end of his nose.

“I regret ever telling you that I like you,” Louis said, leaning back in his chair.

I smiled at him before sitting back also.

“Fin, fine, fine. I'll stop,” I promised, holding my pinkie out to him He looked at me and hooked his pinkie around mine.

“Alright,” our waiter stopped at out table. “Here is the water for you. And a Dr. Pepper for the pretty lady,” Alex said, placing our drinks in front of us.

“Hey, can you not tell that she's here with me? Back off, man,” Louis practically growled.

Alex put his hands up in front of him, apologized, and walked away.

“Where did that come from?” I asked,

“You're obviously here with me, I don't get why he couldn't see that.”

I reached across the table and took his hand.

“He was being rude, so thank you,” I squeezed his hand.

Louis smiled at me and started laughing.

“I hope he didn't spit in my drink,” he laughed.

“What do you think of Demi Lovato?” Louis asked me after out waiter had placed our food in front of us.

“That's really random,” I laughed.

Louis shrugged and gestured for me to answer.

“I don't really know. I like her music, I guess. I liked her more when she was on Disney Channel, you know, when I was ten,” I giggled, taking a bite of my food.

“Like Camp Rock?” He asked.

“Yeah. I used to be so obsessed with that movie,” I confessed.

When it first came out, I watched it nonstop for a year and memorized the whole movie. And when the second movie came out, I went to premier at one of the local movie theaters. I was a pretty dedicated child.

“Dude. Me, too. That movie was my life.”

“No way,” I rolled my eyes.

“I'm serious! I even dressed up as Shane Gray for Halloween. Twice.”

“Prove it.”

“Do you want me to call my mom for proof?”


“Okay,” he pulled out his phone. “You're mind if about to be blown.”

“Whatever you say,” I laughed.

“Hey, mom,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me. “No, everything is going fine... So, Jess didn't believe me when I told her that I loved Camp Rock and that I dressed up as Shane Gray twice... Do you have any pictures? Of course you do... Can you text me those? Thanks. Okay... Okay. Okay, mom. Bye.”

“My mom says 'hi'. She tired to give me advice. I swear doesn't think I can handle going on a date,” he said. My stomach flipped when he said 'date'. “Oh, and here's the picture.”

“Oh, my gosh,” I laughed, looking at the picture of Louis dressed as Shane Gray.

“Pretty hot, huh?” He smirked at me.

“My ten-year-old self definitely would have been head over heels in love with you.”

“Well, ten-year-old Louis is flattered,” he smiled at me, putting his phone back in his pocket.

There was this kind of weird silence, where everyone around us was talking, but we weren't. We took that time to eat some of our food, occasionally making eye contact with each other and smiling. It was awkward, nothing ever was with Louis.

“How long has it been since you last saw Bentley or Garret?” I asked, suddenly aware of the fact that I haven't talked to my other friends in a long time. I have been ignoring all their calls and texts since I found out about Jared. They probably hate me.

“I talked to Bentley yesterday, why?” He replied.

“I hadn't talked to them or the girls since I found out that Jared is sick. I'm a horrible friend. I should have at least told them what is happening so they wouldn't have to worry. Oh, my gosh. I'm such a bad person,” I said, feeling frustrated.

“Hey,” Louis said gently, placing his hand on mine once he noticed that I was about to start crying. “It's okay, Jess. They are really worried about you, but they don't hate you. They could never hate you. They have been asking me about you for a while, but I told them that you would come around eventually.”

“I just feel really bad. They were my best friends, and I used to tell them everything. I can't believe I let it go so long since I last talked to them,” I sighed, slumping back in my seat.

I looked up again when I felt Louis sit down next to me, his arm coming around my back. I turned to look at him and moved closer, so I could wrap my arms around his shoulders and be fully enveloped in his warmth. I laid my head on his shoulder and took a deep breath in, the comforting smell of his cologne, the one that gives me a sense of comfort, filling me nose. His hand ran up and down my back in the most comforting and gentle way.

“Don't feel bad about this. They are your friends, they will understand. Now, we are here to have fun, so let's stop talking about all this depressing stuff,” Louis said, pulling me close to him in a hug.

“Why can't you just let me wallow in my self pity?”

“Because it's no fun. And you have an amazing smile that I really want to see right now,” he said, leaning down so his face was even with mine, his forehead on mine. I looked up and into his eyes and smiled as I admired his blue eyes. “I knew that would make you smile.”

“You make me smile,” I responded, placing my lips on his. Our lips made contact for no longer than three seconds, before I realized what I was doing and jerked my head away from his.

“Well,” Louis said, his cheeks brushed with pink.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that,” I said, covering my mouth with my hand.

I can't believe that I just did that. I wasn't supposed to. That wasn't supposed to happen. How could I have just don't that? I got so caught up in everything, and he was right there, and his lips looked so soft and kissable.

Oh, crap.

“It's fine, Jess. It wasn't bad,” Louis chuckled.

He was right. It really wasn't bad, but I really wish that I had waited to do that. Now we have kissed three times and none of them have been under the pretense of me knowing about my feelings. That's not the biggest deal, but I would have liked to wait until I know for sure if I truly feel romantic about Louis. That's not making any sense, but there is no other way to think when you just about messed up your friendship.

“Can we just forget that I did that?” I asked, looking at Louis again.

His finger was running along his bottom lip.

“Or course,” Louis smiled at me. “But I wish you would have kissed me longer.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just wish that the kiss had been longer. If you haven't noticed, I like you, and kissing you was really nice. Even if it was just an accident.”

“Louis, that's really sweet and all, but I don't think I feel that way about you.”

“Then why are you on this date with me?”

So, that wasn't the right thing to say.

“Because I thought it would be fun. I thought that it might make me realize that I do like you in that way, but I'm still unsure.”

Why am I still talking?

“That's a really bad reason to go on a date with someone.”

“It wasn't the smartest decision I've had, but I really have had a nice time. I just wish that I didn't kiss you, that wasn't a good choice.”

Did I seriously just say that? I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole.

“Oh, so you regret kissing me?”

“Yes. No. That's not what I mean. We were having such a great time, but I had to ruin it by getting caught up and kissing you.”

My mind if telling me to shut up, but my mouth obviously has other plans.

“Okay, so kissing me ruined everything? I would pick your next words very carefully, Jess,” Louis warned me.

Could I make this situation any worse?

“It kind of did, because you probably started to think that I have feelings for you, when the kiss meant nothing to me,” I said, shocking Louis and myself.

So, yeah. I can make this situation worse. And that hole just reached the center of the Earth.

“I think we should go now,” Louis said, standing up from the seat next to me and sitting back across the table.


“You've said enough, Jess,” Louis cut me off.

I stared at him for a second, his eyes looking everywhere but at me. I realized that everything that I just said was the most horrible thing I've ever said to anyone in my entire life. I felt like crying, but I also felt like punching something. I just ruined everything with Louis: our dinner, our date, and, most importantly, our friendship. I can't believe that I was capable of saying something that horrible. I can't image what must be going through his head right now.

When our waiter came back to our table, Louis asked for the check and two to go boxes for the food that we had barely even started eating. I felt horrible. I knew there was no way that I could fix this. I had just done something extremely cold hearted to Louis, my best friend. There is no way that I'm ever going to forget about this or forgive myself for what I said.

“Come on,” Louis said in a cold tone, still not looking at me. I wanted to feel hurt, but I couldn't. It was my fault that he was mad. I deserved it. I actually deserved much worse, but Louis was too nice to say what he was probably wants to say.

I silently followed Louis out of the restaurant and to his car. I opened the door and sat down, wanting to say something, but I knew that I could make everything worse for the both of us if I opened my mouth. I didn't want to shatter Louis' heart any further, if there are any pieces left.

When I noticed that Louis still hadn't started the car, I looked over at him and felt even worse about everything. His head was on the steering wheel, his eyes shut and a frown etched onto his face. I dared myself to reach over and place my hand on his arm. His eyes squeezed shut at the contact I made with his skin. It was then that I noticed that he was crying. It was also then that I decided that I was the worst person in the entire world.

“Louis?” I whispered. “Are you okay?”

He shook his head in response, his hands running through his hair.

“Why did you say all that, Jess?” He said, turned his head to look at me.

“I really don't know. If I'm being honest, when I kissed you, I did feel something. And that made me panic,” I said, telling the truth. It did make me panic when I felt a little spark when we kissed. I didn't want to feel that spark. As much as I wanted to like him, so he could be happy, I didn't want to like him because I love being his friend.

“Why did you just say that?” Louis asked, wiping his tears away from his face.

“I'm an idiot girl, Louis. I was freaked out, and I never want something to come between our friendship. And I say things without thinking all the time. It's just a part of me.”

“You really hurt me, Jess,” he said.

“I know, and you have no idea how bad I feel. I hate seeing you so upset. I'm really sorry, Louis. Really, really sorry,” I said.

Louis sighed, finally looking into my eyes, before he leaned over in his seat to give me hug.

“It's okay,” he whispered in my ear.

I knew that it wasn't okay.



a/n: in case you wanted to know what i picked to be jess' dress, here is what they were:

shoes: Madden Girl Wikke Wedges (black)

dress: Express Mesh Inset Mini Sheath Dress (black)

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